Slightly late...but better late than never. So I find it funny how so many people are against 50 Shades of Grey. Many of them who are against it haven't even read the books. (Which sort of makes me lose respect for people because if you're just going along with what someone says on the Internet instead of doing the research yourself and forming your own opinion, then you just seem immature and ignorant...as well as a follower) I have read them. More than once. However it was a while ago, but I've started reading them again recently. Now I won't pretend like they were fabulous books. They weren't. The writing actually sucked at times. I'd be reading and cringing because the words were just ridiculous..."holy shit he's going to kiss me...'there'." For a girl in her twenties she shouldn't be thinking the word "there" in place of "vagina" or something similar. But for a little escape into a fantasy world they did the trick. Anyway...I seriously don't see the abuse everyone is talking about. I really don't. Either in the BDSM aspect or the emotional/mental aspect. And I don't understand why so many people are saying such nasty things about it. I have a few ways I want to discuss it...so forgive me if it seems I'm rambling. It's fiction!! It's a made up story. Stop putting so much thought into the story, if you don't like it, fine...say so and be done with it. Also, it doesn't claim to be a BDSM guidebook. Now I've done my research on BDSM. Trust me. Not only that, I'm definitely into BDSM. Restraints, toys, riding crops, spankings, blindfolds and my man's hand on my throat is the biggest turn on....I even wear a locked necklace, a collar if you will, that he has the keys to. I'm a complete submissive (to my man)...as far back as I can remember, I've identified as being a sub. I didn't know it when I was younger but looking back, all the signs were there. What I like, others don't like and what others like, I might not. There isn't a set way that BDSM works. There isn't a set of rules that every single person in the BDSM community follows. So that being said, I know that each BDSM relationship (really any relationship actually) is different. Totally different. What works for some people might not work for others. Some people take things to the extreme, others don't. Some people are in a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship, others aren't. My point is, you don't know the dynamics of someone else's relationship. Only the people in it know how it works. What you might think is crazy or abuse might be completely OK to the people in the relationship. Some people call it stalking when Christian tracked Ana's cell so he could find her (after she drunk dialed him and he was asking if she was safe etc)...personally if that happened to me, it wouldn't really bother me. Ana liked Christian at that point...so if I liked a guy and he was able to find me...I wouldn't really mind. I'd just be happy he cared enough to find me ;) Or the part where he's in her room and surprises her....again, I wouldn't think it's all that odd. Because if I had feelings for a guy (like she obviously did) then I wouldn't mind being surprised. Especially if it involved some amazing sex lol. Other people might find that absolutely ridiculous. Others might call the cops and have a restraining order put in place. Which is cool, if that's how they feel about it. But everyone is different. So it's not fair to yell "abuse" over something you might not agree with, because it might be perfectly acceptable to the person it's happening to. As for Christian pressuring Ana or coercing her to get what he wants.... Isn't that how we all are to a point? Don't we all try to persuade people into doing what we want? We're human. We're greedy and selfish to an extent. Even boyfriends & girlfriends, husbands & wives, partners, etc, try to persuade the other into doing something to get their way. You can't really fault Christian for that. Being persuaded isn't always a negative thing either. It's pretty normal...and natural. It happens all the time. Over all sorts of things. It's part of open communication in my opinion. The other thing that bothers me is the way the book misrepresents BDSM in the sense that it implies a person needs to be "messed up" in the head in order to enjoy, or be involved in, BDSM. Because Christian was abused as a child and then had a strange sexual relationship with an older woman while he was a teenager, he acts as if that is why he is the way he is. And in reality, completely normal people enjoy BDSM. You don't need to have a past with abuse in order to like it. I certainly didn't. And I definitely like BDSM. I love giving up control to my man. I love having him tell me what to do sexually. On days when I get so frustrated over what to wear, I love letting him pick out something for me because it takes away a decision I don't want to make. I'm in control of my entire day while at work and other things in my life.... So, for me, it's amazing to be able to give it up to him. So my point, again, is that normal people like BDSM...it's not about having a horrible past. In that aspect I don't like the way the books represent BDSM. Back to Ana and Christian... Certain things that blogs and people are pointing out are how Ana cries over him and thinks things like "no no no...he's taking off my shoe. But I just went running." (Implying that she meant she didn't want to have sex bc she thought the word no) Females are emotional...no point in trying to hide that. Of course she's going to cry!! I've cried over many a man simply because I didn't know where the relationship was going or how he felt about me. Relationships are confusing as fuck. Sometimes crying is all you can do. Sometimes the other person has no clue that their actions are making you cry because they really have no ill intentions towards you. That doesn't mean there's emotional or mental abuse. It means it takes a toll on you and you have to release the emotion somehow. Even fabulous relationships have hard times and times of tears. Trust me on that too. I never once felt like I was being abused. Being in a relationship always tests your limits somehow...whether it's something small and silly or something bigger. In my experience, questioning things in the relationship is par for the course. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong. But questioning things can sometimes make you step outside your comfort zone and grow. You end up growing as a person and making compromises (Ana and Christian did go over the contract and she refused certain things and Christian was fine with it). Ana having contradicting thoughts seemed pretty real to me because in reality we do second guess ourselves sometimes. It's pretty natural in my opinion. Now to Ana thinking the word "no".... I'm not a virgin...neither are my best girlfriends. So we've discussed our sexual escapades lol. Do you know how many times some silly fear creeps into our thought process during foreplay and sex etc?! I can't tell you how many times I've thought "no don't do that bc I might smell funny" or "no don't do it that way bc I might look funny"....point is, not one of those thoughts was me thinking "no I don't want to do this." So in this respect I think people are nitpicking and trying to find abuse where there is none. She didn't say no out loud. Ana doesn't use the safe-word at all as far as I can remember (maybe in the 3rd book she does and he actually stops) But even if there wasn't a safe-word in place, I don't remember her telling him to stop (and when she did say something to that extent, he did stop) I remember reading parts where Ana said "no" and "don't come near me." And Christian respected her wishes!!! How is that abuse? If she really wanted to stay away from him she could have. She could have told him straight up "never contact me again" and then gotten a restraining order if he did. Now I know things like that do happen in real life, and I'm not trying to make light of the situation because it must be horrible for the person going through it. But that isn't how the books played out. People should stop demonizing these books over the types of things that happen to some people in real life. She stays with him. He tells her often that she is changing him. For the better! It's a fictional love story. With some kink. SPOILER ALERT: They end up living happily ever after. With a baby. Happy Ana and happy Christian. That's not how real abuse stories end up. ------------------------------------------------- This was just a quick thought / writing...so please don't totally jump at me if something isn't to your liking lol. I just felt like speaking my opinion because I've read the books and have done my research and have the experience :) The end!
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