misscarleecow

As giving and caring a feeder could be, I'd still be relegated to some background presence. Only as good as the food I bring. Only as good as the chores and caretaking I offer.

Each passing day is a success by keeping her in bed. Any ambition snuffed out by a steady snack and meal regimen. Laziness becomes a trait, an identity. You don't "get" to eat in bed all day long. It's who you are. It's what you do.

I want that liberating feeling that every single action I take is turning someone into a blob. I want to strip away all the social grace. She HAS to have food in reach at all times. She HAS to be a bit unpresentable.

Erode her sensibility. There's no guilt to how bad these habits are, because any outside voice has long been silenced and removed. It's not bad that you are overstuffed and still hanging your mouth open when I hand feed you. Who's going to say it's wrong? Who's going to stop you? Who's going to stop me?

It'll all settle once your body eventually makes the decisions for you. It isn't a choice to stay indoors when the thought of lumbering across the house is unthinkable. Any whimsical ideas of going out into the world disappears. Why fantasize about the impossible?

All that's left is to keep eating and growing. The obscene reality that you haven't had a weight plateau in months and years isn't a problem. It's normal to feel your body take up more space in more inconvenient ways. Thighs too heavy for your legs to move. A belly that pins you down. Heavy arms and a heaving chest that dominates your field of vision. Even a neck and face so thickened by fat that you begin to forget what you used to look like.

Thinking about falling for a really manipulative feeder who doesn't have my best interests at heart

Being overfed and love bombed as they convince me to slowly give over more parts of my life to them. They make enough money to take care of both of us, I don't need to worry about that.

I notice I've been gaining weight the way they've been feeding me, but they tell me they only pamper me so much because of how happy it makes me, and ask if I really want to lose weight. I think about how starving I've felt lately, not realizing that it's because of the supplements they've been sneaking into my meals, and decide that I don't really want to after all.

Eventually as other people in my life start to grow concerned about my health they start isolating me. Reassuring me that it's okay if I don't go out to meet my friends because these trips have gotten so exhausting, they'll understand, then blocking them for me on my phone when they start trying to get in touch.

I ask to see my doctor because it's getting so hard to walk around and I'm starting to feel mysterious aches and pains more often, and they tell me about a special doctor they're freinds with who does health calls.

Of course, their friend is likeminded, and along with prescribing meds to keep my mounting health issues at bay, they also prescribe meds that will propel my exploding weight gain forward even faster.

Like, the more you eat, the bigger your stomach expands, the more you can eat in the future.

The more you overeat, the bigger your portions will become, and the more often you'll feel hungry between meals.

The more you snack, the more often your body will 'expect' to be fed.

The more fast/junk food you eat, the more often you'll feel cravings for those foods.

The fatter you grow, the less you'll be able to exercise. You'll be too big, too heavy, too tired to move yourself around. Your arms and belly will get in the way of themselves. Your body will lose its strength and tire out easier, faster. Meaning exercises become shorter, less effective. More daunting.

The fatter you grow, the less you'll WANT to exercise. All those lazy habits will add up, and you'll prefer to do something sedentary instead. The less you exercise, the easier your body will grow fatter, and the harder it will be to lose weight.

It's like... Once you start gaining weight, your body sets off a snowball effect to become even larger, even faster, and... and...

So, we all know there's an obesity crisis right now. People are getting fatter and fatter, with no end in sight. Let's not detract from what you've done to yourself though. You're massive. You've forged yourself into an exclusive club: one of the fattest people alive today.

Think about it: the average American woman weighs 170lbs. Globally, the average is more like 149lbs.

In the USA, if you weigh 300lbs you're still amongst the top 2% heaviest people in the country.

Another 10lbs on top of that? Congratulations, you're now one of the top 1% most obese people in the US.

By the time you reach 400lbs you're in the top 0.1%. Not just in America. Globally. There are whole COUNTRIES where the isn't a single person as fat as you.

Once you hit a quarter of a tonne the statistical information just breaks down. You're not just obese. You're an "extreme statistical outlier": the top 0.01% fattest people on Earth. There are probably only around 807,000 at your weight on the entire planet. With every few pounds gained beyond that the drop off is exponential.

600lbs? There's probably less than 100,000 people in the world at your size, and by 700lbs, you're sharing an accolade achieved by just a few thousand people.

You're fat now. Everyone knows that you're fat.

Maybe you could play off the first few pounds as an accident. Weight fluctuates, everyone knows that.

But an unwavering gain like yours? Your weight climbing pound after pound, month after month, every inch of you softening and rounding out as you ate and ate and ate yourself from chunky to chubby to fat. That paints a different picture. People tend to notice that much weight in such a short time.

Still, you could've settled into your fatness. Just been someone who "enjoyed eating" a little too much. Blamed your metabolism, chalked the pounds up to stress or work. These things happen, everyone knows that.

But you just couldn't help yourself, could you? Not when there was food around. You order more than everyone when you go out, you take a second helping at every meal. The way you eat, it doesn't exactly go unnoticed.

Somewhere along the line, everyone just decided you were a Fat Person now.

Maybe you've always been bigger, maybe this was a real surprise, but now you've been permanently classified with the irrevocable, extra-large label of fat. Showing up heavier than your last visit doesn't draw as many comments. Extra food finds its way to your plate.

Still, you can feel eyes on you when you eat. You're somewhere between a cautionary tale about what can happen if one doesn't exert total discipline over their appetites and a lost cause; a complete casualty to gluttony. You're not going to lose weight at this point, everyone knows that.

Do you think everyone can tell that all this weight wasn't exactly an accident?

That you've been regularly stuffing yourself to the point of breathlessness, gawking and grabbing at every softening inch of your body as the number on the scale grows and grows.

The countless moments you've spent with your hands on your plush belly, feeling it growing heavy and round as all the extra calories started to stick and mold this fattened, truer version of yourself. This greedy, outward manifestation of your hunger for more made unmistakable for everyone to see.

You're not fooling anyone. You're not hiding all that weight.