[insert witty title]

- Harley Quinn

I've been working on myself, I've been reflecting a lot and realizing how much I've clinged to people who never really benefited my heart and my life.

I clung to a group of people who I thought were my friends but when it came down to it, just cast me aside because I spoke out against things said and done that I genuinely felt were not okay.

I clung to someone who threw me away countless times because I thought that's what it meant to be a good friend, to stand by and try your best to help them in what way that I could.

I let that friend throw me away too many times because I genuinely thought that she cared about me, but her throwing me away and shutting me out should've been the red flags, but I'm a sucker for pain.

I always wanted a best friend because as a kid I was always by myself, I was isolated. My half sister hated me because her mother fed her lies saying that my mom is the reason that our father wasn't in her life.

My brother ran away from home at the age of 18 and left me by myself. I didn't get to go to cousins houses very often, I didn't have sleepovers, I moved around a few times so never really got to have a set of friends for long. In the end they would all forget about me. I was always isolated, eventually it was a little less but the damage on my self esteem and confidence was already done.

This loneliness had been eating away at me. I so desperately craved that feeling of belonging to a friend, a group of friends?

So much so that I let a lot of people treat me like shit. I'm so glad that at the age of 25 that bridges have been burned and so much light has been shown onto these situations.

I put myself out there time and time again, but now I'm learning to let others take the lead in initiating friendship. I no longer trust people anymore because if someone you held so close could just turn around and try and flip everything you've done for them and demonize you, anyone can. For 10 years I held myself prisoner always thinking I did something wrong.

I always hyperanalyzed situations and replayed everything I did over and over again trying to pick apart what I did wrong when in reality, I TRIED, I tried to do what I thought was right, shit I fucked up a lot, I can own that. I can hold myself accountable for my fuck ups. I know I'm not perfect and I never try and play myself out to be that.

But I'll be damned if I ever let anyone try and tell me I'm a bad person. I know who I am and as much as I hate myself, I love myself because at the end of it I'M STILL GONNA COME OUT ON TOP!

I'm gonna get shit done, I'm gonna get where I need to be when I need to.

There are no coincidences in life, everything happens for a reason and I'm glad that I'm finding the silver lining of growth in all these terrible situations.

If I'm a monster, it's by my own doing and not because I'm told I'm a monster by someone who only wants to project their own short comings and blame me for why their life turned out the way it has.

We are the masters of our own fate. Take that shit by the horns and conquer ya shit.

Moon in Aries: Sacrificial, young hearted, imaginative, reactive, self prophetic, fearless, quick tempered, innocent, abandoned, alone

Moon in Taurus: Faithful, relapses into self indulgence, lazy, concerned but refusing to self sacrifice, overtly loyal, maternal and welcoming, disarming, fretful

Moon in Gemini: lacks concentration, unsympathetic but genial, emotionally reactive, nerves, travels, secretive about emotions, undramatic

Moon in Cancer: Restless, fearsome, psychic, unstable, intuitive, despondent, martyred, delivering, rich emotional world

Moon in Leo: dramatised, fears of the inner child exaggerated, very coloured in impulse, self shame associated with lack of appreciation, faithful, subject to elusion

Moon in Virgo: Irritable, over conscious of environment, easily triggered, helpful, intuitive, responsive to distress, anxious and consumed with worry, pedantic

Moon in Libra: Impressionable and sympathetic, morale and concerned but detached and self contained, temperamental, evasive, passive aggressive, emotionally unstable especially regarding the day's interaction with people

Moon in Scorpio: Contained but secretly uncontrolled, unsympathetic but empathetic, suspicious and paranoid, splitting, passionate and then empty, debilitating and destructive highs and lows

Moon in Sagittarius: Escapist, psychic, speculative, detached but generous, tender hearted and noble hearted, shows tremendous loyalty to animals

Moon in Capricorn: Self sacrificial, often altruistic and kindly, Dry, distanced but concerned, consumed with material worry, emotionally conscious to the extreme, suspicious

Moon in Aquarius: Active emotional life is inhibited by over reactive intellectualism, can generate a coldness about the individual that hides regenerative warmth, excitable, over analyses emotion to extreme

Moon in Pisces: Cannot resist environmental stimulus, the impressionable, lack of boundaries, psychic, devoted, melancholy, withdrawing, sacrificial, emotional hemophiliac