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izzy's playlists!
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@misery-thin
🌸 day 7 🌸
yeah actually. my mom is super nice and supportive about it, but doesn't know how hard i'm restricting. my dad was pretty much like "well its about time" and then tries to make me eat pizza and other high cal stuff. they're both ok with it, but sometimes my dad tries to bring me down for it.
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🌸 day 6 🌸
of course i binge. i do it because i am sad or stressed or haven't been doing well enough. it's a way of coping with the negative effects of my other coping mechanisms
me
🌸 day 5 🌸
well uh, im doing it partially for me, maybe 30%?? and the rest is so that other people find me attractive for the right reasons. i've been rejected before because i was a "fat girl" (when i was around 125ish pounds) and had uncomfortable unwanted advances when i was about 150ish because of my "fat ass."
i dont want a fat ass. i just wanna be small and pretty and have people be impressed by me and my dedication.
Me: All bodies are beautiful. Beauty standards are a deadly plague that virtually everyone has been a victim of in one way or another, at one point in time or another (to varying degrees). No matter what shape or size your body is, you are beautiful, and you are lovable.
Me to myself: My head on my torso looks like a Yukon Gold potato stacked on top of a Russet potato.
Memes found on Reddit to cope
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🌸 day 4 🌸
well,, the big one is making my family and friends worry. they know i've suffered with disordered eating, but they don't know about my current relapse.
the another one is accidentally triggering another friend of mine's relapse. we've been very close due to very similar traumas and we both have been diagnosed with anorexia. we've triggered relapses in each other before over losing weight and i'm worried it might happen again.
another, much more superficial one is losing my hair. i really like my hair, its super thick and wavy and i like the color. that's not actually the reason im scared to lose it though. i already tend to clog drains with my hair and then my dad might figure something's up if i lose a shit ton of it. ehh probably not tho i was diagnosed with alopoecia as a kid and told it could cause me to lose my hair again so at least i got a built in excuse :P.
smhhh why does my life have to feel so complicated
🌸 day 3 🌸
my thinspo,, hnmm i dont really know. anyone skinnier than me? i really just see anyone skinny and my 2 remaining brain cells beat me to a pulp.
i do have a picture of me from when i was skinnier, don't know what weight i was but i looked like this at some point and now i have the body of a troll. it's my favorite motivation .
was it hard?
was it hard skipping the first couple of meals? extremely. i remember the hunger that felt like it caused earthquakes my first full day of fasting. the dark circles that took residence under my eyes after a week of low restriction. how i cried at night from hunger pains and how i thought i was going to have a heart attack from walking a mile.
but that was 60+ pounds ago.
now? i can fast for three days and not feel a thing. eating 500 calories makes me so full i feel like my stomach could burst. the hunger pains help me sleep at night by telling me how well i did today. is it hard going into a store and asking the worker to go to the back and get an extra small for me? is it hard looking in the mirror and having my breath taken away by the girl in the mirror? by being a living breathing reminder of my will power and control?
it’s the easiest thing i’ve ever done.
this… actually… disgusts me…
like this post alone made me want to throw myself infront of a train. like no offence to the op, but this shit makes me mad. as fuck.
ya know what this post translates to? ‘keep starving urself it will be easier’
like, no, just n o
ive had an restrictive eating disorder for atleast 3 years now, and yeah ive had my ups and downs, but it does not get easier. hate to break it to yall but being underweight and living on very little calories sucks.
3 years of this shit and i cant fast for more than 2 days or else i will pass out. if i want to break a fast bcs im feeling faint, i will throw up that one apple i ate and i will be too weak to clean it up. it aint cute being covered in vomit while your vision goes black.
damn girl ur body is rotting from the inside out and its not cute. its not easy. eating 500 calories makes me want to kill myself.
have fun when extra small doesnt fit anymore. i look ugly af ngl. its hard.
its pretty hard to look in the mirror and look at the skeleton in front of u and think ‘ew still fat’. pretty damn hard.
being a living reminder that i am a slave to a disorder and that i am probably going to die young and rotting?
the hardest shit ever
eating disorders are not fucking fun and easy, get a grip.
reblogging for the comment above stop romanticizing this hell
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You can be 300lbs and have an ed, you can be 100lbs and have an ed.
Not all of us want to be 80lbs and not all of us want to be over 100, we want to be pretty, accepted, happy.
Your SW, CW and GW do not validate your ed.
You can eat 1,000cals a day and have an ed, you can eat 200 cals a day and have an ed.
No one can tell you that your not struggling.
🌸 day 2 🌸
i'm 5'3! a bit on the shorter side of average.
i feel kinda conflicted on it? like on one hand being smaller than all my friends is kinda cute and they can pick me up, but on the other i can't reach high cabinets and shelves without a chair or climbing on counters....
it doesn't really matter to me that i'm never gonna have crazy long model legs because i already accepted that i'll just look ugly no matter how skinny i get!
🌸 day 1 🌸
SW : 155 lbs
CW : 130.0 lbs
BMI : 23.0
UGW : 90.0 lbs
so, in conclusion, im cringe
my 10 year old little brother just said "you're not fat, just heavy." and elaborated by telling me that I'm overweight but not fat.
if this isn't a reason to be skinny I don't know what is.
80 cal Banana Smoothie
Ok so, I made this today when I was fucking around in the kitchen and it's so fucking good. It tastes just like a store bought mix I had the other day, which was 210 cal. It makes about 1 1/4 cups of smoothie. :)
Ingredients
1/2 banana (50 cal)
3/4 cup ice (0 cal)
1/4 cup water (0 cal)
1/2 jello sugar free pudding (30 cal)
1 tbsp sweetener (0 cal)
Steps
Just put it all in a blender and blend. You can add anything you want for flavor, it's pretty easily added to.
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🌸 Calorie Log 4/21🌸
Breakfast - 99 cal
Oatmeal - 75 cal
Peach Jam - 22 cal
Black Tea - 2 cal
Lunch - 60 cal
Sugar Free Pudding - 60 cal
Snacks - cal
Gum - 3 cal
Rice Crispy Treat - 90 cal
Dinner - cal
Chick-fil-A Grilled Nuggets - 200 cal
Limit - 750 cal
Total - 447 cal
Exercise - 103 cal
Net Total - 344 cal
It was a good day! Since I got my sweetener yesterday, I want to drink more tea. Also, I start my job to help an elementary school kid with her schoolwork. I know it's supposed to be isolation, but I wasn't asked whether I wanted to or not. At least I get to hang out at the marina all day. :)
aaa its my first attempt at a thinspo moodboard. It's really more of a collection of thinspo, hardly a moodboard. but!! im happy with it.
