Don’t Delete The Kisses

Tao might be the most controversial character in the fandom. We have our baddies (Ben, Harry, David), our icons (Tori, Sarah Nelson, Aled/Isaac), and our romantic heroes (Narlie forever), but Tao is not that simple to categorize. On paper, Tao is everything you want from a friend: fiercely loyal, committed to friendship, and dedicated to protecting those he cares about. On the other hand, Tao is stubborn, opinionated, resistant to change, and makes lots of assumptions or jumps to conclusions, often to the detriment of his relationships. Every time I recommend Heartstopper, I get reaction texts from first-timers that read something like this: “I would die for Nick and Charlie…but ugh what’s Tao’s problem?” 

I appreciate the expanded role that Tao got in the Netflix adaptation compared with the comic. The more I rewatched the show, the more I started to really love Tao. I also noticed something else: Elle is to Tao what Charlie is to Nick. Throughout the show, there are 3 main ways that Elle helps our favorite beanie-wearing film snob start to become a better version of himself, perhaps even his true self. 

1. She calls out his bad behavior. 

If Tao is being loud and obnoxious, Elle is the first to call it out. From the very first scene where we see them together in the same room, for the “emergency Charlie situation” in episode 2, Elle is not entertaining his nonsense: 

T: Charlie literally won’t give up on this *straight* boy until we know for sure!

E: Oh my god, be quiet! Ok, slowly, what do you want?

When Tao is being a drama queen or catastrophizing a situation, Elle doesn’t let him get away with it. She tells him he’s being dramatic when he declares that Nick has “stolen” Charlie and initially when he makes her promise to always prioritize their friendship. She pushes him to think of others when he’s reacting badly, too, like when she urges him not to confront Charlie about Nick on his birthday, or when he’s a little too self-involved on the sidelines of the rugby match: 

T: Charlie’s befriending bullies and our friendship group is falling apart, Elle. Take this seriously.

E: Hey! I didn’t come here and risk seeing all the Truham boys who used to pick on me just for you to tell me our friendship group is falling apart.

She teasingly calls him the “king of getting involved” and tries to get him to stop dwelling on his near-constant desire to talk about all the reasons he doesn’t like Nick. Elle also pokes fun at his tendency to be jealous in episode 3 when she tells him that her friends are going to Harry’s party and in episode 4 after he meets Tara and Darcy:

T: It was nice meeting your friends though. 

E: Yeah?

T: Yeah. They seem cool.

E: They are.

T: Have they replaced us?

E: As if anyone could replace your incredibly annoying, loud presence in my life.

T: How dare you!

Elle is really the only one who calls Tao out, and she’s probably the only one he would listen to anyway, and I love her for it.

2. She helps him process his complicated emotions around change.

Tao really hates change, and his stress about it informs a lot of his motivations and actions throughout the show. Elle is the only person to whom Tao seems to confide about this in any serious way, and her reactions are so perfectly accepting and therapeutic. She sometimes prods him to reframe his perception about change, like during episode 3’s movie night:

E: Yeah. But sometimes change is a good thing…I was really scared no one would like me, so I didn’t even try talking to people at first. But then I realized I actually needed to put myself out there or I’d just be alone. So I think I’m going to be ok there, at Higgs. That’s a good change, right?

T: Yeah, that’s a good change.

In episode 7, she uses a combination of humor and empathy to try to show him that he will be ok. She doesn’t really try to solve everything for him; she’s just there for him when he needs it.

T: Sorry about earlier. I know it’s not your fault he hasn’t told me.

E: Charlie does want to tell you. 

T: I think I know why he hasn’t. He thinks that I’ll accidentally say something stupid and out Nick to all of Nick’s mates. And obviously he cares more about Nick’s feelings than mine. Once you get into a relationship, friendships don’t matter anymore. 

E: Or maybe he just thinks you’ll force Nick to watch Donnie Darko like you did with us.

T: Shut up! It’s a good movie! It’s just complicated! I don’t know why I’m so afraid of being alone. 

E: That’s how I felt, my first term. I got scared. But everything turned out ok.

Elle seems to understand when to push Tao and when to give him a little room to process. That’s a hard balance for some people, but she’s such an observant and kind person that it seems to come naturally to her.

3. She makes Tao feel safe and gives him space to be silly. 

In many scenes with his friends and classmates, Tao is at times brooding, competitive, sarcastic, and bossy. Yet every time we get a glimpse of Tao getting out of his own head long enough to joke around or have some light-hearted fun, Elle is at the center of it. At the sleepover at Charlie’s, he drops their serious discussion about Nick in the face of Elle’s criticism that he’s being annoying by performing his “interpretive dance.” He’s playful with her in the arcade and when they meet up at the milkshake café (their truly adorable fishing reel greeting is such an underrated gem of a moment). In episode 8, their run through the halls of Truham to the intro of “Close to You” is a moment of unburdened young joy that moves me every time. He has shown her his worst side and shared his deepest, darkest fears, and she still loves and accepts him. Indeed, Tao has never been happier and freer than he is in those episode 8 moments with Elle, and it leaves him emotionally open to realize his feelings for her are changing. 

We don’t know a lot about Tao’s back story and why he is the way he is. I have a headcanon theory that his dad left the family when he was young, leading to abandonment issues. In the show, his self-awareness takes 2 steps forward and 1 step back several times, which I think is honestly a realistic portrayal of teen emotional growth. Elle is there to love and guide him, sometimes by challenging him and sometimes by giving him the space to figure things out on his own.