I'd taken a short hiatus, and messaged the main group, but it seems the message didn't send... I sure have disappeared quite a few times without notice, but I'm back now if you'll still have me...! I'm so sorry about that!

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@miryookoku
I'd taken a short hiatus, and messaged the main group, but it seems the message didn't send... I sure have disappeared quite a few times without notice, but I'm back now if you'll still have me...! I'm so sorry about that!

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Wishy Washy Tranquility
"Mm.. no.." Ludwig grumbled, as like a stubbron child as he further curled into himself, though remaining his hands to be intact with Kikus. "Don’t wanna… forget you.." he said, a little louder this time so he could make sure he was heard. He kept in his almost odd positon for a while before he instinctually tucked his nose under his bed robings, hacking and coughinf for a few moments. He faltered when he stopped, and mentally thanking that his pajamas were basically red to begin with.
He pulled himself back him to look at Kiku, forwning at just… well how he looked somewhere between horrified and hopleless. He wanted to be with Kiku, he wanted to be with him for every second he could still remember this moment. But… he had to put his love’s comfort and safety first.
Reluctantly, he pulled his shaky hands away from kiku, pulling himself in a half cacoon into his blankets and making sure his eyes were the only thing above to blanket just in case he had another coughing fit.
"… Dont wan’t… you to get sick…" He said, most of his speech muffled by the blankets but he didn’t exactly care if he was heard or not. Part of him hoped he wasn’t so Kiku could still be by him.
Kiku placed his hands on his knees, gripping so he wouldn't start shaking or move them up to cover his mouth, a nervous habit of his that Ludwig had surely picked up on by now. "You're not going to forget me, you're going to get better and I'm not going to get sick. You don't have to worry." He had to start saying it, because even if he got his hopes up, he didn't want his husband to lose hope. He hated seeing Ludwig like this, and it would hurt even more to see his emotional state decline as well.
He was honestly surprised he hadn't gotten sick - Kiku's immune system was very weak, and had a brush with death as a child. He didn't like to think of it as a big deal, despite how bad it actually was. After all, if he mentioned it to someone, surely they'd make him 'take it easy.' Then what of the kingdom?
Kiku stood up, but only for a moment, before moving to sit on the side of his King's bed. "It's just... a bump in the path. A rather large one, but that's all." In hindsight, Kiku wasn't sure if that was the correct way to say that idiom, but it was too late to go back now.
Out of His Element
The 7 nodded, slipping the key into her fur-trimmed sleeve absently. He looked ill, frankly, about ready to collapse. His pallor was terrible, and it looked terribly familiar to her, as terrible as it sounded. Was he sick? If so, why was he here? What was he doing out of bed and in the Clubs castle, of all things? Especially, with the king’s meeting here, his Highness Ludwig would have forbade him from accompanying hi-
She cut her own train of thought short, an unnatural chill and weight creeping up her back.
Ludwig. Something must have happened to Ludwig.
"Of course…" She couldn’t help it. Concern brimmed in those big periwinkle eyes, coupled and sharpened with pity. Her father had worn a mask of the same make as Kiku’s in the months after his Queen had passed on. In wake of such a terrible thought, her tone changed without it meaning to, soft and warm. "I’m sure you’re here for the King’s Meeting. I can bring you down with me."
She knew.
How could she have figured that out? Besides the fact that his face told everything, he still feared that people knew and would cut off trade, and the Kingdom would suffer for it. After all, they didn't know if it was a plague or not.
He wished she didn't know. Then he could have feigned being lost in a place he hardly visited, and she wouldn't have that expression, that knowing expression, which affirmed all of his fears and gave him all this unwanted attention. He would walk with her to the King's Meeting and it would be fine. Ludwig would be there, waiting for him, and would teasingly scold him for getting lost. Kiku would smile and say something back, and everything would be fine.
But this was real, and in real life, nothing really worked out.
So he softly smiled as he usually did. "Thank you." If he continued an act of normalcy, soon this would be normal for him, too, and it would be okay.
Wishy Washy Tranquility
Ludwig slowly nodded before forcing him self backwards so he could flop back down on his back. He breathed outwardly through his nose for a moment, closing his eyes to try to collect himself before he curled up his legs a bit, feeling an odd chill cross over his body. And within just a moment, he felt like there was no blankets or coverage on him at all, just icy chill.
He opened his eyes once again, seeing how his own hands tembled within Kiku’s grasp, frowning as he knew he couldn’t exactly stop himself.
"So… cold…" he murmured, not really for anyone in particular but even just an affirmation to himself that he was still even awake at all. His gaze went upwards to Kiku once again, staring at him in silence for a moment before gently tugging on his hands, silenting asking if he could join him in bed.
Would he remember any of this? Last time he was sick, months had fallen out of reach of memory. Would this be the same? Would he wake up with memory loss yet again? … Did Kiku look like this last time too?
Noticing his husband's trembling, a feeling of dread rose up in him. He didn't want to believe Ludwig was dying, but looking at his condition, and the fact that no one was 100 percent sure what it was, affirmed in Kiku's mind that he was doomed.
"I should get a doctor -- " He didn't want to leave Ludwig there, especially since he didn't want Kiku to go, but this had gone on a bit too long for Kiku's liking.
Kiku glanced over to the door, which was closed, again for his privacy -- I really am an idiot -- and back to Ludwig. He needed to get a doctor, but he couldn't stand to leave him alone for even a second. What a dilemma.
He kept a firm grip on his King's hand, but didn't make a move to get in bed with him. "Ludwig, you should get some rest and I need to get a doctor for you, I don't want this to get any worse than it already is -- " His voice was wavering, but he had to stay strong. Ludwig needed a doctor - but what could they actually do? Not much more than him, probably. But there was an inkling of hope in the back of his mind that they might be able to help.
kikuuuuu [smooches his best friends face multiple times because thats what they do cuz they're best friends and now he's gone]
[ !!!! ] [ That kind of attention is so embarrassing for hIM and wait- ]
Ah, where are you going—

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Wishy Washy Tranquility
Ludwig softly smiled as the queen flustered in talking, pushing himself a little further to lean over to gently kiss those soft hands of Kiku’s that gripped his hand. “I love.. yo-ou too..” he murmured, staying just in that position of half laying over to just reach over to their joined hands, resting his forehead on top of them as he didn’t exactly feel like having the strength to move back either.
He knew it wasn’t fair for this to happen, especially not to Kiku who was just recovering mentally from this ordeal. He dared not think what would happen if his own condition got any worse. He had to keep strong, if not for his kingdom but for Kiku’s sake.
"Never… will leave you…" He said, just barely holding his tone over a whisper, knowing that was all he needed for his queen to hear him. He looked up to him, frowning a bit more in seeing bright shimmers on his cheek. With a soft grunt, he leaned himself up and over to set his cheek against Kiku’s, feeling the dampness spreading over it. He had no idea what he was actually doing, if he were in his right mind he would have refrained from such an odd action. But right then, all he knew is that he wanted to get rid of his love’s tears, even if it meant trying to put them on his own cheeks instead.
At first Kiku was genuinely confused at his husband's action, he wondered for a moment if Ludwig had lost it already. He then moved to kiss Ludwig's cheek. "I thought I told you not to strain yourself. Lie down."
He was trying his best to block out everything his husband was saying, so he wouldn't break down right there. Hearing him say things like "I'll never leave you" or "I love you" only affirmed that he was leaving in Kiku's mind, like last time. Last time Kiku was certain he was going to die - but he didn't. Unless there wasn't a last time, and it never actually went away, and he was too dense to not notice.
No matter what he did now, the sight of his love hunched over the sink with blood dripping from his mouth couldn't get out of his mind. His love on the ground, trying to stay awake, struggling to even form words, and his love immobile, eyes closed as if someone pinched them closed, looking as if he were in a coffin rather than a bed.
He had to get those thoughts away, or else he wouldn't be able to help his husband, no matter what happened to him. Yet he couldn't help constantly getting lost in such frightening thoughts, spacing out and imagining the worst possible scenarios that would break them both to pieces.
Wishy Washy Tranquility
He wasn’t going to lie, or he wasn’t if he was going to say it out loud, he didn’t exactly catch what all was said around him. Both the lowkey sound effects in the room and Kkiu’s voice wavered on the boarder line of perfectly clear to trying to hear through pillows. However the last part came out remotely clear.
I ……. leave for a bit …….. is that okay?
"Ah…no no…. it’s fi… fine… stay?" Ludwig was surprised how quick he was to run out of breath in just reaching over also take the hand that his other hand currently held.
Even when lying perfectly still, the room slightly spun around him, his eyes wanting to close shut even though not having any intention on letting him go back to sleep. But the warmth for his queen’s hand kept him stable for now, something to concentrate on, something to once again keep him from returning back into the dark where that far away light was.
Seeing Ludwig like that again, he almost considered running away for his own reasons, but there was no way he would do that to him. He'd walk through fire if it meant helping his husband.
"Don't strain yourself," He held firmly onto both of his hands now, as a comfort to Ludwig and to stop the trembling in his own hands. "Just tell me if... well, you know." He didn't want to say it. Kiku figured Ludwig was too out of it to know what he was saying, so he just had to keep an eye on him.
Kiku spoke up after a moment, not even thinking of what he was saying before he said it (whether it was due to lack of sleep or an emotional high, Kiku wasn't sure). "I'm not going to leave you. I love you so much, Ludwig- you weren't supposed to leave me, either. Not again." A few tears fell down his cheeks then, stopping his rambling. He shook his head. "You're in no condition for me to add to your worries. I apologize."
Out of His Element
"No. Really, your highness, I am honored and terribly flattered, but…"
The maps crinkled in the crook of her arm, very firmly wedged between her elbow and the outward swell of her bust (it had its uses, however few those were). With the shock of his appearence out of the way, she could focus more on him and…how dreadful he looked. Katya bit her lip. It wasn’t her place to say anything, but her expression said everything her station couldn’t. Kiku looked awful. She knew eyes like those; deep set in their sockets from very little sleep, dry and lifeless. Something grave must be going on in the Hearts court, for him to be wearing a face like that.
"…If I may be so bold, your Highness…You look like you could use a little more help than I do."
The blunt wording of her statement inflicted silence in him. She was right. He hadn't hidden it as well as he thought. However, the last thing he wanted was for word of the King's condition to get out. So he did what he's done best ever since he was a child. "I am fine, really, I only got a bit lost." He even showed a small grin that would hopefully seal the deal. He couldn't, however, erase the redness in his eyes or the bags under them from lack of sleep, or his shaking hands from lack of eating and paled skin from a combination of the two. When he wasn't by Ludwig's side, he was working, or worrying, or helping in preparations for a possible...replacement.
Wishy Washy Tranquility
The air was stagnant between the silent pair of royals, worrys polluting the air and making it stale around them, even if the windows were open a bit. No amount of fresh air to clear away the heavy atmosphere. The king laid still and silent in his bed, up until now in a heavy sleep. There was times in his dreams he would faintly see a light far ahead, but even in sleep he knew to look away from it. He wanted no part of that.
Whenever he was weak and was curious to go see it, we would feel a soft squeeze on his hand, bringing him back to his senses. What even was that touch? It was so gentle, so warm… Almost like…
"…..hello.."
Ludwig heavily blinked a couple times as he was still getting used to being awake. His fingers twitched for a moment before grapsing onto the hand that held his own, feeling the heat radiate against his now ice cold fingers. He would ask the time or to greet him with either ‘good morning’ or ‘good day’, but knowing him, nothing of time mattered when one was practically on a death bed.
He was suddenly pulled out of his torturous thoughts by the sound of Ludwig's voice. On impulse, he brought his other hand up to feel his husband's forehead and brush a few stray hairs aside. His hair was normally perfect, and the fact that it was even the tiniest bit unkempt was like pouring salt into the wound (instead of Kiku's mouth, that was much more preferable).
"Ludwig, I didn't think you would -- " He stopped himself from finishing that sentence, he didn't need more assurance that his love was really going to die. " -- I should get a doctor..."
There were plenty of nurses and a doctor or two on-hand in the castle, especially after the last incident. Just not in the room currently... Why did you have to ask for privacy, you idiot?
Kiku really didn't want to leave the room, and although he knew more about health and treatments than the average man, he was no doctor, and he had no idea how to deal with something like this. Trying to blink back the tears already forming, Kiku spoke up again, in a more comforting and much less panicked tone. "I need to leave for a bit to look for a doctor. Is that okay?"
Out of His Element
You’re lucky you caught her, in the middle of locking her study door with one hand and balancing half a dozen maps in the other
"Just a momen-" She paused in mid-click, that voice bouncing around her head like a particularly polite echo. Was that…no, it couldn’t be! What was the Hearts Queen doing here? Her sandy-colored head swung left towards him, utterly floored by his appearance.
"…Your highness? I…What are you doing here?"
The Queen's thoughts were so crowded with worries he hadn't realized she was struggling with all the work in her hand. "My goodness, do you need some help with that?" He tried to keep his mind off his millions of stresses - Ludwig, meeting, finding his escort, getting back home, rereading meeting notes, it just didn't end - to focus on helping the poor Seven out. He wasn't the only one with problems, he scolded himself. Kiku thought he had left his selfishness behind when he became Queen.
Trying desperately to wipe all those thoughts away and clear his jumbled mind, he held his arms out, ready to grab anything.

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Wishy Washy Tranquility
The night was all a blur to Kiku.
Everything was fine in the beginning. He didn’t see anything wrong with Ludwig - now, he chastised himself for that. He should’ve known better than to assume everything was fine. It was too good to be true.
He sat by his King’s bed, a thumb idly trailing over the other’s slightly open palm. It happened again. Ludwig barely made it out alive last time. There was no chance he would live through this, Kiku repeated it over and over mentally, to prepare himself for the inevitable.
Kiku couldn’t stop the thoughts going so quickly through his mind of what happened not too long ago - he tried his best to push the thoughts back, but now they came with a vengeance. He’d never seen Ludwig like that. He never wanted to see him with blood all over his hands and mouth, or barely breathing as he lay still in bed… but there he was, hardly any movement, very pale and looking as if he were passing any moment. He didn’t dare speak, he didn’t want to break down again, he had to be stronger for his husband. He had to lift him up this time, no matter what happened. Kiku tried to keep a better resolve, tightening his hold on his Kings hand.
Out of His Element
The Queen waited for everyone else to leave before seeing himself out, closing the door behind him. Kiku didn’t like Clubs, though he didn’t have logical reasoning behind it, he felt an eerie, hostile aura in the Kingdom whenever he visited. He tried to avoid coming when he could, but this time, he had no way around it. There was a King’s meeting, and with his King — no, don’t think about it — unable to attend, Kiku had to go in his place.
Not realizing he had been walking this entire time, he found himself lost. Glancing around, he thought he saw a familiar face… the Seven of Clubs? Someone approachable, thank the gods. “Excuse me,” He attempted to get her attention as he approached her.
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Reconnect - Kiku
Ludwig pulled back a hand from behind Kiku to gently cup his face, stroking a thumb against his cheek to try to wip away some times rolling down them. “I’ll be fine. I’m mostly concerned for you right now.” He said, very soft but firmly. He aned down and gently kissed his queen, holding their lips together for a good few moments before leaning up again, a tint of red on his cheeks from the action. How long had it really been since the last time he had even done that? Obviously too long for his liking.
For a short moment he glanced up to the moon above them, almost to try to gather his thoughts before looking back down to him, the arm that was still wrapped around Kiku holidng him a bit closer as if to make up for the other arm not being there. “It’s getting late. Perhaps you would like to join me in my bed tonight?” He softly smiled at his offer, knowing that it would probably be best for both of them to be in each others company tonight.
He leaned into the kiss as well, not trying for anything too passionate, simply content with letting Ludwig lead. A warm feeling rose in his body, not from embarrassment (at this point, he would only be embarrassed if someone else was around) but from happiness. Kiku's moods had gone on a long adventure during the entire ordeal, but now everything was starting to settle down.
Letting himself grin, Kiku replied, "It would be my pleasure." Kiku knew he longed for his husband's embrace, but the longing continued to grow even more as the minutes passed. "I love you, Ludwig."
Reconnect - Kiku
It idn’t take Ludwig long to feel the other quiver under his his hand as he stroked his back. He frowned lightly, pausing a moment to look around the area before softly whispering, “we are alone. You don’t need hold anything back.” He hugged Kiku tighter against him lightly, not wanting to be too rough but wanting him to make sure he was going to support and protect him, even itf it was just from his feelings. “I’m right here for you.” He said, though quickly went quiet as he felt a small waver in his voice. Usually he himself was not a man for many outright emotions, especially not one of tears, but he also knew Kiku wasn’t either.
They were alone. They trusted each other with their strengths and weaknesses. And it was clear they needed each other more than ever.
Kiku looked up at Ludwig for a moment. He was awake, but that didn't mean Kiku wasn't concerned for his physical health. He'd been ill for a long time, he surely wasn't in top form. "Ludwig, are you okay? You've been through so much recently." He couldn't hide a slight crack in his voice or a few tears falling down his face. Ludwig was here, he was holding him, and everything was going to be fine. He could finally share burdens with his King, both of them could lift each other up again, and the Kingdom would be fine.
However, he didn't want to leave this spot. He couldn't shake a nagging fear that his love would go away again.

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Reconnect - Kiku
Ludwig faltered only a little as Kiku fulled hugged him, pausing for only a moment before hugging him back, raising hand to gently stroke the back of his raven hair. It was hard from him t oactually process he had been somewhere, when it felt like it hasn’t been that long since they had seen each other.
No, that was a lie. Part of him knew they had been gone for so long, the more he thought about it, the more a small gap was beginning to feel like such a giant hole. What had his queen done when he wasn’t there? Did he feel troubled? Lonley? Afraid? It really began to dawn him that during his absense, Kiku really had to deal with the kingdom on his shoulders, especially with the lingering rumours of plague and possibly death.
"I missed you too. So, so much." He said, quietly so he could make sure those words were only heard by Kiku. He held his smaller queen close to him, in that moment not wanting to let go. He never wanted his love to suffer on their own like that again.
Feeling Ludwig hold him back, catching his words... he was certain Ludwig understood. He always knew his King understood, he was his rock. He felt bad for relying on him so much, but it seemed his love really loved him back. Kiku felt tears threatening to fall, so he only held Ludwig closer. He couldn't bring himself to reply as he started to shake a little, knowing his voice would crack if he spoke up. He wanted Ludwig to be with him until the end of time.
Reconnect - Kiku
"If that’s silly, we are the top jokers of all jokers." Ludwig said, bending his knees just a bit so he could properly move down to kiss his queens cheek, giving one more peck for good measure before standing back up straight, gving another soft squeeze of a hug. "There is no right or wrong of what your measure of beauty is. You should never be ashamed of it, especially if you find comfort in it."
Kiku considered his words - times like this made him realize how important Ludwig was to him, and he was absolutely elated to have him back. He tried not to get involved with Kingdom rumors, but his fears started to get the best of him towards the end. He sighed, standing up after another hug from behind. Kiku moved to embrace Ludwig, burying his face in his husband's chest. "I... really missed you."