Miroku317

Tumblr, September 26th, 2022

youre not going to believe what object dislodged itself from the ceiling and began its descent to the floor, creating a loud meaty shlap sound upon impact, waking me up in the tender hours of the night

The world was no longer made up of countries, but instead territories owned by mega corporations. I lived in the Disney territory and all of the states were named after parks and towns were named after the theme park lands. Mickey Mouse was the king. Donald Duck was arrested for attempting assassination.

i hate when i go up north and go to restaurants and the waiter comes to take my order and im like “do yall have sweet tea??” and theyre like “no sweetheart but we have unsweetened iced tea and we can give you some sugar packets!!!” llike no you fucking yankee because now the tea is already cold so the sugar wont dissolve in it and itll all just sink the bottom and be nasty learn basic fucking solubility this is 9th grade chemistry thats why sweet tea exists in the first place you fucking heat the tea up to make it and then while its still hot you add the sugar and then you chill it and its sweet fucking tea i bet you pronounce pecan like peecan too you four seasons-having piece of shit

Best customer I’ve ever had was when some rich white cape cod lady in a floor length fur coat came into my store and asked her daughters what sweated pants were and how to wear them and her daughters kept trying to explain what sweat pants were to her and she was completely and utterly flummoxed by them

She asked if sweat pants are bisexual and her daughter was like “unisex?” and she was like “sure”

Swords are bougie garbage, spears and axes are the weapons of the honest working man

I have a Sword and a Spear, because my family makes pottery and aren’t low class farmers like yours

Lmao this dude doesnt even have an axe.

I mean, we’re potters, not glass blowers. Look at this fucker talking about owning three weapons

yeah well lets see you split wood with it

Can’t hear you from all the way over there! I’ve got my halberd between us! Poke poke.

YEAH WELL LET’S SEE YOU SPLIT WOOD WITH IT

Brah

damn she thicc

these pancakes have been to dr. miami

damn im tryna slide thru

your girl gone to the store and she leaves you alone with these pancakes. what you gonna do?