Nasty

Since “you aren’t” and “you’re not” are the same thing, can we just invent “you'ren’t” and use that instead?

When you’re in the middle of sobbing and you start dissociating so you’re like “okay I’m done now” and turn into an emotionless zombie

I had a dream that unless the teacher told us class was over, we were forbidden from going out the door. Our teacher was very forgetful, and maybe even malicious. After being forced to stay past sunset many days, my class decided we were going to break out every night. Eventually our attempts led us to discovering rifts in space-time where we could warp. So we never used the door. Checkmate.

the window

what? you going to critique my dreams? my subconscious creations, that I did by accident, while asleep? the chemicals in my brain? are you going to use your foul eyes and dissect all of the plotholes in my dreams? you going to critique the weather? harass the clouds? make fun of thunder for being off key? remind me to come to your house and shred your shoes

That response is fucking Shakespearean.

Somebody please reverse this gif I have a feeling it will be 100 times more funny in reverse. Please.

YES!!! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!

me waking up to the sound of my beautiful friends messaging me

Inspector, if you can’t find the murderer I suggest wrapping this up (yea)

I died

THIS IS PURE GOLD

It took 9 years and 720 million dollars to get a better photo of pluto

Takes the same to get a decent pic of me

do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking  

I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety

it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!

thanks i thought i was just a bitch

They say we go the movies to escape reality, but it’s actually the opposite. We go to experience realities and emotions that we normally wouldn’t feel on a daily basis. We’re choosing to feel scared, sad, happy, angry, etc., all in a safe environment that we can walk away from after 2 hours.

i never thought i would say this about a fish but wow what an asshole

Science side of tumblr, can I get an explanation?

@elodieunderglass

She found his side hoes.

As a marine biologist I can confirm the fish is simply being a jackass

“You are not allowed to build a house here! This is my AREA”

@luntian-berdengguhit

I love the clownfish just there for the drama

As someone who’s kept saltwater fish for years including both Jawfish and sand-sifting Gobies, the fish is indeed just being a jackass.

the only people who understand literature are those who literally eat books. sorry. meaning does not exist until you devour it.

Why do I constantly get attacked on this site

the guy who has his life figured out is mario

if ur a guy and you continue to hit on a lesbian when they’ve told you that they’re a lesbian and thus not interested in u, then u are a piece of shit congratulations

a few terfs have gotten a hold of this post so i just wanted to clarify that trans lesbians are valid and need to be protected from the unwanted advances of straight men just as much as cis lesbians do and if you think otherwise then u are also a piece of shit congratulations

And furthermore trans lesbians flirting with cis lesbians are not men hitting on lesbians and if you think otherwise you’re a piece of shit

This post is so good and pure

i bought an echo and a wifi lightbulb just so i could say “computer, turn off the light” instead of getting out from under the covers to flip the switch

problem found: my husband keeps yelling for the echo to play certain songs before he enters the bedroom so he can have entrance music appropriate to his mood

Tag yourself, I’m the one making a goddamn entrance.