🎀

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞

pairings: platonic batfam x ftm!reader summary: you tend to say your life ended after you came out, suddenly your friends stopped asking to hang out, your parents no longer proudly talking about you to all their friends. You never quite got used to feeling so alone and isolated. Just before things could get any worse, you meet a certain bat and his army of robins, who remind you what it feels like to belong somewhere. Turns out you were never meant to to get used to being alone. tags/warnings: found family, bruce's adoptive problems are showing, bad parenting (reader's parents), bullying, verbal abuse, transphobia, suicidal attempts, mentions of self harm and scars, eating disorders, underage drinking and smoking, bruce uses his money to fuck with readers parents, possible mentions of murder and violence, body dysphoria, blood, nonsexual nudity, sexualisation of reader coming from reader's mother, non consensual touching (from reader's mother), unhealthy binding practices status: completed. taglist: closed. a/n: being a little self indulgent here since it's been 5 years since I came out as trans and the 15 year old me deserved a supportive family. this is a rather heavy fic, please make sure reading it won't affect your mental health and remember to always put yourself first.

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦:

chapter one: I hate myself being trans chapter two: one day I will grow wings chapter three: the first time I've been asked about my preferred pronouns chapter four: I think Batman wants me to become his new sidekick chapter five: I suspect Duke Thomas might be lying to me chapter six: why is Bruce Wayne so interested in me chapter seven: mother's judgement chapter eight: they all were lying to me chapter nine: not-so-dead jason and orphan chapter ten: no longer you daughter epilogue. I never hated being trans, just people around me did

check out #🎱— ljtwya shenanigans for asks and random thoughts about the series

he gives damian his first ever joint. not because he wants damian to smoke weed, but at 13 and starting his rebellious phase, jason would rather damian experiment in a safe environment with somebody trusted, like him. he did the same with tim and edibles.

tim and duke are allowed to drink at jason's apartment. they know if they ask politely jason will let them raid his fridge for beer, and the scandalised expression dick wore when all the siblings went to jason's place for post-patrol wind-downs and the kids instantly went to grab a pint unopposed was priceless. jason has it framed.

when bruce decided it was time to teach tim how to drive he was treated to a 25 minute expert speedrun around the backstreets of gotham without any hesitation until tim finally admited '.....yeah so actually i got given a couple driving lessons by jason.'

'when?!' bruce demands, baffled and slightly shaken by the driving style. he'd been hanging onto the ceiling for the past five minutes.

'like. i dunno. two years ago? it was around christmas.'

'two ye- WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS ALIVE BACK THEN!? YOU WERE LETTING THE RED HOOD GIVE YOU DRIVING LESSONS BACK WHEN WE THOUGHT HE WAS A RANDOM MURDERER?'

'well he caught me in bristol trying to joyride one of my mother's cars and said he 'had the responsibility of showing me the ropes'... of course i didn't get what he meant fully until i found out he was my brother, but it was still helpful.'

They eventually fix Jason and Dick but Tim and Damian suddenly end up being swapped instead.

And the timing is bad, like very very bad. Because Tim might have come out as bisexual to his family to test the waters but couldn’t find the right time to talk about the sex he was assigned at birth. The timing wouldn’t have ever been exactly right, but the reason the timing is specifically bad this time around is because he’s on his periods and of course the one person he gets swapped with is Damian. Of course not Steph or Cass that already know about him. No, it had to be Damian and there is no way Damian won’t make fun of him and tell everyone, right? 

So all Tim can do is wait nervously in front of the bathroom when Damian (in his body) of course was too fast to be stopped. When he finally steps out, he just scuffs and Tim’s (well Damian’s technically) stomach is making the Flying Grayson’s iconic quadruple somersault because how was he going to address this and teach Damian how to take care of bleeding genitals?? He fully expected Damian to burst out disgusted, or shocked, whatever, but not him calmly opening the door.

“With how many bathrooms the manor has, one would assume my brothers wouldn’t hover at specifically the one I’m using like some dubious sixth sense. Apparently a predicament I can’t escape even in your body, Drake,” is all Damian simply says and just walks past him.

That’s it? Damian was just going to ignore not finding whatever he probably expected when going to the bathroom? Fine, two can play this game. Because there was no way Damian was being kind and considerate.

And now that Tim actually focuses on the body he’s currently in to find dirt on Damian, too, the first thing he finds out about him is that this brat somehow hid for years from them as if nothing was wrong (okay maybe he was being a hypocrite for blaming his younger brother for having secrets), was that he was in constant excruciating pain, no matter if he moved or sat or lied still. 

Finding out that Damian was dealing with chronic pain while actively patrolling where he’d also be taking much blunt force, slice and bullet wounds on top of that made Tim’s blood boil in protectiveness. But then he also cursed at his supposed detective skills, heck B’s and his entire family’s detective skills because there is no way with how Damian’s birth was not natural and he was raised a killer machine since he could probably walk, his body would be in any healthy shape. 

It’s almost full-blown sympathy he feels for Damian’s—only almost though—constant agitated state and reckless behaviour every now and then. 

But then he notices how every time he tries to say something sincerely kind, his tongue will freeze and he will feel the same itch in his brain whenever in his own body he would be stopped when talking about a breakthrough in his case, and the next thing he knows is a snarky remark leaving his mouth.

It’s not only that. Certain noises that’d make his anxiety spike were calming to Damian’s body, whereas noises he would usually find calming would now in Damian’s body make him want to scream. Damian and him not being compatible suddenly had a deeper meaning than just “this kid chose to hate me and commit to it without any reason”.

Finding out Damian has chronic pain was something, but autism just like him on top of that another. Of course, Tim sighed, he didn’t have the biggest secrets of the family after all.

When Tim gets tired and finally falls asleep in Damian’s surprisingly way too soft fluffy bed (he honestly expected the kid to sleep on a stone hard cold surface) he wakes up in his own bed and body the next day. His usually nasty period pain is just a quiet buzz when he notices a hot water bottle (the perfect temperature) on his tummy and an empty cup of tea instead of coffee on his nightstand had numbed the pain.

Damian had actually not been playing a game. He was being considerate and nice even. Not only did he not tell everyone else that Tim was trans, he also took care of his body way better than Tim ever did himself. The least Tim could do was give Damian the same grace by not mentioning anything to their family either.

I need the Batfam swapping bodies to address things I have not seen until now 

Namely, Jason who thinks Dick is a dramatic bitch and Dick who thinks Jason has anger issues swapping bodies

Because once they do, Dick immediately notices how every little stimulation just triggers the Pit in Jason’s body and he’s getting angry, and embarrassingly, way faster and more explosive than Jason

His favourite cereal is empty and Damian, his precious baby Damian is the one that ate it? The one brother he never ever can get mad at and loves with all his being? He wants to kill that brat.

Bruce raises his voice at him? He wants to punch him in the face and break his nose.

Tim pours his nth coffee on his case file? Everyone in the Batcave wait for him to lose his shit again because clearly he’s shivering from how hard he tries to fight the Pit, and finally, he screams and curses for the first time: “FFFFFFFuck, shit FUCK THIS SHIT, TIM YOU BITCH HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DID I TELL YOU NOT TO BRING COFFEE TO THE MOTHERFUCKING CAVE– oh my God cursing helps?!”

To which Jason just proudly nods: “The cursing helps.”

It’s the day where Dick starts appreciating and loving his little brother even more than before with how far he's come. 

Meanwhile, Jason goes “what the fuck??” because every time he’s used to the Pit whispering to him, makes his anger boil, instead—and to him it’s worse he doesn’t know how Dick even keeps a straight face most of the time—he starts tearing up and bawling. 

Damian forgets it’s Jason in Dick’s body and gives him the last muffin? Jason swears he did NOT cry but the whine he let out that echoes in the kitchen that Stephanie hears—and when she witnesses something, everyone does—says otherwise.

After a patrol gone well despite the swapped bodies and getting used to a much slimmer and agile body, Batman, The Batman, telling him “Good job”? “I don’t need your affirmation!” Jason literally cries. Everyone snorts. “I DON’T!” he bawls, all snotty. And he can’t fucking stop crying. 

Jason tiredly sighs but the next wave of tears hit, and he’s been crying so much today he needs it to stop and gives into the urge: “Man, B. I wanted to hear that for a long time— fuck. Wait, what the fuck! Being a sappy bastard helps?!”

To which Dick laughs: “I guess?”

Cass hugs Jason in Dick’s body and holy shit, that helps even more and he could fall asleep standing.

he sheepishly trudges into the med room with a 'my bad' card and a box of pastries he baked himself in the league kitchen. Ra's calls him a moron. Talia flips him off but smacks his hand away when he tries to take back the goods.

point is he COMPLETELY loses himself whenever the pit rage takes over. until.

Damian.

the only person who has never once been hurt during any of Jason's blackouts, is Damian. the thing is that when Jason first found the kid practicing katas by the pond and found out he was Talia's kid and, therefor, Jason's little brother, Jason's mind seemed to subconsciously lock in the fact that Damian was something Jason has to protect.

he'd never had a little brother before, but he was a street kid who was used to taking care of the littlun's in his neighbourhood. was the Robin that surpassed even Dick's skills at calming down the terrified kid-victims they came across during patrol. finding Damian and reverting back to that old protector dynamic was just normal, enhanced even, because this kid was his.

that subconscious reasoning that he protect Damian is somehow the only thing that manages to bypass the pit rage. even when he isn't of sound mind and is completely blacked out with rage, his body knows that that little kid who stares up at him with so much awe, pride and trust? that kid? isn't to be TOUCHED.

it gets to the point that noticing Damian is nearby actively works against the pit rage. reminding him even in his mindless state that he can't just go full out godzilla and destroy everything in site. forces rules back into his head which eventually brings him out of his blackout and helps him take recontrol of his mind. seeing that kid actively calms Jason down.

it affects Damian, too. Damian is a child that is actively being raised in a cult-like league of assassins. he was taught how to be a warrior, a prince, and an asset. not a child. Jason is the only exception to that.

when Jason gets angry, nothing can touch him. nobody dares try, they just spot his eyes starting to glow green and sprint in the other direction. whatever room/area Jason loses himself in becomes his until he manages to get himself under control. even the most sacred areas, people will leave to him. Damian still remembers the time Jason started smashing shit up after being called into Ra's own private quarters to be told that his favourite goat had been accidentally slaughtered for a banquet. Ra's had seen his eyes go green and speed-walked out of his own bedroom, locking Jason in and begrudgingly sleeping in a spare room until Jason quietly and sheepishly re-emerged two days later, most of Ra's furniture smashed to dust and splinters.

the other thing Damian realised, quite quickly, is that when Jason blacks out and goes into pit rage, Damian is the only person he won't hurt.

essentially, when Jason gets mad while Damian is near him? Damian gets at least 4 hours of being inside a protective bubble of isolation where he can do/act however the fuck he wants without the league standards being imposed on him. Damian learns to take advantage.

~

"....Aw fuck," Jason muttered, wincing as his sight finally returns to him. His knuckles are scraped to hell and his feet ache, as if he'd been kicking slabs of metal full-force for hours on end. The dining room around him is... shattered. Destroyed. Decimated. And he didn't even remember what had set him off this time.

The room was empty, of course, everybody having long fled and the door very clearly bordered up to stop his escape. He knew Ra's would have planted a guard outside the room to wait for him to come back to himself, knocking to get out. It was probably the same guard as usual, which was humiliating because after the fifteenth and sixteenth time this kind of thing happened it became less concerning and more... annoying. He really needed to figure out how to control this pit bullshit.

"You've been out for seven hours!" A chipper, proud sounding voice leads him to turn around, realising on second glance that the room was not completely empty. Surrounded by complete carnage and yet utterly untouched, a nine year old was happily sat at the only table not broken in splinters and nails. His feet were swinging childishly back and forth, and he seemed to be shading a piece of paper with a stick of charcoal.

"Seven?" Jason checked dumbly, scratching the back of his neck. "I mean... 'least it was under a day this time..."

Damian hummed, before holding up his artwork. "Look! I got to finish my sketch of the compound!"

Jason stared at him dryly from across the hall, lip split and bleeding. "Happy for you, kiddo."

"Next time you get mad I'm gonna try using watercolours." Damian told him matter-of-factly, grinning in a childlike way of which Jason was pretty sure he was the only human being alive that got to see. "I might just start pissing you off on purpose, you know. If I time it right, I can get you mad right as the new Pokémon game comes out on nintendo switch. Mother never lets me play video games."

"Well at least one of us benefits from me being a grade-A psycho." Jason rolled his eyes, before tiredly hitting his fist against the locked doors to gain his freedom.

~

my point is i want a Jason who is sick of this pit rage bullshit and who will protect Damian with his life, and a Damian who genuinely sees Jason start to tweak and reacts by fist-bumping the air and running to get his DSI. i want a Damian who trusts an angry Jason to the point where Jason being angry is the only time Damian will let himself act like a child, and i want a Jason who actively calms down whenever he witnesses Damian act his age because that's what his subconscious has trained him to do. i want Jason crashing the fuck out while Damian plays ping-pong against the wall in the background, having the time of his life.

*Alfred, walking into Jason's open bedroom with a laundry basket*

Damian's voice, coming from the bathroom: you're an idiot. that was not there before you went into the pit.

Jason: it was! it's a birthmark, i'm telling you.

Damian: it's a scar.

Jason: it's not- AY WHO'S OUT THERE?

Alfred: i'm simply delivering your laundry, Master Jason.

Jason: OK GREAT GET IN HERE ALFIE.

Alfred:

Alfred: *sighing* coming.

*in the bathroom*

Alfred:

Alfred:

Jason, completely butt-ass naked, dripping wet from the shower, shaving cream over his chin and a razor in hand, shamelessly gesturing to a white slash across his pelvis: this was here back when i was Robin, right? it's a birthmark and not a scar?

Damian, wearing a Red Hood onesie and sitting cross-legged on the closed toilet lid, a 3DS in hand, also completely unbothered: it's a fucking scar from when you went into pit rage and attacked a bunch of people at the league, Jason.

Alfred:

Alfred, so tired: i'm afraid i do not have a catalogue of your birthmarks, Master Jason. I am unaware of if it was there before you sadly left us.

Jason: *turns to Damian* its a damn birthmark.

Damian: it's NOT-

Alfred: Master Damian... were you in here the whole time Master Jason was showering?

Damian:

Damian: well yeah, he knows all the cheat codes for my game.

Jason: i don't mind, he used to keep watch for assassination attempts when i'd shower at the league.

Alfred:

Alfred: but you aren't at the league anymore, Master Jason.

Jason:

Damian:

Jason: i really don't-

Damian: -don't see how that's relevant-

Jason: -doesn't matter does it?

Alfred:

Alfred spinning on his heel: i'd say i was surprised by the lack of shame, but your father started his late teens off by putting on a cape and jumping off buildings in the middle of the night, so who am i to judge.

Jason, calling after him: hey can you send Dick in here? he knows this shit's a birthmark for SURE-

Dedicated to all those damn fics where Tim crashes Jason’s crib and just dies on him.

It’s like- “yeah, taste the regret JASON.”

(Ref under the break !!)

A glimpse in Talia's secret photo album

*distinct Damian-sounding cackles*

Jason: -yay or nay,

Tim: don't do this to me,

Jason, insistent: yay or nay.

Tim: LEAVE ME ALONE.

Damian: *still cackling* it's not- it's not that hard-,

Tim: YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING DECIDE THAT. YOU NEVER GET TO FUCKING DECIDE THAT.

Jason: Timothy Jackson Drake, i say this with all the love in my heart; it has been forty five minutes-

Damian: *broken wheeze*

Tim: NO BECAUSE- YOU PUT STAKES ON IT. YOU CAN'T JUST-

*connecting ping*

Tim: -YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE ME STAKES AND THEN ACT LIKE THIS ISN'T WAY MORE STRESSFUL NOW!

Dick: awwww yeee boi we getting steaks after patrol? I'm coming.

Damian: nO- *breaks off into more cackles*

Tim: SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGHTWING.

Dick: ...what the fuck? why am i not allowed to go to dinner with you guys?

Damian: oh my- *wheeze* ohihaveasTITCH-

Jason: we aren't going to dinner, goldie. we're playing league days and RR's mad about it. again.

Tim: I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GASLIGHTING ME ABOUT THIS NOT BEING AS FUCKED UP AS IT IS.

Dick: oooooo~ league days! what's the prompt?

Tim: yeah- fuckin let me hear the original prompt again. i need to think.

Jason, bemused: kiddo? floor's yours.

Damian: *delirious giggles* *high pitched* oh shit, ok wait hold on, fuck-,

Dick, absently: oh shit that guy has a gun- ok go ahead i'm listening i'm just-

*gunshot*

Dick: *laughs* *faintly* missed me bitch- *grunt* *fighting noises*

Damian: *clears throat* for my ninth birthday, my grandfather took me on a quest which, as my grandfather planned from the beginning, ended with the CEO of the Totino's pizzaroll brand kissing my boot and offering to give me his pet iguana.

Dick, incredulous: -sorry?

Jason: *uncontrollable wheeze* *muffled* Tim...?

Tim: ok. well saying it a second time didn't fucking make it any saner.

Damian: admittedly this was one of the occasions where even akhi and i were side-eyeing each other like. maybe it's time to get grandfather screened for dementia.

Jason: in my defence, i didn't think he'd take my idea so seriously.

Dick: how was- how was it your idea?? how did this- oh shit- *thud* HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?

Tim: i am no more sure of this than i was forty-five minutes ago.

Dick: AM I NOT GOING TO BE GIVEN CONTEXT FOR- ACK *gruesome squelch*

Damian: the fuck...?

Jason: yeah man that sounded fatal, you good over there wing?

*a beat of silence*

Dick, weakly: *cough* assistance. possible lung pierced. docks. now.

*a beat*

Tim: motherfucker-

Damian, professionally: i'm closest, on my way Nightwing. Hood, alert Batman; he's got the batmobile over in the Diamond District with Catwoman tonight. he can take Nightwing back to the cave.

Dick: *weak coughing* don't you fuck-ing dare- I NEED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A YAY OR A *cough* nay,

Tim: you see what fucking happens when you start talking about your childhood, Robin? Nightwing dies.

Jason: YOU ASKED. TO PLAY. ANOTHER ROUND.

Tim: I DIDN'T ADD STAKES TO THE GAME.

Dick: do i not get steak because i might pass out?

Tim: I- what?

Jason: s' thinkin about meat again,

Tim: oh. that wasn't the stake, Nightwing.

Damian: i'm here- holy- yeah Jason, get father now.

Jason: i texted him.

Damian: you texted him!? fucking nobody in this family understands the idea of urgency- ORACLE.

*ping*

Barbara: Batman is ten minutes out Robin, i alerted him of the situation.

Damian: THANK you.

*disconnecting ping*

Damian: *over the noise of fabric* at least somebody is being helpful. Nightwing stop moving i'm trying to apply pressure-

Jason: he's been through worse, pussy. the golden era seemed so bright because we were all loopy from blood loss half the time. a random-ass punctured lung? i've seen him beat Booster Gold in darts tournaments with those.

Dick, faintly: barbeque...

Jason: see?

Damian: we're not having a fucking barbeque Richard.

Dick: Tim didn't- he didn't give an answer.

*silence*

Tim: an answer to wh- oh fuck off, Nightwing.

Dick: if he gets it right i want steak- ow, Damian!

Damian: *unapologetic, slightly smug* sorry.

Jason: you heard him RR. he's on his deathbed and his last wish is you finish the round. yay or nay, did Robin get a boot kiss from Jeff Harmening?

*three seconds of silence*

Tim, pensive: take away the stakes-

Jason, instant: nope. you get it wrong and i want you ready to go, next gala, in that bathtub.

*another two seconds of silence*

Tim: i... pick... yay.

*silence*

Jason: aw fuck man-

Damian: correct!

Tim: W- REALLY?!

Dick, simultaneous: SERIOUSLY?! oh- ow, shouldn't have done that, ow,

Damian: *faint smack* stop trying to sit up.

Tim: I GOT IT RIGHT?! MOTHERFUCKER I GOT ONE RIGHT- *instant voice drop* dude you really let the ceo of Totino's kiss you?

Damian: it was a birthday gift. i felt bad.

Tim: wELL I GOT IT RIGHT. I GOT IT RIGHT I GOT IT RIGHT-

Jason, over Tim's yells: congratulations, kid. no bathtub for you.

*connecting ping*

Bruce, panicked: i'm almost there, how is he doi-

Tim: -I MADE LEAGUE DAYS MY FUCKING BITCH AND I AM NEVER GOING BACK. WE WIN THESE MOTHERFUCKER, WE FUCKING WIN! THESE!

Jason: oh, uh-oh,

Dick: *wet cough* *delirious* yeaaaahhhhhhh~ bar-be-queeeeeeee~!!!

Damian: shut up or i puncture the other lung- why are you so stuck on the meat thing??

Tim: *loud whooping*

Jason, hissing: Red shut up; B!

Tim: -WHOOOOOOOOoooo.... oh. hey B. when'd you join?

*silence*

*more silence*

Dick: *coughs pathetically*

"Fine." Talia said, crossing her arms as Jason perked up. "I will fund it, and allow permission for the league to provide assistance with whatever you need to establish a base in Gotham. But," She added, raising an eyebrow. "You have to take your brother with you. I want him to experience Gotham and train under his father's tutelage. You can only go if you take him."

Delighted, Jason grinned and spun around to stare across the room at where Damian was sat, book in hand. Damian made eye contact with him, face blank in the face of his older brother's hopefulness.

"No." He told him dryly. Jason's face collapsed.

~

"C'mon, Dames! It will be fun! We can go sightseeing!"

"I'm. Not. Going."

"But Talia said I can't go if you don't come!"

"That's not my problem. Gotham is a shithole."

"But you'll get to meet your dad."

"I've gotten this far without Bruce Wayne imposing a curfew on me, I'm not giving that up now."

"But Damian-"

"NO."

"YOU'RE SO STUBBORN."

~

eventually jason bribes/drags damian along with him and damian is just. supremely pissed off about it. he's not usually Like This, he's actually usually quite an easy-going kid; but he is not happy about being forced to play along as 'son of the bat' just so jason gets to play crime lord and kill the joker, so he's mostly acting up in an attempt to get kicked out and sent back to the league. jason gets weekly voice messages from the poor kid just angrily ranting about how ridiculous it is that they haven't reached their limit with him yet.

"first thing i did when i got there was fully insult their beloved pennyworth and then start treating everybody like they were my servant, and then last night i legitimately tried to murder tim. you know what bruce did akhi? do you? he grounded me for a weekend. like what the fu-"

-

"i stabbed one of my classmates with a fork and dick took me out for fucking ice cream and told me it was ok to struggle with adjusting like what the fuck do i have to fucking do to get sent back to nanda parbat this is ridiculous. you know tim offered to teach me how to skateboard yesterday? i publicly tried to poison him last week and he does not care. i dunno what the fuck you did to him at titans tower but that little bitch is fucking immune to people trying to kill him. i overheard him and bruce talking about giving me robin. GIVING ME ROBIN- ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?! WHY AM I BEING PROMOTED HERE? at this point i might just kill myself."

-

"Have you considered just playing happy family with them?" Jason asked him one night, during a phone call taking place while Damian was actively building a smoke bomb to set off in Dick's bedroom.

"Have you considered killing yourself and this time fucking staying there?"

"Sheesh." He snorted. "You're grumpy tonight."

"They're taking me to a fucking movie premier tomorrow. I'm gonna be on the red carpet."

"Oh shit what movie?"

"THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT."