July 13, 2022
After a year and a half hiatus, MBB is back at it!!.. After it took me a few tries to get into this account lol
So here is an update since the last time I logged in: I graduated graduate school with my Masters in Occupational therapy, I figured out what population and area I want to work in, and I have almost made it to 2 years working at Sbux. Iâve started to go to therapy and have moved back home full time (since May 2021). J has graduated high school and he is going to be moving onto OSUâs campus this fall as a sophomore. Iâve gone on a few Tinder dates, but nothing has come from them. Iâve realized that I am pansexual and I am learning to accept myself as I am. Reading over my old posts has made me realize that I have lost faith in God and I donât know if I want to gain it back. My dad has cancer. My Gran almost died in March. So many things in my life have changed since the last post and it is shocking to think about them all at once.Â
Here is the kicker, though: I have failed my board exam twice. Both times were only by a few points, but it still cuts like a knife. I have always been one to keep going after bad things happen or if things donât go my way, but friends, this time is it extremely difficult. I understand that these tests are meant to be super, duper hard, but there is a little part of my that thinks that if I canât even pass this test, how am I suppose to do this in real life? Then I think about all of the people and kiddos I helped in my internships and I know that this is what I want to do. I then realized that this is definitely something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I am working through the maldaptive thoughts that everyone is disappointed in my for failing twice. I feel as if I always need to be succeeding to be able to face everyone else. I need to unlearn those thoughts. My own path in life is not the same as my former classmates. It is not the same as my brotherâs or my best friendâs or my coworkers at Sbux. I also need to start adopting the attitude of âwho cares what others think?â No one is walking in my shoes and I am the only one who needs to worry about what I am doing. I am proud of myself for sticking to this this long. A lot of things have happened in my life this year and it has been extremely difficult to concentrate on anything else. Do I need to learn to compartmentalize things? Absolutely. But, for now, I am going to wallow in self-pity today and then start studying again tomorrow. This time around, 3rd time is the charm and I refuse to take this test again. Looks like i will have to prove my own mind wrong and finish it this time.Â
Until then, stay safe and stay kind, friends <3.Â
--MBB













