JJ

MASTERLIST

fluff ♥︎ angst ☆ smau (often slight) ✘ series ☁︎

bang chan:

♥︎ ☆ I've got you - after an argument with your mother ends in the worst situation for you, you now need to recover in rehabilitation. your new personal trainer chan doesn't only become your motivation to be able to walk again, but also a friend or maybe even lover for life.

♥︎ ☆ ✘ bad habits - bad habits can often show when we are alone, we have nowhere to go other than towards the danger or wait it out. birthdays can often be a reminder that we are loved but also make us feel alone, and when loneliness strikes you the most chan will always be there for you in a heartbeat.

lee know:

♥︎ ☆ don’t do it alone - with work and college getting to your head as minho comes home from tour you can't help but feel upset that you can't spend time with him. being an idol he knows what that stress must be like, so he is right there to pick you up

♥︎ ☆ ✘ substitute teacher - you work as a dance teacher and sometimes the stress is too much. as a teacher people look up to you and you can't afford getting sick and falling behind, but luckily you have a dancer boyfriend who knows exactly what you need and how to help

seo changbin

☆ cause i'm your home - you get hired as a nanny to watch changbin's daughter and life suddenly turns around for you, but what he doesn't know is that you are actually broke and living in your car. a lifestyle you can't let him know about as you can't lose the one thing good in your life, him and his daugther. part 2

hwang hyunjin:

☁︎ no difference - In this world you always choose. Every day is a new choice soley based on you or others. The only thing that makes us different is our factions… Choi Nari is a candor, those who are always honest no matter what there is. She's always been seen as a sweet and innocent girl who at sixteen years old left her old faction because of her parents. She is never the one to take risks, until she one day meets a young boy from dauntless, the faction for the wild and brave ones who always takes risks. parts: 1 2 3 4

♥︎ ☆ to be loved is to be seen - sometimes our past catches up to us even when we think we had forgotten about it. sometimes all we need to do is just to vent and be told that our past doesn't define us and somewhere along the way maybe we could learn how to love ourselves again. and this time hyunjin is just that person for you.

♥︎ ✘birthday arrival - hyunjin comes back from schedules on the day of his birthday, so you are right there to pick him up after not having seen him for a month. and having him back his just as romantic and lovely as you remember him.

☆ but aren't they together? - you and hyunjin are best friends, the type that are very close. so close that people believe you are together. and maybe you were, yet you were the only one who doesn't seem to notice. part 2

♥︎ ☆ ✘ when you feel like you failed your students - texts between you and your bf hyunjin as you lose confidence as a dance teacher due to drop outs and a complaint. but even if all of this tries to bring you down he refuses to let you think bad of yourself.

han jisung:

♥︎ ☆ farm life - being the only farmer in your small town you see that the struggle isn't something you live with alone, as the small town doctor won't let you suffer like this on your own.

lee felix:

♥︎ guardian angel - felix always had your back, whether it was a conflict or just watching your back while cooking. and even if you getting the slightest injury wasn't the end of the world for you, it was almost for him. he just had to feel like you were safe in his hands every time, even if it was just a small burn from a baking tin.

kim seungmin:

♥︎ ☆ ✘ shared custody - you and seungmin broke up, but you still own a little dog together and have been since early stages of your relationship. either of you were hesitant to give her up for the other so you share the custody and have her each week. which causes the broken couple to see each other every week again despite breaking apart. [personal favorite]

yang jeongin:

♥︎ ☆ before the big day - on the night before jeongin's birthday you have it all planned out to make the next day as perfect as possible. but it requires that jeongin doesn't get to know what it is, but instead stress gets the best of jeongin and you end up quiet for the rest of the night.

ot8:

♥︎ ✘ you cover their part in a dance cover | hyung line maknae line

here we are building a safe space so always feel free to send a message if there's anything on your mind♡

The weekend was nearing its end on Monday. You had to go back to Changbin’s and face the embarrassment again. On friday you had called in sick and before Changbin could ask any questions about you or the situation you hung up. You felt bad letting Eunyeong down by, for her, randomly not showing up. But even a kid would know that you can’t help being sick. Both you and Changbin did everything in your power to keep Eunyeong away from the negative situation, which meant you had to go back to normal. But how could you? You had stood there face to face with Changbin and told him that you love both of them, at the same time as he had found out that you were living in your car. 

You had to change your parking spots as you were afraid Changbin might see you in the supermarket again. A part of you wanted to call in sick again for this upcoming work week, but it wouldn’t be worth it. You knew you weren’t coming in for the money anymore, it was about Eunyeong. If it kept on for too long she would soon understand that you weren’t coming back at all. Changbin never mentioned Eunyeong’s mother and where she was, in the house there were no pictures of her and Eunyeong never talked about her either. But what she did mention was that she wasn’t outside a lot, and if she wasn’t in school she felt really lonely. Something inside of you related to that feeling of hers, she had you and you had her. 

Would it really be so bad to go back? Maybe Changbin could look past it, he had tried texting you but you still refused to read any of them. Your mind was filled with messages that didn’t exist, imaginations of what there could be in those messages. Maybe he already fired you over text? Should you really be coming back then? Or was it worth a try to go? 

A part of you wanted to approach Changbin about this. Just tell him everything and explain why things had become how they were. You never doubted that he would understand, in fact, he would probably understand better than anyone else right now. But the embarrassment always took over, and with Eunyeong around you just always seemed to forget about the bad stuff for a while. And now that you had also admitted that you loved him along with Eunyeong, then what more could you do? Feeling like this for someone who also was your employer wasn’t at all right, but deep in your memories you remember what he had said as well. 

“I shouldn’t be feeling like that for you as you help my daughter every day“

Did he really mean it in the way that you had too? Was all of it real? And what did he think of you now? What if running out ruined everything? There were so many questions and you could have your answers if you went back, but you couldn’t. 

Back in his home Changbin felt the same. He didn’t know what to do. His feelings never changed, in fact he longed even more to bring you into his home and make you feel safe. But something right now felt impossible to him. He kept wondering what had happened to you that made you so closed in, who put you in that position? 

“I can’t let someone in again, because he put me in that situation”

The sentence replayed in his head multiple times, wh was this “he” that you were talking about? 

Monday came too fast, here you were once again parked in the same supermarket parking lot, not ready at all but having to drive over to Eunyeong’s school again to pick her up. If you didn’t start driving soon you would end up being late but both your breathing and shaky hands were difficult to control. It was nothing to be nervous about right now. Eunyeong knows nothing about your situation and you could easily be out before Changbin came home. Or all you would have to do was say hi and then go, as you did in the start. 

Or so you thought. The drive with Eunyeong was as it always was, you discussed what she did at school, she showed you a drawing she made and of course asked why you didn’t come see her during Friday even if she knew you were sick. She was mostly curious about how sick you were, but one excuse was done and Eunyeong had already let it pass. When you drove up the familiar driveway your usual spot wasn’t there, because Changbin’s car was already here. Which made Eunyeong ecstatic to see that her dad was home already but you couldn’t move. Your body froze and your ears had closed out Eunyeong’s happy squeals and questions to why you weren’t moving or unlocking the door. 

“Huh what?” you said as you snapped out. Looking to your right and seeing Eunyeong’s confused face. 

“I think my dad is home! See! It’s his car!” she said while pointing to the black SUV in front of you. “Let’s go inside! He is never home now!” she continued while pulling at the car door. 

“Yes… yes Eunyeong we will wait a second” you answered while unbuckling your belt and hers. She was barely out of the seat yet and her first instinct was to open the door and not unbuckle first. 

You understood Eunyeong right now, and she was the most important part of this job. If she says go inside you obviously have to go inside. Even if he was in there waiting for the two of you. Because you knew that this wasn’t a coincidence that he was suddenly home from his work on the first day of this week, the first day you are back from the weekend. After not seeing each other for three days now, you knew that he had probably planned this himself. While unlocking the car door Eunyeong basically flew out the door and ran up the driveway. You followed close behind while trying to control your breathing, it would all be fine and you tried your best to convince yourself that he wouldn’t be mad about this. Even if it was difficult, go in there for Eunyeong and Eunyeong only. Yet your heart was telling you it was also for someone else. 

Your shaky hands slowly went up to unlock the door and once again Eunyeong was already way past you and inside in an instant. And it was like Changbin appeared at the door as soon as it was unlocked, making your breath hitched at the sight of him again. 

“Daaaad!” Eunyeong yelled as she ran inside, shoes and jacket still on, as she jumped into his arms. The sight made your nervous heart disappear, it was warming you a lot that Eunyeong got to see her dad as soon as she came home. Even if it bothered you that he was probably here to talk to you, you couldn’t let your own feelings go over her’s. 

“Hi Yeongie, had a good day at school?” he answered while helping her take off her jacket and shoes, not paying any attention to you so far. 

“Yes! Today I raised my hand and the answer was right! I’m so smart!” she said, having even more energy than she’s ever had before. You could tell it wasn’t often that she got to see her dad immediately after school and tell him what happened. So all you could do was admire the sight as you undressed as well. 

“That you are! Why don’t you run up and wash your hands and then we have a snack in the backyard?” he asked her, making her jump up and down. 

“Really?! Y/N! I get to play in the back!” she turned around and ran up to you, making you smile and giggle with her. 

“I heard! Go wash up quickly then so we can play more?” she only nodded at you and immediately took off upstairs, almost like she could fly as her tiny body disappeared. 

Only silence was left between you and Changbin. You didn’t know where to look as you stood in the narrow hallway with him, it was either looking at him or the roof. So you tried looking at anything but him. But it was also impossible. His eyes were actively searching for yours while yours were doing their best to avoid his. Someone had to say something, but you didn’t know what to start with. You could either address it immediately or pretend like nothing had happened the last time you were here. 

Like he hadn’t seen you at your worst and broken down the last time he looked into your eyes. 

“Y/N, would you please look at me?” he suddenly said, starling you while you closed your eyes out of frustration. 

Your gaze fell down instead as you felt the stress making your eyes water. This was not gonna happen again, you did your best to blink the tears away but nothing could make you look up at him. So instead he had taken the step and walked closer to you. He didn’t do anything, he started by just standing close to you. Then eventually moved his hands up to your shoulders, trying to get you to look at him again. 

“Y/N we don’t have to talk about it now, just please let’s get through this day. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, so let’s wait until Eunyeong is asleep and we can talk then. But right now you don’t have to think about it. Just see this as a normal work day” he said, his head close to yours but still not looking at each other. His words took you by surprise, making you slowly raise your head. Hands quickly drying the tears stained on your cheeks. “Please?” he said now that you were looking at each other. And with no words you nodded at his question, making him give you that pretty smile he has always had. 

“Dad! Y/N! I’m done now, let’s eat!” Eunyeong said while running down the stairs, interrupting the two in the hallway. 

Both of them took a deep breath together while moving on with the day as usual. Eunyeong got her snack which consisted of a sandwich and some fruit, yet she seemed more focused on the backyard as she grabbed the snack and immediately ran towards the glass sliding doors at the back of the living room. Nothing in the moment seemed bad between you and Changbin, probably because the moment of Eunyeong being happy took over and it was all the two of you could think about. You could see that this moment meant a lot to Eunyeong, not only because Changbin was home today but because you were here with them. You didn’t know that yourself, but both Changbin and Eunyeong knew that this was more special because you were here with them. And they didn’t wanna change anything about it. 

Eunyeong had fallen asleep in your arms, all her energy was drained from playing outside and her dinner definitely played a part in this too since Changbin had made some meatballs and pasta for her, her favorite. Putting her in her pajamas you tucked her in as usual and as always took in the warm feeling of seeing her once again. Slowly closing the door, trying your best to not wake her up. Changbin was waiting downstairs and you knew this conversation would end up happening at some point now. You just wished you could run away from it. 

As you reached the bottom of the stairs Changbin was already sitting on the couch with two cups of tea in front of him. You tried making yourself as ready as you could be for this conversation, letting your feet drag you into the living room and join Changbin on the couch. You sat on the one in front of him just like you did during your interview and let the heat from the cup spread between your hands. It was just as quiet as before, but now you felt like you could look at him. Now and then hiding behind the cup as you take a sip of your tea. 

“Do you wanna start or should…?” you asked nervously, trying to just get this over with somehow. 

“I just…” he starts, not really knowing where and how he should put it. So you just stay quiet until he knows what to say. “I wondered where I went wrong. Did I push you too far or did I make you uncomfortable?” 

“No, no why would you say that-” 

“Because I felt like I could’ve made you open up more, or maybe if you were more comfortable you would’ve told me…” you could see where this was going, and it wasn’t what you had intended for this to turn into. He was blaming himself. And you understood where he was coming from, because he was never supposed to find out the way that he did.

In the end you had never really planned for him to find out at all, because you never expected for yourself to feel the way you felt about him. His drive to keep you safe, letting you stay here if it was late at night, seeing you as a good nanny for Eunyeong, just seeing you and who you were as a person, everything that he did for you made your heart skip beats that you hadn’t felt before. That the void your ex left in you that led you to being homeless was being filled by someone who wanted to keep you around and never let you go, he happened to be someone who employed you. And now he was blaming himself for what someone else did to you. 

“Changbin please… just listen” you said, looking at him with desperate but sad eyes. And with that he kept quiet, fiddling with his hands, now he was just as nervous as you had been before. “You don’t have to blame yourself at all. None of this is on you and I never really planned for this to even get out. I just needed a job and for you to employ me on such short notice I have never been so grateful in my entire life. But you and Eunyeong have been so lovely towards me that this didn’t feel like a job anymore. You both make me forget that I have a miserable lifestyle outside of this that it never really crossed my mind to tell you. But whenever you asked me to stay here I felt nervous because not only is this your home I’m also…” towards the end you wondered if you should bring up the end of your last conversation. But maybe it was too early… “Embarrassed” you answered instead, which wasn’t a lie either. 

“You know… Eunyeong doesn’t know that much about her mother. It’s been difficult managing everything because it keeps feeling like I let my daughter down” he starts, making you nervous about what actually happened before you came here. “Eunyeong’s mother decided she couldn’t handle the responsibility so she left a little before Eunyeong had her first birthday. Since then I’ve done everything I can to make sure that she has it well and I never knew what the missing piece was… until you showed up. I never asked for you to be her mother, never would I put that on you. But you became someone who saw her and I’ve never admired someone as much as I admire you Y/N” he continued, your heart skipping a beat at how he never forgot to mention that you were special to him. 

You didn’t understand how someone could just leave on them, you weren’t a mother yourself so of course everyone had their reasons. But these two were the best thing that had happened to you and if anything, you only wanted them to stay in your life forever. Yet Changbin wasn’t done, as you didn’t know what to say either, he wasn’t done making sure that you knew how he felt for you. 

“Is it so difficult for you to believe that I do wanna keep you safe? Not only as Eunyeong’s nanny but also as someone I’m interested in?” he asked, making your eyes go big from his sudden confession. “Y/N I know that this is probably very unprofessional of me to say, simply because I employed you. But I also wanna be honest and say that I find you so interesting, and I really wanna get to know you more outside of this. I don’t care if you live in your car, because the only thing I see and think about is the person right in front of me now” he continued, making your eyes water a little bit from his sweet words. “You take such good care of Eunyeong and I’m so grateful that I found you. Not only because of this job, also because I see you, I really do. And I want you to know that when I ask you to stay here it’s because I care, not because I feel sorry for you or feel like you’re any less than anyone. I know that you can work hard on your own, but you work so hard that you don’t see the damage you do to yourself. If someone walks past your car they could easily smash your windows and hurt you and I…” he pauses, not wanting to finish his sentence as he thinks of something. “I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt living like that” 

Right now you can't keep your emotions inside anymore. To think that someone cared for you so much that even the thought of you getting hurt was hurting him, and to think that someone just wanted you to be safe, what a feeling that was. And right now you could only express it through tears, because you didn’t know where to go at all. Changbin reacted immediately as he saw your panicked tear stained face. He was quickly by your side and taking the cup into his hands to place on the table. He placed his hands on either side of your shoulders and like a perfect puzzle piece he brought you into a much needed hug. 

However long you needed he let you cry into his shoulders, tightening his hug around you as he could feel your panicked shaking body. One hand was going up and down your back and he himself wanted to cry as he couldn’t imagine what was going through your head right now. That you must be very overwhelmed and panicked from all of this and all he could do was hug you. 

“Y/N you always have a home here okay? I don’t want you to doubt that, okay?” he asked, not expecting an answer. But against his shoulder he could feel a small nod as your hand gripped the side of his shirt. And that was more than enough of an answer for him.

The next day you woke up in a comfortable bed. A bed that certainly wasn’t yours, but you quickly realized that you were still at Changbin’s place. Checking the time it was in the middle of the day, which made you shoot up and fly out the bedroom door. You had to pick Eunyeong up in an hour yet you were still here and not even properly dressed. When the door opened you were immediately met with Changbin sitting on the couch, same as yesterday. Looking to the couch on the right you saw a pillow and a blanket folded, making you realize he slept out here and you had taken the bed. 

He must’ve seen you puzzle everything together since he quickly walked up to you and stood in the way of you seeing the living room. 

“I know what you’re thinking, and you fell asleep on the couch first. I put you on the bed, it was my decision. So please don’t feel bad about it. I didn’t wanna change your clothes since you were still sleeping but I was gonna start some lunch soon, so feel free to find something of mine to use, okay?” Just like yesterday he ended his sentence with an okay, just to see if you were both okay with the situation but also to not make you doubt his words. He was making sure that you understood that none of this was any pressure and it was all his decision, so nothing was wrong from your side. 

“Okay… but what about Eunyeong? I have to pick her up” 

“Oh it’s all good, I arranged for her to go home with a friend she has in the neighbourhood. Before I thought about having a nanny for her they used to go home together a lot. But I had to hire a nanny because Eunyeong didn’t really like going to their house. So for her request I changed it up, so now it should be fine since she’s coming straight home” 

With everything sorted he explained that you would still be paid for this day, even if money was the least you could think about right now. But he explained that he had to go back to work later in the evening for a few hours so you needed to do your usual routine with Eunyeong. 

While in Changbin’s room again you felt bad to use his clothes, but his “okay” method was working as you also would feel bad to keep using your own now. Since you had actually agreed with him. It somehow made you smile, that he had found his way to make you trust him but also be okay with everything that was happening. So you just grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants and a simple black shirt. When you walked back out again the smell of food met your nose and it almost felt like a home should feel like. 

As Changbin finished up cooking some lunch he looked around and suddenly saw you. And even if your eyes couldn’t read his, there were a million compliments running through his mind right now. To see you make yourself at home in his house, it made him feel a lot of different feelings and his heart was beating rapidly. 

“It smells nice” you said as you leaned against the dinner table. 

He answered with his usual cute smile and plated everything up. You could tell that something inside of him was so happy right now that he got you to use his clothes and let you cook for him. The lunch though had become rather quiet, maybe because you took it slow. Nothing had happened between the two of you, but some type of intimacy was growing. None of you were in denial of what you felt for each other, but it was difficult for both of you to take that next step and confess something more. Changbin had already but you didn’t know how to respond to it. You didn’t want him to feel used for his home, you still only had your car. 

Then suddenly the door opened and Eunyeong was home from school, bringing you both back to the reality of employer and the employed.

Changbin had promised to be back quickly from work, he still wanted to talk about yesterday’s topics but also explore what you two had even more. Eunyeong had been ecstatic to see that you were already at their house and wanted the two of you to start playing immediately. But just like yesterday she fell asleep as all the playing and jumping was tiring her out a lot. So after a quick dinner Eunyeong was soon in bed, leaving you with a quiet home. Changbin had requested you to start using both the TV and his books more as his shelves collected a lot of dust, so today you thought the TV could be worth a try. 

You tried your best to become even more comfortable in his home, but a part of you still stayed scared since you didn’t know how long this could last. You didn’t wanna use it as if you were staying permanently, you were still just working here. But at the same time Changbin seemed upset if you didn’t do that, so you tried as much as you could. 

A sudden ring on the doorbell startled you. Looking at the clock, Changbin would not be home until another 10 minutes, he had sent you a previous text saying he was gonna start driving from work soon which wasn’t too far away. But he also wouldn’t ring the bell if it was his own home. So who could be showing up at this hour? 

You approached the door slowly, trying to think about who it possibly could be. And when your hands unlocked the door and let it open, it definitely wasn’t who you expected it to be. 

“Minsu?!” your ex boyfriend. Not only your ex boyfriend but also the guy who put you in your car from the start. 

“Y/N finally, I’ve been trying to contact you” you didn’t know if he actually meant that, as he was blocked on every platform that he could be blocked on, including his phone number. 

“But how… why are you here?” you asked, panic rising as Eunyeong was upstairs and this was not even your home, so how did he find you? 

“Why are you here? That is my question. You don’t even live here?” and how did he even know that? 

“How do you even know I was here then?” 

“Oh you think just because you moved out I wouldn’t know? Your car is parked at the supermarket down the road, not difficult to figure out. Also those boxes in your car? You don’t even live here do you?” 

All of this was just creeping you out, how could he think that this behaviour was normal? Without answering you closed the door in his face, even with Eunyeong upstairs you thought about how slamming it on him would wake her up. And she would have to see an unfamiliar man at her doorstep. You heard him yell from outside and you never thought this nightmare would come back to you. You didn’t know why he was here or why you would even care. All you cared about was if he left soon. 

The door was locked and he kept yelling stuff through the door, you just kept his words outside of your head, hoping to fade away from this soon. And just like a knight in shining armour you heard another familiar voice outside, Changbin’s voice. 

“Excuse me, who are you?” you heard Changbin ask Minsu outside the door. 

“Minsu. Who are you?”

“I live here, why are you outside of here yelling and bothering my family?” 

Family. What a weird word, yet it felt so comforting and nice hearing Changbin call you that. Or maybe he didn’t wanna tell Minsu you were inside even if he already knew that. But it still puts a small smile on your face to think that Changbin included you in that word. 

“Family? Her?! Yeah sure that girl has never earned anything-”

“That girl has a name and if you don’t get off of my porch soon I will call the cops on you, so please leave” 

And with that there was nothing more to the conversation, indicating that Minsu had left already. As the front door opened, revealing a frustrated Changbin his eyes immediately saw yours peeking out from the kitchen. Making him drop his bag and throw his shoes off to run to you immediately and bring you in for a hug. 

“Hey, did he hurt you? How long has he been out there? Who was he?” all of his questions were filling your mind, but all you could do was try your best to feel safe in his arms. 

Trying to let the time pass you both made sure Minsu had left before you could sit down and talk. You promised him everything was fine but you had to tell him now why things were like they were, whether it was crushing you or not. You knew that you could trust Changbin with this information. So you sat him down at the dinner table to tell him everything. 

“Basically me and Minsu used to date. It was lovely and eventually he moved into my apartment with me. But the longer we lived together the more I saw his bad sides and he eventually decided to…” you started, not really wanting to say it out loud but you had to. Changbin could see it was difficult for you and took your hands into his. “He decided to put his hands on me. And with that he pulled some strings on my work, he somehow got me off my lease to the apartment and with that I had no income and nowhere to live. All because we fought a few times and he had enough, so he hit me. And I had to leave” you said, a single tear leaving your eye.

You weren’t crying because of what happened, it somehow felt good to finally tell someone what happened rather than pushing it away and try to forget about it. The tears came from the relief of finally being able to tell another person what you were going through. And he wasn’t judging you for anything. His thumb was stroking the back of your hand, trying his best to make you feel safe and comforted in his space. And you knew you were, you had not doubted anything at all. 

“Y/N I can’t imagine what all of this must’ve felt like for you. But knowing that he is out there and he knows you’re here. Please… stay here. I want you here with me” 

With me. Those words meant a lot to you. He wasn’t talking about Eunyeong or the work, he was only talking about the two of you. He stood up from his chair, not letting go of your hand and kneeled down in front of the chair you were sitting in. His hopeful eyes looking into your sad ones, you could see in his eyes that he meant everything he said to you, all he wanted was a yes. 

A part of you couldn’t keep your feelings in place anymore, you knew that you wanted to stay here with him. And the ways he wanted you to stay here too only made you even more sure that this was the right decision. But without answering with words you decided to let your feelings guide you instead, so you leaned down and let your lips close the distance between the two of you. He responded immediately, not hesitating to kiss back. Like this was something he had been waiting for forever. Your hands travelled up to the back of his head and his hands fell onto your waist as the two of you stood up, not breaking the kiss. 

It felt perfect, the two of you together just like it was meant to be. If he pulled back to catch his breath he closed the distance immediately after that. He never wanted his lips to leave yours, causing him to bring you in more and make it more heated. 

When you pulled away to catch your breath again your forehead fell on his, hearing his heavier breathing only made his words sound even more desperate. 

“Please Y/N, stay here. Be safe here with me” his hands were still keeping you close to him with a grip on your waist, and your hands brought him closer as they stayed on his neck. 

“Okay…” you whispered against his lips.

“Okay?” he whispered back as a smile formed on his lips. 

“Yeah, I wanna stay with you” you answered, making him kiss your lips again, and then your cheeks and your entire face, making you giggle. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that. You’re safe here with me” he put his head in the crook of your neck and you could still feel his big smile against your shoulder. “I love you so much” 

And just like that you knew that when you went to get your car tomorrow, you didn’t have to go into the backseat to sleep anymore. But to go and pick Eunyeong up from school with Changbin as the three of you became a new family together. 

taglist for part 2: @7hiyaawinx7 @pemdasislife @gabimatt @cchapssaltteok @mbioooo0000 @cardtak @minobuusumi @peachluffe @bangchans-girl @ttiraminsuu

Han Jisung

Lee Felix

Kim Seungmin

Yang Jeongin

It had been a week since you last saw Hyunjin. The phone had gone quiet and the last text message you had from him was from last week when you saw each other at the picnic. Every day felt like a constant battle of what to do, a constant battle of wondering if you were just confused over your feelings or if they were real. Some would say you could just try, the worst thing that could happen was that the feelings weren’t real. And that was exactly what you feared. Because if they weren’t real then what would happen to this friendship? What if he was just as confused as you were? But are you really confused if it’s been going on for this long?

There were so many questions but you never seemed to get any answers. You couldn’t really get any answers out of yourself, and Hyunjin would be difficult to ask at the moment. Deep inside you knew that you and Hyunjin had something special, it was something not even you could deny. The scary part was proving everyone right. That in the end they would look at you and tell you that they told you so, that all you ever tried was to get into your best friend’s pants. But then Hyunjin comes to mind as well, your caring best friend asking you why that even matters, why they get to decide for the two of you why you like each other.

Parts of you think back on situations where you might’ve already known. Situations where you actually might’ve been too blind to see what was going on. And those might’ve been more memories than you expected. But one of them was the most obvious of all.

You and Hyunjin had finally gotten everything together and put yourselves on a plane. The whole year you had discussed that you two would take a trip to get away from your jobs and lifestyles, just for a week forget what happened around you and enjoy the company of each other. Like nothing bad could reach either of you, because the other one would be there.

The plane had taken the two of you to Jeju Island for not only a sunny trip, but a chance for Hyunjin to capture new views and places with his camera. Wherever he went on this trip you could see the camera dangling from the side of his arm like a shoulder bag. And even if he had seen the place countless times by now he always managed to find new things to capture.

“Hyunjin, come here! The water is nice and cold!” You shouted with your ankles covered in the sea.

As you were too busy admiring the view of the sea another person had been admiring a very beautiful view as well. That person being Hyunjin. He had always wondered if you were too blind to see it, or maybe you didn’t like him at all. But he felt that something was there. Not only from his side but from yours. That you two coming here wasn’t a coincidence, that maybe this was it. From here on you could actually be bound as his, even if it was only as a girlfriend.

In Hyunjin’s eyes there was no one else, and had never been since the two of you became friends. Somewhere inside he always knew, if a guy asked for your number he became protective and stepped in between. He would always say the guy gave him creepy vibes and you trusted his judgement every time, while in reality he knew that his jealousy got the best of him. That another man could make the move he feared to make himself. That other people showed you the interest he wanted to show you the most.

That’s why he felt like the two of you had something as you grew closer. That maybe he didn’t have to be so obvious and ask, because so far everything had been as obvious as it could get. The hugs weren’t friendly, they meant “never let me go” and the look you’d give each other pulling away, telling each other to lean it again but in a different way. But no one ever made the move.

Hyunjin had moved closer towards the water, throwing his shoes and socks to the side to let his feet hit the water. And you were right, you always were. The water felt incredible in this warm weather and the summer breeze as the night was settling in was carefully hitting his arms. You admiring the sun going down was enough for him to be happy. Him knowing that bringing you here made you forget every worry you had back home was enough for him to forget everything else. He had never cared for anyone the way he cared for you, and he never wanted to either. He didn’t need anyone else.

With slow steps Hyunjin had walked up to you and lifted his shaking hands, he wanted to show it. He wanted to be obvious, so he would be. His arms reached around you into a back hug, one arm going over your stomach and one going over your shoulders. His head was leaning onto yours as he was slightly taller than you and the sudden hug had taken you by surprise.

But nothing inside of you was alarming you to pull away because of the surprise, in fact your body was telling you to enjoy it and lean in. And while in the moment it felt scary to think about your best friend this way, it felt like the most perfect hug in the world. That both of you were right where you should be, with each other.

That hug, had been the most perfect hug you had ever felt. And there had never been one like it ever again. Because he had never back hugged you like that since that day. You remember that the two of you had left that beach holding hands, and no one had pulled away like it was weird. It wasn’t until that evening when you had reached a restaurant and an older lady at the table next to yours had commented that “your boyfriend is very handsome” and that you were lucky to have him. Hyunjin never knew about this because he was in the bathroom at the time. And the term “boyfriend” scared you, making you think about how the two of you might be sending the wrong message with your friendship. But at the same time were you even trying to send a message in the first place?

When Hyunjin came back you had pulled away a little bit, and that evening you also explained how everything felt. And that had also been the start of your long rants about how others viewed the two of you. That you were viewed as a couple just because you were of opposite sexes. Hyunjin never showed it, now and then he would ask why it’s a problem and why you let others decide but there was never an absolute answer to his questions. This caused him to wonder as well if he thought wrong, but you never pushed him away. So he wondered if the fear was just scaring you away, yet maybe you wanted him anyways.

And he felt yesterday in the parking lot that he finally got his answer to all his questions, he had in fact imagined everything.

You sat in your bed with your knees to your chest and a pillow in between. You didn’t know what to do anymore. Ever since that night in the parking lot your mind had gone back to many different memories the two of you shared, but specifically the Jeju one had stuck with you. That hug, it was something. It was something you could admit to yourself and not doubt. But then the fear of losing him came. Yet it felt like you already had, and that thought crushed your heart in an instant.

Now and then the tears would fall, not a lot but small tears would surprise you when they hit the pillow. Making you realize you had zoned out and brought yourself back into the memory of Jeju Island. You knew you loved him, you did. But if something went wrong where would you go? You only had Hyunjin. Was it worth denying feelings for him just to be able to keep him in your life?

Your mind tried thinking of solutions of how to move forward, maybe the first step would be calling him. But you have tried, at least once. The day after you split in the parking lot you had tried calling him multiple times, leaving him voice messages saying how sorry you were, yet you had only gotten once response back.

“I can’t talk now, I don’t think we are ready to… but I promise I will be here after we have thought this through❤️”

And he was right, you hated how well he knew you. He knew exactly that you were calling out of panic of losing him, and he wasn’t doing anything wrong in ignoring you. He wanted your feelings sorted before the two of you moved forward to talk about it. It pained him to ignore your calls, but he knew he had to. He had to let you think about everything before he would meet up with you, and his mind only imagined the worst. That this time thinking would make you realize you never loved him like that, and he would have to accept that.

Now a week later you were still confused, but you knew it was time to tell him your actual feelings. Not about him, but about the two of you. That you knew somewhere deep inside that you were meant for each other, but what happens if that turns out to be wrong… that was answers you needed from him too. Your feelings needed closure.

So after a week of silence, Hyunjin’s phone buzzed for the first time again. Only a text this time, but he didn’t have to look at his phone to know that it was you, he had waited for this and he knew you well enough to know that it was worth it now. You had thought about it. He was only dreading what answer he would get and what feelings he would leave with after today.

Hyunjin remembers that evening last week like it had been last night. How he had walked back into that elevator and broken down. His fingers hadn’t touched a single button. He had just dropped into his knees in the quiet elevator and tried taking in that his worst nightmare came true. That he in fact had read everything wrong.

How many times had he thought about it wrongly? How many times had he made you uncomfortable because he understood it as you being comfortable with him? Where did he go wrong in this friendship for him to start thinking the two of you were acting as a couple?

The void was slowly filling his heart inside the elevator and he wished it would just swallow him whole. His heart was beating weirdly, like he didn’t know where to go. He wanted to go back down and try again, make the two of you forget what just happened and go back to your happier friendship. This should’ve never happened, and if he had just been honest with people about how it all was then they wouldn’t be in this situation now. He should’ve just been honest and said that you weren’t dating, but part of him didn’t want others to know you were available. He didn’t want others to know that he failed himself and you in just asking you out for real. He didn’t want you to know he was scared.

Yet here he was, sitting on the same field of grass that the two of you sat on last week. In his shoulder bag he had the finished painting, the painting that he was the most proud of and portrayed you through his eyes not only from last week but how he views you everyday. He made a promise that no matter what happened now, he would walk away with you having the painting and at least having known that you know that he loves you. If you didn’t feel that way, he at least wanted you to know that you were the kindest and most beautiful soul he had ever seen.

And in the distance he saw you, your nervous hands fiddling with the strap of your bag and your gaze avoiding him as you saw him in the distance as well. His hands clenched around his shoulder strap and he decided to take a deep breath and let it all happen now. He stood tall on his feet and let them guide him towards you.

”Hi” was the first word you could give him as your eyes looked into his.

”Hi” he answered, a small smile lifting on his lips as he couldn’t help but be happy to see you. ”Do you wanna take a walk?” He asks, gesturing towards the sidewalk behind him.

“Yeah… that sounds nice” you had answered and with that the two of you took off on a walk in the sun.

For a while it was quiet, but like it always had been between the two of you. It wasn’t awkward at all. Some things never die and your bond was one of them. Nothing could kill it, not even this moment. Now and then Hyunjin would feel your fingers graze his, making his heart skip a beat. But he couldn’t bring himself to take it into his, not after he realized he read everything wrong. He didn’t wanna scare you away from him even more by simply taking your hand into his. Even if it was all he wanted right now.

You also wanted to grab his hand, but once again you couldn’t send more signals that you weren’t sure of. You wanted Hyunjin in your life, but you weren’t sure in what way. You couldn’t lose him, and maybe denying would have to be the solution.

“I have been thinking” you started, which made Hyunjin more nervous to hear the sentence. “I’m really sorry, I really am. I never meant to lead you on or anything, I have been thinking about all of our memories together and I realized I should’ve been clearer with everything from the start” you told him, and for Hyunjin he was fearing the worst right now. Because with those words he knew you could be telling him goodbye any minute now.

“I don’t blame you, I should’ve known earlier that maybe I was being too touchy with you. It was just that you never pushed me away, so I felt like you wanted it as much as I did. I didn’t mean to start assuming we were dating, a part of me just felt like we were taking that next step together. But I understand now that I was wrong and you didn’t want that. And I’m the one who should be sorry” he said, his gaze kept forward and not daring to look at you.

“But I do want it” you say loudly, stopping in your tracks.

As Hyunjin spoke it was like something clicked. Like you knew that this was right, you wanted this and it was right to want it. Even if fear was creeping up inside of you, your feelings wanted nothing more but to push it away. Because why would you be so blind from the start? He shouldn’t be saying a single sorry here, because he never did read it wrong.

Your sudden confession made him stop too, now being able to look at you. His confused eyes searched for an answer as you weren’t looking at him and he wanted nothing more but for you to keep talking and confessing your feelings.

“I want you Hyunjin. I want you in my life. And I thought that pushing my feelings away would keep you in my life. But as I saw you ignore my calls and leave me in that parking lot I realize now that I should’ve been honest with you. I have told you for so long now that I am scared of how everyone views us. But it’s not about us, it’s about me. You’re the only person that I have in my life and seeing how others view me only when they don’t know me it scares me. It makes me scared that you see me in that way too. That you too would only see me as someone who’s just trying to get with you”

“But I want you in that way too. Is it really so bad that I do? If you want me in that way as well that would only make me happier. But you denying what you feel for me because of others makes me sad, because I knew I could’ve done more for you if we were both just more honest with each other”

His confession made your heart full, this was exactly what you needed to hear. Almost word by word like you had imagined it. Hearing in words that he wants you to want him, and that it’s okay for you to have those feelings. That was the only thing that you needed to hear from him. And now you got it.

The tears were burning behind your eyes, you didn’t want him to see them but somehow you couldn’t stop yourself. He was all you needed in life and you tried to push him away, your answers were right in front of you and that relief was a feeling impossible to describe. It was like walking on clouds to be getting answer after answer and feeling the anxiety lift off your shoulders.

“I’m just so scared…” you confess, making him take a few steps closer to you and letting his hands fall on the side of your arms. His eyes seeking for yours as your burning tears made you close them. “What if this doesn’t work out? I can’t lose you Hyunjin”

Your words could make him cry as well, but a part of him wanted to be strong for you and let you cry your heart out. So in your words he found happiness as well, happy that you needed him so much that you were ready to just keep being friends. Even if it hurt him he somehow saw a beautiful heart from you too. That you thought about him in this as well. You thought about everything.

“You don’t have to be, we can’t be thinking ‘what if’ all the time but I know one thing right now and it is that I want us to be so much more than just friends. And even if it wouldn’t work out I could never let go of you. I need you more than anyone else in my life and I could never let anything separate us. Not even ourselves” he said, his hands rubbing each side of your arms to try and calm you down. “Will you take that risk with me?”

You didn’t have an answer with words, but something in you knew that it would be worth it. You would be able to call him yours even if you already knew he devoted himself in that way to you. Your arms lifted and brought him down into a hug, his arms quickly responding by putting them back around you. One of his arms going around your waist and his left hand caressing the side of your arm still going around his neck.

You remember that hug in Jeju so well because it was a hug that proved the love between you two even if words weren't spoken. It was the most perfect hug and no other hug had ever felt like that again. But right now there was something about this one. Something that told you he loved you and you loved him. Even if no one said anything. But someone had to, and he couldn’t stop himself.

“I love you so much” he whispered into your hair. “I love you so much it’s insane, and I’m so sorry I never told you sooner. I’m sorry you went these years wondering if you were being loved enough, when all I should’ve done was telling you from the start that I’m right here”

You had not planned for your life to turn out this way. You had everything, you knew you had everything figured out. Your apartment, a full time job and you had a lovely boyfriend. Or at least so you had thought. It started when you fought with him once, and even if you thought it was just one argument they eventually turned into two, then three and soon it turned into an everyday thing. You thought you could handle it, that soon that nightmare would disappear and you would finally go back to the wonderful relationship you had. But then he decided to put his hands on you, and that’s when you knew you had to run. 

What came next was your work, your now ex boyfriend had been looking for you and caused a scene. And somehow everything turned and you lost the job as well. You couldn’t figure out what strings he pulled to make this happen, but you knew his goal was to ruin your life now that you left him and “made him look bad”. The last part was your apartment, early in the relationship he had moved in with you which meant that his name was put on the lease. Yet when you described everything to your landlord that he had to go, even your scum landlord of a man decided to put the man in the relationship first since he paid better. 

There was nothing left. You only had yourself, your savings and your car that now turned into your home. Your boxes with clothes and your stuff was in the trunk and in the backseat you had blankets and pillows laid out to create a bed. And this was it. This was your new life, all after meeting one wrong person in your life. But you wanted to believe that everything would turn around. 

Your car had turned into your home for a while now, and with job hunting you were not lucky. Some jobs were too little pay, yet you told them you’d take them anyways. But the rejections kept filling your mailbox together with rejected phone calls, places not hiring or just bad first impressions if you did walk-ins. How could anyone be this unlucky? 

Now you only had one chance left, you were gripping the steering wheel in the empty parking lot. Your hands are sweaty again from being nervous for an interview you got. It was the first one in a while that had gotten back to you, and with this luck you had to nail it. The car was parked and the special thing about this one was that it wasn’t in a company, café, restaurant or anything like that. It was in the man’s home, meaning you couldn’t just park your car, or more your home, outside of HIS home. 

You had been able to get in contact with a man who was looking to babysit his daughter while he was at work. Which meant a mostly 9-5 job since he needed someone to watch her, feed her, make her do homework and more. He didn’t state what he was working with but the pay was way more than you would’ve thought anyone was willing to pay a babysitter, which meant that you had to make this interview flawless. So with that you took a deep breath and exited your car, ready to walk a few blocks and make sure this went all the way. 

At the door you couldn’t believe your eyes, the villa was really nice and it almost felt like you shouldn’t set foot in this neighbourhood. His car was parked outside and you could already see that the reason for the high paycheck was right inside that house. He must be working with something really good. 

Your hand fell on the doorbell, slowly pushing it and hearing a quick ring on the inside of the house. Trying to keep yourself calm, you try to focus on your surroundings and hear fast moving steps on the other side of the door. The doorknob turns instantly and on the inside there is… no one? Or at least until your eyes falls down and see a little girl with a teddy bear in her hand. 

“Hi there” you start, trying to understand if you maybe walked to the wrong house. Or if it’s right but you came at the wrong time? 

“Hiii” she says happily, giving you a big smile. “Are you here to see my daddy?” she continues. 

“Uh yeah, is he home?” you ask, crouching down to get a little closer with her. “Who is this?” you continue, pointing at the bear in her hand. 

“This is Dori! He is my best friend” she says, holding him out for you to look at. 

While you two laughed and smiled together you had totally missed that there was someone arriving behind the little girl. More specifically the reason you came here in the first place. Your eyes went from her and over her head, where there was only a body dressed in black jeans and a grey shirt. Your eyes keep travelling up the well built body and your gaze meets with a man coming from inside the house. His hair was messy and almost covered his eyes, looking like he had been asleep before this. 

“Eunyeong sweetie, I told you not to open the door for strangers. You need to wake me up first. Imagine what could’ve happened if it wasn’t this sweet lady, something could go wrong” he said calmly to the little girl. 

She didn’t answer him, she just ran inside the house again, but looking past him you could still see that she was hiding by the stairs, possibly for eavesdropping. The man’s eyes were now on yours as you stood up again, you could only assume this was the man you were supposed to meet. 

“I’m so sorry I must’ve dozed up before we were supposed to meet. Please come inside” he said, gesturing with his hand for you to step inside the house. And you can only follow. 

The girl, who you now knew as Eunyeong, moved up the stairs as the two of you stepped inside. But her eyes were always on yours, she must be a curious girl but maybe nervous too since she was really small and you were a stranger showing up on her doorstep. Did she know you were coming or did she think you were seeing her dad in another way? Hopefully not the second. 

Slowly you hang up your jacket and put your shoes to the side as you try your quickest and neatest to follow the man further into his home. Your heart was still racing but something about both the home and this man brought you a sense of calm. Which could also be dangerous but maybe your little conversation with Eunyeong could mean something to this interview. When you saw her it felt natural to talk to her, and not like you came here for a job. 

“Please have a seat” he says as he takes a seat on the side of the couch. 

You take your seat on the opposite couch, your eyes wandering around and being met with lots of nice things. Good tv, many family photos, a computer with two screens and also a glass table in front of you. The interior was darker but still very neat and thought out. Your eyes meet the family photos and in all of them it’s just Eunyeong and her dad. No sign of the mother from what you could guess. 

“So, Y/N right?” he asks as you snap back your attention to him and nod for an answer. “My name is Changbin, thank you for coming on such short notice, I had some complications with Eunyeong’s previous nanny. But just to start it would only be me and Eunyeong here. I work as a producer so usually I end up having to work overtime on short notices. I drop her off at preschool in the morning and then it would be your job to pick her up. Iif you can cook dinner then feel free to use whatever is in the fridge, if you don’t want to then just let me know and I can probably see if I can prepare some meals to just heat up. The main part of the job would mostly be picking her up, then watching her, playing with her, maybe reading with her if you want, there is also a schedule to follow with times like her naps and more in the kitchen” he starts and so far it felt good to know the basics. “Do you drive?” he suddenly asks. 

“Yeah I have my car parked a few blocks from here, I wasn’t sure if I could find any parking nearby” you explained, it was also a slight lie. Looking outside anyone could see places to park, but he didn’t have to know that you knew that too. 

“Alright, would it be okay for you to drive her in your car? The preschool is a few minutes away” and you only nod in response. 

The interview continues on well, you getting to ask your questions and he gets to ask his. Now and then your eyes would meet with Eunyeong up in the corner of the stairs behind Changbin. She would either wave or smile, you wanted to wave back but didn’t wanna be too distracted from Changbin’s information. But you smiled back as often as you could. 

What made you nervous was your car situation. You answered automatically with a yes but you knew it would look chaos in the back, Eunyeong would see all the boxes and maybe even the blankets. Your car was slightly smaller which meant that everything was packed. You just wished Eunyeong wouldn’t pay too much attention to it if you got the job, since Changbin probably wouldn’t like a homeless woman watching his kid. 

“Well Y/N let me tell you I’m very happy with this interview and you seem to already get along with Eunyeong. So if it isn’t a problem I’d like for you to start Monday if you’re still interested?” he offers and suddenly it felt like you were walking on clouds, did you finally do it? All of a sudden there was a job offer with full time and a good paycheck on your table. Was there any other answer?

“Yes definitely” 

The job wasn’t difficult, and so far Eunyeong had hopefully not paid attention to all of the boxes. The first weeks had passed by easily, and Eunyeong only asked about them once. 

“What’s in the boxes?” she had asked the first few times she had entered the car. 

Your answer had only been that you were moving in nearby but didn’t have time to put the boxes away. She is a kid and she would never ask why the number of boxes wasn’t decreasing with time, all you knew was that she was happy to know you lived nearby. Almost like you could live right in front if you wanted. But you couldn’t have your car right outside, it wouldn’t look good for you that you weren’t leaving to go somewhere else. 

Changbin too was one of the sweetest men you had ever met. Amazed that after the experience with your ex boyfriend there were actually good men in this world. You did cook for yourself yet Changbin always offered to order you food when you had put Eunyeong to bed. Changbin always came home a little after her bedtime which meant you had to watch the house, and he felt like it was asking so much of you that he offered to buy you food every single day. Sometimes you took it but most days you ate together with Eunyeong. 

Spending time with Eunyeong became the highlights of your day. She was a cheerful little girl and she made you forget that you had nothing to go back to at the end of the way. Sleeping suddenly felt exciting and not like something you wished you wouldn’t survive. It felt both good and bad that she became so important to you immediately. A lot because she didn’t seem to hang around outside a lot, but bad because it was at the end of the day just your job. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Look!” Eunyeong yells from the living room as she comes running with a drawing in her hands. 

You were standing in the kitchen with a pot on the stove filled with boiling water and pasta, together with a pan filled with meatballs and sauce. This meal had quickly become one of Eunyeong’s favorites and she asked you for it every single day. You set the spatula to the side to take a good look at what she was handing you. It was a page from the coloring book that she really liked and it was colored very lightly with crayons but at least she was inside the lines

“I managed to keep it inside the lines this time!” 

“Yes I see that Yeongie, that’s so good wow!” you praised her which made her jump up and down. “Let’s show this to your dad when he gets back yeah?” 

“YES!” she yells, knowing her dad will be very happy for her. “He is gonna be happy and then I will get ice cream!” her enthusiasm made you laugh, not knowing if she was happy because he would be or if she was happy because of the ice cream. 

Your hands fell back to the stove as she skipped back into the living room. Your hands moved on auto pilot at this point, putting the food on the plates, doing the dishes, making sure Eunyeong finishes the food, and at the end of the day just put her ped as usual. It was like you needed her and she needed you. Not like a mother, but just a friend who was with her every day. 

You decided to put a plate out for Changbin too, whether he ate it or not wasn’t something that mattered. But just in case he was hungry there would be food, if he didn’t want it you could always heat it up for Eunyeong tomorrow. Your eyes were buried in a book that you had found in Changbin’s bookshelf, he had been very open with you to treat this home as your own but you wouldn’t dare to take it serious. In the end he convinced you to at least use the tv or the bookshelf to have yourself something to enjoy when waiting for him to come back. 

This turned into you not hearing the door as he entered. The plate was put on the dinner table with a small note from you. 

“Make sure you eat something too, I made Eunyeong’s favourite” - Y/N

He smiled at the message, making sure not to damage the note as it slid into his pocket. His steps took him into the living room where he saw you deep into the book. You didn’t know but it made him happy that he managed to get you to use his stuff. When he said treat it like home he truly meant it. And seeing you read a book he himself had enjoyed years ago made his heart flutter a little bit. 

Suddenly you looked up from the couch, jumping a little bit at the sudden sight of him which made him snap out of his thoughts too. He couldn’t help but feel guilty that he got happy by such things. You were both the same age so it wasn’t like it was that bad, but you were employed by him and watching his daughter. It was like he was having naughty thoughts yet that wasn’t the case. But every thought about you felt like it shouldn’t be in his head. 

“Geez you scared me…” you started, making yourself laugh a little bit. Which once again was bad for Changbin as he thought it was lovely to listen to. 

“Oh sorry, it was so quiet so I assumed everyone had fallen asleep” he said, watching you immediately stand up as he mentioned sleeping here. 

“Oh nono I wouldn’t, it’s your home. I need to watch it” you quickly said, changing your body language to a nervous one. 

“Y/N I told you before please treat it like home, if it’s late for you to drive home then please feel free to stay the night” he answered you and you knew he meant it. But you couldn’t get yourself to accept his kind gestures.

It felt like you’d do something against a company guideline or anything if you decided to sleep at his house, he was basically your boss. You didn’t answer him, you could only rush to the hallway with a quick goodbye and see you tomorrow and with that you were already out the door. Leaving Changbin with a disappointed heart. Wishing you would let yourself feel more free in his home since Eunyeong was so happy to have you here every day. 

But now all he could do was just to enjoy one of the best homecooked meals he had to himself in a long time. 

Not staying at Changbin’s house would soon come to be a challenge. You felt like you had made a sudden mistake one day when you watched Eunyeong. You had already put her to bed and somewhere in your book you felt yourself feeling drowsy. It had been a long week and that Friday your body just gave out on the couch. 

The next morning you had been awoken by Eunyeong’s footsteps and squeal as she was surprised to see you sleeping on their couch. You had risen in panic and was met with Changbin in his morning gym outfit consisting of a black compression shirt and grey sweats. The sudden realization hit you immediately, excusing yourself in embarrassment and heading out the door. When you picked up Eunyeong that same day she spoke nothing of it, but you feared talking to Changbin about it. Yet he said the same thing again, 

“Please feel free to treat this as a home” but you couldn’t. 

On another morning there was a storm warning on your phone, telling you that it would be in your area by the time Changbin got home. Sometimes he was home earlier and you prayed that this would be the day, but if Changbin was gonna make it home in time you didn’t know where you would put your car. You would have to find a garage to put your car in, yet those parking houses always had someone guarding them and they would tell you to move if you didn’t pay. 

Looking at the clock every single second you tried counting the minutes to when the roads would be closing down, and soon you were past it. Maybe you could speed somewhere if he made it home soon? Or maybe he was fighting time as well to make it home to Eunyeong. 

As if on cue the front door opened, which made your feet push you up from the couch and run towards the entrance. Changbin must’ve been shocked to see you up so fast as his eyes widened at the sight of you grabbing your shoes. 

“Y/N where are you going?” he asks, worried feelings filling his voice. 

“I thought I’d hit the road before they close it down” you said, barely having your shoes on before you open the door. The heavy rain falling on the porch outside. 

“But they already did, don’t you see the weather? Can’t you just stay tonight?”

Your deep breath almost made your anxiety rise even higher. It was the weekend tomorrow which meant that you had days off, which wasn’t important but that meant both Changbin and Eunyeong would be home tomorrow. Which meant spending time with them yes, but also that you couldn’t escape the embarrassment of sleeping in their home and being an inconvenience. 

“Please Y/N, you can even take the bedroom I’ll take the couch-”

“No! I mean no, I’ll take the couch then thank you” you quickly respond, you couldn’t make him do more gestures than he was already doing for you. 

You headed back inside and tried avoiding his gaze as much as possible. Not only did it feel embarrassing, it felt heavy. Your anxiety was through the roof like it could make a hole in it. Changbin had made his way into the kitchen and you walked back into the living room, the same old couch as you always sat on. Your book was ready on the table together with your glass of water. You had accepted fate that you would have an embarrassing morning in front of you, but not much you could do with you not being able to reach your car or even driving it. 

Behind you Changbin was coming up with two cups of tea, setting it down on the table and waiting for you to take a seat with him. You hesitated as this once again felt so wrong and against some kind of guideline, but in the end you had to take a seat instead of standing for 12 hours. 

“Y/N” he starts, making you look at him as you take a sip of your vanilla tea. “Are you afraid of me?” 

“What? No of course not” you say immediately, almost afraid that this would be your last day in this home and with Eunyeong. 

“Then why do you always refuse me? I’m not bothered since you get along with Eunyeong, but I wished that you would take more advantage of everything. You’re always out the door as soon as I come inside. If I have done anything to harm you I am truly sorry” he apologises which hurts your heart, it was never your intention. You were only protecting yourself and your own feelings. 

“Oh no, that’s absolutely not the case. In fact I feel even more grateful that I get to spend my days here with Eunyeong with lovely food choices, books to read and even more. It’s just that I don’t wanna be a burden to sleep here when I have somewhere to sleep” you were used to your car by now, that didn’t mean it was good but for you it felt like if you had somewhere to sleep why would you burden Changbin? 

“Just… please. I really do care for you and I just wished that you would use everything around you here. Use the bookshelf, use the kitchen more, use the bed if you want. If you need pajamas then dig in the drawer. Heck use me if you need to” he confessed, making your heart race at his compassionate words. “Talk to me please. And take up space please, we need it. Do it for me. And if not for me then for Eunyeong. You’re always there for her so let us be here for you too. Stay here a lot more. Don’t run as soon as I enter please” 

You didn’t end up sleeping at Changbin’s often, but you tried to not run as soon as you saw him. Maybe you ran because of the fear of being a burden to him, he had everything and you had nothing. You didn’t want him to feel like you were taking advantage of him, or Eunyeong or just his home. Bur maybe you were also running because of the way he cared for you. The way he made sure you were taken care of in any way because you were always tired when he saw you. 

Him always making sure you felt at home when in fact you didn’t even have a home. But the way he cared also scared you, what if you hurt yourself in the process of letting him in? But how would you know if you didn’t try? 

Something about Changbin made your heart flutter, but it felt so wrong that the idea of him seeing you in that way felt impossible. Because you were in fact just Eunyeong’s nanny. What more could you do? It was barely about the money anymore, it was only about feeling like someone cared for you again. Whether it was Changbin or Eunyeong, it felt like you belonged somewhere. And you were finally starting to let them in. 

For the first time in a while now you could finally buy yourself good groceries. Tomorrow you had to go back to Changbin and Eunyeong again but it felt exciting that you could treat Eunyeong to some snacks that you also liked. It was a rainy day and the weather was rather cozy. You had put your groceries in the passenger seat and made everything ready in place for Eunyeong tomorrow. You hoped in the back with your blanket to doze off for a nap in this weather. 

What you didn’t see from afar was that Changbin was out grocery shopping with Eunyeong. And the little girl who took your car every day could recognize it from a mile away. 

“Daddy look! It’s Y/N! Is she here?!” she squealed like she hadn’t already seen you the days before. 

“I don’t know sweetheart let’s check if it’s really her car first should we?” she nodded as 

she let go of her dad’s hand to run towards the car. 

She can’t reach the window to see, but Changbin could. And his heart shattered into a million pieces. Inside he saw your body sleeping underneath a thin blanket and your hoodie as a pillow. The trunk filled with brown boxes with clothes, old kitchenware, laundry essentials and everything from what possibly could’ve been from your home. 

“Sweetie, does Y/N have boxes in her car?” 

“Yeah! She said she was moving in nearby when she came to my house” Changbin sighed, that was nearly months ago now. You weren’t going anywhere. 

Changbin took Eunyeong back to his car, his heart feeling sad that he knew he could’ve done so much more but also now knowing why you didn’t wanna accept his offer to use anything in his home or let you sleep there. That every time you went home you went back to this parking lot. It killed him to see you inside of that car probably freezing too. What could he do now?

The next evening you had put Eunyeong to bed as usual. She never mentioned seeing your car as she had probably forgotten already, but Changbin didn’t forget. He came home early that evening, but he wasn’t just coming back home, he was coming to you. And he wasn’t gonna let you go anywhere yourself. When the front door clicked open you met him by the entrance as always. But his worried gaze made you worried as well, and with that you followed him quietly to the living toom where you had already been. 

“Y/N let’s talk” he starts, making you even more anxious. He leaned against the back of the couch, not knowing how to start his next sentence. “We uhm… saw your car yesterday when we went to grocery shop” 

There your world had stopped, what were you gonna do know? He knows now. He knows that his nanny for his daughter is homeless. And that she probably puts a bad example for his daughter. Her job was over now, and her world was crumbling like it was meant to just like before.

“I’m so sorry…” you start, tears welling up in your eyes. “I know I probably must be setting such a bad example for Eunyeong right now-”

“What? No Y/N that’s not what I was gonna say” he said immediately running up to you and putting your face in his hands, making you look at him with tears down your cheeks. “You don’t understand, I’m so worried about you. I didn’t tell Eunyeong you were in there sleeping, but I can’t stand seeing you like that. If you need my help I want nothing more than to put a roof over your head and know you’re safe. If someone saw you there… It’s not safe for you” 

His kind words made you cry even more, but it also made you panic. You can’t let him in, bad things happen when you let a man in. What if this fucks you over just like the last time? What are you gonna do then? Sleep in your car again and watch how life fails once again?

“I can’t…” you said in between sobs, his thumbs catching your tears every time. “I’m sorry I feel like such a failure for Eunyeong right now” 

“Y/n stop apologizing-”

“You don’t get it… I can’t let someone in again, because he put me in that situation. I can’t let you put a roof over my head just like that. I love you and Eunyeong I really do, but I can’t just take it all just like that” your voice was breaking at the sudden confession, making Changbin tense up as well. 

“Y/N I meant it when I say that we love you back, and I shouldn’t be feeling like that for you as you help my daughter every day. But please just let me-”

It was like your ears were denying everything you were hearing. You couldn’t stand here and let him bring you in like this, everything is gonna go bad again and soon you will be in your car again. So now you can only do one thing, and that is run. 

So you do. 

And Changbin is yelling after you, yet you can’t stop running. Everything will just be the same. And you just made a fool of yourself in front of the man you wanted to run back to and be with.

Bang Chan & Lee Know

Changbin

Hyunjin