an average baddie

I start to stretch my body a little. The cover slips off my body before I realize my noise-canceling headphones are gone. I look around before I see them between Jungkook and mine’s seat.

He must’ve removed them for me.

I stay lying like that for a few minutes. Jungkook moves his eyes from his phone to me.

“Are you okay, Viv?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“You don’t feel sick?”

I lazily shake my head.

“Then get up, sleepy head. They will serve breakfast soon.”

I push the blanket away and sit up on my seat. I rub my tired eyes and push the hair in my face back. I brush my fingers through the knots that has formed in my now messy hair as I look around the space.

The divider between our seats is still down. We usually don’t raise it, so I’m not sure if he even put it up when I was sleeping or not.

And the suite door is closed now, making our seats feel like a little private space. Just us. In our little nook.

Well, not completely private. People walking on the aisle can still peek a look in.

It seems like they only just turned the lights on, and there isn’t anyone walking in the aisles except for couple of flight attendances.

“Did you not sleep?” I turn to Jungkook.

His gaze drops back to his phone again.

“I did for couple of hours, but I wasn’t that tired.” He locks his phone and puts it away. “But you must’ve been really tired. You slept over six hours.”

I don’t have the heart to tell him I just didn’t want to be awake and witness him talking and giggling with Airi the entire flight.

“Truth be told, I think I can sleep for a few more hours again.” I bring my knees up on the bed as I wrap my arms around them.

Jungkook snorts a laugh. “I know you could. But that’s enough for now. They're bringing the breakfast now.”

Just as he finishes, we hear a knock. Jungkook reaches out to slide the door open for the flight attendant, and they serve us with breakfast.

I skip on the coffee though. I’d rather have an iced latte when we land in the city.

Since I was asleep when dinner was served few hours ago, and didn’t eat anything, Jungkook puts his fruit bowl and pastries on the table in front of me, telling me I have no choice but to eat them all.

I honestly feel like a child being fed more than my capacity by my mother. He says he will be full after he eats what he has and won’t eat those anyway.

I protest a little at first, but then give up on fighting with Jungkook. There is no argument where Jungkook doesn’t come out the winner.

I was pretty hungry though. So I ate everything.

We get ready for landing shortly after that.

Just then do I start to feel a little excited for finally arriving to Paris. Despite me loving the city so much, I’ve been here only two times. And both times, I didn’t get to stay for long, or enjoy the city to its fullest potential.

Something within me tells me that between my unexplainable and self-destructive feelings for Jungkook, and his feeling for Airi, I won’t be enjoying this time either.

We pack everything we used before they ask us to put on our seatbelts. Jungkook didn’t take too many things out of his black backpack, but it takes me a while to fit my travel blanket back into my bag.

We walk out of the plane with ease, having done this ritual too many times before.

We step into the private terminal, where our luggage has arrived and been unloaded, waiting for us.

That’s where we part ways with Indigo members and their security and managers.

Three black SUV are waiting for them, similar to the ones they arrived at Chicago airport with. Our destination in the same, but due to their protocols, the members are taken to our hotel with separate cars, and we are taken to our resort with rented tour buses which are waiting for us as well.

The resort we’ll be staying at for the next week or so is a very popular luxury hotel. I’m not aware of more details, since I’m not in on the plannings, but they usually reserve two floors for our party, along with all the goodies the hotel offers.

Fuck knows I’m going to enjoy spa days and the pool in here for the next week.

If I can’t enjoy the city of love with the love of my life while walking down in the streets and have a date night with my boyfriend at the Eiffel Tower, you bet I’m gonna enjoy the luxury hotel and all the free experiences it offers —well, they’re not, but I’m not paying for them so yeah, free.

The city is crowded and packed. I guess that’s how the city looks most days —if not always— so it takes us a while to get from the airport to our hotel.

The members arrive sooner, waiting in the hotel lobby as the managers stand by the lobby and take care of checking in progress.

I notice Jungkook the minute I walk in. His head is down and looking at his phone while he’s resting against the back on the sofa, one knee crossed on his opposite knee while his phone screen has his full attention. Everyone else sitting close with their heads in their phones.

Monty —the head tour manager— along with D walk to the reception. I assume all the preparations have been done prior to our arrival, so we don’t have to wait for long.

Everyone enjoy the next minutes of waiting in the luxury hotel lobby, as I make my way to the little area where Indigo is waiting. They will bring our room keys there anyway.

Jungkook brings his head up when he notices me approaching.

“Hey. Thought you fell asleep on the bus.” He looks at me with a grin.

“Haha.” I fake humor and make my way past him and sit next to Jimin. “Did you know you’re my favorite Indigo member?” I direct toward Jimin.Jimin brings his head up with a warm, cute smile at me. Jungkook cuts him off before he has a chance to respond.

“Hey.” He makes an offended sound. “I thought I was your favorite.” A line forming between his eyebrows.

“And what makes you think that Jeon?” I raise a questionable brow. “My pal here had been my favorite since day one.” I tap on Jimin’s shoulder.

Jimin chuckles at my attempt to irritate Jungkook.

“Traitor.” Jungkook mutters under his breath and he gives me a dirty look with an almost invisible pout before going back to his phone, ignoring me and Jimin.

But he easily gets distracted from his phone when Airi walks our way. Everyone else slowly walks this way, too, when they see Monty and his crew gather everyone.

We all receive our room numbers and keys before everyone scatter around. Not everyone want to go to their rooms just yet.

I personally, am ready for another bath and lying down on my bed already. Maybe a quick rest before I decide if I want to explore the city a little or not.

We each go to our own rooms, our luggage already waiting for us there.

I open two of my suitcases, the stuff scatter around the floor before I take the things I need with me to the ensuite bathroom.

The suite is nice. Nothing too big and overly fancy. But it’s still quite luxurious as a top hotel in Paris.

The bathroom has a big space, beautifully done with more modern architecture than the rest of the room.

Since I took a bath before we left Chicago, I save the gorgeous, tempting bathtub which is calling to me for later and take a quick shower.

The next couple hours fly by with taking out my essentials and organizing some of my bags and clothes, putting everything I might need and use the most at the most reachable places.

By five p.m., everyone is probably already leaving for the venue to rehears for tomorrow’s concert.

I’m not exactly needed there, even though I could still go and watch them rehears if I wanted to. So I spend some more time checking my makeup kit and bag, making sure everything intact and clean.

I’m walking around in a black oversized hoodie —technically it’s Jungkook’s, but now it’s mine and he can only dream about getting it back— when I hear a knock on the suite front door.

When I look at the hall through the peephole, I see Airi standing there in different clothes than before. She’s now wearing what seems appropriate for going out.

I open the door. Airi’s face lights up with a sweet smile.

“Hi. I didn’t bother you at a bad time, did I?”

I’m still a little shocked by seeing her here so unannounced, standing at my hotel room door. I blink and shake the surprise off.

“No. Not at all.” I open the door wider. “Come in.”

She walks in before I close the door, still a little unsure by what’s going on.

“Are you still working on unpacking?” She peeks her head around and looks at the pile of mess I’ve made with all of my stuff.

“I actually don’t unpack fully.” I walk further into the room. “Just couple of necessities. I hate packing. So the less I have to do later, the better.”

“What are you planning to do with the rest of your day?” She turns to me.

I huff a breath and push my long hair away from my face.

“Uh, I don’t really know. Maybe ordering food and rotting on bed?” I giggle awkwardly.

Everyone else are probably on their way to the venue for the rehearsal already. And I’m not a big fan of going out by myself, so there’s not much for me to do tonight.

Which makes me guess as to why Airi, of all people, is standing here in my room.

“Don’t you want to explore the city?” Airi offers. “We could go to a café and maybe shop after.”

Her words remind me of Jungkook’s word earlier before we went to the airport. About how I will definitely buy more makeup when I step foot in Paris.

That automatically brings a faint smile on my lips.

Also, that reminds me I didn’t get any coffee today. I’m already tired and I don’t want to fuck up my sleep schedule now.

But I’m also not sure about spending time alone with Airi. She’s a good person. She’s friendly and nice, not hard to get along with at all.

But at the same time, spending time with her and being friendly back feels awkward sometimes. Especially if we’re going to be alone for hours.

I planned on maybe visiting everyone at the venue later today, and if I agree to go with Airi, we’ll be going together.

And a selfish, nasty part inside me makes me not want to take her to the venue with me. To Jungkook.

I know, it makes me sound stupid and bad. Not seeing her for one more hour doesn’t make any difference. At the end of the day, Jungkook still likes this girl, whether he sees her tonight for a little or not.

Ugh, when did I become such a selfish and horrible person?

I sigh and say fuck it.

I’m in Paris. One of the most beautiful cities in the world. A whole different continent, for fuck’s sake. And it’s only the beginning. We’re going to spend the next months across Europe.

Now, I knew it would be difficult for me to spend that much time with them, and potentially see them finally become an item —hope I’m not around for that— but I can’t let my stupid feelings torment me over the smallest encounters. And on our first day already.

I don’t need to lock myself in my room the entire tour.

I can be sad and pathetic while I enjoy the luxury experience of beautiful European cities.

“Sure. Why not. Let me get ready.”

Airi waits on the couch and entertains herself with the TV in the other room while I get ready.

I keep my hair down, attempting a blow-out look. It doesn’t look at half as good as Airi’s effortlessly gorgeous hair. That girl makes the hardest styles look effortless on her hair.

I wear a classy summer dress, perfect as a Paris outfit. A black dress with white polka dots, the length reaching my mid-calf.

I tie the straps behind my neck before I wear my white heels, matching a small handbag. The shoes have straps and heels that aren’t too high, so unlike their look, they’re really comfortable for walking.

We take a cab and go to a Sephora first —duh.

We pick some backups for our kits first. I feel exhilarated over finding and buying things I can’t easily find back home. I usually need to pay a lot for shipping to get them. I take a few pieces both for my makeup kit and for my own makeup bag.

Airi even asks for recommendations, so we end up damaging her bank account and spend quite some time picking basically a full face for her. I take that opportunity and ask for her advice and buy some hair products for my frizzy hair.So to say I didn’t have fun spending over two hours as Sephora with Airi would be a big, fat lie.

I usually have to pick everything for Dionne, since she couldn’t care less about trying different products out. It felt nice to have someone that shares similar interests and knows some things better than me. To discuss about all the new stuff and take advice from her.

We spend some time walking in Parisian streets. The view gives me so much joy as we watch all the different stores, flower shops and beautiful buildings.

It is truly a dreamy city. If I didn’t love living in Chicago so much, I would’ve pack all my stuff and moved here.

We sit at a small, beautiful café after that and give me that coffee that I’ve been craving all day. I can’t even help the moan that leaves me when I bite into my warm, freshly out of the oven pastry.

I don’t know if I’m going to regret this later —I most certainly will— but I suggest to visit everyone at the rehearsal.

Airi seems unsure at first, not confident about us showing up unannounced when we aren’t needed there.

I’ve attended many of their practices over the years as their friend, so I assure her that it’s a regular routine at this point.

She ends up agreeing and comes with me. We even buy some drinks for the members and the managers to take with us.

The ride to the venue doesn’t take long.

We arrive when they’re in the middle of their practice. Their faces and bodies soaked in sweat as they put all their energy in their performance.

I look at them with endearing pride. If they they’re doing this amazing for a rehearsal, they will blow that stage at their actual concert.

When my eyes fall at the corner, where Jungkook is playing the drum, I trip on my legs and almost free fall to the ground.

Where Jimin and Mark and other members got rid of their jackets and are in their t-shirts, Jungkook has gotten rid of his t-shirt. He’s playing fucking shirtless.

I choke on my own spit as I goggle Jungkook. His long hair looks wavy with some front pieces wet, by either water or sweat.

His chest and arms are covered in a thin layer of sweat as his muscles flex when he moves his arms skillfully and plays the drum.

He’s in his natural element. His eyes closing from time to time as he plays the song by heart.

Everything about this man drives me insane. It’s how masterly he plays drum on the stage. How he makes playing the most difficult and challenging songs look like the easiest thing ever.

He gets engrossed into the song and playing the drum, and that’s why it all looks so natural and skillful.

Not to mention the view of his toned and hard chest and all of his tattoos showing while the muscles clench is a real candy to the eyes.

The sight of his full-sleeve tattoo and the new one on his right chest does things to my heart and my belly.

They stop mid-song, pausing to go over some of the audio equipment and check the lighting and monitors.

They start talking and discussing the installations, when I hear Airi calling me. I realize I've frozen in my spot while she has walked way ahead of me.

I hurry to her side as I make another glance at the stage. Jungkook and Jimin are in a deep conversation with a staff as Mark, another old member that played with Indigo from the beginning, joins them in on the conversation.

My heart skips a quick beat when I see Jungkook’s head turning my way for a split second while he talk to Jimin. His serious eyes turning soft in a matter of seconds as his face lights up with a genuine smile.

My weak, traitorous heart warms at the sight, making me smile back at him as I give him a little wave.

He acknowledges it with the wider smile.

We make our way through the backstage. We stand at the corner of the stage, where the stage crew are working and making sure the scene is correctly set.

“When will they have their break?” Airi asks a woman with board and papers in her hand, while holding a full paper tray of drinks in her own hands.

I’m holding a similar tray in my own hands while holding my own cup.

“I don’t know. In maybe five.” She responds before going on with her work.

I faintly hear Jungkook speaking to everyone from here.

“Let’s take a break now, everyone.”

He announces before he turns his head our way. Jimin follows his eyes and a smile breaks across his lips when he sees us.

I start to walk to them, Airi following me along to the stage.

And that’s when Jungkook’s eyes fall on Airi, noticing her just now.

The pang in my chest intensifies as I see his eyes lightening up even more at the sight of her.

I ignore the feeling as I walk up to them with a grin.

“Hey guys. Hope you’re not too tired. We were in the city and brought you some drinks to cheer you up.”

I offer the drinks to the members as Airi gives the ones in her hand to the rest of the staff on stage.

“God, I fucking love you Vi.” Jimin slings his arm around my shoulder as he gulps his drink down.

I give the last drink to Jungkook. His eyes fall down to my shopping bags as he takes the drinks from me.

“White and black shopping bags, huh?” He remarks with a teasing grin.

“Don’t start with me jeon, or I’ll pour this hot chocolate all over your naked body.” I chuckle.

Airi comes back with a matching shopping bag.

One of the staff walks to us after Airi, talking to Jimin about his microphone problem before Jimin walks away with him.

“Did you guys enjoy exploring the city without us?” Jungkook asks as he bends down to place his drink down.

“More than you could imagine.” I tell him playfully.

He looks at me with glaring eyes, matching my energy. “You just love to taunt me, Viv.”

“It’s my only joy in life, Jeon.” I grin at him.

He turns his eyes to Airi. “With familiarity that I have of her, she’s either telling the truth and loved going out in the city, or she’s lying through his teeth and she absolutely hated it.” He directs the question at her with a smile. “Which one is it?”

Airi bursts into giggles as I look at him with offence and irritation.

That little fucker—

“We really did have a great time. We should go out again. All of us.”

“We can go to that bar we went to last year after our second night.”

Last year, we came to Paris for a music festival. After the show, everyone was filled with adrenalin and energy, so we decided to go to a bar-slash-club.

Some of the guys couldn’t remember anything from the night before. That’s the sign of a fun night.

We stay backstage while they finish their rehearsal. Almost thirty more minutes of practicing their transition songs and all the equipment installed in the venue, and everyone starts to get ready to go back to the hotel.

Jungkook holds the door a we get inside the van first, sharing the ride with Indigo to our resort.

Jimin gets inside next, taking the seat next to Airi. I try to not overthink it as Jungkook takes the middle seat next to me so he’s sitting between me and Joey, but I can’t help but wonder if Jungkook would’ve wanted to take the seat next to Airi if he could.

The cruel fleeting thoughts leave my mind as we fall into our silly conversations. Just like our usual selves.

I sit a little closer to the edge of my seat when I see Joey and Mark are squished in their seats. Jungkook moves his body closer to my side as he places his arm on the headrest behind me.

“Did you buy anything for me?” He directs the question at me as he tries to peek inside the shopping bags on my lap and in front of my legs.

I laugh at him.

“Oh, yeah. Of course I did” I look through inside the bag with an excited smile. “I bought this Too Faced Better Than Sex eyeliner, and these NARS blushes called Deep throat and Orgasm.”

I hold them out for him with playful eyes while trying not to burst out into laughter.

Jungkook though, can’t help the smirk that cracks on his lips. He looks down at me with mischievous eyes.

It’s then when I focus on the look he’s giving me, that I realize how close we actually are.

His arm is behind my back, and his chest is almost touching my shoulder.

And he’s not backing away. He’s not putting any space between us. Why would he? He doesn’t have the slightest clue of the mayhem that is going inside me.

Or how my heart is dropping low at how close I am to him. His hair is still slightly damp, but smells so nice. It must be one of his hairsprays. His cheeks and neck still have a hue of flush from the practice. He looks so gorgeous, it’s fucking unfair.

He is wearing a new black long-sleeved shirt now. His glasses make him look so much more desirable than before. Which makes me wonder if I always had a thing for a man wearing glasses or is that only the case for Jungkook.

This man has ruined me for all men, and he has never even been mine.

“I’m sure you were very pleased with yourself and giggling when you were picking these up, huh?.” He says with his low voice.

His husky voice makes my insides turn along with my lower belly.

Please don’t get horny for your friend, Vivien. And in front of him and your other friends!

“Yes. In matter of fact I was.” I answer with a sheepish grin, my confident exterior completely different than my interior conflict. “Should I remind you the gift you’re hell bent on getting me for my next birthday?” I raise my brows.

“Be honest. You’re counting on getting that gift aren’t you?”

“Like Cher Horowitz always says, as if.” I roll my eyes with a chuckle.

“You’re such a bad liar, Vi. And you know it.” He chuckles, too. He leans back a little and directs his attention on the conversation everyone else are having.

The ride to our hotel is stopped few times by traffic and red lights, but it doesn’t take too long.

Since everyone are tired after the long day, and need to get proper rest for the longer day ahead, we all say our goodnights and go to our rooms.

Of course I don’t fall asleep before exchanging some texts with Jungkook.

He actually sent me some models of the said pink handcuffs, pretending to ask my opinion to which one he should get for me as a thank you for the thoughtful gifts I bought him.

I simultaneously laughed at his silliness and wondered where did we go wrong with this friendship. Or better yet, where did I go wrong and lost my heart to this teasing silly man.

This was supposed to be our friendship dynamic. When did I fall for it all and yielded my fragile heart to this exceptional man?

He’s cruel to my heart, yet gentle and caring with my body and soul, and mischievous and tormenting with my mind.

Despite everything, I can’t help but to feel happy and calm after he talks to me. Even if they are unserious talks. Even if they are short texts and don’t mean anything.

Talking to Jungkook always makes me happier.

The next two days pass in a breeze. Indigo has the best team of workers, in my biased opinion.

We fall into our rhythm even on our first night in Paris. Technical issues are inevitable, but they get fixed quickly. There is no time wasted in the dressing rooms, and Indigo plays their show like the rockstars that they are.

Jimin shines like a freaking star on the front of that stage, his voice making everyone in the crowd go absolutely crazy. It doesn’t take them long to drop their phones and let themselves get mesmerized by his unique magical voice.

But to me, and I’m sure some others, the brightest rockstar was Jungkook.

I stood at the corner of their backstage, having the perfect view of him as they played their songs.

I stood there on my spot both nights. They were fully focused on giving their all for their fans and performance, but my chest got filled with excitement and adoration each time Jungkook turned his head my way to give me a smile full of joy and thrill when they paused for a break and Jimin gave the crowd a speech.

He truly shined when he was in his element.

He paused to look my way on both nights, his eyes filled with even more warmness the second night.

We didn’t want them to burn themselves out, so we left that night for rest, and the next night for actually enjoying Paris.

Dressed in my sparkly black dress and drenched from head to toe in my perfume, I dance my heart out to the music.

Doing a smoky eye didn’t stop me from using my Fenty diamond bomb and silver glitter all over my face and hair. I’m sure I will be washing glitter from my ass crack for weeks.

Not a lot of Indigo workers shared our enthusiasm for spending all night in the club. We came in a smaller circle, mostly of all the people that were here last year.

Right now, I am where I want to be. We’re dancing as Jungkook’s hands hold my waist and guides me through the rhythm, twirling me around at the peak of the song.

I throw my head back, cackling at Jungkook and his silly moves everytime he tries to mess around with me while dancing. I push him in his chest with a fit of giggles.

He fakes a dramatic pain in his chest as he sings along with the song.

I hold Dionne’s hands as we dance and sing to DJ, everyone else dancing close on the dance floor.

We’ve been getting hit on by Parisian men all night, and while that is a nice boost of ego, she has Jimin to go to her hotel room with while he leaves hickeys on her breasts. And I have… well, I don’t know what I have.

I don’t have anyone. But my stupid attachment to Jungkook holds me back from entertaining anyone right now.

I hook-up with men when I feel like it. I’m not proud to admit it, but I sometimes take the unhealthy root and sleep with someone when I watch how comfortable Jungkook goes home with another girl.

I never claimed to be completely healthy.

But tonight, I don’t find myself feeling tangled on a bed with another man.

What I do feel myself doing, is dancing my heart and soul out.

The DJ decides to take the party to the next level by playing a song of Indigo.

We all exclaim excitedly as we sing loudly to the lyrics.

Mark joins D and me. We keep dancing in a small circle before he takes Dionne’s hand and twirls her around. We burst into cackles as we watch D trying to keep up with Mark’s unmatched moves.

Mark holds his hands on her waist, moving his and her hips to the rhythm of the next song as Dionne enjoys herself.

I laugh and watch them, when my eyes fall on the couple behind them and my wide smile falls very slowly, but surely.

Jungkook in dancing with Airi. They seem to be laughing, even cackling at something as Jungkook keeps his eyes down on her the entire time.

Sometimes I think that must be how I look when I’m looking at him from the outsider view. Like there’s no one else around me. Like I’m not seeing anybody else but Jungkook. Like how he’s looking at her now, while he smiles and laughs with her.

I swallow the lump in my tightened throat and look away from them.

Ignorance is bliss, and I choose to ignore them in their small bubble every time they’re with each other as much as possible.

I might be stupid enough to have affections for my close friend, but I’m not stupid enough to constantly make myself miserable by watching them.

My heart jumps in my chest when I feel a shadow of a big figure dancing close to mine, getting closer to me from my back.

I twirl around, and I’m met with a true classic French beauty.

He’s beautiful, with a charming smile and blue piercing smile. His dirty blonde hair looks good in the most effortless way, almost similar to how good his dance moves look.

He moves like a skillful man, smiling at me with genuine eyes, but he keeps his hands to himself.

“Hi.”

Is all he says, with a smile that I’m sure has put many girls in trouble.

“Hi.” I respond with a polite smile as I slower my dance.

“I’m Quentin.” His thick French accent can be heard vividly through the loud music.

He holds his hand out for me to shake. I hesitate for a moment before I take it.

“Vivien.”

“Are you American?”

“Yes.” I respond. “And I guess I don’t need to ask if you are Parisian?” I joke with a grin.

He chuckles. “You could try.”

I like how easy he seems to be around.

“Would you like to take a break from the dance floor, Vivien? Maybe freshen up with a drink?”

“Sure.” I say. “Why not.” I was meaning to take a bar break anyway. At least now I can talk to a controversially attractive man.

He walks first, making way for me through the packed crowd. He moves the only empty stool at the bar for me to sit while he stands next to me with his elbow leaning on the bar.

Speaking of French men acting like perfect gentlemen.

“What would you like to drink, Vivien?” He keeps his eyes on me with a sexy grin.

I look at him with a smile before moving my eyes to the bartender.

“An Aperol Spritz. Thank you.”

Quentin moves his head to the bartender and orders a glass of whiskey.

“Since you didn’t object to my offer for a drink, I’m guessing you’re not here with someone?” He turns his sky-blue eyes back to me.

His question is a normal question, but for some reason it hits me hard.

My head takes a subtle turn to the dance floor on its own record. My eyes automatically searching for Jungkook.

But I can’t find him.

The fact that I can’t even find him from here hits me in the heart even harder.

“No.” I recover my face and give Quentin a tight smile as I look back at him. “I’m not here with anybody.”

His lips slowly form a smile as he takes a sip of his drink.

He changes the subject by asking more about me. I know these men by heart. He’s not asking question after question because he genuinely wants to know me.

He’s just trying to woo me by trying to seem interested in me, and not my body.

And frankly, I couldn’t care less. I don’t see myself being interested in any men, either.

I might find the urge to let out some sexual steam from time to time when I find a man somewhat attractive, but it’s never anything other than physical.

I don’t even remember the last time I went on a proper romantic date where I felt any sort of butterflies for my date.

And for that reason, I keep talking to Quentin. I spend more than I thought next to him, talking and flirting occasionally.

I’m not sure about continuing the night with him with anything more intimate, but it’s nice to be around someone that seems genuinely attracted to me.

Quentin lowers his head and whispers something into my ear with a playful smirk.

I’m listening to him intently, and suddenly, the smile on my lips starts to vanish.

Suddenly I’m not hearing what funny, suggestive joke Quentin is trying to impress me with. All my senses are focused on Jungkook a few stools over.

He’s ordering new drinks when his eyes catch mine.

He smiles when he sees me. Until he notices the man standing so close to me, his face close to mine and his lips so close to my ears.

His face falls before it stiffens. I can see the questions writing in his eyes as he fixes his eyes on the new French guy in my proximity.

His eyes stay on Quentin a little too long before he looks at me again.

He doesn’t let anything on his face. He doesn’t say anything.

It lets me think I might be imagining things. Like my brain is so consumed by Jungkook all the time, it has started to make me see things that aren’t real.

Every time that happens, I need to ground my brain and remind myself none of it is real. He doesn’t care whom I speak to or even sleep with.

We leave the bar after Quentin guides us away from the bar when the line starts to get too big and it gets hard to hear each other.

We stand on the side of the dance floor, not getting inside the crowd yet.

Where we stand has a better view of my friends across the dance floor. Some of them are now sitting at a big VIP table as they chat and laugh.

I see Jungkook walking away from the bar with two drinks in hand, probably making his way to the table.

But I’m slightly surprised when I see him walking our way.

He stands beside us with a grin, and a lemon martini and scotch in his hands.

Airi is the person with a love for lemon drinks. The other drink in his hand is for Airi.

“Hey.” He nods his head toward Quentin.

“Hi?” Quentin is confused by Jungkook appearing by our side. “Can we help you?”

I open my mouth to clarify who Jungkook is, but he beats me into speaking first.

“I don’t know. Can you?”

My eyes widen with confusion at his attitude.

“What the hell?” I mouth at him.

He ignores me and watches Quentin.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Quentin asks alerted. And a little unimpressed by Jungkook’s presence.

“It’s fine, actually. He’s my friend. He’s just being silly.” Then I turn my head to Jungkook and give him a sharp look. “And he was just leaving.”

He shows nothing in his eyes as he looks at me, apparently more interested in looking Quentin up and down than acknowledging me.

Quentin’s confused face eases at my words, realizing now that Jungkook isn’t a random stranger.

Jungkook on the other hand, doesn’t seem to want to leave us yet.

“Don’t you want to bring your friend to our table, Viv?” He turns his eyes on Quentin again. “We can get to know each other better.” He gives him a little smile.

“I think we’re good here. Thanks.” I answer him. “But I think you can go. Someone is waiting for their drink.”

Jungkook nods his head slowly as he moves his head towards me.

“Alright. Have fun, Viv. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

He says to me before he walks away.

Quentin keeps his eyes on him for moments before he averts his attention back on me.

“Hey, do you want to get out of here? Maybe go somewhere less crowded and more private?”

I can’t help but hold my attention on Jungkook for a little longer. I watch him as he makes his way and joins everyone at the table and sits next to Airi.

I even find myself unable to turn my head away as he offers Airi her drink, giving her a bright smile when she thanks him as they start talking not to the rest of the table, but to each other.

“Vivien?”

“Huh?” I startle as I turn my eyes on Quentin.

“I asked if you would like to leave. Maybe go somewhere else.”

I consider the option.

I guess I am going to have to find an outlet and a fraction of temporary pleasure in the form of another man tonight after all.

“Yes. I’d like it.”

As I pay one last glance towards Jungkook before I let Quentin lead me to the club’s exit, I can’t help but to wonder again, where did we go wrong with all of this.

a/n : I tried to post this fast since I'm not sure if I'll get to post it later, so I didn’t get to put enough time editing it. If there are any errors that I missed, I apologize.

I start to stretch my body a little. The cover slips off my body before I realize my noise-canceling headphones are gone. I look around before I see them between Jungkook and mine’s seat.

He must’ve removed them for me.

I stay lying like that for a few minutes. Jungkook moves his eyes from his phone to me.

“Are you okay, Viv?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“You don’t feel sick?”

I lazily shake my head.

“Then get up, sleepy head. They will serve breakfast soon.”

I push the blanket away and sit up on my seat. I rub my tired eyes and push the hair in my face back. I brush my fingers through the knots that has formed in my now messy hair as I look around the space.

The divider between our seats is still down. We usually don’t raise it, so I’m not sure if he even put it up when I was sleeping or not.

And the suite door is closed now, making our seats feel like a little private space. Just us. In our little nook.

Well, not completely private. People walking on the aisle can still peek a look in.

It seems like they only just turned the lights on, and there isn’t anyone walking in the aisles except for couple of flight attendances.

“Did you not sleep?” I turn to Jungkook.

His gaze drops back to his phone again.

“I did for couple of hours, but I wasn’t that tired.” He locks his phone and puts it away. “But you must’ve been really tired. You slept over six hours.”

I don’t have the heart to tell him I just didn’t want to be awake and witness him talking and giggling with Airi the entire flight.

“Truth be told, I think I can sleep for a few more hours again.” I bring my knees up on the bed as I wrap my arms around them.

Jungkook snorts a laugh. “I know you could. But that’s enough for now. They're bringing the breakfast now.”

Just as he finishes, we hear a knock. Jungkook reaches out to slide the door open for the flight attendant, and they serve us with breakfast.

I skip on the coffee though. I’d rather have an iced latte when we land in the city.

Since I was asleep when dinner was served few hours ago, and didn’t eat anything, Jungkook puts his fruit bowl and pastries on the table in front of me, telling me I have no choice but to eat them all.

I honestly feel like a child being fed more than my capacity by my mother. He says he will be full after he eats what he has and won’t eat those anyway.

I protest a little at first, but then give up on fighting with Jungkook. There is no argument where Jungkook doesn’t come out the winner.

I was pretty hungry though. So I ate everything.

We get ready for landing shortly after that.

Just then do I start to feel a little excited for finally arriving to Paris. Despite me loving the city so much, I’ve been here only two times. And both times, I didn’t get to stay for long, or enjoy the city to its fullest potential.

Something within me tells me that between my unexplainable and self-destructive feelings for Jungkook, and his feeling for Airi, I won’t be enjoying this time either.

We pack everything we used before they ask us to put on our seatbelts. Jungkook didn’t take too many things out of his black backpack, but it takes me a while to fit my travel blanket back into my bag.

We walk out of the plane with ease, having done this ritual too many times before.

We step into the private terminal, where our luggage has arrived and been unloaded, waiting for us.

That’s where we part ways with Indigo members and their security and managers.

Three black SUV are waiting for them, similar to the ones they arrived at Chicago airport with. Our destination in the same, but due to their protocols, the members are taken to our hotel with separate cars, and we are taken to our resort with rented tour buses which are waiting for us as well.

The resort we’ll be staying at for the next week or so is a very popular luxury hotel. I’m not aware of more details, since I’m not in on the plannings, but they usually reserve two floors for our party, along with all the goodies the hotel offers.

Fuck knows I’m going to enjoy spa days and the pool in here for the next week.

If I can’t enjoy the city of love with the love of my life while walking down in the streets and have a date night with my boyfriend at the Eiffel Tower, you bet I’m gonna enjoy the luxury hotel and all the free experiences it offers —well, they’re not, but I’m not paying for them so yeah, free.

The city is crowded and packed. I guess that’s how the city looks most days —if not always— so it takes us a while to get from the airport to our hotel.

The members arrive sooner, waiting in the hotel lobby as the managers stand by the lobby and take care of checking in progress.

I notice Jungkook the minute I walk in. His head is down and looking at his phone while he’s resting against the back on the sofa, one knee crossed on his opposite knee while his phone screen has his full attention. Everyone else sitting close with their heads in their phones.

Monty —the head tour manager— along with D walk to the reception. I assume all the preparations have been done prior to our arrival, so we don’t have to wait for long.

Everyone enjoy the next minutes of waiting in the luxury hotel lobby, as I make my way to the little area where Indigo is waiting. They will bring our room keys there anyway.

Jungkook brings his head up when he notices me approaching.

“Hey. Thought you fell asleep on the bus.” He looks at me with a grin.

“Haha.” I fake humor and make my way past him and sit next to Jimin. “Did you know you’re my favorite Indigo member?” I direct toward Jimin.Jimin brings his head up with a warm, cute smile at me. Jungkook cuts him off before he has a chance to respond.

“Hey.” He makes an offended sound. “I thought I was your favorite.” A line forming between his eyebrows.

“And what makes you think that Jeon?” I raise a questionable brow. “My pal here had been my favorite since day one.” I tap on Jimin’s shoulder.

Jimin chuckles at my attempt to irritate Jungkook.

“Traitor.” Jungkook mutters under his breath and he gives me a dirty look with an almost invisible pout before going back to his phone, ignoring me and Jimin.

But he easily gets distracted from his phone when Airi walks our way. Everyone else slowly walks this way, too, when they see Monty and his crew gather everyone.

We all receive our room numbers and keys before everyone scatter around. Not everyone want to go to their rooms just yet.

I personally, am ready for another bath and lying down on my bed already. Maybe a quick rest before I decide if I want to explore the city a little or not.

We each go to our own rooms, our luggage already waiting for us there.

I open two of my suitcases, the stuff scatter around the floor before I take the things I need with me to the ensuite bathroom.

The suite is nice. Nothing too big and overly fancy. But it’s still quite luxurious as a top hotel in Paris.

The bathroom has a big space, beautifully done with more modern architecture than the rest of the room.

Since I took a bath before we left Chicago, I save the gorgeous, tempting bathtub which is calling to me for later and take a quick shower.

The next couple hours fly by with taking out my essentials and organizing some of my bags and clothes, putting everything I might need and use the most at the most reachable places.

By five p.m., everyone is probably already leaving for the venue to rehears for tomorrow’s concert.

I’m not exactly needed there, even though I could still go and watch them rehears if I wanted to. So I spend some more time checking my makeup kit and bag, making sure everything intact and clean.

I’m walking around in a black oversized hoodie —technically it’s Jungkook’s, but now it’s mine and he can only dream about getting it back— when I hear a knock on the suite front door.

When I look at the hall through the peephole, I see Airi standing there in different clothes than before. She’s now wearing what seems appropriate for going out.

I open the door. Airi’s face lights up with a sweet smile.

“Hi. I didn’t bother you at a bad time, did I?”

I’m still a little shocked by seeing her here so unannounced, standing at my hotel room door. I blink and shake the surprise off.

“No. Not at all.” I open the door wider. “Come in.”

She walks in before I close the door, still a little unsure by what’s going on.

“Are you still working on unpacking?” She peeks her head around and looks at the pile of mess I’ve made with all of my stuff.

“I actually don’t unpack fully.” I walk further into the room. “Just couple of necessities. I hate packing. So the less I have to do later, the better.”

“What are you planning to do with the rest of your day?” She turns to me.

I huff a breath and push my long hair away from my face.

“Uh, I don’t really know. Maybe ordering food and rotting on bed?” I giggle awkwardly.

Everyone else are probably on their way to the venue for the rehearsal already. And I’m not a big fan of going out by myself, so there’s not much for me to do tonight.

Which makes me guess as to why Airi, of all people, is standing here in my room.

“Don’t you want to explore the city?” Airi offers. “We could go to a café and maybe shop after.”

Her words remind me of Jungkook’s word earlier before we went to the airport. About how I will definitely buy more makeup when I step foot in Paris.

That automatically brings a faint smile on my lips.

Also, that reminds me I didn’t get any coffee today. I’m already tired and I don’t want to fuck up my sleep schedule now.

But I’m also not sure about spending time alone with Airi. She’s a good person. She’s friendly and nice, not hard to get along with at all.

But at the same time, spending time with her and being friendly back feels awkward sometimes. Especially if we’re going to be alone for hours.

I planned on maybe visiting everyone at the venue later today, and if I agree to go with Airi, we’ll be going together.

And a selfish, nasty part inside me makes me not want to take her to the venue with me. To Jungkook.

I know, it makes me sound stupid and bad. Not seeing her for one more hour doesn’t make any difference. At the end of the day, Jungkook still likes this girl, whether he sees her tonight for a little or not.

Ugh, when did I become such a selfish and horrible person?

I sigh and say fuck it.

I’m in Paris. One of the most beautiful cities in the world. A whole different continent, for fuck’s sake. And it’s only the beginning. We’re going to spend the next months across Europe.

Now, I knew it would be difficult for me to spend that much time with them, and potentially see them finally become an item —hope I’m not around for that— but I can’t let my stupid feelings torment me over the smallest encounters. And on our first day already.

I don’t need to lock myself in my room the entire tour.

I can be sad and pathetic while I enjoy the luxury experience of beautiful European cities.

“Sure. Why not. Let me get ready.”

Airi waits on the couch and entertains herself with the TV in the other room while I get ready.

I keep my hair down, attempting a blow-out look. It doesn’t look at half as good as Airi’s effortlessly gorgeous hair. That girl makes the hardest styles look effortless on her hair.

I wear a classy summer dress, perfect as a Paris outfit. A black dress with white polka dots, the length reaching my mid-calf.

I tie the straps behind my neck before I wear my white heels, matching a small handbag. The shoes have straps and heels that aren’t too high, so unlike their look, they’re really comfortable for walking.

We take a cab and go to a Sephora first —duh.

We pick some backups for our kits first. I feel exhilarated over finding and buying things I can’t easily find back home. I usually need to pay a lot for shipping to get them. I take a few pieces both for my makeup kit and for my own makeup bag.

Airi even asks for recommendations, so we end up damaging her bank account and spend quite some time picking basically a full face for her. I take that opportunity and ask for her advice and buy some hair products for my frizzy hair.So to say I didn’t have fun spending over two hours as Sephora with Airi would be a big, fat lie.

I usually have to pick everything for Dionne, since she couldn’t care less about trying different products out. It felt nice to have someone that shares similar interests and knows some things better than me. To discuss about all the new stuff and take advice from her.

We spend some time walking in Parisian streets. The view gives me so much joy as we watch all the different stores, flower shops and beautiful buildings.

It is truly a dreamy city. If I didn’t love living in Chicago so much, I would’ve pack all my stuff and moved here.

We sit at a small, beautiful café after that and give me that coffee that I’ve been craving all day. I can’t even help the moan that leaves me when I bite into my warm, freshly out of the oven pastry.

I don’t know if I’m going to regret this later —I most certainly will— but I suggest to visit everyone at the rehearsal.

Airi seems unsure at first, not confident about us showing up unannounced when we aren’t needed there.

I’ve attended many of their practices over the years as their friend, so I assure her that it’s a regular routine at this point.

She ends up agreeing and comes with me. We even buy some drinks for the members and the managers to take with us.

The ride to the venue doesn’t take long.

We arrive when they’re in the middle of their practice. Their faces and bodies soaked in sweat as they put all their energy in their performance.

I look at them with endearing pride. If they they’re doing this amazing for a rehearsal, they will blow that stage at their actual concert.

When my eyes fall at the corner, where Jungkook is playing the drum, I trip on my legs and almost free fall to the ground.

Where Jimin and Mark and other members got rid of their jackets and are in their t-shirts, Jungkook has gotten rid of his t-shirt. He’s playing fucking shirtless.

I choke on my own spit as I goggle Jungkook. His long hair looks wavy with some front pieces wet, by either water or sweat.

His chest and arms are covered in a thin layer of sweat as his muscles flex when he moves his arms skillfully and plays the drum.

He’s in his natural element. His eyes closing from time to time as he plays the song by heart.

Everything about this man drives me insane. It’s how masterly he plays drum on the stage. How he makes playing the most difficult and challenging songs look like the easiest thing ever.

He gets engrossed into the song and playing the drum, and that’s why it all looks so natural and skillful.

Not to mention the view of his toned and hard chest and all of his tattoos showing while the muscles clench is a real candy to the eyes.

The sight of his full-sleeve tattoo and the new one on his right chest does things to my heart and my belly.

They stop mid-song, pausing to go over some of the audio equipment and check the lighting and monitors.

They start talking and discussing the installations, when I hear Airi calling me. I realize I've frozen in my spot while she has walked way ahead of me.

I hurry to her side as I make another glance at the stage. Jungkook and Jimin are in a deep conversation with a staff as Mark, another old member that played with Indigo from the beginning, joins them in on the conversation.

My heart skips a quick beat when I see Jungkook’s head turning my way for a split second while he talk to Jimin. His serious eyes turning soft in a matter of seconds as his face lights up with a genuine smile.

My weak, traitorous heart warms at the sight, making me smile back at him as I give him a little wave.

He acknowledges it with the wider smile.

We make our way through the backstage. We stand at the corner of the stage, where the stage crew are working and making sure the scene is correctly set.

“When will they have their break?” Airi asks a woman with board and papers in her hand, while holding a full paper tray of drinks in her own hands.

I’m holding a similar tray in my own hands while holding my own cup.

“I don’t know. In maybe five.” She responds before going on with her work.

I faintly hear Jungkook speaking to everyone from here.

“Let’s take a break now, everyone.”

He announces before he turns his head our way. Jimin follows his eyes and a smile breaks across his lips when he sees us.

I start to walk to them, Airi following me along to the stage.

And that’s when Jungkook’s eyes fall on Airi, noticing her just now.

The pang in my chest intensifies as I see his eyes lightening up even more at the sight of her.

I ignore the feeling as I walk up to them with a grin.

“Hey guys. Hope you’re not too tired. We were in the city and brought you some drinks to cheer you up.”

I offer the drinks to the members as Airi gives the ones in her hand to the rest of the staff on stage.

“God, I fucking love you Vi.” Jimin slings his arm around my shoulder as he gulps his drink down.

I give the last drink to Jungkook. His eyes fall down to my shopping bags as he takes the drinks from me.

“White and black shopping bags, huh?” He remarks with a teasing grin.

“Don’t start with me jeon, or I’ll pour this hot chocolate all over your naked body.” I chuckle.

Airi comes back with a matching shopping bag.

One of the staff walks to us after Airi, talking to Jimin about his microphone problem before Jimin walks away with him.

“Did you guys enjoy exploring the city without us?” Jungkook asks as he bends down to place his drink down.

“More than you could imagine.” I tell him playfully.

He looks at me with glaring eyes, matching my energy. “You just love to taunt me, Viv.”

“It’s my only joy in life, Jeon.” I grin at him.

He turns his eyes to Airi. “With familiarity that I have of her, she’s either telling the truth and loved going out in the city, or she’s lying through his teeth and she absolutely hated it.” He directs the question at her with a smile. “Which one is it?”

Airi bursts into giggles as I look at him with offence and irritation.

That little fucker—

“We really did have a great time. We should go out again. All of us.”

“We can go to that bar we went to last year after our second night.”

Last year, we came to Paris for a music festival. After the show, everyone was filled with adrenalin and energy, so we decided to go to a bar-slash-club.

Some of the guys couldn’t remember anything from the night before. That’s the sign of a fun night.

We stay backstage while they finish their rehearsal. Almost thirty more minutes of practicing their transition songs and all the equipment installed in the venue, and everyone starts to get ready to go back to the hotel.

Jungkook holds the door a we get inside the van first, sharing the ride with Indigo to our resort.

Jimin gets inside next, taking the seat next to Airi. I try to not overthink it as Jungkook takes the middle seat next to me so he’s sitting between me and Joey, but I can’t help but wonder if Jungkook would’ve wanted to take the seat next to Airi if he could.

The cruel fleeting thoughts leave my mind as we fall into our silly conversations. Just like our usual selves.

I sit a little closer to the edge of my seat when I see Joey and Mark are squished in their seats. Jungkook moves his body closer to my side as he places his arm on the headrest behind me.

“Did you buy anything for me?” He directs the question at me as he tries to peek inside the shopping bags on my lap and in front of my legs.

I laugh at him.

“Oh, yeah. Of course I did” I look through inside the bag with an excited smile. “I bought this Too Faced Better Than Sex eyeliner, and these NARS blushes called Deep throat and Orgasm.”

I hold them out for him with playful eyes while trying not to burst out into laughter.

Jungkook though, can’t help the smirk that cracks on his lips. He looks down at me with mischievous eyes.

It’s then when I focus on the look he’s giving me, that I realize how close we actually are.

His arm is behind my back, and his chest is almost touching my shoulder.

And he’s not backing away. He’s not putting any space between us. Why would he? He doesn’t have the slightest clue of the mayhem that is going inside me.

Or how my heart is dropping low at how close I am to him. His hair is still slightly damp, but smells so nice. It must be one of his hairsprays. His cheeks and neck still have a hue of flush from the practice. He looks so gorgeous, it’s fucking unfair.

He is wearing a new black long-sleeved shirt now. His glasses make him look so much more desirable than before. Which makes me wonder if I always had a thing for a man wearing glasses or is that only the case for Jungkook.

This man has ruined me for all men, and he has never even been mine.

“I’m sure you were very pleased with yourself and giggling when you were picking these up, huh?.” He says with his low voice.

His husky voice makes my insides turn along with my lower belly.

Please don’t get horny for your friend, Vivien. And in front of him and your other friends!

“Yes. In matter of fact I was.” I answer with a sheepish grin, my confident exterior completely different than my interior conflict. “Should I remind you the gift you’re hell bent on getting me for my next birthday?” I raise my brows.

“Be honest. You’re counting on getting that gift aren’t you?”

“Like Cher Horowitz always says, as if.” I roll my eyes with a chuckle.

“You’re such a bad liar, Vi. And you know it.” He chuckles, too. He leans back a little and directs his attention on the conversation everyone else are having.

The ride to our hotel is stopped few times by traffic and red lights, but it doesn’t take too long.

Since everyone are tired after the long day, and need to get proper rest for the longer day ahead, we all say our goodnights and go to our rooms.

Of course I don’t fall asleep before exchanging some texts with Jungkook.

He actually sent me some models of the said pink handcuffs, pretending to ask my opinion to which one he should get for me as a thank you for the thoughtful gifts I bought him.

I simultaneously laughed at his silliness and wondered where did we go wrong with this friendship. Or better yet, where did I go wrong and lost my heart to this teasing silly man.

This was supposed to be our friendship dynamic. When did I fall for it all and yielded my fragile heart to this exceptional man?

He’s cruel to my heart, yet gentle and caring with my body and soul, and mischievous and tormenting with my mind.

Despite everything, I can’t help but to feel happy and calm after he talks to me. Even if they are unserious talks. Even if they are short texts and don’t mean anything.

Talking to Jungkook always makes me happier.

The next two days pass in a breeze. Indigo has the best team of workers, in my biased opinion.

We fall into our rhythm even on our first night in Paris. Technical issues are inevitable, but they get fixed quickly. There is no time wasted in the dressing rooms, and Indigo plays their show like the rockstars that they are.

Jimin shines like a freaking star on the front of that stage, his voice making everyone in the crowd go absolutely crazy. It doesn’t take them long to drop their phones and let themselves get mesmerized by his unique magical voice.

But to me, and I’m sure some others, the brightest rockstar was Jungkook.

I stood at the corner of their backstage, having the perfect view of him as they played their songs.

I stood there on my spot both nights. They were fully focused on giving their all for their fans and performance, but my chest got filled with excitement and adoration each time Jungkook turned his head my way to give me a smile full of joy and thrill when they paused for a break and Jimin gave the crowd a speech.

He truly shined when he was in his element.

He paused to look my way on both nights, his eyes filled with even more warmness the second night.

We didn’t want them to burn themselves out, so we left that night for rest, and the next night for actually enjoying Paris.

Dressed in my sparkly black dress and drenched from head to toe in my perfume, I dance my heart out to the music.

Doing a smoky eye didn’t stop me from using my Fenty diamond bomb and silver glitter all over my face and hair. I’m sure I will be washing glitter from my ass crack for weeks.

Not a lot of Indigo workers shared our enthusiasm for spending all night in the club. We came in a smaller circle, mostly of all the people that were here last year.

Right now, I am where I want to be. We’re dancing as Jungkook’s hands hold my waist and guides me through the rhythm, twirling me around at the peak of the song.

I throw my head back, cackling at Jungkook and his silly moves everytime he tries to mess around with me while dancing. I push him in his chest with a fit of giggles.

He fakes a dramatic pain in his chest as he sings along with the song.

I hold Dionne’s hands as we dance and sing to DJ, everyone else dancing close on the dance floor.

We’ve been getting hit on by Parisian men all night, and while that is a nice boost of ego, she has Jimin to go to her hotel room with while he leaves hickeys on her breasts. And I have… well, I don’t know what I have.

I don’t have anyone. But my stupid attachment to Jungkook holds me back from entertaining anyone right now.

I hook-up with men when I feel like it. I’m not proud to admit it, but I sometimes take the unhealthy root and sleep with someone when I watch how comfortable Jungkook goes home with another girl.

I never claimed to be completely healthy.

But tonight, I don’t find myself feeling tangled on a bed with another man.

What I do feel myself doing, is dancing my heart and soul out.

The DJ decides to take the party to the next level by playing a song of Indigo.

We all exclaim excitedly as we sing loudly to the lyrics.

Mark joins D and me. We keep dancing in a small circle before he takes Dionne’s hand and twirls her around. We burst into cackles as we watch D trying to keep up with Mark’s unmatched moves.

Mark holds his hands on her waist, moving his and her hips to the rhythm of the next song as Dionne enjoys herself.

I laugh and watch them, when my eyes fall on the couple behind them and my wide smile falls very slowly, but surely.

Jungkook in dancing with Airi. They seem to be laughing, even cackling at something as Jungkook keeps his eyes down on her the entire time.

Sometimes I think that must be how I look when I’m looking at him from the outsider view. Like there’s no one else around me. Like I’m not seeing anybody else but Jungkook. Like how he’s looking at her now, while he smiles and laughs with her.

I swallow the lump in my tightened throat and look away from them.

Ignorance is bliss, and I choose to ignore them in their small bubble every time they’re with each other as much as possible.

I might be stupid enough to have affections for my close friend, but I’m not stupid enough to constantly make myself miserable by watching them.

My heart jumps in my chest when I feel a shadow of a big figure dancing close to mine, getting closer to me from my back.

I twirl around, and I’m met with a true classic French beauty.

He’s beautiful, with a charming smile and blue piercing smile. His dirty blonde hair looks good in the most effortless way, almost similar to how good his dance moves look.

He moves like a skillful man, smiling at me with genuine eyes, but he keeps his hands to himself.

“Hi.”

Is all he says, with a smile that I’m sure has put many girls in trouble.

“Hi.” I respond with a polite smile as I slower my dance.

“I’m Quentin.” His thick French accent can be heard vividly through the loud music.

He holds his hand out for me to shake. I hesitate for a moment before I take it.

“Vivien.”

“Are you American?”

“Yes.” I respond. “And I guess I don’t need to ask if you are Parisian?” I joke with a grin.

He chuckles. “You could try.”

I like how easy he seems to be around.

“Would you like to take a break from the dance floor, Vivien? Maybe freshen up with a drink?”

“Sure.” I say. “Why not.” I was meaning to take a bar break anyway. At least now I can talk to a controversially attractive man.

He walks first, making way for me through the packed crowd. He moves the only empty stool at the bar for me to sit while he stands next to me with his elbow leaning on the bar.

Speaking of French men acting like perfect gentlemen.

“What would you like to drink, Vivien?” He keeps his eyes on me with a sexy grin.

I look at him with a smile before moving my eyes to the bartender.

“An Aperol Spritz. Thank you.”

Quentin moves his head to the bartender and orders a glass of whiskey.

“Since you didn’t object to my offer for a drink, I’m guessing you’re not here with someone?” He turns his sky-blue eyes back to me.

His question is a normal question, but for some reason it hits me hard.

My head takes a subtle turn to the dance floor on its own record. My eyes automatically searching for Jungkook.

But I can’t find him.

The fact that I can’t even find him from here hits me in the heart even harder.

“No.” I recover my face and give Quentin a tight smile as I look back at him. “I’m not here with anybody.”

His lips slowly form a smile as he takes a sip of his drink.

He changes the subject by asking more about me. I know these men by heart. He’s not asking question after question because he genuinely wants to know me.

He’s just trying to woo me by trying to seem interested in me, and not my body.

And frankly, I couldn’t care less. I don’t see myself being interested in any men, either.

I might find the urge to let out some sexual steam from time to time when I find a man somewhat attractive, but it’s never anything other than physical.

I don’t even remember the last time I went on a proper romantic date where I felt any sort of butterflies for my date.

And for that reason, I keep talking to Quentin. I spend more than I thought next to him, talking and flirting occasionally.

I’m not sure about continuing the night with him with anything more intimate, but it’s nice to be around someone that seems genuinely attracted to me.

Quentin lowers his head and whispers something into my ear with a playful smirk.

I’m listening to him intently, and suddenly, the smile on my lips starts to vanish.

Suddenly I’m not hearing what funny, suggestive joke Quentin is trying to impress me with. All my senses are focused on Jungkook a few stools over.

He’s ordering new drinks when his eyes catch mine.

He smiles when he sees me. Until he notices the man standing so close to me, his face close to mine and his lips so close to my ears.

His face falls before it stiffens. I can see the questions writing in his eyes as he fixes his eyes on the new French guy in my proximity.

His eyes stay on Quentin a little too long before he looks at me again.

He doesn’t let anything on his face. He doesn’t say anything.

It lets me think I might be imagining things. Like my brain is so consumed by Jungkook all the time, it has started to make me see things that aren’t real.

Every time that happens, I need to ground my brain and remind myself none of it is real. He doesn’t care whom I speak to or even sleep with.

We leave the bar after Quentin guides us away from the bar when the line starts to get too big and it gets hard to hear each other.

We stand on the side of the dance floor, not getting inside the crowd yet.

Where we stand has a better view of my friends across the dance floor. Some of them are now sitting at a big VIP table as they chat and laugh.

I see Jungkook walking away from the bar with two drinks in hand, probably making his way to the table.

But I’m slightly surprised when I see him walking our way.

He stands beside us with a grin, and a lemon martini and scotch in his hands.

Airi is the person with a love for lemon drinks. The other drink in his hand is for Airi.

“Hey.” He nods his head toward Quentin.

“Hi?” Quentin is confused by Jungkook appearing by our side. “Can we help you?”

I open my mouth to clarify who Jungkook is, but he beats me into speaking first.

“I don’t know. Can you?”

My eyes widen with confusion at his attitude.

“What the hell?” I mouth at him.

He ignores me and watches Quentin.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Quentin asks alerted. And a little unimpressed by Jungkook’s presence.

“It’s fine, actually. He’s my friend. He’s just being silly.” Then I turn my head to Jungkook and give him a sharp look. “And he was just leaving.”

He shows nothing in his eyes as he looks at me, apparently more interested in looking Quentin up and down than acknowledging me.

Quentin’s confused face eases at my words, realizing now that Jungkook isn’t a random stranger.

Jungkook on the other hand, doesn’t seem to want to leave us yet.

“Don’t you want to bring your friend to our table, Viv?” He turns his eyes on Quentin again. “We can get to know each other better.” He gives him a little smile.

“I think we’re good here. Thanks.” I answer him. “But I think you can go. Someone is waiting for their drink.”

Jungkook nods his head slowly as he moves his head towards me.

“Alright. Have fun, Viv. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

He says to me before he walks away.

Quentin keeps his eyes on him for moments before he averts his attention back on me.

“Hey, do you want to get out of here? Maybe go somewhere less crowded and more private?”

I can’t help but hold my attention on Jungkook for a little longer. I watch him as he makes his way and joins everyone at the table and sits next to Airi.

I even find myself unable to turn my head away as he offers Airi her drink, giving her a bright smile when she thanks him as they start talking not to the rest of the table, but to each other.

“Vivien?”

“Huh?” I startle as I turn my eyes on Quentin.

“I asked if you would like to leave. Maybe go somewhere else.”

I consider the option.

I guess I am going to have to find an outlet and a fraction of temporary pleasure in the form of another man tonight after all.

“Yes. I’d like it.”

As I pay one last glance towards Jungkook before I let Quentin lead me to the club’s exit, I can’t help but to wonder again, where did we go wrong with all of this.

a/n : I tried to post this fast since I'm not sure if I'll get to post it later, so I didn’t get to put enough time editing it. If there are any errors that I missed, I apologize.

I cringe when I realize I might’ve thrown the perfume bottles a little too harsh. I might be doing good financially, but unfortunately my signature perfume retails for almost four freaking hundred dollars. And this specific bottle of Parfums The Marly Valaya was a birthday gift from Jungkook earlier this year. So I carefully readjust it in the mini bag, a lot more gentle this time.

“Are you seriously packing two big makeup bags? You’re a makeups artist with a huge suitcase full of makeup. Do you really need to overpack that much?” Jungkook’s voice travels through the phone. He’s talking to me on the phone while packing himself.

He sent a photo of himself earlier, sitting in the middle of a big pile of clothes on the floor of his room, telling me to learn and get my ass up to pack.

My heart skipped a beat when I opened that photo. Exclusively because he was shirtless and was wearing a loose pair of black sport shorts.

I ignored the butterflies flying around in my belly at the sight of his slightly damp long hair, his bare chest and tattoos and his beautiful bare face, and sent him a picture of myself, sitting in the middle of a messy disaster of my makeup while trying to fit them into only two makeups bags and showing him my middle finger.

I captioned it with “Way ahead of you, fucker.”

He responded with laughing emojis and decided to call me after.

“I don’t use those makeup myself, Jungkook. I’m telling you that for the thousandth time. And I don’t know what kind of look I might want to do, so I need all kinds of options.” I grunt as I push the fifth eyeshadow palette into the bag.

And that’s a lie. I will probably do the same look everyday throughout the whole trip, but I still need my options with me.

“You are insane, Viv. The first thing you’re gonna do when we land in Paris is to go to their Sephora anyway. What’s the point of packing so much?” He argues like he knows me so much.

And yes. He does.

I will most definitely do exactly what he said.

“Leave me and my dozens of makeup bags alone, Jeon. Just like I’m leaving you and your tenth black hoodie alone.” I give up and throw the rest of the makeup in a third bag.

Don’t judge me.

“You talk like you’re literally not the person who have stolen twenty of them already.” He yells from a distant, probably busy moving around his house as we talk. “You always pack girly tops and shit, but you always end up stealing my clothes. Half of these hoodies will be missing from my suitcase by the end of this trip.”

Since he’s not here to see my giddy look, I let myself smile at that.

I probably have six of his hoodies in my closet right now. And he knows he’s not getting them back from me.

“Your clothes are big and comfy. And don’t talk like you literally don’t give them to me yourself.”

He likes complaining about me stealing his clothes all the time, but he never made a move to stop me from doing that. He gave two of them to me himself.

“That’s because you always go out with little tops and strapless outfits and end up freezing. And I end up giving them to you because I’m not a heartless monster.” I can hear the cocky tone and the smile even on the phone. “My mama raised a gentleman.”

My smile only widens. I push my hair back from my face and adjust the phone between my shoulder and ear.

“Okay. Now that you are such a perfect gentleman, how about you pack me one of your long sleeve shirts, too?”

“Get away from those, Viv.” He threatens me playfully. “I’m warning you.”

I’m probably gonna take one of those, too. And he fully knows that.

I burst into chuckles as I bring all my bags and pack my suitcases.

The staff and tour managers would go into a cardiac arrest if they saw the number of suitcases I’m bringing, but they are all already familiar with me.

We spend the rest of the day time talking and packing, making sure that the other one doesn’t forget anything, until I receive a call from Dionne.

We finally say our goodbyes before I hang up on Jungkook and take Dionne’s call.

Dionne is one of the tour managers, meaning she’s very strict on organizing and planning. So she has had her suitcases and bags packed and ready in days.

She’s my closest friend, but we could never share a room in a hotel and that’s the reason why. She would probably hit me with one her heels and throw me and my dozen bags out of the room three hours into our stay.

“No way you guys just finished packing.” She tells me dramatically after we talk for a while. “How can you guys sleep at night not fearing you forgot something? Even Jimin packed faster than you guys.”

“Did he, Now?” My tone teasing.

“Yeah. I’ve been on the phone with him for the past three days, making sure he has packed everything already.”

“Yeah, but I don’t exactly think he packs that quickly because he has OCD.” I smirk, and Dionne catches into my tone quickly.

I can actually feel the roll of her eyes through the phone. “Shut your damn gate, woman. Stop relating everything to anything.”

“Okay, whatever you say.” I feign nonchalance. “But I know you’re full of shit, D. I’m pretty sure that you didn’t even help him through the phone.” She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. “Tell me, D. How much time did you guys actually put in for packing when you were on your breaks between fucking each other?” I ask with a devilish grin.

She breathes out to give me a hard response, but she comes empty. “Just shut up, V.” She mutters with a sigh.

I giggle as I bring my feet up on my coffee table.

This is the last day I can have peace in my own apartment before our departure. We leave Chicago and fly to Paris tonight at nine pm.

I know the privilege that comes with working, and being friends with Indigo is that we’ll be staying in the best hotels, but taking a long bubble bath in my own tub can’t be topped — that’s a lie, this is nothing compared to bubble baths in European luxury hotels.

So now, I’m resting on my couch in my silk pajama set and drinking my tea.

In order to be safe from a jet lag, we need to stay awake so we can get some sleep on the plane. So me and Dionne make it our mission to stay on the phone and talk until we’re out of breath.

D is the one hanging up on me, saying she wants to take a shower before she starts to get ready to leave for the airport.

We say our goodbyes as I lay down on my couch and cover my body with a thin blanket.

There’s still a good hour or two before we have to get ready and leave, so my guess is that she wants to get on the phone with Jimin for some time.

I hang up the phone with a smile as I play Friends on the TV. It’s my favorite sitcom, but I don’t necessarily want to watch. Just some noises in the background so I don’t accidently drift into a slumber.

I woke up pretty early this morning and I made it my mission of the day to make myself exhausted throughout the day so I can sleep on the plane. I already feel tired, but I’ve had enough flights to be able to keep myself awake when I need it.

I slip my hands under my head as I relax. My eyes drift away from the TV screen when I hear a text notification from my phone.

I stretch my hand out and pick up my phone from the coffee table. I see Jungkook’s name pop on my screen.

Jungkook: You’re not sleeping, right?

I smile as I start typing a reply.

Me: Nope. Wide awake, busy watching Rachel and Ross fighting.

Me: What are you doing?

Not thirty seconds later, I get a text from him again.

Jungkook: Ross and Rachel again? Are they ever not fighting? Which season is it this time?

Jungkook: I got bored and out of things to do, so I’m deep cleaning the kitchen.

I burst into giggles when I see him sending a sticker of a clown with an apron and plastic gloves.

Me: It’s season four this time. Ross is yelling at Rachel for making him read nineteen (!!!) pages of rambling at five am.

Me: And you need to send a pic of yourself! Right now!

I turn on my spot and lie on my back, staring at the three dots while Jungkook types on the other end of the phone.

Jungkook: Ahh. That fight. Of course. I mean, I would read ninety pages of letters if Rachel ever wrote me one. Unfortunately Ross isn’t our strongest soldier.

I giggle again. Jungkook never fails to mention his crush on Rachel and how much of a simp he is for her.

Jungkook: Sure. But I gotta warn you, since I know you want a pic of me in an apron just to torture me with it later, but I’m not wearing one.

Jungkook: In matter of fact, I haven’t put on a shirt since the last pic I sent you.

My breathing starts to get labored as I read his text again, needing to make sure I read it right.

Why do you torture me like that, Jungkook?

I write a reply, trying to sound as playful as I can but honestly, my brain is as horny and needy as between my legs.

Me: Well, now I have to see it.

I add another text to make sure it doesn’t expose my eagerness to see him shirtless again.

Me: It’s honestly a dirty fantasy come true if you have neon pink plastic gloves on, too.

Jungkook: Hm. So you really find men in neon pink gloves sexy, Viv?

No, I find a shirtless you sexy. But who’s counting.

Jungkook: Interesting.

Jungkook: Unfortunately, mine are neon green. So your fantasies are kinda ruined now.

I roll my eyes as I grunt desperately into a throw pillow.

That motherfucking tease!

He’s sexually torturing me without even knowing it.

I just end up with a simple text this time, sulking because I didn’t manage to get another random shirtless picture of him.

Sometimes, he sends me those randomly. A picture of him while doing something random, and he happens to not be wearing any shirts in it.

He walks around his apartment shirtless a lot when he’s alone, so that’s nothing out of the ordinary or weird between us. Shirtless Jungkook is not something I haven’t seen a hundred times already. He sometimes takes his shirt off on the stage.

But there’s something belly-warming and mind-fucking about the random photos he sends me sometimes.

Because those photos are taken only for me. I’m the only one seeing them. He’s walking around his big apartment, and he thinks about sharing that moment with me. And that means a lot to me. Not mentioning that I’m probably the only person seeing him naked this many times —I’d like to think.

Me: That’s a shame. I was really counting on watching that fantasy come true. A pink apron would’ve been the cherry on top.

Jungkook: What’s with you and the color pink? Do you happened to have a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs, too?

I choke on my own spit and bursts into disbelieve laughter.

Me: No, I don’t. But I wouldn’t be too surprised if you’re into those. Are you…?

I watch my phone screen with anticipation and a fast beating heart as I wait for Jungkook’s response while he types.

Jungkook: I mean, they don’t necessarily need to be pink… Although that sounds like something you would like. [evil emoji]

Okay that’s enough. I need to stop this conversation before it goes somewhere that I don’t have the self-control to stop.

My clit is already pulsing and I want to scream into a pillow from frustration.

Just like all the times where our shameless flirts start to go out of hand, I make an attempt to kill the mood and bring us both back to reality.

Me: You’re getting out of hand, Jeon. Finish your deep cleaning before we have to leave, and please, for the love of god, don’t get me a pink pair of fuzzy handcuffs for my birthday.

He responds with multiple laughing emojis. And we say our goodbyes after that.

I’ve successfully kept myself awake, and we need to be at the airport in an hour. So I get up from the warm and comfortable embrace of my soft beige couch and get dressed.

It’s at least an eight hour flight, and I’m probably sleeping though most of it anyway, so I wear something comfortable and simple. Just a pair of soft pastel pink sweatpants and sweater set. I make sure everything I might need throughout the flight is packed and organized in my travel bag as I push my luggage to my front door.

It takes a lot of effort, but I do my best to carry everything as much as I can, before I see the bus which is supposed to take the staff to airport parks at my building’s entryway.

Dionne and a man get out of the bus as they enter my building’s lobby.

“Hey, pretty.” Dionne wraps her arms around me as the man carries most of my luggage. Dionne’s eyes follow him, before she turns to me with narrowed eyes. “I thought I told you to pack lightly, girl. Why do you always have to stress me out?”

She isn’t wearing any makeup, but her dark gorgeous skin doesn’t need any makeup to look as stunning as she looks right now, even as she looks at me with dirty eyes.

She came in a similar comfortable set as mine, except her clothes are cool beige. Her hair is perfectly styles as always, and she’s already wearing the earbuds she’s so fond of.

I shrug innocently. “I’ll let you use my stuff?”

She rolls her eyes and sighs before walking for the door. She follows her staff and instructs him on how to fit my “ridiculous amount of suitcases” in to the bus. She reminds him to be extra careful about my make up luggage. Honestly, that suitcase is more expensive than half of my life.

I leave my building with my carry-on and the bag I’ll have with me through the flight, and step inside the bus.

There are still some of the staff that need to be picked up on the way to the airport, but half of the seats are already filled.

I break a sweat trying to push my heavy carry-on in the spot above the seats. Dionne gets on the bus, and she doesn’t forget to scold me one more time about the numbers of suitcases I’m brining with myself.

I tell her she should’ve known better to expect anything else from me. She has traveled with me enough times to know that.

We sit next to each other on the ride to airport.

It takes a little less than an hour, and I’ve already taken out my neck pillow as I listen to my audio book. While everyone else, like D, entertain themselves by their phones and iPads or laptops, my motion sickness refrains me from doing anything but looking out of the window. Seriously, it’s the worst curse. I always need to remember my pills for when I get on the plane.

The bus stops at the airport’s private terminal. D moves quicker that everyone, stepping out of the bus first to make sure they unload the luggage correctly.

“Honestly, I should’ve gotten one on these neck pillows, too.” I hear Airi speak next to me as she drags her carry-on with her. “My neck already feels like cramping.” She speaks as softly as she looks.

I laugh awkwardly. “I know. After flying so many times, you’ll become an expert with time.”

“Yeah.” She chuckles. “I need to get one for the next flight.” She steps out of the bus before I follow along.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be way more comfortable on the flight itself.”

Since this is where the most important part of Dionne’s job begins, I try to stay out her hair and let her do her job peacefully.

Airi stays by my side as we enter the terminal and check in and go through the security and deliver our luggage.

She hasn’t joined the staff for long. That can make her feel out of place or overwhelmed. She tries to seem confident and unaffected and talks cheerfully about the start of this tour, but I can see how nervous she looks as we sit at the airport’s cafeteria and order some drinks and sweet pastries.

I honestly feel like I’m in a dilemma. We haven’t made a strong and close friendship since she started working for Indigo. Not saying that we’re not friends or friendly, but the relationship comes nowhere near my friendship with Dionne or Jimin and Jungkook. So I feel slightly taken aback when she nervously opens up to me about her worries.

“I’m not saying I’m not excited. I really am.” She holds her cup of hot chocolate with her palms as she looks down at her steaming drink with unsure eyes. “It’s just that I feel like a baby walking alone in New York city.” She chuckles awkwardly. “You know what I mean?”

The sound of D pacing around the area and talking loudly to different people is covered by the lady in the speakers, announcing flights and asking people to do the required steps.

I smile at Airi as I stir my own cup of hot chocolate. I would prefer a cappuccino, but I need to get a few hours of sleep on the plane. I ordered one with a lid for D too, but hers is sitting here next to mine and untouched. I knew she wouldn’t have the time to drink it now anyway.

“Yeah, I do. Don’t worry. You don’t sound silly or anything.” I look at the rest of the crew and staff sitting around the lounge. This part of the airport is less crowded and more silent and private. Only Indigo’s crew for the tour, and some other people who I guess are a sports team or something. Everyone are sitting in comfortable waiting area, enjoying a snack or working with their phones and laptops. “I think it’s normal to feel that.” I speak calmly. “I remember the early days when all of these were new even to the members themselves. He would probably scold me for telling you this, but Jimin actually got sick the first time we flew abroad for a show.”

Airi’s eyes widen a little in shock, as she leans forward in curiosity. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah. He was really nervous. It was a huge thing for them back then. He was worried he would sing badly or make a mistake in front of their first foreign crowd.” I smile softly at the memories of all the early days I experienced with them.

“What happened? Did he feel better until the show? How did he do?”

“Oh, he rocked the show. He performed amazingly and the crowd went crazy for them. They truly started to get discovered after that.” I can’t help the warm feeling I get in my belly at the memory as I take a sip of my hot chocolate.

Jimin and Jungkook came a long way since founding Indigo. They formed the band together, being the original members. And I feel truly blessed and lucky to have been with them as their friend through every stage.

I was one of the very few people that was with them through the start, and I can say with confidence, that they deserve every amount of successes and popularity they have now. They earned every single bit of it.

“I tried to make you feel calmer with that story, so please don’t bring it up in front of him. He hates that I know it.” I tell her playfully.

“Don’t worry.” She chuckles. “Your secret —actually his secret— is safe with me.”

I grin as I look down at my drink.

Some little moments like this make me forget why I never formed a closer friendship with Airi ever since she joined the crew. Until I remember.

Jungkook showed signs of interest in her from the start, very shortly after she became an employee.

I still remember the gut-wrenching feeling I felt when he asked me what I thought about Airi.

I didn’t catch onto his meaning at first, so I shrugged and said I think she’s really nice. And I meant it. I still think she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. And unfortunately, one of the prettiest ones too.

I’ve watches Jungkook date for short periods of time or hookup —a lot— throughout the years, but the way he spoke about her that day when it was just the two of us, the way he seemed like he was already smitten and enchanted by her, it all suddenly felt like a bucket of ice-freezing cold water thrown all over my body.

I stared at him for several moments, my brain failing to come back to reality. All I could think about, or hear, was that Jungkook is interested in that girl. And not just like a hookup interest. A real interest. Like he’s already picturing them on dates and in an actual relationship.

It took me a lot of effort to make my lungs take in oxygen again. My mind still felt like it was in a haze as I tried to answer Jungkook and act normal again. And he, the oblivious man that he is, didn’t notice anything about how I looked like I was having a stroke.

Nope, he was fully focused on Airi.

I swallow the tiny lump in my throat and shake the painful memory out of my head.

It doesn’t matter anymore. There’s nothing I can do. I’m only he’s friend. He never had any interest in me, and he never will. If I can’t find happiness with the person I love, why shouldn’t he? Why shouldn’t she?

If they ever decide they want to start dating each other, there’s nothing I can do but wish them happiness. And maybe disappear from their lives.

Because as much as I want to wish happiness for the man I love, I just can’t stay and witness that happening with someone else. It may seem like it sometimes, but I’m not a freaking masochist.

We sit with each other and exchange small talks as we finish our drinks and wait until our flight.

Soon after, D runs to the entry way, telling her assistants and the other managers that the band has arrived and is going through security and passport control.

I feel Airi’s body straightening up and she starts to look more on alert. After the members enter the waiting lounge, there’s only a short waiting time before we board the plane rented for us.

I keep sipping my drink as I check my phone, my carry on and the big travel bag next to me.

I always try to activate a somewhat indifferent mode when I’m around Jungkook. I’ve figured it’s easier to cover up the little moments of yearning or even pain with nonchalance acts and acting like he’s walking on every single nerve I have.

Now, it has turn into a defense mechanism.

The members and their managers walk into the lounge as they say their hellos and greet some of the staff. D stands next to their manager and start talking as Jimin stays by their side and listens.

I don’t know what they might be talking about, and honestly is doesn’t matter a lot. They will all probably go into private room to make some calls they need to make before they join the rest of us in here.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin and Dionne take a little longer to get out of that room. Those idiots fuck whenever and wherever they get a chance, and they think they’re super discreet about it.

Airi perks up and smiles softly at the figure approaching us on our table.

“Hi.” She greets sweetly.

“Hey. How are you guys?” I hear Jungkook’s gentle voice, sounding even softer than usual when he’s talking to Airi.

“We’re good.” Answers Airi.

“Did you guys save this seat for me?” I see him pointing at the empty seat on our table. His tone goes back to the way he always talks to me, to his normal voice.

“Nope. We didn’t.” I tell him as I keep my eyes down and drink my hot chocolate.

“Aw. Thank you guys.” He says in a fake sweet voice, ignoring my comment as he sits down on the chair. “You’re so sweet.”

He makes himself comfortable at our table with a goofy smile. I try to make my face seem cold and ignorant, but a tiny grin slips on my lips which I cover with my cup.

Airi softly chuckles at our exchange. “You guys are truly silly.”

“The word you’re looking for is charming.” Jungkook tells Airi with a sexy smile.

I softly roll my eyes at him, but it’s mostly to cover the pang of hurt in my chest at him looking at her with such a warm and lovely smile.

She giggles at him again, before she checks her watch and excuses herself for few minutes, saying she needs to use the restroom before we board.

Jungkook and I sit in comfortable silence until Airi, and everyone else are out of our hearing range.

Jungkook slowly turns on his chair a little and talks to me in a whispered tone.

“You’re such a liar, V.”

“Huh? I beg your pardon?” I look at him with confusion.

“Wearing a pink fuzzy set, I’m seeing.” He remarks playfully while pointing at my outfit. “Oh, you are so getting those handcuffs for your birthday.”

I roll my eyes at him when I realize what he meant, and deliver a kick to the leg of his chair. The chair scratched against the airport tiles, making a displeasing noise. Jungkook bursts into laughter as he leans back on his chair.

“I swear I don’t try to tease you. You give me the materials yourself.”

“My matching set is beautiful. Get your head out of the gutter, Jeon, and stop comparing it to a kinky sex tool.”

“You’re into neon pink plastic gloves, and handcuffs are kinky for you?” He chuckles again, enjoying taunting me a little too much.

“I am so done with you.” I sigh. “Please take a melatonin now so I don’t have to deal with sitting next to you on the plane for eight hours.”

He chuckles again before D walks to us and informs us that we need to start getting on the plane now.

I get up from my chair and gather my stuff. I start to move before I’m stopped by Jungkook’s voice.

“I think I should stay here.” He explains when I look at him with confusion. “I’ll stay by Airi’s stuff until she comes back from the bathroom.”

I look at his figure standing by the table as a little wave of nausea shoots into my stomach.

And at that moment, Airi gets back to us jogging, apologizing and thanking us for staying with her luggage.

She gives me a smile, and honestly, I start to feel a faint guilt. Jungkook offered to stay back for her, but maybe I should’ve thought about that, too.

But I was ready to leave, completely forgetting about Airi for a second.

I see Jungkook smiling sweetly at her before I start to drag my heavy suitcase and walk towards the boarding section.

Airi stays close to me as we get on the plane, and Jungkook stays close to us, helping us with our bags whenever we need help.

Most of the guys and staff already know where they’re sitting, almost as in a silent arrangement we’ve formed after traveling together for so long. But there are still a lot of new staff and employees on this tour that aren’t fully familiar with our rituals, so Dionne and her assistants stay on their feet until the last minute, helping them and making sure everyone is seated where they should be.

The workers closer to the band always stay in first class with them. The sitting arrangement is a silent agreement now.

Jungkook and I ended up sitting together on our first flight because we wanted to watch Friends together on that flight. Now, the fact that we always sit next to each other is an unspoken fact.

Airi takes her own seat on the other side of our aisle when Dionne instructs her to settle in next to Jimin’s manager.

We automatically walk to aisle four. Jungkook walks ahead of me before he turns around to take my carry on suitcase and places it for me.

He takes his own seat by the window, and I take mine next to him.

He has barely been seated for five seconds before he starts bickering and throwing Jimin’s neck pillow at his head on the row in front of us.

Jimin turns in his seat and looks at Jungkook with narrowed darkened eyes.

“Let me have peace for five minutes, man. Will you?”

“Keep your silly neck pillows on your own aisle and I’ll leave you alone.” Jungkook complains as he picks up the pillow that has fallen on his table in front of him and throws it at Jimin with a grunt. This time, the pillow doesn’t hit him in the head, but lands perfectly on his lap.

Jimin gives him the middle finger without turning his head.

“Don’t call them silly. They’re really practical and useful.” I give Jungkook a dirty look before taking out and adjusting my own neck pillow.

He sighs and leans back on his seat. “I’m surrounded by so many lame people.”

D finally takes her seat next to Jimin and in front of me before the plane takes off.

“Oh, shoot. I forgot. Have you taken your pills, Vi?” Jungkook’s voice travels between our open space seats as he looks at me like a mom tending her little baby.

Since we usually sit next to each other on planes, Jungkook is well aware of how I get sick the minute I sit down on the plane. So he never forgets to remind me to take my pills.

“No, I haven’t yet. Thanks for reminding me.” I grab my bag and start looking for the tablet in the mini bag of skincare and essentials I packed for the flight.

“Fuck.” I breathe out as I fail to find the pills.

“What?” Jungkook looks up at me with distraught eyes.

“I can’t find my pills.” I search the bag again. “I can’t believe I forgot them. I always have them with me.”

I start to panic because eight hours in a plane without those pills means an experience out of hell.

“What’s going on?” Dionne turns her head when she hears me whine and complain.

“She doesn’t have her pills with her.” Jungkook answers for me while I basically shove my head into my gigantic bag.

“I swear I put them here or something.”

“It’s okay, Vi.” Jungkook soothes me. “You can take my seat, if sitting by the window helps.” He offers.

I look at him with unsure eyes. “You sure?”

Jungkook doesn’t love long flights, so we agreed on him always staying by the window. But he doesn’t hesitate as he gets up from his seat and switches places with me.

“Try to sleep for most of the flight. You probably won’t get sick like that.” He tells me gently.

After we switch our places, it doesn’t take us long to make ourselves comfortable and lay down on the flat beds.

The first thing I do is doing a little skincare routine and a face mask, before taking out my kindle and my small travel blanket out of my bag to make myself even more comfortable.

Jungkook takes out his headphone and starts working on his laptop. Jimin and Dionne have already tuned out the world by putting their own headphones on as well.

We don’t usually close the dividers between us, mostly not even when one of us wants to sleep when the other one is still awake. So there’s a fully open space between me and Jungkook as we lay down and chill.

After half an hour so, I slowly get hooked on reading my eBook, already feeling tired and sleepy. I raise my head from my kindle to check on Jungkook before I drift off to sleep.

I see him leaning his whole body on the edge of his seat, his headphones around his neck and his laptop long forgotten, as he chuckles and talks with Airi on the other side of the aisle between them.

They’re both deep in conversation as they laugh about silly things.

Seeing him trying to suppress his strong urge to laugh while he speaks to Airi makes my heart aches with a familiar bruise of jealousy and longing.

I swear I’m not a horrible person, or a friend who gets upset when I see him happy with other people.

And I can’t make sense of this little sharp pain in my chest. The stupid little traitor just decides to hurt.

I ignore their little happy moment as I turn on the bed. I turn my back onto them as I try to distract myself with my kindle.

It doesn’t work. The thought of them in their happy little bubble doesn’t let me focus on what the characters I’m reading about are saying. The sound of them laughing and giggling doesn’t help, either.

I give up on my book and put my kindle aside. I put on my noise-canceling headphones on as I hide under my blanket, like I’m hiding from a terror under my security blanket, and try to let unconsciousness take me away for a while.

Fortunately, I fall asleep for the rest of that flight.

a/n : no particular notes, except for thanking everyone who read this. Commenting a feedback if you enjoyed it is really appreciated. Rebloging is even more helpful. 🥹💕

Definitely stay tuned in for more of this story. They have a long run. You can join the taglist for this series, or even my other works if you'd like.

I cringe when I realize I might’ve thrown the perfume bottles a little too harsh. I might be doing good financially, but unfortunately my signature perfume retails for almost four freaking hundred dollars. And this specific bottle of Parfums The Marly Valaya was a birthday gift from Jungkook earlier this year. So I carefully readjust it in the mini bag, a lot more gentle this time.

“Are you seriously packing two big makeup bags? You’re a makeups artist with a huge suitcase full of makeup. Do you really need to overpack that much?” Jungkook’s voice travels through the phone. He’s talking to me on the phone while packing himself.

He sent a photo of himself earlier, sitting in the middle of a big pile of clothes on the floor of his room, telling me to learn and get my ass up to pack.

My heart skipped a beat when I opened that photo. Exclusively because he was shirtless and was wearing a loose pair of black sport shorts.

I ignored the butterflies flying around in my belly at the sight of his slightly damp long hair, his bare chest and tattoos and his beautiful bare face, and sent him a picture of myself, sitting in the middle of a messy disaster of my makeup while trying to fit them into only two makeups bags and showing him my middle finger.

I captioned it with “Way ahead of you, fucker.”

He responded with laughing emojis and decided to call me after.

“I don’t use those makeup myself, Jungkook. I’m telling you that for the thousandth time. And I don’t know what kind of look I might want to do, so I need all kinds of options.” I grunt as I push the fifth eyeshadow palette into the bag.

And that’s a lie. I will probably do the same look everyday throughout the whole trip, but I still need my options with me.

“You are insane, Viv. The first thing you’re gonna do when we land in Paris is to go to their Sephora anyway. What’s the point of packing so much?” He argues like he knows me so much.

And yes. He does.

I will most definitely do exactly what he said.

“Leave me and my dozens of makeup bags alone, Jeon. Just like I’m leaving you and your tenth black hoodie alone.” I give up and throw the rest of the makeup in a third bag.

Don’t judge me.

“You talk like you’re literally not the person who have stolen twenty of them already.” He yells from a distant, probably busy moving around his house as we talk. “You always pack girly tops and shit, but you always end up stealing my clothes. Half of these hoodies will be missing from my suitcase by the end of this trip.”

Since he’s not here to see my giddy look, I let myself smile at that.

I probably have six of his hoodies in my closet right now. And he knows he’s not getting them back from me.

“Your clothes are big and comfy. And don’t talk like you literally don’t give them to me yourself.”

He likes complaining about me stealing his clothes all the time, but he never made a move to stop me from doing that. He gave two of them to me himself.

“That’s because you always go out with little tops and strapless outfits and end up freezing. And I end up giving them to you because I’m not a heartless monster.” I can hear the cocky tone and the smile even on the phone. “My mama raised a gentleman.”

My smile only widens. I push my hair back from my face and adjust the phone between my shoulder and ear.

“Okay. Now that you are such a perfect gentleman, how about you pack me one of your long sleeve shirts, too?”

“Get away from those, Viv.” He threatens me playfully. “I’m warning you.”

I’m probably gonna take one of those, too. And he fully knows that.

I burst into chuckles as I bring all my bags and pack my suitcases.

The staff and tour managers would go into a cardiac arrest if they saw the number of suitcases I’m bringing, but they are all already familiar with me.

We spend the rest of the day time talking and packing, making sure that the other one doesn’t forget anything, until I receive a call from Dionne.

We finally say our goodbyes before I hang up on Jungkook and take Dionne’s call.

Dionne is one of the tour managers, meaning she’s very strict on organizing and planning. So she has had her suitcases and bags packed and ready in days.

She’s my closest friend, but we could never share a room in a hotel and that’s the reason why. She would probably hit me with one her heels and throw me and my dozen bags out of the room three hours into our stay.

“No way you guys just finished packing.” She tells me dramatically after we talk for a while. “How can you guys sleep at night not fearing you forgot something? Even Jimin packed faster than you guys.”

“Did he, Now?” My tone teasing.

“Yeah. I’ve been on the phone with him for the past three days, making sure he has packed everything already.”

“Yeah, but I don’t exactly think he packs that quickly because he has OCD.” I smirk, and Dionne catches into my tone quickly.

I can actually feel the roll of her eyes through the phone. “Shut your damn gate, woman. Stop relating everything to anything.”

“Okay, whatever you say.” I feign nonchalance. “But I know you’re full of shit, D. I’m pretty sure that you didn’t even help him through the phone.” She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. “Tell me, D. How much time did you guys actually put in for packing when you were on your breaks between fucking each other?” I ask with a devilish grin.

She breathes out to give me a hard response, but she comes empty. “Just shut up, V.” She mutters with a sigh.

I giggle as I bring my feet up on my coffee table.

This is the last day I can have peace in my own apartment before our departure. We leave Chicago and fly to Paris tonight at nine pm.

I know the privilege that comes with working, and being friends with Indigo is that we’ll be staying in the best hotels, but taking a long bubble bath in my own tub can’t be topped — that’s a lie, this is nothing compared to bubble baths in European luxury hotels.

So now, I’m resting on my couch in my silk pajama set and drinking my tea.

In order to be safe from a jet lag, we need to stay awake so we can get some sleep on the plane. So me and Dionne make it our mission to stay on the phone and talk until we’re out of breath.

D is the one hanging up on me, saying she wants to take a shower before she starts to get ready to leave for the airport.

We say our goodbyes as I lay down on my couch and cover my body with a thin blanket.

There’s still a good hour or two before we have to get ready and leave, so my guess is that she wants to get on the phone with Jimin for some time.

I hang up the phone with a smile as I play Friends on the TV. It’s my favorite sitcom, but I don’t necessarily want to watch. Just some noises in the background so I don’t accidently drift into a slumber.

I woke up pretty early this morning and I made it my mission of the day to make myself exhausted throughout the day so I can sleep on the plane. I already feel tired, but I’ve had enough flights to be able to keep myself awake when I need it.

I slip my hands under my head as I relax. My eyes drift away from the TV screen when I hear a text notification from my phone.

I stretch my hand out and pick up my phone from the coffee table. I see Jungkook’s name pop on my screen.

Jungkook: You’re not sleeping, right?

I smile as I start typing a reply.

Me: Nope. Wide awake, busy watching Rachel and Ross fighting.

Me: What are you doing?

Not thirty seconds later, I get a text from him again.

Jungkook: Ross and Rachel again? Are they ever not fighting? Which season is it this time?

Jungkook: I got bored and out of things to do, so I’m deep cleaning the kitchen.

I burst into giggles when I see him sending a sticker of a clown with an apron and plastic gloves.

Me: It’s season four this time. Ross is yelling at Rachel for making him read nineteen (!!!) pages of rambling at five am.

Me: And you need to send a pic of yourself! Right now!

I turn on my spot and lie on my back, staring at the three dots while Jungkook types on the other end of the phone.

Jungkook: Ahh. That fight. Of course. I mean, I would read ninety pages of letters if Rachel ever wrote me one. Unfortunately Ross isn’t our strongest soldier.

I giggle again. Jungkook never fails to mention his crush on Rachel and how much of a simp he is for her.

Jungkook: Sure. But I gotta warn you, since I know you want a pic of me in an apron just to torture me with it later, but I’m not wearing one.

Jungkook: In matter of fact, I haven’t put on a shirt since the last pic I sent you.

My breathing starts to get labored as I read his text again, needing to make sure I read it right.

Why do you torture me like that, Jungkook?

I write a reply, trying to sound as playful as I can but honestly, my brain is as horny and needy as between my legs.

Me: Well, now I have to see it.

I add another text to make sure it doesn’t expose my eagerness to see him shirtless again.

Me: It’s honestly a dirty fantasy come true if you have neon pink plastic gloves on, too.

Jungkook: Hm. So you really find men in neon pink gloves sexy, Viv?

No, I find a shirtless you sexy. But who’s counting.

Jungkook: Interesting.

Jungkook: Unfortunately, mine are neon green. So your fantasies are kinda ruined now.

I roll my eyes as I grunt desperately into a throw pillow.

That motherfucking tease!

He’s sexually torturing me without even knowing it.

I just end up with a simple text this time, sulking because I didn’t manage to get another random shirtless picture of him.

Sometimes, he sends me those randomly. A picture of him while doing something random, and he happens to not be wearing any shirts in it.

He walks around his apartment shirtless a lot when he’s alone, so that’s nothing out of the ordinary or weird between us. Shirtless Jungkook is not something I haven’t seen a hundred times already. He sometimes takes his shirt off on the stage.

But there’s something belly-warming and mind-fucking about the random photos he sends me sometimes.

Because those photos are taken only for me. I’m the only one seeing them. He’s walking around his big apartment, and he thinks about sharing that moment with me. And that means a lot to me. Not mentioning that I’m probably the only person seeing him naked this many times —I’d like to think.

Me: That’s a shame. I was really counting on watching that fantasy come true. A pink apron would’ve been the cherry on top.

Jungkook: What’s with you and the color pink? Do you happened to have a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs, too?

I choke on my own spit and bursts into disbelieve laughter.

Me: No, I don’t. But I wouldn’t be too surprised if you’re into those. Are you…?

I watch my phone screen with anticipation and a fast beating heart as I wait for Jungkook’s response while he types.

Jungkook: I mean, they don’t necessarily need to be pink… Although that sounds like something you would like. [evil emoji]

Okay that’s enough. I need to stop this conversation before it goes somewhere that I don’t have the self-control to stop.

My clit is already pulsing and I want to scream into a pillow from frustration.

Just like all the times where our shameless flirts start to go out of hand, I make an attempt to kill the mood and bring us both back to reality.

Me: You’re getting out of hand, Jeon. Finish your deep cleaning before we have to leave, and please, for the love of god, don’t get me a pink pair of fuzzy handcuffs for my birthday.

He responds with multiple laughing emojis. And we say our goodbyes after that.

I’ve successfully kept myself awake, and we need to be at the airport in an hour. So I get up from the warm and comfortable embrace of my soft beige couch and get dressed.

It’s at least an eight hour flight, and I’m probably sleeping though most of it anyway, so I wear something comfortable and simple. Just a pair of soft pastel pink sweatpants and sweater set. I make sure everything I might need throughout the flight is packed and organized in my travel bag as I push my luggage to my front door.

It takes a lot of effort, but I do my best to carry everything as much as I can, before I see the bus which is supposed to take the staff to airport parks at my building’s entryway.

Dionne and a man get out of the bus as they enter my building’s lobby.

“Hey, pretty.” Dionne wraps her arms around me as the man carries most of my luggage. Dionne’s eyes follow him, before she turns to me with narrowed eyes. “I thought I told you to pack lightly, girl. Why do you always have to stress me out?”

She isn’t wearing any makeup, but her dark gorgeous skin doesn’t need any makeup to look as stunning as she looks right now, even as she looks at me with dirty eyes.

She came in a similar comfortable set as mine, except her clothes are cool beige. Her hair is perfectly styles as always, and she’s already wearing the earbuds she’s so fond of.

I shrug innocently. “I’ll let you use my stuff?”

She rolls her eyes and sighs before walking for the door. She follows her staff and instructs him on how to fit my “ridiculous amount of suitcases” in to the bus. She reminds him to be extra careful about my make up luggage. Honestly, that suitcase is more expensive than half of my life.

I leave my building with my carry-on and the bag I’ll have with me through the flight, and step inside the bus.

There are still some of the staff that need to be picked up on the way to the airport, but half of the seats are already filled.

I break a sweat trying to push my heavy carry-on in the spot above the seats. Dionne gets on the bus, and she doesn’t forget to scold me one more time about the numbers of suitcases I’m brining with myself.

I tell her she should’ve known better to expect anything else from me. She has traveled with me enough times to know that.

We sit next to each other on the ride to airport.

It takes a little less than an hour, and I’ve already taken out my neck pillow as I listen to my audio book. While everyone else, like D, entertain themselves by their phones and iPads or laptops, my motion sickness refrains me from doing anything but looking out of the window. Seriously, it’s the worst curse. I always need to remember my pills for when I get on the plane.

The bus stops at the airport’s private terminal. D moves quicker that everyone, stepping out of the bus first to make sure they unload the luggage correctly.

“Honestly, I should’ve gotten one on these neck pillows, too.” I hear Airi speak next to me as she drags her carry-on with her. “My neck already feels like cramping.” She speaks as softly as she looks.

I laugh awkwardly. “I know. After flying so many times, you’ll become an expert with time.”

“Yeah.” She chuckles. “I need to get one for the next flight.” She steps out of the bus before I follow along.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be way more comfortable on the flight itself.”

Since this is where the most important part of Dionne’s job begins, I try to stay out her hair and let her do her job peacefully.

Airi stays by my side as we enter the terminal and check in and go through the security and deliver our luggage.

She hasn’t joined the staff for long. That can make her feel out of place or overwhelmed. She tries to seem confident and unaffected and talks cheerfully about the start of this tour, but I can see how nervous she looks as we sit at the airport’s cafeteria and order some drinks and sweet pastries.

I honestly feel like I’m in a dilemma. We haven’t made a strong and close friendship since she started working for Indigo. Not saying that we’re not friends or friendly, but the relationship comes nowhere near my friendship with Dionne or Jimin and Jungkook. So I feel slightly taken aback when she nervously opens up to me about her worries.

“I’m not saying I’m not excited. I really am.” She holds her cup of hot chocolate with her palms as she looks down at her steaming drink with unsure eyes. “It’s just that I feel like a baby walking alone in New York city.” She chuckles awkwardly. “You know what I mean?”

The sound of D pacing around the area and talking loudly to different people is covered by the lady in the speakers, announcing flights and asking people to do the required steps.

I smile at Airi as I stir my own cup of hot chocolate. I would prefer a cappuccino, but I need to get a few hours of sleep on the plane. I ordered one with a lid for D too, but hers is sitting here next to mine and untouched. I knew she wouldn’t have the time to drink it now anyway.

“Yeah, I do. Don’t worry. You don’t sound silly or anything.” I look at the rest of the crew and staff sitting around the lounge. This part of the airport is less crowded and more silent and private. Only Indigo’s crew for the tour, and some other people who I guess are a sports team or something. Everyone are sitting in comfortable waiting area, enjoying a snack or working with their phones and laptops. “I think it’s normal to feel that.” I speak calmly. “I remember the early days when all of these were new even to the members themselves. He would probably scold me for telling you this, but Jimin actually got sick the first time we flew abroad for a show.”

Airi’s eyes widen a little in shock, as she leans forward in curiosity. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah. He was really nervous. It was a huge thing for them back then. He was worried he would sing badly or make a mistake in front of their first foreign crowd.” I smile softly at the memories of all the early days I experienced with them.

“What happened? Did he feel better until the show? How did he do?”

“Oh, he rocked the show. He performed amazingly and the crowd went crazy for them. They truly started to get discovered after that.” I can’t help the warm feeling I get in my belly at the memory as I take a sip of my hot chocolate.

Jimin and Jungkook came a long way since founding Indigo. They formed the band together, being the original members. And I feel truly blessed and lucky to have been with them as their friend through every stage.

I was one of the very few people that was with them through the start, and I can say with confidence, that they deserve every amount of successes and popularity they have now. They earned every single bit of it.

“I tried to make you feel calmer with that story, so please don’t bring it up in front of him. He hates that I know it.” I tell her playfully.

“Don’t worry.” She chuckles. “Your secret —actually his secret— is safe with me.”

I grin as I look down at my drink.

Some little moments like this make me forget why I never formed a closer friendship with Airi ever since she joined the crew. Until I remember.

Jungkook showed signs of interest in her from the start, very shortly after she became an employee.

I still remember the gut-wrenching feeling I felt when he asked me what I thought about Airi.

I didn’t catch onto his meaning at first, so I shrugged and said I think she’s really nice. And I meant it. I still think she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. And unfortunately, one of the prettiest ones too.

I’ve watches Jungkook date for short periods of time or hookup —a lot— throughout the years, but the way he spoke about her that day when it was just the two of us, the way he seemed like he was already smitten and enchanted by her, it all suddenly felt like a bucket of ice-freezing cold water thrown all over my body.

I stared at him for several moments, my brain failing to come back to reality. All I could think about, or hear, was that Jungkook is interested in that girl. And not just like a hookup interest. A real interest. Like he’s already picturing them on dates and in an actual relationship.

It took me a lot of effort to make my lungs take in oxygen again. My mind still felt like it was in a haze as I tried to answer Jungkook and act normal again. And he, the oblivious man that he is, didn’t notice anything about how I looked like I was having a stroke.

Nope, he was fully focused on Airi.

I swallow the tiny lump in my throat and shake the painful memory out of my head.

It doesn’t matter anymore. There’s nothing I can do. I’m only he’s friend. He never had any interest in me, and he never will. If I can’t find happiness with the person I love, why shouldn’t he? Why shouldn’t she?

If they ever decide they want to start dating each other, there’s nothing I can do but wish them happiness. And maybe disappear from their lives.

Because as much as I want to wish happiness for the man I love, I just can’t stay and witness that happening with someone else. It may seem like it sometimes, but I’m not a freaking masochist.

We sit with each other and exchange small talks as we finish our drinks and wait until our flight.

Soon after, D runs to the entry way, telling her assistants and the other managers that the band has arrived and is going through security and passport control.

I feel Airi’s body straightening up and she starts to look more on alert. After the members enter the waiting lounge, there’s only a short waiting time before we board the plane rented for us.

I keep sipping my drink as I check my phone, my carry on and the big travel bag next to me.

I always try to activate a somewhat indifferent mode when I’m around Jungkook. I’ve figured it’s easier to cover up the little moments of yearning or even pain with nonchalance acts and acting like he’s walking on every single nerve I have.

Now, it has turn into a defense mechanism.

The members and their managers walk into the lounge as they say their hellos and greet some of the staff. D stands next to their manager and start talking as Jimin stays by their side and listens.

I don’t know what they might be talking about, and honestly is doesn’t matter a lot. They will all probably go into private room to make some calls they need to make before they join the rest of us in here.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin and Dionne take a little longer to get out of that room. Those idiots fuck whenever and wherever they get a chance, and they think they’re super discreet about it.

Airi perks up and smiles softly at the figure approaching us on our table.

“Hi.” She greets sweetly.

“Hey. How are you guys?” I hear Jungkook’s gentle voice, sounding even softer than usual when he’s talking to Airi.

“We’re good.” Answers Airi.

“Did you guys save this seat for me?” I see him pointing at the empty seat on our table. His tone goes back to the way he always talks to me, to his normal voice.

“Nope. We didn’t.” I tell him as I keep my eyes down and drink my hot chocolate.

“Aw. Thank you guys.” He says in a fake sweet voice, ignoring my comment as he sits down on the chair. “You’re so sweet.”

He makes himself comfortable at our table with a goofy smile. I try to make my face seem cold and ignorant, but a tiny grin slips on my lips which I cover with my cup.

Airi softly chuckles at our exchange. “You guys are truly silly.”

“The word you’re looking for is charming.” Jungkook tells Airi with a sexy smile.

I softly roll my eyes at him, but it’s mostly to cover the pang of hurt in my chest at him looking at her with such a warm and lovely smile.

She giggles at him again, before she checks her watch and excuses herself for few minutes, saying she needs to use the restroom before we board.

Jungkook and I sit in comfortable silence until Airi, and everyone else are out of our hearing range.

Jungkook slowly turns on his chair a little and talks to me in a whispered tone.

“You’re such a liar, V.”

“Huh? I beg your pardon?” I look at him with confusion.

“Wearing a pink fuzzy set, I’m seeing.” He remarks playfully while pointing at my outfit. “Oh, you are so getting those handcuffs for your birthday.”

I roll my eyes at him when I realize what he meant, and deliver a kick to the leg of his chair. The chair scratched against the airport tiles, making a displeasing noise. Jungkook bursts into laughter as he leans back on his chair.

“I swear I don’t try to tease you. You give me the materials yourself.”

“My matching set is beautiful. Get your head out of the gutter, Jeon, and stop comparing it to a kinky sex tool.”

“You’re into neon pink plastic gloves, and handcuffs are kinky for you?” He chuckles again, enjoying taunting me a little too much.

“I am so done with you.” I sigh. “Please take a melatonin now so I don’t have to deal with sitting next to you on the plane for eight hours.”

He chuckles again before D walks to us and informs us that we need to start getting on the plane now.

I get up from my chair and gather my stuff. I start to move before I’m stopped by Jungkook’s voice.

“I think I should stay here.” He explains when I look at him with confusion. “I’ll stay by Airi’s stuff until she comes back from the bathroom.”

I look at his figure standing by the table as a little wave of nausea shoots into my stomach.

And at that moment, Airi gets back to us jogging, apologizing and thanking us for staying with her luggage.

She gives me a smile, and honestly, I start to feel a faint guilt. Jungkook offered to stay back for her, but maybe I should’ve thought about that, too.

But I was ready to leave, completely forgetting about Airi for a second.

I see Jungkook smiling sweetly at her before I start to drag my heavy suitcase and walk towards the boarding section.

Airi stays close to me as we get on the plane, and Jungkook stays close to us, helping us with our bags whenever we need help.

Most of the guys and staff already know where they’re sitting, almost as in a silent arrangement we’ve formed after traveling together for so long. But there are still a lot of new staff and employees on this tour that aren’t fully familiar with our rituals, so Dionne and her assistants stay on their feet until the last minute, helping them and making sure everyone is seated where they should be.

The workers closer to the band always stay in first class with them. The sitting arrangement is a silent agreement now.

Jungkook and I ended up sitting together on our first flight because we wanted to watch Friends together on that flight. Now, the fact that we always sit next to each other is an unspoken fact.

Airi takes her own seat on the other side of our aisle when Dionne instructs her to settle in next to Jimin’s manager.

We automatically walk to aisle four. Jungkook walks ahead of me before he turns around to take my carry on suitcase and places it for me.

He takes his own seat by the window, and I take mine next to him.

He has barely been seated for five seconds before he starts bickering and throwing Jimin’s neck pillow at his head on the row in front of us.

Jimin turns in his seat and looks at Jungkook with narrowed darkened eyes.

“Let me have peace for five minutes, man. Will you?”

“Keep your silly neck pillows on your own aisle and I’ll leave you alone.” Jungkook complains as he picks up the pillow that has fallen on his table in front of him and throws it at Jimin with a grunt. This time, the pillow doesn’t hit him in the head, but lands perfectly on his lap.

Jimin gives him the middle finger without turning his head.

“Don’t call them silly. They’re really practical and useful.” I give Jungkook a dirty look before taking out and adjusting my own neck pillow.

He sighs and leans back on his seat. “I’m surrounded by so many lame people.”

D finally takes her seat next to Jimin and in front of me before the plane takes off.

“Oh, shoot. I forgot. Have you taken your pills, Vi?” Jungkook’s voice travels between our open space seats as he looks at me like a mom tending her little baby.

Since we usually sit next to each other on planes, Jungkook is well aware of how I get sick the minute I sit down on the plane. So he never forgets to remind me to take my pills.

“No, I haven’t yet. Thanks for reminding me.” I grab my bag and start looking for the tablet in the mini bag of skincare and essentials I packed for the flight.

“Fuck.” I breathe out as I fail to find the pills.

“What?” Jungkook looks up at me with distraught eyes.

“I can’t find my pills.” I search the bag again. “I can’t believe I forgot them. I always have them with me.”

I start to panic because eight hours in a plane without those pills means an experience out of hell.

“What’s going on?” Dionne turns her head when she hears me whine and complain.

“She doesn’t have her pills with her.” Jungkook answers for me while I basically shove my head into my gigantic bag.

“I swear I put them here or something.”

“It’s okay, Vi.” Jungkook soothes me. “You can take my seat, if sitting by the window helps.” He offers.

I look at him with unsure eyes. “You sure?”

Jungkook doesn’t love long flights, so we agreed on him always staying by the window. But he doesn’t hesitate as he gets up from his seat and switches places with me.

“Try to sleep for most of the flight. You probably won’t get sick like that.” He tells me gently.

After we switch our places, it doesn’t take us long to make ourselves comfortable and lay down on the flat beds.

The first thing I do is doing a little skincare routine and a face mask, before taking out my kindle and my small travel blanket out of my bag to make myself even more comfortable.

Jungkook takes out his headphone and starts working on his laptop. Jimin and Dionne have already tuned out the world by putting their own headphones on as well.

We don’t usually close the dividers between us, mostly not even when one of us wants to sleep when the other one is still awake. So there’s a fully open space between me and Jungkook as we lay down and chill.

After half an hour so, I slowly get hooked on reading my eBook, already feeling tired and sleepy. I raise my head from my kindle to check on Jungkook before I drift off to sleep.

I see him leaning his whole body on the edge of his seat, his headphones around his neck and his laptop long forgotten, as he chuckles and talks with Airi on the other side of the aisle between them.

They’re both deep in conversation as they laugh about silly things.

Seeing him trying to suppress his strong urge to laugh while he speaks to Airi makes my heart aches with a familiar bruise of jealousy and longing.

I swear I’m not a horrible person, or a friend who gets upset when I see him happy with other people.

And I can’t make sense of this little sharp pain in my chest. The stupid little traitor just decides to hurt.

I ignore their little happy moment as I turn on the bed. I turn my back onto them as I try to distract myself with my kindle.

It doesn’t work. The thought of them in their happy little bubble doesn’t let me focus on what the characters I’m reading about are saying. The sound of them laughing and giggling doesn’t help, either.

I give up on my book and put my kindle aside. I put on my noise-canceling headphones on as I hide under my blanket, like I’m hiding from a terror under my security blanket, and try to let unconsciousness take me away for a while.

Fortunately, I fall asleep for the rest of that flight.

a/n : no particular notes, except for thanking everyone who read this. Commenting a feedback if you enjoyed it is really appreciated. Rebloging is even more helpful. 🥹💕

Definitely stay tuned in for more of this story. They have a long run. You can join the taglist for this series, or even my other works if you'd like.