Another bad dream, it really sucked and makes me feel sick. TW: suicide, and implication of SA
I had this dream on 12/19 at 3:54am
I don't remember it all; but the dream starts when I come back to where I'm staying, a scraggly white dog (the type of dog named scratch or champ in movies) sits in front of my home. As I pass the dog I get an overwhelmingly bad feeling, like my heart sinks into my stomach, the world becomes drained of color, and I'm on edge. I walk into our cookie cutter style home and my dad (not my actual father, but a different looking man who I know is my dad in the dream) has hung himself in our living room, his face is a really light shade of blue.
The world becomes filtered with the same color as my Dad's suffocated face, and being unable to process the scene in front of me I leave the house. The white dog is gone from outside, so I begin walking around the neighborhood looking for the dog. I see the dog in the distance, he's sitting outside a corner house staring into it. I start walking towards the dog and I notice almost all the houses are empty, they aren't really run down but all the overgrown yards say no one's living there. The sky has a few drifting clouds that are disappearing with the wind but everything feels pale through the blueish filter of my father's skin. As I near the dog I walk past a house with an old woman out front, her hair is a scattered mess, she's bent over retrieving her mail and her gown has become undone and one of her breasts is hang out. She stands facing the street after grabbing the mail and makes eye contact with me, I smile and wave trying not to make a big deal about her nudity. She looks at me, slightly drooling, with no recognition at all, she doesn't respond and begins shuffling away as I reach the dog.
The dog gets up from its sitting position and I pet him before the dog returns to sitting next to my leg, but he hasn't stopped staring into the house. I follow the dog's vision into the house which has no lights on inside but everything inside is outlined as shadows by the pale blue sunlight cast through the windows. Inside there's the figure of a person standing alone. The figure is not moving theres just the slightest movements of their chest rising & falling as they face towards the opposite end of the room in this house. I then look towards where the figure is facing and the shadow of what I once thought was a lamp or chandelier gains more details and it becomes obvious there is a person hanging in this home, just like my home.
Im struggling to process this Info and what it means, as the dog stands, pulling my attention out of the house for a moment at the same time a single incredibly sickening scream comes from 40-50 feet behind me. This scream was something from the animal core of a human being, a scream only possible from someone who isn't certain they're going to live and needs someone to know the fear, desperation, and sadness they're feeling in that moment. It was a gutteral cry that cut through everything and lets me know that nothing will ever be okay again. I turn around my heart rate flying through the roof, and a completely naked brunette woman, probably in her mid twenties is attempting to run/walk as fast as possible towards me. She's obviously very injured there are cuts all over her body, some scabbed, some open, her joints are deeply bruised along with her face and stomach, her left arm hangs uselessly and a deep cut above her right knee seems to be preventing her from actually running, there is blood dried between her thighs.
The woman approaches the edge of the old woman's property, her scream still cutting through my soul and the tension of existing in this world feels like knots of rope in my throat. The sound of her bruised feet slapping painfully against the roughly paved road pulls me into the moment and I go to step forward and help this woman, but my foot hits the dog's butt, he repositioned at some point and is sitting still right in front of me, directly between the woman & I. I go to step around the dog and I hear the rhythmic stepping faulter and I see the young woman's foot get caught, dragging on the uneven road as she falls unable to catch herself in front of the old woman's drive way, and the sound of her skull, unslowed, slapping dully against the ground exists only for a moment as the back tires of the old woman's car are suddenly visible within this scene. The sound of the young woman's head hitting the ground is replaced with the crunch of the old woman's tires as the old woman, still dazed and unaware, unknowingly and unceremoniously ends the terrible story of the young woman's suffering. The old woman drives off into the distance, I stand with the dog, my mind darting between the gore just created in front of me, the stranger hanging inside, and my own father hanging at home. The dog glances back at me as I look into the sky, the blue filter of my dad's face becoming deeper and darker as night sets over an empty horizon. I can't breathe and I can't escape the choking horrors of this world as the dog gets up and walks deeper into the neighborhood. I think I'm in hell.