Ohp.

I always felt that birthdays coincide with new years in the way that it represents a new start. With that said, I’ve been putting things into perspective lately; thinking it’s been 365 days...what exactly do I have to show for it? Of course knowing myself I chose to only highlight the negatives in my life first before anything else. Thinking there was an unwritten checklist of things I wanted to be and have done by 23 and frankly speaking I am no where near where I intended on being. 

However, with the passing years I do feel that maturity comes with putting better effort in understanding, rather than questioning everything. No I am not where I wanted to be, but perhaps I am right where I need to be. Admittedly I’ve been losing myself these past couple of months though; lacking a sense of self purpose and faith. Like I always say you can’t fix a problem until you realize that one exists. Why force your own plan when the Almighty already has the perfect one in store for you? I remember reading this verse over and over...and over again during nursing school during times when I really didn’t feel like I was going to make it. 

“For I know the plans I have for you.” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me an come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” - Jeremiah 29:11-13

It’s a common problem in today’s society. We all have problems, but we search for answers everywhere and in everyone except for God. Funny how months spent in disarray can be remedied with just reading one verse. 

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but I remember a conversation that I had with Giselle lately when I asked her “are you where you thought you would be at 23?” 

We both agreed hell no. lol.

But one thought that came up was that I hoped that God would bless me with someone like her by the time I turn 23. Someone that can understand both sides of me. A person that can bring me back from my lowest moments and for sure the first person that comes to mind when I’m at my highest point. So in sense, everything is about perspective and having faith. It was a lesson that I learned when I was living with my kuya ron but slowly forgot about once I moved out. 

I can afford to live on my own already, but if I left there would be no one else to care for them. It’s tragic man. Especially since I feel like my whole life there has always been an emphasis on prioritizing your family. 

It is frustrating at times. My job is already to care for individuals, and when I get home it is the same thing. In no way am I complaining about having to take care of my grandparents. The frustrating part that I am talking about is seeing people claim they “love” them, but never take the time to show it. It really is more than words. You do not see how heart breaking it is when a grandparent gets so excited to see someone only to have the other party cancel last minute.

I feel for the elderly. A generation that sparked so much change and put our generation in a better state than they were in the past; and yet there’s no reciprocation for that love. 

It’s fine though, amongst a unappreciative generation I will be the one that gives back, to continue to remain selfless while everyone becomes more selfish about their own little bubble.