syd // msr (x files) and faith lehane (btvs)

Mulder: No, I’m having an allergic reaction.

Scully: To what?

A/N: wanted to post this for my fellow Buffy fans, though most of my followers are from the X Files fandom. my thanks to the people who helped me and gave me feedback for this: @peacenik0, @jaywriter, Buffy_Ringer on Twitter, Andrew H. on Facebook and my good friend Troy. this is a labor of love to the character of Faith, who has meant a ridiculous amount to me since I met her while watching Buffy in ‘02. I put her through a lot in this, but I do have plans for a Buffy POV chapter which will end less ambiguously and have a much happier and neater ending. I will warn that it may be a while before I can get that second chapter out. Faith and I are insanely similar people, so it’s easier for me to get into her head– Buffy, not so much. But be patient. It will happen! this was one of those fics that has been in my head for literal *years*, and now that I’ve finally gotten it down, I’m not as happy with it as I want to be. so please, if you like it, leave a comment. even if it says 'yay i like!’, any feedback means the world. this piece meant a lot to me and I hope it shows. enjoy. the title is from a song called In These Shadows by Fytch. very Faith-like. give it a listen. set post-Chosen. trigger warnings: mildly dubious consent, suicidal thoughts, drug use, cutting.

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She doesn’t expect to survive the battle with the First. If someone asked her, she’d tell them it was just statistical facts– she’d lived way too long already, Buffy had died twice after five years of being a Slayer and Faith, not once– but of course, she’d be lying. She’s had a death wish since long before she was called, since she was eleven years old, when 'uncle’ Billy stumbled drunk into her room and destroyed any lingering childhood innocence she may have had left over, any hope that there were good people out there and maybe, just maybe, she’d find them somewhere. He destroyed that, along with her sheets and her brand new pink panties, the kind with a bow in the middle. After that night, she never wore pink again.