ocean of flavor

ROBIN TUNNEY, LIV TYLER AND RENÉE ZELLWEGER

If there was a sci-fi novel with a megalomaniac billionaire who was the son of an Apartheid emerald mine owner, and he was privatizing space exploration so the public no longer has a say in it...you know that would be considered bad, right? The heroes would fight to stop SpaceX.

The fact that anyone considers SpaceX as anything other than a continuation of the transfer of public sector science, that was run for the public good, into the hands of billionaires is a testament to our propaganda. Having space exploration controlled by one billionaire is bad.

Remember in the 60s when rockets launched and the credit was given to the scientists and astronauts that actually made it happen?

Short list of the Shit the HOA at my pervious house tried to pull:

Banning personal and community food gardens (The reason the tag for my garden is “The garden of earthly HOA violations”)

Banning people from using thier personal yards as Native Plant Restoration microzones, something that looks gorgeous and is extremely helpful to the local ecology

trying to get the city council to remove protections on adjacent city Open Space/Native Plant restoration zone so they could mow it.

mandating the use of ONE landscaping company in the neighborhood, coinicdentally owned by the HOA president’s son

Mandating the use of an unecessary water purification company on all properties.

suing city animal control for collecting lose dogs and cats and returning them to the addresses on thier collars.  You know. that thing animal control does so the animals don’t get run over or disemboweled by the coyotes or catch and spread rabies.  The thing that’s illegal to let your pet do out here for those reasons Karen.

Suing the city council to remove a city bus stop in the neighborhood that was heavily used by many residents.  They damn near got away with it becuase the HOA meetings were always in the middle of the day on a weekday.  You know, when the residents that use that stop are working.

Sending people letters threatening to fine them for having “Out Of Season” holiday decor.  Specifically targeting my Indian neighbors who were celebrating Diwali, not Christmas and the Jews with visible Menorahs.

Fining people for doing thier own appliance and car repair on thier own personal property

Fining people for operating a business out of thier house, specifically targeting a disabled neighbor that does comission tailoring and garment repair out of her home.  never bothered a soul except the one snoopy bitch who didn’t like that her clients were allowed to park in the tailor’s designated and otherwise unused parking space.

Trying to fine a neighbor for flying a Pride Flag

HOAs are invasive, bigoted, corrupt and cruel institutions that should never have been allowed to be created.  If you live in and HOA area, showing up at the meetings to tell people what the fuck is wrong with them, Joining your HOA board to protect your neighbors and possibly organize the dissolution of the HOA is one of the best things you can do to protect the marginalized members of your community.

She saved the world a lot.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS 

One of my best friends had one of the exchange students as her roommate; she was about four foot eleven and maybe ninety pounds, and she had a passion for huge platform boots and shirts with English slogans on them. She explained exactly that – it was cool to wear shirts with English lettering on them, even if you didn’t exactly know what it meant (this was in the late 90s/early 00s).

Her absolute favorite shirt was black with BITCH picked out in enormous rhinestones. She’d worn it three times before I asked her if she knew what it meant, and she said she’d been told it meant “Like a baby dog, the cutest dog? A really cute girl puppy.” 

So I explained to her that it wasn’t quite an accurate translation, and as I elaborated on what it meant, from “female dog” on up to “a name you call a woman you don’t like” and all the reasons you might call someone that, her eyes got wider and wider until finally she yelled “THAT’S BETTER, THAT’S THE BEST! BITCH IS EVEN BETTER THAN CUTE!”

My definitive ranking of my least favorite bodies of water! These are ranked from least to most scary (1/10 is okay, 10/10 gives me nightmares). I’m sorry this post is long, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this.

The Great Blue Hole, Belize

I’ve been here! I have snorkeled over this thing! It is terrifying! The water around the hole is so shallow you can’t even swim over the coral without bumping it, and then there’s a little slope down, and then it just fucking drops off into the abyss! When you’re over the hole the water temperature drops like 10 degrees and it’s midnight blue even when you’re right by the surface. Anyway. The Great Blue Hole is a massive underwater cave, and its roughly 410 feet deep. Overall, it’s a relatively safe area to swim. It’s a popular tourist attraction and recreational divers can even go down and explore some of the caves. People do die at the Blue Hole, but it is generally from a lack of diving experience rather than anything sinister going on down in the depths. My rating for this one is 1/10 because I’ve been here and although it’s kinda freaky it’s really not that bad.

Lake Baikal, Russia

When I want to give myself a scare I look at the depth diagram of this lake. It’s so deep because it’s not a regular lake, it’s a Rift Valley, A massive crack in the earth’s crust where the continental plates are pulling apart. It’s over 5,000 feet deep and contains one-fifth of all freshwater on Earth. Luckily, its not any more deadly than a normal lake. It just happens to be very, very, freakishly deep. My rating for this lake is a 2/10 because I really hate looking at the depth charts but just looking at the lake itself isn’t that scary.

Jacob’s Well, Texas

This “well” is actually the opening to an underwater cave system. It’s roughly 120 feet deep, surrounded by very shallow water. This area is safe to swim in, but diving into the well can be deadly. The cave system below has false exits and narrow passages, resulting in multiple divers getting trapped and dying. My rating is a 3/10, because although I hate seeing that drop into the abyss it’s a pretty safe place to swim as long as you don’t go down into the cave (which I sure as shit won’t).

The Devil’s Kettle, Minnesota

This is an area in the Brule River where half the river just disappears. It literally falls into a hole and is never seen again. Scientists have dropped in dye, ping pong balls, and other things to try and figure out where it goes, and the things they drop in never resurface. Rating is 4/10 because Sometimes I worry I’m going to fall into it.

Flathead Lake, Montana

Everyone has probably seen this picture accompanied by a description about how this lake is actually hundreds of feet deep but just looks shallow because the water is so clear. If that were the case, this would definitely rank higher, but that claim is mostly bull. Look at the shadow of the raft. If it were hundreds of feet deep, the shadow would look like a tiny speck. Flathead lake does get very deep, but the spot the picture was taken in is fairly shallow. You can’t see the bottom in the deep parts. However, having freakishly clear water means you can see exactly where the sandy bottom drops off into blackness, so this still ranks a 5/10.

The Lower Congo River, multiple countries

Most of the Congo is a pretty normal, if large, River. In the lower section of it, however, lurks a disturbing surprise: massive underwater canyons that plunge down to 720 feet. The fish that live down there resemble cave fish, having no color, no eyes, and special sensory organs to find their way in the dark. These canyons are so sheer that they create massive rapids, wild currents and vortexes that can very easily kill you if you fall in. A solid 6/10, would not go there.

Little Crater Lake, Oregon

On first glance this lake doesn’t look too scary. It ranks this high because I really don’t like the sheer drop off and how clear it is (because it shows you exactly how deep it goes). This lake is about 100 feet across and 45 feet deep, and I strongly feel that this is too deep for such a small lake. Also, the water is freezing, and if you fall into the lake your muscles will seize up and you’ll sink and drown. I don’t like that either. 7/10.

Grand Turk 7,000 ft drop off

No. 8/10. I hate it.

Gulf of Corryvreckan, Scotland

Due to a quirk in the sea floor, there is a permanent whirlpool here. This isn’t one of those things that looks scary but actually won’t hurt you, either. It absolutely will suck you down if you get too close. Scientists threw a mannequin with a depth gauge into it and when it was recovered the gauge showed it went down to over 600 feet. If you fall into this whirlpool you will die. 9/10 because this seems like something that should only be in movies.

The Bolton Strid, England

This looks like an adorable little creek in the English countryside but it’s not. Its really not. Statistically speaking, this is the most deadly body of water in the world. It has a 100% mortality rate. There is no recorded case of anyone falling into this river and coming out alive. This is because, a little ways upstream, this isn’t a cute little creek. It’s the River Wharfe, a river approximately 30 feet wide. This river is forced through a tiny crack in the earth, essentially turning it on its side. Now, instead of being 30 feet wide and 6 feet deep, it’s 6 feet wide and 30 feet deep (estimated, because no one actually knows how deep the Strid is). The currents are deadly fast. The banks are extremely undercut and the river has created caves, tunnels and holes for things (like bodies) to get trapped in. The innocent appearance of the Strid makes this place a death trap, because people assume it’s only knee-deep and step in to never be seen again. I hate this river. I have nightmares about it. I will never go to England just because I don’t want to be in the same country as this people-swallowing stream. 10/10, I live in constant fear of this place.

Honorable mention: The Quarry, Pennsylvania