Wait, are fanfictions always this crappy?

1. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment.’’ 2. It just happened. 3. I was bored. 4. It just seemed like ‘‘the thing to do.’’ 5. Someone dared me. 6. I desired emotional closeness “(i.e.,” intimacy). 7. I wanted to feel closer to God. 8. I wanted to gain acceptance from my friends. 9. It’s “exciting,” adventurous. 10. I wanted to make up after a fight. 11. I wanted to get rid of aggression. 12. I was under the influence of drugs. 13. I wanted to have something to tell my friends. 14. I wanted to express my love for the person. 15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure. 16. I wanted to show my affection to the person. 17. I felt like I owed it to the person. 18. I was attracted to the person. 19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release. 20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in. 21. It feels good. 22. My partner kept insisting. 23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her. 24. I was physically forced to. 25. I was verbally coerced into it. 26. I wanted the person to love me. 27. I wanted to have a child. 28. I wanted to make someone else jealous. 29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends. 30. I was married and you’re supposed to. 31. I was tired of being a virgin. 32. I was ‘‘horny.’’ 33. I wanted to feel loved. 34. I was feeling lonely. 35. Everyone else was having sex. 36. I wanted the attention. 37. It was easier to ‘‘go all the way’’ than to stop. 38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was ‘‘committed.’’ 39. I was competing with someone else to ‘‘get the person.’’ 40. I wanted to ‘‘gain control’’ of the person. 41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed. 42. I was curious about sex. 43. I wanted to feel attractive. 44. I wanted to please my partner. 45. I wanted to display submission. 46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress. 47. I didn’t know how to say ‘‘no.’’ 48. I felt like it was my duty. 49. I wanted to end the relationship. 50 My friends pressured me into it. 51. I wanted the adventure/excitement. 52. I wanted the experience. 53. I felt obligated to. 54. It’s fun. 55. I wanted to get even with someone “(i.e.,” get revenge). 56. I wanted to be popular. 57. It would get me gifts. 58. I wanted to act out a fantasy. 59. I hadn’t had sex for a while. 60. The person was ‘‘available.’’ 61. I didn’t want to ‘‘lose’’ the person. 62. I thought it would help ‘‘trap’’ a new partner. 63. I wanted to make someone else jealous. 64. I felt sorry for the person. 65. I wanted to feel powerful. 66. I wanted to ‘‘possess’’ the person. 67. I wanted to release tension. 68. I wanted to feel good about myself. 69. I was slumming. 70. I felt rebellious. 71. I wanted to intensify my relationship. 72. It seemed like the natural next step. 73. I wanted to be nice. 74. I wanted to feel connected to the person. 75. I wanted to feel young. 76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me. 77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex. 78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person. 79. I wanted the person to feel good about themselves. 80. I didn’t want to disappoint the person. 81. I was trying to ‘‘get over’’ an earlier person/relationship. 82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation. 83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions. 84. I felt guilty. 85. My hormones were out of control. 86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me. 87. It became a habit. 88. I wanted to keep my partner happy. 89. I had no self-control. 90. I wanted to communicate at a deeper level. 91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t have sex with him/her. 92. I was curious about my sexual abilities. 93. I wanted a ‘‘spiritual’’ experience. 94. It was just part of the relationship ‘‘routine’’. 95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions. 96. I got ‘‘carried away.’’ 97. I needed another ‘‘notch on my belt.’’ 98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her. 99. The opportunity presented itself. 100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned “(e.g.,” on marijuana or some other drug). 101. It’s considered ‘‘taboo’’ by society. 102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced. 103. The person was too ‘‘hot’’ (sexy) to resist. 104. I thought it would relax me. 105. I thought it would make me feel healthy. 106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences. 107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person. 108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep. 109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience. 110. It would allow me to ‘‘get sex out of my system’’ so that I could focus on other things. 111. I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else. 112. It would damage my reputation if I said ‘‘no.’’ 113. The person was too physically attractive to resist. 114. I wanted to celebrate something. 115. I was seduced. 116. I wanted to make the person feel better about themselves. 117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex. 118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better. 119. I was mad at my “partner,” so I had sex with someone else. 120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner. 121. It was expected of me. 122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying. 123. I wanted the pure pleasure. 124. I wanted to dominate the other person. 125. I wanted to make a conquest. 126. I’m addicted to sex. 127. It was a favor to someone. 128. I wanted to be used or degraded. 129. Someone offered me money to do it. 130. I was drunk. 131. It seemed like good exercise. 132. I was pressured into doing it. 133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it. 134. I was frustrated and needed relief. 135. It was a romantic setting. 136. I felt insecure. 137. My regular partner is “boring,” so I had sex with someone else. 138. I was on the ‘‘rebound’’ from another relationship. 139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem. 140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me. 141. Because of a bet. 142. It was a special occasion. 143. I wanted to get a special favor from someone. 144. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me. 145. I wanted to enhance my reputation. 146. I wanted to keep warm. 147. I wanted to punish myself. 148. I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship by having sex with his/her partner. 149. I wanted to stop my partners’ nagging. 150. I wanted to impress friends. 151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm. 152. I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests. 153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills. 154. I wanted to get a job. 155. I wanted to get a raise. 156. I wanted to get a promotion. 157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion. 158. I wanted to make money. 159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied. 160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation. 161. I wanted to get out of doing something. 162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner. 163. I wanted to get a partner to express love. 164. I wanted to put the passion back into my relationship. 165. I wanted to prevent a breakup. 166. I wanted to become one with another person. 167. I wanted to get a favor from someone. 168. I wanted to breakup my relationship. 169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease “(e.g.,” “herpes,” AIDS). 170. I wanted to breakup another’s relationship. 171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. 172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself. 173. I wanted to get rid of a headache. 174. I was afraid to say ‘‘no’’ due to the possibility of physical harm. 175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying. 176. I wanted to burn calories. 177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner. 178. I wanted to hurt an enemy. 179. I wanted to feel older. 180. I wanted to raise my self-esteem. 181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization. 182. I wanted to become more focused on work – sexual thoughts are distracting. 183. I wanted to say ‘‘I’ve missed you.’’ 184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion. 185. I wanted to say ‘‘I’m sorry.’’ 186. I wanted to return a favor. 187. I wanted to say ‘‘Thank you.’’ 188. I wanted to welcome someone home. 189. I wanted to say ‘‘goodbye.’’ 190. I wanted to defy my parents. 191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps. 192. I wanted to relieve ‘‘blue balls.’’ 193. I wanted to get the most out of life. 194. I wanted to feel feminine. 195. I wanted to feel masculine. 196. I am a sex addict. 197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about. 198. I thought it would boost my social status. 199. The person had a lot of money. 200. The person’s physical appearance turned me on. 201. The person was a good dancer. 202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed. 203. The person had beautiful eyes. 204. The person made me feel sexy. 205. An erotic movie had turned me on. 206. The person had taken me out for an expensive dinner. 207. The person was a good kisser. 208. The person had bought me jewelry. 209. The person had a great sense of humor. 210. The person seemed self-confident. 211. The person really desired me. 212. The person was really desired by others. 213. I wanted to gain access to that person’s friend. 214. I felt jealous. 215. The person flattered me. 216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed. 217. The person had a desirable body. 218. I had not had sex in a long time. 219. The person smelled nice. 220. The person had an attractive face. 221. I saw the person naked and could not resist. 222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation. 223. The person was intelligent. 224. The person caressed me. 225. The person wore revealing clothes. 226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them. 227. I knew the person was usually ‘‘out of my league.’’ 228. The person was mysterious. 229. I realized I was in love. 230. I wanted to forget about my problems. 231. I wanted to reproduce. 232. I wanted to feel loved. 233. I wanted my partner to notice me. 234. I wanted to help my partner forget about their problems. 235. I wanted to lift my partner’s spirits. 236. I wanted to submit to my partner. 237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.

Ca avait commencé discrètement. Une maladresse par ici, là un mot à la place d'un autre, une hésitation, une ridicule erreur de calcul... Rien qui ne puisse pas être mis sur le compte de son choix de devenir déviant, un choix qu'il avait fait depuis plusieurs années déjà, et qui l'avait rendu chaque jour un peu plus humain, un peu plus faillible. Jusqu'à la première défaillance majeure, personne, pas même Hank, n'avait rien remarqué. Et puis un matin, il avait marché tout droit dans la porte fermée des archives. Certains s'étaient mis à rire devant le ridicule de la situation: Connor,  le presque-parfait androïde, une des figures majeures de la lutte pour les droits des êtres de synthèse, étalé sur le sol, cul par-dessus tête, parce qu'il avait raté une porte.

Hank n'avait pas ri.

Il avait pressé Connor pour qu'il lance tous les diagnostics possibles, pour qu'il traque la moindre erreur de son système. L'androïde lui avait affirmé qu'il allait bien, que ce n'était pas grand chose.

Hank n'en avait pas cru un mot.

Il s'était rendu chez Kamski dès le lendemain, pour chercher des réponses. Il avait toujours fait tout ce qu'il fallait pour maintenir Connor dans un état optimal. Il avait pris soin de faire remplacer régulièrement les biocomposants les plus fragiles, il avait obligé l'androïde à effectuer tous ses sous-programmes de maintenance chaque année, et lorsque Connor lui avait expliqué qu'ils n'étaient pas parfaitement compatibles avec les altérations logicielles entraînées par la déviance, il avait insisté quand même. Il l'avait fait parce que chaque soir, une petite voix à l'arrière de son crâne le harcelait, ravivait les souvenirs de Cole, de sa perte.

Plus jamais ça, s'était-il promis, comme si sa seule volonté pouvait suffire à faire plier les événements.

Le "plus grand génie du XXIème siècle" avait étudié Connor sous toutes les coutures, l'avait connecté à des machines, à des écrans couverts de lignes de code, pendant que Hank se tordait les mains, en regardant à peine les délicieuses androïdes blondes assister leur designer et maître.

Connor, serein au départ, avait eu l'air de plus en plus préoccupé en sentant les tests s'éterniser et en voyant l'inquiétude des deux humains se peindre sur leurs visages. Après des heures d'analyses, Kamski s'était frotté nerveusement les joues avant de déclarer qu'il était désolé, qu'il n'y avait rien qu'il puisse faire.

L'ingénieur expliqua que le RK-800 - Connor - n'avait pas été conçu pour un usage intensif et étendu dans le temps. Que bien que la plupart des androïdes du marchés aient été conçus pour avoir une durée de vie minimale de vingt ans, sous réserve d'un entretien régulier auprès de Cyberlife, c'était en général différent pour les prototypes sortis après 2036, qu'ils étaient conçus pour des tâches précises qui ne requéraient pas de les laisser fonctionnels pendant des années.

"On ne peut pas le transférer dans un autre corps ? On doit bien pouvoir faire quelque chose ! " Hank, plus pâle que jamais, et semblait avoir vieilli de dix ans en cinq minutes.

Kamski expliqua qu'il ne pouvait rien faire, que les données qui composaient la personnalité de Connor et sa mémoire avaient déjà commencé à se dégrader, et que risquer une copie vers un autre androïde risquerait d’accélérer leur corruption (omettant de rappeler au policier que depuis les accords de 2044 sur la vie synthétique, il était strictement prohibé de télécharger la mémoire d'un individu vers un autre sans le consentement écrit des deux parties, de toute façon...)

Un silence pesant s'était installé entre eux lorsqu'ils étaient rentrés à la maison, et Connor avait fini par s'excuser de son incapacité à se conformer aux exigences de longévité attendues d'un androïde CyberLife. Pendant un instant, Hank avait cru qu'il allait lui balancer son poing dans le visage, mais il s'était contenté de lui hurler dessus. Il aurait voulu agir en père, le rassurer et l'accompagner, mais c'était plus fort que lui. Une rage terrifiante s'était installée dans son esprit depuis l'annonce de Kamski. Il en voulait à Connor, à Kamski, à tous les androïdes du monde, à Cyberlife...

Il s'était remis à boire, malgré les recommandations de Connor, et dans la brume de sa réflexion imbibée de whisky, il s'était souvenu que c'était à lui qu'il en voulait le plus, parce qu'il s'était laissé aller en s'attachant à ce foutu androïde.

Deux semaines après la visite chez Kamski, Connor était rentré du commissariat avec un chiot. Deux ans après la mort de Sumo, il avait prétendu qu'il était temps de faire de la place pour un nouvel ami dans cette famille, et trois heures plus tard, la LED sur sa tempe était furtivement passée au rouge avant de s'éteindre pendant plus de vingt minutes, laissant un Hank paniqué et un chiot effrayé faire les cent pas autour de son corps inerte.

Et puis, chaque jour avait apporté une nouvelle épreuve. Dans un premier temps, Connor était devenu incapable de jongler avec sa pièce fétiche. Un matin, il avait perdu la capacité de nommer certains objets du quotidien, comme si leurs concepts même s'étaient effacés de sa base de donnée. Puis ses évanouissements devinrent quotidiens. En trois mois, il perdit la capacité de bouger son bras gauche et plus de la moitié de ses banques de vocabulaire quotidien.

Le dernier soir, il était assis dans le canapé du salon de Hank, comme tous les jours avant ça depuis que ses jambes refusaient de le porter, la tête de Cody, le nouveau chien de la maison, posée sur son genou inerte. A l'écran, les Detroit Gears gagnaient leur premier match de la saison, n'arrachant pourtant aucune joie à Hank. Les doigts de Connor avaient tressailli, il avait cligné des paupières une dizaine de fois avant de lever les yeux vers Hank.

"Merci. Tout. Amis."

Inspirationless: where you have the motivation but just can't think of anything good to write.

Motivation Deprived: you have the idea, but just, don't really wanna.

Pooped: Basically you have no ideas and don't really feel like writing anyways.

Procrastination: Where you are SO PUMPED TO GET THIS THING DONE!! But, there's that other thing, and, your show is on, and, you'll just do it tomorrow.