I posted a little something from âSedatedâ au.
Not a proper continuation, just a one shot I wrote through my depressive episode, trying to let go of some difficult feelings and turn my pain into art.
Iâd say itâs more suggestive than Sedated was so mind the tag and remember itâs mature rating for a reason âŒïž
tw: hypnotism, non-con, PTSD
Link below~
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I genuinely started to wonder how my days looked like about year 2013/14.
(The essay under)
Yes, I was in high school back then. A lot of traumas and the adulthood in general were ahead of me. But I was pretty busy with studying (I studied a lot). Iâm trying to remember how it was before - obviously - Tik tok, or even the conception of reels (except for the vine but anyone from those years can tell how different the vine was); before Snapchat and in my case even before I had instagram. What was I doing when I was bored?
I probably scrolled tumblr (it was much funnier back then), I also watched a lot of YouTube. But still I canât believe i did it as frequently and mindlessly as I watch reels rn. And also the length of videos were significantly longer. I feel like I really enjoyed watching them, I could focus on the whole piece or kept coming back to rewatch them.
But it wasnât all I did. I was reading A LOT. Both fanfictions and books. There was a time when I rather took a book with me to the bathroom instead of my phone.
Most of the time I wasnât even able to buy books so I borrowed them from library. It always made me so happy when I was able to lay my hands on the book I waited so long in the queue. I also often borrowed books or mangas from my friends. We read the same so we could after talk about it.
I also watched more tv series or movies, even when I had to become Jack Sparrow to get them. I felt so rewarded when I was able to find a movie in good quality and show it proudly to my family.
I played The Sims a lot (I didnât have much more games than that). Now i get bored after the loading screen.
Even my phone was different back then. I used it to play old android games, those pixel-like, without ads. I remember how creative I felt imagining in my head full movie about what I saw in the form of pixels.
I also had my separate mp4 player where I hoarded my downloaded edits and amvs. I would watch them on repeat, cause I didnât have access to internet all the time. Same with music, just kept re-listening to what I already had there.
The internet were in the computer, in my laptop. I had to open it to get there, to open tumblr, to open YouTube.
I had so much less then but I did so much more.
Now I have easy access to everything but I barely want to do anything.
And yeah, I barely forgot - I was writing SO MUCH. I kept my big ass a4 notebook where I was writing my first book. Then I carried around little family laptop that was kindly given to me when my dad got better one for himself. I took this super slow netbook everywhere where I could and just. Kept. Writing.
Of course I procrastinated too. I had undiagnosed depression since I was like 13. So I struggled anyway. Maybe itâs the nostalgia speaking. But I also remember how I was dealing with my depression, and it wasnât through watching reels mindlessly. I was actually trying to process through consuming and creating.
Iâm still trying to live like that today but it feels so much harder.
I donât really know if this post has a conclusion. I just want that feeling back - the feeling of morning with book instead dommscrolling. Or evening with playing the sims instead of rotting on tik tok.
Sorry for that long ass post but I just needed to get it off of my chest. And maybe you also feel the same and can tell me how do you deal with that.
A little update because depression took over me today and I try to trick myself into believing there are maybe people here who are interested in my work (therefore I canât kms or anything like that lol)
So, not to brag or something but Iâm super busy lately (when Iâm not too depressed to do so) writing a collab with this other super cool writer/artist. Iâm having so much fun. I was kinda stuck with my writing lately but this really helped me get in my creative mood. Also I almost forgot how much fun I have from writing with someone~ didnât do it for ages. (Also itâs gonna be NSFWđ)
Iâm also still brainstorming plot for my Sonadow exchange. I always work the best closer to the deadline so Iâm not super worry with passing time, as I have a decent idea to execute. Itâs gonna be fluff so something you didnât see yet from me~
Aaaaand Iâm still trying to start working more evenly on Gladiator AU.
I think some kind of work schedule would do fine in my case. Itâs a lot of writing ahead of me but, lately I feel like I need some kind of goal, structure and routine to keep my mind focused and my mental health in tact. I also need to move more again lol (unfortunately doing some sports really does help!)
I hope you all take care of yourself and have a wonderful weekend.
The beautiful thing as you get older is that you realize so many ârulesâ are made up and you can just do whatever. Posters can go anywhere in the house not just my room. I can sit down while cooking a meal or taking a shower. I can make the same thing for breakfast lunch dinner for a week straight. I can roam around the house shirtless. I can wear a dress with jeans. The world is my oyster key word my and I can live as I please embracing little things such as this
This hit especially hard for a person raised in very religious household. Literally so many made up rules embedded so deeply in you and you realise this only when youâre adult.
Shshshdjdjdj guys I just got my assignment for Sonadow Exchange 2026 and it couldnât be more perfect. I love all of the prompts/ideas. I canât wait to start working on that piece!!
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Sonic died thirty years ago, but Shadow still feels the pain đŠ
When I saw this Frieren trend on TikTok, I immediately thought of Shadow and how torturous it would be for him to live decades without Sonic, knowing that he would never find another like him and that the sky will always be infinitely blue
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â anyone 16+ is free to join the discord server, even if you do not plan to participate! joining is required for all exchange participants.
The need to write a collage/uni au with Sonic being in abusive situationship with Infinite who tends to beat him âbecause of his attitudeâ (especially during the fights), perfectly aware that Sonic would come back to him the next day pretending like it was nothing. Cause deep down Sonic too believes that itâs nothing.
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The nights are filled with Sonicâs voice, brilliant and fleeting, like the flash of light reflected in an empty glass. Everyone adores him, yet no one truly knows him. Shadow watches from the dark, performing his duty as a guardian, untouched by the world heâs sworn to protect⊠until he hears him sing. And something within him falters. Among the echoes of jazz and the secrets fame refuses to forgive, two lonely souls meet on a stage that was never theirs. And when love is born in a place built on illusion, it can only bloom as a quiet tragedy.
The first two episodes are now available âšïž I hope you enjoy them! (Unlike my previous fic, this one is intended for a mature audience, itâs not explicit, but it does touch on some adult themes, so please read the tags)
In the meantime, let me introduce you to one of my fav Sonadow story Iâve read! Seriously you should give it a chance. Especially if you like fics that will make you cry đ Cool music and even cooler illustrations included!
If you like Lansoni, the author wrote also one of that đ„°
online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.
and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.
there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.
i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.
Heya!! Iâm not sure what Iâm doing, but I decided to share with you a little fragment of my newest WIP!! I have NO IDEA when Iâm gonna publish it tho; I have the outline and some scenes finished, but I think I still didnât fully recover after finishing âSedatedâ and Iâm not sure if Iâm ready to commit to new idea đ„Č
But what I can already tell you, is that this new story is going to be less intense than my previous fic, and significantly shorter too. HOWEVER, since itâs still my story, itâs going to have mind controlled Sonic and our favorite toxic jackal in the background~ Iâm aiming in the endgame Sonadow, but tbh I donât know if this fic will lean fully into romance, it may be too short for that, to my personal taste.
Also, it was mostly created for my own self-indulgent. Heh.
I didnât came up with a title yet. For now, letâs call it⊠âGladiator AUâ
WIP UNDER THE CUT!
(I consider this scene a little spoilerish, but it will be placed pretty much at the beginning of the story - chapter 2 maybe?. I could give you the opening scene, but I decided this particular moment may catch your attention better âșïž).
Shadow leapt onto the arena. The soles of his air shoes struck the sandy ground, kicking up a bit of dust into the air. He moved toward Sonic, who was still waving at the cheering crowd gathered in the stands, a wide smile on his face.
The blue hedgehogâs ear twitched at the scraping sound of Shadowâs boots, but he didnât turn to him or stop what he was doing.
Shadow came to a halt right behind him.
âHaving fun?â he asked roughly. His voice was icy, low and sharp.
Sonic blinked, then without lowering his hand turned his head toward Shadow, tilting it slightly. âHuhâŠ?â
Something in that reaction made Shadowâs stomach tighten, while at the same time his blood began to boil. His eyes burned with accusation.
âThatâs your answer?â He crossed his arms over his chest, barely holding back his fury. âYou disappeared without a word and youâre here, wasting time.â He shook his head. âThis is pointlessâ, he murmured to himself. Then, looking back at Sonic, he continued with a sarcastic scoff: âAre you coming home, or do you plan to bask in your glory a little longer?â
Sonic let out a quiet chuckle, but it was somehow distracted, the kind that barely acknowledged Shadowâs presence. He turned back to the crowd, continuing to wave at them with a steady hand. âHome? This is my home,â he said smoothly. âIâm the Champion, after all.â
The words were spoken so easily, so casually, that at first Shadow almost didnât register them.
Then his gaze sharpened.
Sonicâs fur, in the golden sunlight beneath a cloudless sky, wasnât as blue as it should have been. It looked duller, dusty; clumped in places and streaked with something darker, like carelessly and not fully wiped, dried blood.
His posture, though seemingly relaxed and confident, seemed to carry a certain weight.
But it was his face that caught Shadowâs attention the most. His smile was too wide, his eyes too bright. There was exhaustion hidden behind them.
YesâSonic looked exhausted, like he was running on fumes.
ââŠSonic.â Shadowâs voice lost its edge, becoming something closer to concern. âAre you okay?â
Sonic glanced at him briefly, his smile not wavering in the slightest. âNever been better,â he replied. His tone was almost as confident and arrogant as always.
Almost.
Shadow focused his gaze on the object resting on Sonicâs head. It resembled a crownâor rather, a laurel wreathâand it was made of a golden, metallic material. The sunlight reflected off its surface, refracting within it.
Shadowâs expression darkened. He looked Sonic in the eyes.
âDo you even know how much time has passed since youâve been gone?â Shadow asked. His voice was quiet, but heavy.
Sonic, in contrast, gave a light shrug. âNot sure what youâre talking about, but does it matter?â
Shadowâs stomach tightened again, this time not with anger, but with deep unease. âIt matters because your friends are looking for you. Theyâre worried about you.â
Sonic blinked, somewhat absentmindedly. His hand hesitated for a moment.
ââŠMy⊠friends?â
Shadow felt the air leave his lungs. âYes. Your friends. Tails, Amy, Knuckles. Me.â
Sonicâs expression flickered with confusion for a second, but then the hedgehog laughed, as if the very idea wasnât even worth mentioning.
A lump formed in Shadowâs throat.
He took a slow step forward, feeling a tightness in his chest. âSonic, do you⊠do you know who I am?â
Sonicâs gaze drifted over him, and for the first time Shadow realized how shallow it was, as if Sonic was looking through him, not at him.
At last, Sonic lowered his hand and turned fully toward him, casually resting one hand on his hip. Then, with an almost amused smirk, he said:
âSure I know. Youâre one of my fans, right?â
Shadow froze in place.
His brows drew together, his hands curling into fists on their own.
He exhaled sharply through his nose, forcing the storm rising inside him to settle, at least for a moment.
Then his darkened gaze lifted.
Among the mindlessly cheering crowd, one figure stood out, seated in something like a private box. Dressed in long robes, their face hidden behind a golden jackal-shaped mask that shimmered in the sunlight.
Shadowâs instincts screamed at him.
This was wrong. All of this was wrong.
He clenched his teeth hard.
His body moved faster than his mind. He turned back to Sonic, grabbing his arm and gripping it tightly. âI donât know what the hell is going on here, but Iâm getting you out of here.â
Sonic flinched at the touch, then instinctively pulled back, wrenching himself free.
âHey, easy there, buddy,â he said lightly, but now, as Shadow noticed, almost absent. âI canât play favorites. Iâve got plenty of fans counting on me.â His expression was a strange mix of pride and uncertainty, as if he knew this place meant something to him, but not quite why.
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Hello! (I'm gonna keep asking questions) Do you think that Sonic would probably be asexual after the whole.... um.... Sedated au?
(only asking bc he has a lot of trauma there)
Sedated Spoilers under!
Hi!! Iâm sorry for finding your message only now đ«
Honestly I donât have strong opinion on that subject! Personally, I believe he would, after really long time, with care and probably therapy, find joy in intimacy again, especially with Shadow being his partner. After all he still enjoy kisses and cuddling, romantic way. But you can feel free to have your own headcanon about it â€ïž