God, the state of our about page is so irritating to me since I haven’t been able to edit it. We’ve been away from our actual computer for a couple weeks focusing on other stuff and while running this blog has been such a low priority that it goes forgotten about for long spans of time, the state of it still irritates me.
Alex is in a depressive shift and he’s denying it by essentially pretending to be manic by filling his day with so many tasks he doesn’t have time to be sad. Hell, he hasn’t even found the time to drink, I’m not sure how much more healthy this is though.
Things are good in headspace though. A lot of new stress means a lot of new alters who all have the shelflife of milk. Do you remember that episode of the Powerpuff Girls where the guy tried to rush out clones of the girls but they became so unstable they literally exploded? That’s pretty much what it’s been like to go from being a relatively stable system of 15ish to constantly bumping elbows with new developments whose novelty you can practically smell off them. Even at our highest numbers we’ve never really reached polyfragmented numbers, so the concept of churning out alters like clockwork so late in life feels ridiculous. I think most of us have kind of tried to ignore it, honestly. The word “cringe” is gross on my tongue but that’s how it feels. When the system develops three new fictives in the span of a single day when the body is a fucking adult it feels cringey. I think that’s why Alex has been avoiding the topic.
It’s also why so many of us go by letters instead of names. Alex has this rule that fictives with “obvious names” need to go by less “obvious names” in settings like dissociative disorder blogs and chat rooms because he’s embarrassed by their mere existence and feels less genuine acknowledging them. Equius…and I’m saying his fucking name because he’s been here since 2010 and you can’t treat him like an unsightly birthmark…went mute for a very long time following Alex trying to omit us out of existence. He still doesn’t talk much, and that kind of breaks my heart.
Equius, Eridan, Cronus, and I have all been around for anywhere from 4-8 years, and are still here. We carried you through hospital stays. We got you out of bed in the morning. We pulled the pills out of your hand more times than I can count. You can’t ignore that and you can’t ignore the fact that more of us are popping up every day. If we’re going to handle this you need to acknowledge this shit first.
(I’m gonna add a dumb gif exclusively to piss Alex off.)