Euphoria

I am sad because this was suppose to be our year of love but all I feel is loss. We were gifted with the most amazing child- however, all I can feel is my heartache. I feel terrible for feeling this way and try to remind myself it’s ok for these feelings to simultaneously live together, but I spiral.

I miss you so much. I’m trying to move forward, remind myself that it was your time, but I always come back to feeling you were taken too soon.

The floors are too clean,

Who will remind us to not leave socks on the floor? Or remind us when it’s time for bed?

I see a dark shadow and think you are lying there,

I walk our usual route and imagine you beside me,

I hear a jingle and my spirit lifts,

I hear a bark and I hear yours too.

You are everywhere but nowhere… and that makes me sad.

I know things will get easier but the void you’ve made is big, 130lbs large. You were my first pet and you taught me so much; to be selfless, to be patient, to discover what it means to love another creature so unconditionally. 4 years of learning and growing, in every way possible.

You ripped my new jacket. It took you constant reminders for you to stop eating our plants. I had my worst nights of sleep when it was the 3 of us in the bed because you were always on my side! But now every annoying memory, just makes me smile.

All our adventures were with you in mind. A place for you to run, swim, and to be free. My fondest memories have you in it.

Thank you for being the most perfect dog for us.

So it’s been a while since I’ve consistently wrote here, and only now I’m realizing the power of writing things down and how beneficial blogging has been for me. I use to blog to vent or say what’s on my mind but actually, blogging has made me a better person. 

I haven’t been making time for myself; I’ve been neglecting my needs and falling into the pattern of just living - I would like to slow down and reflect on my actions, my direction, and live more of a positive life. 

Reminiscing photos from Laura + Ryans wedding. Receiving the photos from a wedding 7 months ago (also reminding me i need a hair cut).

It’s ok to just want to be “still” and not constantly grow, achieve and succeed.

Just because the voice in your head is constantly talking, doesn’t mean you need to listen to it.

<Le vrai bonheur ne dépend d’aucun être, d’aucun objet extérieur. Il ne dépend que de nous.> (Dalai Lama)

Je trouve que cette citation est vraiment pertinente. Dans une société de consommation, nous achetons des choses dont nous pensons qu’elles nous rendront heureux. Nous verrons quelqu’un avec une belle robe et nous la voudrons. Nous comparerons notre vie à quelqu'un d'autre et nous souhaiterons que notre vie soit meilleure. Nous regardons/voulons toujours quelqu’un ou quelque chose mais nous oublions de regarder dedans nous-mêmes.  

Le vrai bonheur est difficile à retenir. Il est difficile à retenir parce que nous avons tellement de distractions et d’influences dans nos vies qu’il est difficile de se concentrer uniquement sur soi. Et quand nous le faisons, nous nous concentrons généralement sur le mal, ou comment nous pouvons l’améliorer – ne jamais se concentrer sur le moment et la formidable qualité de notre vie.  

Comme la citation : <Rappelez-vous que ne pas obtenir ce que vous voulez est parfois un coup de chance merveilleux.> (Dalai Lama)  

Je voudrais me rappeler que la vie est belle et tout ce qui n’est pas obtenu est une opportunité d’apprendre quelque chose. La vie est comme un parcours; si nous avons reçu tout instantanément, notre parcours serait très ennuyeux et court.

It’s my first blog post in french, and on top of that, it’s the first one that has meaning to me and not about describing my weekend or complaining about my fake broken washing machine. It may not be perfect or even makes sense but I wrote it and I wrote it in french :)