you were a low moon

like. here is a thing my dad loves most in the world that neither of his kids were really into lol. but getting to go to games with him was always a treat, he loves football and hockey and he'll watch just about everything else but his first love has always been baseball. he's playing on three different teams this year, yes at his age! he took a ball to the head last year that permanently fucked up his vision in one eye and he chose to come back and keep playing. when i took a photo at pnc park and had it nicely matted and framed it was the only time he cried over a christmas gift i got him, because we got to be there experiencing that together. it was our experience there on the wall.

my dad is the one who taught me how to run, who trained and ran my first race with me. i still remember at the end him just saying "go," and my feet flying me to the finish line. i've still got the trophy somewhere. but when i did one day of hs track and said nope, this organized sports thing is not for me, he didn't push. he just left the door open.

and then in 2016 i was home from college watching bryan rust score playoff goals while smiling ear to ear and going wait, i think i might Get It. like for the first time in my life i GET what is compelling about this. and i got to do that WITH my dad, over on the opposite couch. both my parents are from pittsburgh and he had kind of a shitty home life, sports were his escape. he grew up in a time when pburgh teams were at their peak: he watched clemente and franco harris and lemieux and he got to see all this striving toward greatness at a time when greatness seemed difficult to reach.

and ever since those playoffs it's been a thing we can share. and i don't need to know everything about it--it took me, honestly, years to understand and identify what the hell an offsides means--and i don't need to know everyone's names or stats. my dad does--photographic memory, ask him what sports events were happening on X day in, i don't know, 1982 and he'd probably be able to tell you--but he also doesn't shame me for not knowing these things. part of the joy for him is in getting to hold onto that knowledge and share it. here's a little piece of his childhood, a little piece of his home, a little piece of himself. you can have it.

so i don't know. i think there's a level at which i see people woobifying athletes lol or weeping over trades or punching the tv when your team doesn't play well or being unable to take critical looks at an industry on a macro level because there is so much defensiveness and protectiveness wrapped up in feeling something so strongly that a criticism of it becomes a criticism of you--all of these things are so distant from having this very real and personal connection to something that at the same time does not require my unfailing loyalty or adoration. i don't need to be precious about it. i can just like it. it's not a show i put on and got swept away by. it's not something i picked up this year and can put down in a month when something shinier catches my interest.