the hand holding his little form faltered and the thumb ceased its gentle caressing.
“like can u act a little bit scary this time?” he pulled the thumb back down and nuzzled into it and the petting hesitantly continued.
“i don’t want to hurt you.”
“i know! i know you would never hurt me. i just, it might be fun if you scared me a little.”
“what do you mean? scary how?”
“i don’t know,” he giggled and tried to figure out how to explain it. “you know when you first met me how u were kind of domineering and forceful? grabbing me and not letting me know what you were thinking or what you’d do next? that kinda thing.”
the petting stopped again and the hand trembled around him. he looked up to its face and felt sick when met with the expression. wide eyes boring down at him from under a furrowed brow. pursed lips that parted with a sharp breath and remained fixed, waiting for words to come out.
“…i was scary? i scared you?”
his heart shattered with its tone. soft, disbelief. god he was an asshole. he didn’t know what to say.
“did i really scare you when i first met you?” it didn’t look hurt, not really. all stoney, guarded. but he knew it too well.
“no, you didn’t, i just-”
he wished he kept his mouth shut and just enjoyed cuddling in its hand. the thumb that was formerly petting his head was now twitching and the relaxed moment between the two was now subsumed by tension.
“tell the truth,” it pressed.
“yeah,” he deflated as he said it. “yeah you kinda did.”
silence stretched on as it stared down at him. it looked pissed, and the same fear from that first day started building up in his chest. followed by gut wrenching guilt.
“i’m really sorry.” its expression remained aloof but its voice came out small. he wanted to fix this. to convince it that he wasn’t afraid of it anymore. but ‘anymore’ wasn’t what it wanted to hear.
the trembling hand jolted and he flinched, curled up in on himself. only to be gently rolled out onto the mattress.
“i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry,” the apologies rolled out over each other. he’d never seen it cry but it looked close. with him safely out of its hand, it got up to leave.
“wait! hey, please don’t go. please? don’t be sorry. i’m sorry. can we talk?”
“i- i just,” it shook its head roughly, like snapping out of a bad dream. “i’ll be back i just need a second.”
it walked to the door and paused. turning just its head back it whispered in a soft voice, “i don’t want to be scary. i’m really sorry.”
and with that, left him alone in their bed.
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