ashlyn

feel uneasy. breathing feels weird. very aware of everything. drinking after a monster and no food was very stupid

it is two twenty-five on a sunday in july. i am reading solitaire with my fiance and our maybe-boyfriend asleep at my feet. i am on my second 500ml 8.2% abv bottle of henry weston’s vintage cider of the evening, but they both fell asleep ‘for a little bit’ after one - despite both being adamant that they can drink far more than me. i was very drunk an hour ago, and i am approaching that state again. i want this. i enjoy being drunk, which i am sure will become a major problem for me later in life. i know that i may have a panic attack after i finish reading, especially if i become fully drunk again, and i know that i am fast approaching the part of the book where tori goes a bit insane. this does not bother me. i know many things, and i am many things. i am happy, and i am sad. my emotions move like the wind, and change just as swiftly. i am a little drunk. i love almost everyone and i hate almost everyone. i need to hide the empty bottles for personal reasons but i am going to finish reading first. i have just clicked my neck loudly twice, and tried a third but it didn’t happen. i am sad that i know so many people who are sad. why can’t they be happy? i am tired but i must watch my fiancé and our maybe-boyfriend because i am scared they will aspirate if i do not. my fiancé is quite still; our maybe-boyfriend twitches a lot in his sleep. i love them both and i hate people close to them both. i am drunk and i have a lot of thoughts. this has taken me twelve minutes to type out. i know these things both to be true.

i’m such a bronco girlie what a fucking banger song thank you pigeon pit