Just a Reckless Heart.

I haven’t been this lonely or felt this depressed in such a long time.

I miss you and I hate that I miss you. Your manipulative words keep running through my head making me doubt my decision. But I know I did the right thing. I wasn’t as happy with you as I thought. You didn’t make me as happy as I thought. And then you fucking cheated on me. I guess I didn’t make you as happy as I thought I did. As happy as you said I made you. Did you even really love me? Was it all a lie? Did you even care about me?

I’m so mad that you did this to us. How dare you fucking cheat on me? And then try to make it out like you were the victim? Fucking disgusting. I loved you so much and this is how you repaid me. I’m so angry at you for being so full of shit. I’m so mad at all the things you said after we broke up. How dare you. You hurt me the exact same fucking way that he did, how dare you say what he did was worse because you don’t know how either situation made me feel. Fuck you. You don’t get to say that shit. Why did you have to hurt me the way he did? The way you always swore you wouldn’t? I miss you and I fucking hate that I do. You don’t deserve to be missed, or cried over. And yet here I am sobbing like a fucking baby, all because of you. You pointed out to me when my grandfather passed away that I’ve experienced so much loss in the last 3 years. And guess what? Now I have to experience more loss fucking because of you. I have to lose you. I had to lose my kids, the family I nannied for, the town I liked, and the life I had. How dare you throw me such a curveball and then try to say it was my fault. Fuck you. Fuck you