i am escaping.

it’s amazing how women are able to navigate crowded rooms without ever touching a palm to a man’s lower back

i'm opening up our relationship so bugs can get in

learning how to drive in america is like a fucking saw trap.

hello teenager. in front of you is a 2 ton chevy trailerblazer. you can either start driving, putting yourself and those around you in immediate danger, along with causing you great anxiety, or you can spend your life aaking your friends and family to chauffeur you around town because you cant go butt fuck no where without a car. if you choose to drive, you will have to spend your life paying mandatory microtransactions for a mode of transport you hate. if you dont, you will have to ride the almost nonexistent public transport system and/or put yourself in grave danger by riding a bicycle down a 45 mph stroad. if you complain to anyone in your life about learning to drive a car, you get acid poured onto you. good luck.

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

Remember when you could look things up online. Do you remember how we used to search

what is even the moral of if you give a mouse a cookie. Never do anything nice for anyone or else theyll make you give them milk and then your house or something? whatever. every mouse ive ever known has been really nice actually i dont think theyd ever do that. i think your being mean and assuming the worst of them for no good reason. what just because they like a yummy cookie? just because they like a yummy cookie treat? fuck off man. mices are literally nice as fuck. screw you seriously

i really do dislike how people utilize the term "unmonitored/unsupervised internet access" because on a regular basis they take issue with the internet part and not the neglect. i dont believe internet access is traumatizing, i think being neglected is.