Catastrophical

I believe in karma but idk what went wrong these last few months.

My hit and run accident took me off my rocker, sense of safety torn, and it just.. kept… coming …..

The car I bought had a bad engine, barely got to return it from where I bought it with heavy tear set eyes. Then square one-rental car-looking for new car. My cat knocked a potted plant onto his back, damn near paralyzed himself-emergency vet visit. Next day, my one toilet would not unplug with all powers within me trying, had to call a plumber for the first time for help unclogging freaking paper towels I’d used to clean my glasses with, broken potted plant was in the bathroom garbage in the kitchen still, toilet plugged on paper towels?? Highly doubt

Then get a new car, scared shitless. Do extra extra extra work to verify it’s cool bc of cough past history cough. Register it, finally yay so cool (barely feel anything still) 2 days later check engine light comes on cool cool. Scared to get it checked still still.

But now, my son’s behavior. He has become more than I could’ve ever imagined. I love him endlessly, through all ups and downs. Today; he kicked me, with his full strength. In my hip and leg, throwing out my alignment. I’m still in pain 13 hours later. My everything hurts. He’s hitting me, slamming on the doors when I try to create space. His teacher sent home 20 assignments he’s not doing in class (surprise not doing them at home either) she’s worried about him failing 3rd grade. I’m worried about this consuming me and taking me further from myself. I’m so worried about him. Psych is at a dead end. Therapist is quitting and last days tomorrow.

I also failed 2 classes last quarter and I’m ready to drop out, I was supposed to only have 3 quarters left. I don’t want to tell anyone. I just want to drop.

I’m just …. Struggling ? Is that a good enough excuse to drop out? Drowning, exhausted, alone, defeated. D. E. E. D. S. lol deeds have been paid, I am lost on what I have done to be placed with such a battle. I was healing. I was doing the work. Attempting to continue trying is warring.