Why are you like this?
you made us this way
This is the most accurate meta-commentary on the relation between social media and a corporation Iâve ever seen.
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosmic Funnies
Xuebing Du
noise dept.

shark vs the universe

romaâ
Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă
đŞź
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Peter Solarz
DEAR READER
occasionally subtle
h
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Mike Driver
wallacepolsom

$LAYYYTER

cherry valley forever

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@mens-rea
Why are you like this?
you made us this way
This is the most accurate meta-commentary on the relation between social media and a corporation Iâve ever seen.

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2016 is feeling more and more like that bit in movies where the time traveller accidentally kills a bug and when they return the world is Not Quite Right
OH MY GOD
Snort
This is both accurate and so authentically Canadian that it hurts.

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My German grandma came to the US in 1952, she gained citizenship, and was proud to be part of a country that was much freer than the one she immigrated from. She and my grandfather owned forty-six guns between the two of them, they taught their four sons, and all five of us grandchildren to shoot them. They encouraged us to own guns, and protect ourselves. They told us never to believe the lie that you do not need them, they had witnessed how that goes.Â
Cool and how many of grandmaâs guns could be bought with no waiting period and fired 50 rounds per minute?
No one finds it at all odd that this person is comparing the viewpoint of someone who had left a country that, at the time of her emigration, was just pulling itself up from the Nazi regime to the need to arm oneself in present day America?
Are you saying we should disarm ourselves? Please tell me how my Oma was wrong? The government that disarms the people kills the people. You go on and be a victim of bad guys and the government, I was raised better.
Ideally? Yeah, you should be disarmed. I think itâs been pretty well established that as a whole none of you can be trusted with your toys.Â
The type of weaponry available to American citizens is obscene and unnecessary. There is no reason any person outside of military personnel should have automatic rifles. No one needs an arsenal of over 40 guns in their home. That is sick and indicative to me of a level of extreme paranoia that would be better addressed with a therapist than a closet full of guns.
But practically speaking, because god forbid the American people give up their precious weapons, if you want your damn penis extensions so bad there need to be stricter restrictions on how people obtain them, what types of guns theyâre allowed to have, and how many they are allowed to own (46 is too many. Try, like, 2.)
How was your Oma wrong? Her worldview was shaped by Nazi leadership and she took the fear of an oppressive and genocidal government rule with her to another country and instilled that lasting fear in her family. From the way you tell it she doesnât have the guns for sport or whatever other reason someone might own a firearm; she had them because of an inherent and persistent fear. And the last person I want owning forty six guns is a paranoid person who thinks the gubâmint is coming for them. So your Oma was wrong. Iâm sure she was a delightful woman otherwise but on this she was dead wrong.
And hereâs something totally wild thatâs just going to blow your mind: here in Canada, where I blessedly live, our gun laws, though imperfect and leaving still much to be desired, make it much more difficult to obtain firearms and as a result we donât have mass shootings on the scale that Americans do. Are we utterly void of crime? No, of course not. But do we have one mass shooting for nearly every day of the year so far? Nnnnnnnope! In fact, after one particularly heinous shooting in 1989 - Ăcole Polytechnique - we put laws in place to restrict access to guns and then, in 1995, further restrictions were put into place. And oddly enough our government didnât swiftly march into the streets to slaughter us after effectively disarming us. In fact, weâre ahead of the U.S. for best countries in the world to live and the whole planet is creaming their pants over our little sunbeam PM. Terrible stuff over here! Weâre all terrified and miserable!Â
Oh and not only all of that but, we generally donât feel like we need to barricade ourselves in our homes behind a wall of fire power. Actually, most countries exist perfectly contently without a house full of guns. Itâs mostly the U.S. that stands as the odd man out here,
So would you look at that, neither a victim of bad guys nor the government. And all without guns!
How I N T E R E S T I N GÂ
Guys don't like that much makeup.
then I suggest they just stick to a lightweight bb cream and mascara
(via MartinPilgrim1)
everyoneâs having their mid-life crises at like 19
There are three types of people⌠(via akilan_shady)

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The magic was in YOU.
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Should You Download The Rock Clock?
hello friends, itâs me, youâre old pal molls ofgeo. i know a lot of you have heard about âthe rock clock,â and wondered, âis it for me?â well, no fear!! i am here to answer all your questions to help you decide.
what is âthe rock clockâ? you know that tumblr post thatâs like âimagine a world where everything is the same except dwayne the rock johnson is an unquestioned part of your friend groupâ? the rock clock is that world. in the rock clock world, you live with dwayne the rock johnson, and every morning it is his job to wake you up before he heads off to the gym to Be Excellent. your roommate, DTRJ, also wants you to Be Excellent, but he knows itâs a little harder for you than for him, since he bench presses Excellence 50 times before breakfast while youâre still army-crawling toward the kitchen for coffee. to help you along, DTRJ sings you a little song he wrote himself about how youâre gonna kick todayâs butt. while you slowly put on your human form, free-climbing from blissful sleep into the hellish reality of having to Get Up and Pay Bills and Vacuum Your House and Contribute To Society, DTRJ talks to you about how youâre gonna kill it today and heâs also gonna kill it, but with a lime green water bottle.
iâm a deep sleeper. will âthe rock clockâ really wake me up? i personally believeâand i think that science will back me up on this, once a few years have passed and we start to get some literature on the matterâthat the rock clock could be used to wake king arthur in avalon. had rip van winkle had access to the rock clock, he would have used those 20 years for kickinâ butt, not snoozing. snow white definitely wouldnât have had to wait for some rando on horseback. poisoned apples?? lmao the rock clock doesnât care WHAT you were drinking last night, snow white, you messy ish. itâs a new day!!! the best way to deal with a hangover is to face it head on!!! letâs go get smoothies!!!
so⌠itâs just an alarm clock? just? âââjustâââ?????? ok, wow, clearly you werenât reading that whole masterpiece about Your New Roommate Dwayne The Rock Johnson, pal. you have the opportunity to wake up to THE ROCK telling you that you are SUNSHINE!!! and to GET AFTER IT!!! what is âitâ?? who knows. the world. your life. that bus. a dog that got off its leash.Â
the rock clock also allows you to set a goal that dwayne the rock johnson will help you accomplish by helping you get out of bed. for example, my goal is to finally finish the gd book outline iâve been looking at and not touching for nigh on a year, and also, to run a half marathon. you know what dwayne the rock johnson said to me this morning to help me accomplish that? he said, âget out of bed. iâm driving a pick-up truck.â AND HE WAS RIGHT!!Â
does dwayne âthe rockâ johnson really care about me and my goals? of course he does. look at him:
lookit that dog!!! you and are are that dog, and dwayne the rock johnson is the rock. heâs gonna carry us as far as he can and then weâre gonna have to toddle along on our own.
are you being paid to talk this much about the rock clock? the rock clock is free, and also, how dare you. iâd never accept money to endorse things.*
is this post a joke? no. i genuinely fucking love the rock clock.Â
*yes i would, call me immediately apple.com
@plagueofbitches, this seems like your jam.
Canada loses an entire city due to wild fire -- Yes you read that correctly.
Within the last week Canada has lost an entire city due to wild fire and it is rapidly spreading, and expected to double in size. Fort McMurray has been ablaze all week and the fire is spreading towards Saskatchewan. Attempts to put the fire out have been failing because the fire is so hot water it is evaporating before it can do any good.Â
Dry and extremely windy conditions are fueling the blaze, which has already scorched more than 1,560 square kilometers (602 square miles) and displaced tens of thousands of people.
These people are no longer evacuees ⌠Theyâre refugees.Â
Rain is to be expected next week, but a downpour is needed to tame a monstrous fire â which is the size of Hong Kong and is almost 25% bigger than New York City â that has displaced about 88,000 people, wiped out 1,600 structures including homes, schools and hospitals, and sent plumes of smoke as far away as Iowa.
Here is a link if you want to help, please share this, this is a huge tragedy and these people need help.Â
http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/want-to-help-those-fleeing-fort-mcmurray-heres-how/
These arenât screen captions from a movie this is happening RIGHT NOW less than 1000 miles away from my own home.Â
To put how massive this fire is in perspective (in comparison to major cities), here are some images.
This was from May 5th
These are from today (Iâm currently abroad and itâs the 8th of May but it is still the 7th else where as of posting this), and itâs expected to double in size.Â
This fire is expected to double in size in the next few days and possibly go into Saskatchewan which is the next province over, and itâs out of control until we hopefully get some rain early next week.Â
If you can donate within Canada (iâm not sure if this will work in the US or other countries)Â text FIRES to 45678 to donate $10 or Text REDCROSS to 30333 to donate $5.
If you want to donate and are outside of Canada, you can go to the Canadian Red Cross and donate here. Do not donate under crowdfunding sites, unfortunately there are scammers there and itâs best to donate directly to charities. The Canadian government is matching donations made to the Red Cross as well. As the OP said, if you are in Alberta and near the area and want to help by volunteering your time, Macleans has an article on where and how to help, and google will also give more information as well for what community centres in the surrounding areas need in terms of supplies
Please share and spread the word if you cannot donate.Â
(via CaptainCaplin)
by Sarah Andersen

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Justin go back to your seat this is a nuclear summit not junior high study hall you canât just sit with your crush there are assigned name tags and you are decidedly not Nigeria