Memokkeen

As the warm glow of the fading sun caressed the sky, he awoke. Alone, again. Astarion trekked up to the first floor window and peeked outside at the fading sun, longing more than for its warming rays. He looked at the note he had been carrying in his pocket again. The messy familiar scrawlings of his darling.

"There's something I have to do. Please wait for me. -Tav"

It had been days. Where were they? Why wouldn't they take him with them? His mood darkening with the sky, Astarion turned away from the window of his humble abode with Tav.

Or well, maybe "humble" wasn't the right word. Fabulous, well and tastefully adorned, just as Astarion liked it. Tav had smiled that adoring smile of theirs as they let Astarion decorate their home. "You always did have excellent taste, love", Tav had said as they helped Astarion put everything just so. They had been all around the world, looking for just the right drapes, cutlery, carpets, paintings and so on. Their home had two floors and a surprisingly large basement. The days spent finding and putting together the place were mundane and domestic, but full of so much warmth and gentleness that Astarion let a sigh escape his lips as he descended back to the basement floor, painfully aware.

Aware that while the house was exactly how he'd like his home to be, and that while he was excited to actually have a place to call home, it was just a place without Tav. Astarion walked the corridors adorning their nest with knick-knacks and memoirs from their travels together, chuckling at the vibrating dog-collar found in the Underdark, realising that the most at home he'd ever felt was with Tav. He opened their bedroom door and winced at the empty bed. Somehow, even though he had room to roam, and the right to leave the house every night, the empty loneliness of their shared bedroom reminded him of the year he spent in a coffin in isolation as punishment from Cazador. He shuddered. His back ached with the memory of abuse. But he also remembered how softly Tav had wrapped their arms around him, promising never again would he be trapped. And so far, Tav had more than kept their word.

He sat down on their bed. His and Tav's. Astarion absent-mindedly caressed the bedsheets, lost in thoughts.

Where was Tav? What could take this long? Why not take him with them? After all they'd been through together, didn't they trust him? Or… Maybe Tav needed to do something in daylight. Astarion felt the pang of loss. While being tadpoled by an elder brain had been a horror, he had enjoyed the unexpected side-effect of being able to walk in the sun, and missed it dearly. Maybe it was his elf blood that made him ache for the sun. Ah, but to be a vampire, and to walk in the sun! That had been power. That had been the first taste of delicious freedom for him.

Astarion let his thoughts wander back to Cazador's ritual of ascension. Would have sacrificing all those souls really been worth not having to thirst and to be free to walk in the sun? Gods. There were moments where he genuinely thought he'd give anything for that. Fearful, painful moments. And he was so close to giving in to his panic to never be caged ever again.

But then, he recalled Tav's hand in his. Their smiling face. Their selfless bravery in battle, shielding him, always having his back. The way Tav looked at him, how, even if Astarion was just joking that he only wanted vain empty compliments, Tav's responses were always sincere and full of affection. The gentle way they made love. Something about the way Tav loved Astarion was so true, he couldn't deny it. It was in everything Tav did. It was in the way Tav opened up about being a Bhaalspawn, and fearing they'd hurt him. How they weren't afraid of losing power or control or murdering innocents in general - Tav was more scared and willing to give up the one thing they truly loved, if it meant keeping him safe. Him. Astarion. A measly vampire spawn who, in the grand scheme of things, should have meant nothing to someone like Tav. Yet they had died at Bhaal's altar, giving up all that power to be a decent, regular person, and to have a chance to love Astarion. For Tav, it had been more important to die wanting to be good and to love than to give up their soul to live powerful but practically in slavery. Thank the gods Withers had been there to raise Tav as a mortal, no longer tied to Bhaal. To give them and Astarion a chance to live.

Astarion lied down on the bed. Tav loved him enough to set him free. Tav didn't want to own or control him. They never had. They had always let Astarion make his own decisions. Stood by Astarion when he confronted Cazador. Never telling him what to do, but supporting him through it all. If he had ascended, he would have been lost forever. He would have gained power, but he would have lost himself, and become a beast beyond reckoning… Probably very much like Tav almost did, like their sister Orin had. Astarion had read up on vampire lords after, and realised part of the reason Cazador had been so cruel wasn't only that his master Vellion had been equally brutal to Cazador… But also because the one edge spawns had over full fledged vampires, was that they were still capable of love. Of feelings. Cazador had hated him with a passion, partly because he couldn't feel anything else.

And what if it hadn't been him to have been swept up in the mindflayer ship? What if it had been one of his vampire siblings? If the roles had been reversed, and he was still stuck with Cazador while his sibling dealt with the Netherbrain with Tav, he would have hoped to have been given a chance to live as well. He chuckled. Gods. All those spawn down in the Underdark, wreaking havoc. Ah, to be a spider on the ceiling!

Astarion stared at the ceiling of their bed. Mindflayers and vampire lords weren't that different beasts, after all. Soulless opportunists looking to drain whatever they found useful until it no longer wasn't. Astarion turned his head to look at the empty pillow beside him. The longing and uselessness he felt almost made him want to be some emotionless monster. He got up, frustrated.

He felt alone and oddly fragile. More so with each passing day Tav was absent. He trusted Tav. They said they'll be back. So they would be. But Astarion was worried. He walked to Tav's bedroom table and picked up the Sending Stone. He had picked it up and put it down many times as the days passed. He rolled it in his hands again, pondering who to message.

He finally gave the Stone a squeeze, activating it, and uttered: "Shadowheart love, sorry to bother you on a wonderful night such as this, but do you happen to know where Tav is?" The Stone flashed, letting him know the message was sent. He waited for a response.

None came. Odd. They weren't exactly the bestest of friends with Shadowheart, but she had always given some sort of reply when he had messaged her. Was she missing with Tav? Did they take Shadowheart with them wherever they went, but not him? What was going on? He thought of their old companions. Wyll and Karlach were still in the Hells, as far as he knew. Halsin was rebuilding the Shadowlands now that the shadows were no more. Jaheira was rebuilding Baldur's Gate. Lae'Zel was long gone fighting for the freedom of her people. He didn't dare to even think what Minsc was up to, or how he'd respond to any message, really. This didn't leave him many options on who to try next. He squeezed the Stone again, activating it.

"Gale - would you be a dear and let me know if you have any idea where Tav is?"

The response came in surprisingly quick this time. "Astarion! A little busy right now - ack!" The response cut out.

Astarion sat back down on the bed, Sending Stone in hand. So Shadowheart was unresponsive and Gale, professor of magic in Waterdeep, was clearly in some kind of battle - what were the odds these two events were unrelated? What was Tav up to that they had called on Shadowheart and Gale, but left him at home to worry? He stood up and paced. What was going on?

He heard a weary sigh in his ear. "Astarion." It was Gale. He was sending a message back. Astarion stopped to listen. "Terribly sorry not to respond. In a bit of a spot of bother. We're helping Tav… Retrieve an item, and it is proving rather tricky. Not to worry! Shadowheart has patched up the worst of Tav's injuries and we're nearly done here. We'll bring Tav home tomorrow night once we've all rested from today's activities."

"Tav is hurt?" Astarion found himself nearly shouting. He contained himself and poised his next words to be more his usual lax self. "Do make sure to tell them to not drag any blood on my Calimshite carpets when you return. They were very expensive. I suppose I'll have dinner waiting after sunset. You still drink wine, don't you Gale?"

Gale chuckled. "Tav says they wouldn't dream of dirtying your precious carpets. And a fine wine with some cheese sounds wonderful. See you tomorrow."

Astarion put the Stone back on Tav's table. Honestly he couldn't care less about the stupid carpets or even this entire house - he just wanted Tav back safe and sound. Tav getting injured worried him, as he knew how annoyingly self-sacrificing they could be. Didn't they agree to look after themselves first after the whole mess with the Netherbrain? What was Tav thinking?

Astarion walked upstairs and put on a coat. He needed the air to calm his nerves, and a meal to quench his thirst. Plus, now he'd have to prepare dinner for at least three since Tav was coming home with an entourage. He thought back to where Tav placed the recipe for that strange sauce Gale kept harping on about, and with a put upon sigh determined to make his best effort to make the stupid thing. Tav would be happy if he tried to be kind to their friends. And if they brought Tav back to him alive, maybe slaving over a meal wasn't such a big thing.

The next sunset, Astarion felt a little pathetic, sitting by their door waiting. But he couldn't help it. He was anxious to see what Tav had gone out to retrieve that was apparently worth dying over. And mostly, just to see his beloved idiot again. It had been horribly lonely and empty without Tav. And honestly, just mind-numbingly boring. He had started preparing dinner early as he couldn't really sleep the day, waiting. It was simmering on their stove. He had gone a bit overboard with setting the table as well, picking out Tav's favourite flowers and bringing out their best cutlery for their friends.

Astarion gingerly stole a glance at the last rays of the sun diving underneath the horizon, and as soon as they disappeared, a teleportation circle promptly manifested in their yard. As expected, Gale walked out, looking behind him as if encouraging whomever was behind him to follow. Out came Shadowheart and surprisingly, Jaheira, supporting a limping Tav between them. As soon as they were through, Gale shut the portal behind them.

Astarion couldn't contain himself. He flung the door open and ran to hold Tav. He held them hard, as if afraid Tav would vanish if he let go. For a small moment, he was lost in Tav's familiar scent. The one he had come to associate with being loved and being home, and he managed to hold back his tears on how good it felt to have Tav near him again. Tav gently kissed Astarion on his head, laying their head on his. "Hello, darling. Miss me?"

Astarion suddenly felt acutely aware they weren't alone and broke off their embrace. He tried to ignore Jaheira's knowing smirk and Shadowheart's little smile as he turned to face the latter. "I thought Gale said you'd patch my precious knucklehead before sending them home. Why are they still injured?"

Tav looked embarrassed. "Well, uh-" They were cut off by Jaheira. "Because we only have so many healing spells to spare a day, spawn, and we did as much as we could after a night's rest for the reckless cub, Shadowheart and I." Jaheira smacked Tav on the shoulder, as if to reprimand them for needing healing in the first place. Astarion's eyes widened in shock. "How hurt were you?"

"Exhaustingly so." Shadowheart sighed. "For a moment there, I wasn't sure Tav was still among the living, or that we could even bring them back, but we did, thank Selûne."

"Aye, burnt to a crisp by that one trap we missed. Shame the temple was filled with so much undead-repelling magics that we couldn't risk bringing our favourite vampire spawn in there to check for all of them, but we managed."

Everyone stopped when they noticed how quiet Astarion got. There was an awkward silence that hung among the group, as everyone realised even without tadpoles to connect them that Astarion was not okay with the news given. Tav looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you to come along. I know you would have come even if I didn't ask if I said I was going. But, there is a reason for this." Tav signaled for Shadowheart and Jaheira to release them, and stood up on their own feet.

Astarion sighed. "Just don't do it again. Now, I've made enough dinner for all of you, and there are guest bedrooms upstairs if you want to stay the night. You can tell me all about it over dinner." Astarion walked up to Tav, offering them a hand to lean on as he led them home. Their friends smiled and walked behind them, grateful for the offer of a hearth, a meal and a warm home.

Tav whispered in his ear. "Just like that? You forgive me for taking off without you?" Astarion gave their arm a gentle squeeze. "Yes love. I said I trust you, and despite all the evidence to the contrary, I still do." They walked together into their home with their friends. "But please don't leave me alone like this again. I don't like being alone with my thoughts for so long." Tav kissed his pale cheek. "I promise. This was the last escapade I'll ever do without your blessing."

As they sat down for dinner Jaheira laughed. "Astarion, seems I have misjudged you yet again. Not only was I right in mistaking you for a good man, now I am beginning to believe I might mistake you for a great husband. This is a beautiful setup!"

"Oh hush, you old crone. It's just dinner among friends", Astarion quipped back, smiling despite himself.

Gale sniffed the air as he sat down. "Is that Hundur sauce I smell?" He took a small dab of sauce on his spoon and tasted it. "By Mystra, you even got the flavours just right! Astarion! I didn't know you had the makings of a cook."

"There are many things you don't know about me, darling."

Shadowheart piped in while breaking bread for herself. "Indeed - I for one, am having a hard time telling which one of you loves the other more, you or Tav. Especially after this stunt we helped them pull. It'd be disgusting if you two weren't so adorable together… What isn't a mystery though, is who decorated your house. Really, Astarion?"

"You're just jealous you don't have my sense of style, love."

They all smirked, Tav smiling the biggest of them all. "Thank you, everyone. For being here. For you three for helping me with this… We can talk about what we did, but I'd like to tell Astarion in private what we got out of it, if that's okay. And… Just, you are all my family and I love you all very much. I am honoured to be among such amazing friends, and could not ask for better ones. If you ever need anything, anything at all, call and you know I will be there."

A choked silence hung among them, as no one really knew what to add to such heartfelt words of affection. Astarion smiled. Tav was one-of-a-kind. And all his. Jaheira turned her head to wipe a tear. Shadowheart smiled. Gale cleared his throat. "Well, let's not waste our gracious chef's efforts by letting this feast go cold. Shall we?"

They ate together as mostly Gale and Shadowheart regaled them with the story of how they had found a long-abandoned temple of Lathander, and plunged into it's surprisingly sunny depths, with occasional snarky remarks from the wizened Jaheira of all the blunders they made along the way. Tav focused on the meal, following along the story, nodding in places in agreement on the retelling of their past few days, and laughing at everyone's quips and remarks on their mishaps while at it. Astarion wondered what was worth this much trouble. The Blood of Lathander was still with Shadowheart. What more could the sun god offer that was worth the risk? He also noted that Tav seemed oddly nervous, and avoided his gaze throughout the dinner, shyly blushing into their dinner whenever their eyes did meet. Astarion found himself anxious as well, every now and then letting his foot tap under the table before he caught himself, and composed himself once more.

Eventually dinner came to a close, and they saw their guests to bed. Shadowheart promised to finish healing up Tav as soon as she woke up and before Gale teleported them all back home. They wished their friends a good night.

Astarion gently helped Tav down into their basement bedroom, and then to take off their armour and clothes. Dawn was already approaching, which was their bedtime, as Tav had adopted Astarion's nocturnal schedule with ease. He noted the bruising, the burns, the barely closed wounds from the battles Tav had recently fought without him while undressing them. He got lost in softly caressing Tav's battered body, until Tav's hand found his, and gently held it. Astarion looked into Tav's eyes. "Alright. We're alone now - could you please tell me what was worth nearly killing yourself over, again? The suspense is killing me, darling."

Tav looked at their knees, searching for their words. "You know how you showed me your grave stone", they started.

"Of course love, how could I forget? We made such excellent love on top of it that night. I cannot think of a better way to celebrate my rebirth at the time", Astarion shot back with a devilish grin. "I fail to see how my faded grave stone has anything to do with your little adventure", he added.

"Well that's just it - your grave was so faded, we couldn't make out the day you died. Or the day you were born. And you still can't remember, right?"

"Well no, I can't and honestly, I don't really care to. That person is long gone and can stay that way for all I care. Why does it matter?"

Tav played with their hands in their lap. "Today's a year from the day we first met. I was afraid I wouldn't make it back on time, but I did." Tav used the bed post to stand up, and limped to their satchel. They took out an unassuming scroll case. "I figured, today could be both yours and my birthday. Since I can't remember my birthday either. It could be our anniversary. A day of celebration. Our day. And I went out and got the one thing I really, truly want to give you above all... I've been plotting ways to find one for some time now." Tav limped in front of Astarion and painfully but meticulously got on one knee. Astarion could feel his cheeks getting hot - a feeling he wasn't sure he was even capable of anymore, being undead and all.

Tav presented the scroll case to him. "The temple of the sun god had been rumoured to contain a Wish spell. I risked everything to find out if the rumour was true, and it was. With this scroll, anyone can wish for anything; once." Tav placed the scroll into Astarion's hands.

"I know how much you loved walking in the sun, Astarion. Your life was taken from you. Your freedom. Even the sun was stolen from you. I give you this scroll, so that you can wish for anything. You can wish to ascend without sacrificing all those spawn, you can wish to be rid of your vampiric curse, you could wish to rule the world - anything you want." Tav gently squeezed Astarion's hands, holding the scroll case, and looked up at him with their piercing eyes. "I love you, Astarion. And I always will. I give you ultimate freedom to choose anything you want, anything at all."

For a moment, it felt as if time stood still as Astarion fully absorbed what Tav just said. What they were offering him. Suddenly, he couldn't help but cry. He threw the scroll case into a corner of the room and knelt down to hold his precious Tav as close as he could. How had he gotten so lucky? After centuries of misery, how was he here, now, with this amazing creature? He kissed them deeply, passionately, as if trying to convey all his overwhelming affection and gratitude in one, two, no; dozens of kisses and caresses. He didn't care he was still crying. He didn't care if he seemed insane. He just wanted to feel Tav, and never let go. To tell them without words Tav meant more to him than anything he could ever bring home.

After awhile, he stopped and they leaned their foreheads together, holding hands. Astarion noticed Tav was crying too, but Tav gave him a little smile nonetheless. There was an unanswered question in Tav's eyes -

What did Astarion want to Wish for?

Astarion kissed Tav on the forehead once more. "You are a reckless idiot." He got up and picked up the scroll case, and took out the scroll. Such a mundane looking piece of paper, to give out a moment of godlike powers to mere mortals. He played with it as if it was nothing. Tav smirked. "I know. So love, what are you going to use it for?"

Astarion grinned back at Tav. "Oh, I don't know. World domination does sound like an awful lot of work, doesn't it? And I have never heard of a happy vampire lord, now that I think of it. Powerful, to be sure - but not happy."

"I could wish for a sea of puppy dogs and kittens for you", Astarion joked. Tav laughed. "I got the scroll for you, smooth brain. I already have everything I need - what I want, is you to be free, in whatever way you want to be free." Tav dropped their joking demeanor and picked up their surprisingly disarming sincerity. "With or without me, I want you to be happy. You helped me find freedom and regain myself and my life back. Without you, I'd still be a slave to Bhaal's endless fervour to murder, or a mindflayer. You believed in me when no one else did, and supported me through bouts of madness. I owe my life to you… So I want you to choose yours. And whatever you choose, know I'll always love you for carrying me through my darkest days."

Astarion looked at Tav. He didn't need to connect through the no-longer-present tadpole to know they meant every word. He looked down at the scroll of Wish in his hands. He could be anyone. He could do anything. He could be the most powerful, influential and beloved man in all of Faerûn - all he had to do was say the words.

It had been a long day of solving problems and “kicking butt!” as their friend Minsc would say. Astarion followed Tav up the stairs to their lavish room in the Elfsong tavern in Baldur’s Gate. “How do people do this all day?” he groaned to no one in particular.

“It’s almost over love. We’re nearly there.” Tav assured him as she opened the door to their room. She half-heartedly threw her pack in a corner and marched straight towards the washing area, undressing as she went.

Astarion admired the view, but lingered. It had been days since his revelation about their bedroom life, and while things were seemingly back to normal… he wasn’t so sure. And things had obviously changed, and for the better, he hoped. He just had this lingering doubt. Usually Tav approached him, but she hadn’t since that night. He could hear Tav washing up behind the wash screen. He began to undress and follow. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it. The night Tav did whatever he asked and so very nicely encouraged him to enjoy himself. There were so many other things to enjoy. And he, as a vampire, was always hungry.

Tav poured more water over herself and scrubbed with the soap vigorously. She saw in her periphery that Astarion was joining her.

“You know, for such a dirty girl, you do enjoy your washes.” he remarked with a small grin.

“Hey, at least my body will be clean if not my mind.” She threw back with a smirk. “I just enjoy washing away the troubles and dirt of the day and going to bed clean, ready for whatever challenges tomorrow throws at us.”

Astarion sat behind Tav, picked up a sponge and began to wash her back. He could feel her relax under his touch, and just enjoy the service. “Speaking of dirty minds”, Astarion slid in while scrubbing, “I have been thinking about how wonderful you were last time we were absolutely filthy with one another. Would you be willing to… let me explore further?”

Tav turned around surprised. “What, tonight? Right now?” She got booped on the nose with a soapy sponge.

“Whenever you’re willing, my sweet.”

Tav let out a long, drawn out humm. She considered Astarion’s request much like Raphael sampled and tasted the deals offered to him. As with the deal with the devil, in this as well, Astarion was predictably impatient.

“I mean, if you must know, I have been dying to, for days, to continue where we left off but you haven’t seemed interested. So preferably, I would love sooner rather than later.”

She wiped the soap off her nose and smiled. It felt good to know someone, to have a little predictability in their actions. “Say ‘please’.” He groaned at her request.

“Really? This again?” he asked, pretending to be more peeved than he was. Theatrically, he sighed and drew out a long “Pleeeeeeeeease?”

“Mmm. Let this dirty girl have her wash, and I will be more than happy to play with you.” Tav began to dry out her hair, when she felt soft caresses on her neck and shoulder. She stopped her wash and enjoyed the unexpected shoulder rubs.

“Come find me once you’re ready.” He whispered in her ear, left a quick kiss on her neck that gave her goosebumps, and faded. He had kept his wash quick and full of distractions, Tav noted.

After a small eternity Tav emerged from her wash, clean, fresh and pleasantly nude, Astarion noted. “Hello gorgeous”, he greeted from the bed, where he lay in his underwear, looking just a tad too perfect for it to be natural. He could see Tav appreciated what she saw nonetheless.

“Hello, my beautiful elf prince. One dirty-minded girl, as requested.” She theatrically threw her arms up to her sides, as if presenting herself on a stage. “How would my lord like me this evening?” She asked with glee.

Excited, Astarion jumped out of bed. “Lie down. On your back.” Tav did as instructed, looking expectantly at Astarion. “Now”, he continued, “tonight, whatever happens, I want you to not move. I want you to…” He trailed off, undecided if he wanted her to know, or for her to arrive at the right answer on her own. He looked at her lying there, and grinned. Oh, he was confident she’d get where they were heading without further instruction. “Just try to lie as still as you can darling. And close your eyes.”

Her trust in him was complete, and it wasn’t like he was asking for anything too exotic. She was comfortable on her back, and closed her eyes. Not to move huh? Should be easy enough. All of a sudden, she felt something brush softly against her shoulder. It moved up to her neck and to pet her hair. Astarion’s hand was wandering on her body. She smiled. She felt so cozy, she nearly fell asleep and didn’t notice his hand disappearing.

She most definitely noticed when he, very softly, brushed against her bosom. She let out a small surprised gasp, and arched her back slightly. The hand disappeared.

“Ah ah ah. No moving, love.”

Tav focused and settled back down. She half expected his hand to touch her chest again, but instead she felt something warm and soft against her lips. He was kissing her. She smiled, delighted, and her smile gave him an opening to slip in his tongue. He was very slow and soft in everything he did tonight, drawing each action out painfully long. Tav could feel herself getting hot. Getting greedy - she wanted more, faster… but he had told her to stay still. She kissed him back, wishing for more - trying to use her mouth to tell him; more!

He pulled away from her, and with her eyes closed, it was as if he vanished entirely when they weren’t touching. She didn’t have much time to ponder the novelty of it, when his hand slid across her other breast. “Ah” she let out, but managed to not move.

“Mmm, very good. You know darling, I never really paid attention to how incredibly sensitive you are.” He took away his hand. “I wonder how long you’ll last.” He pondered aloud, and softly used one hand to slide down Tav’s right shoulder, almost accidentally brushing against her nipple which made Tav twitch ever so slightly, and kept on sliding his hand down, stopping at her hip bone. He smiled as Tav started breathing heavier and moving in the only way she probably figured wouldn’t break the rule - wriggling her toes. He spent some time going up and down her body, always slowing down to a glacial pace right before any more… interesting body parts, and swerving to the side of them, not touching her at all anywhere intimate for the time being. He smiled at how obviously arousing this was to her even so.

“How… how long I’ll last, until what?” Tav asked, out of breath, slowly losing her mind. It was like he was creating an itch she couldn’t scratch. His wandering hand felt amazing and she wanted it in more interesting places, he had touched them before and she was acutely aware he wasn’t. She wanted more of him.

Astarion was getting aroused himself, seeing the effect his lazy petting had on his lover. But she asked for this - well, not specifically for this but for things that Astarion would feel more engaged in. He had given it some thought, and he realized he liked being in control in the bedroom. And Tav was oh so very good at following directions. He chuckled wryly. “You’ll see.”

His non-answer frustrated her, but the annoyance was washed away with the sensation of a single finger sliding between her legs. She moaned and wiggled. The finger slid up and away, turning into a hand that gently but firmly pressed her against the bed. 

“Come now dear…. no moving.” 

The warm palm on her lower stomach felt better than it should have. She felt so desperate for more that it was a race between trying to not move and to just forget everything and basically attack Astarion for more. She was panting but kept still. Tav heard Astarion humm in approval, and then his palm slowly edged towards her chest again. Suddenly there were two hands, both on her chest, and he kneaded them ever so softly. Tav’s mind went blank for a moment from the pleasure. Then his lips were back, and she felt embarrassed for practically moaning into his mouth. He just laughed, and kissed her more. It was getting increasingly difficult to remember why she had to even be still.

She felt his lips and hands part. For a moment, nothing happened and he said nothing. “Astarion?” She inquired without opening her eyes. The lack of his touch now almost prickled on her skin.

“Still here love. Admiring both your restraint and wonderful body.” He was impressed. He had not done much, but usually people bucked and gave up quicker. But he knew very well how tenacious and stubborn Tav could be - he had decided he would get his prize from her tonight. He decided it was time to give her more. He touched her breast, playing with her nipple, and kissed the other one. A delightful moan escaped Tav’s mouth. He kissed, sucked, and rolled his tongue around her nipple, paying with the other one with his fingers… ever so gently, and slowly.

Tav was losing her mind. How could something feel so nice, yet so inadequate at the same time? He was too soft, too slow, it made her ache with the desire for more. Her mind was full of ideas of him sucking and biting her breasts harder, of hopping on top of him and riding him until they both saw stars. She was barely hanging on to his request to stay still at this point. Any more and she’d not be able to handle it. “What are you doing to me?” She whimpered, not really displeased.

He chuckled, pleased with his work. She probably thought she was staying still like he asked, but he could see how she had begun to writhe. Oh, how much fun she was. Now all she needed to do was grant him the one little thing he had been hunting for. Maybe he could help her find it, just a little bit.

Astarion let go of Tav, noting how frustrated she seemed at no touch at all. Also how obediently she kept her eyes shut. He kissed her forehead fondly, and moved in for the kill. He switched which breast got his mouth and which got the hand, and Tav moaned in response. Louder than before. Astarion slid his hand, slowly and swerving to Tav’s sides just for extra measure, downwards to between her legs. He gently parted her folds and played around in her moistness with two fingers. She half moaned, half whimpered, and Astarion decided this was one of his favorite noises to hear from her. The only thing better would be -

“Please. Astarion.” She couldn’t take any more of this.

He rubbed her, playfully dancing his fingers on top of her entrance and caressing her chest with his other hand. “Yes love? Please what?” He asked cheerfully, pretending to be ignorant. He wanted her to say it.  

She knew. She figured it out along the way that this was what he wanted. And it had become a matter of pride to not just give in as soon as she had him pegged. But gods, she was aching for more by now, for everything he could give. Everything she knew he had. Pride be damned. She bucked, opened her eyes and looked at Astarion with the most needy eyes. “Please just fuck me. I want you inside of me so badly.”

Astarion removed his hand from between her legs and leaned his face on his hand, grinning. “Why, darling.” He almost absentmindedly licked one of his fingers that had been between her legs just now. Seeing him lick it clearly did something to Tav, he noted, delighted. “When you put it like that… How could I say no?”

He got up to take off his underwear. “Sit up.” She obliged, cheeks flushed. Astarion looked at her, sitting cross-legged, hands between her legs. He sat on the bed in front of her, brushing her cheek. She turned her head to kiss his hand. They shared a look. Funnily enough, looking at her aroused and very trusting face no longer haunted him. “Still in control?” He asked. 

She smiled. “Just barely.”

“Let's see if we can remedy that. Get on all fours.” As she settled in, Astarion decided to guide her by touch instead of command. He'd ever so slightly tickle her between her legs, always being a little too high to touch her properly. As expected, in response she raised her butt higher, chasing for a nicer touch. Astarion smiled, satisfied how things were progressing as he intended. He scooted a little closer to her, touching the tip of his penis to her already dripping entrance. She moaned. “Now”, he whispered, “it's my turn to stay still. Your turn to move darling.” 

Tav let out a sigh of relief. She wiggled herself back and forth on just the tip for a bit, and slowly backed into Astarion. He let out a delighted sigh of his own… at which point, Tav slowly pulled out. She teased them both, just her entrance and his tip. She wanted revenge for before. She turned her head to slyly smile at Astarion.

“Cheeky little pup, aren't you?” He grabbed her hips and meticulously pushed all of himself inside, eliciting a delightful moan from Tav. “Naughty girls get punished.” He grabbed both her wrists and held onto them behind her back, creating a lovely arc of her back and suspending her. He then started pumping into her, slowly at first but picking up his pace as he went.

Being held was a little scary, as if he let go of her, she'd faceplant on the bed. On the other hand, his cock was now the best point of balance, meaning every thrust landed him as deeply inside of her as physically possible. Every hit felt like it chipped away at any semblance of control she still had left. She didn't mind the suspension or being held - she knew she could trust her life, her heart and her body to this man, who was currently driving her insane. 

Astarion was enjoying himself immensely. Not only did Tav feel amazing, but seeing how much she trusted him and how much she enjoyed this, made it all the more sweeter to him. He slowed his pace and did smaller moves back and forth, to tease her. “Will you behave? Do you trust me? Do you love me?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” 

Pleased, Astarion pulled her upright to lean her back against his chest, turning her head to kiss him. He used his hands to play with her breasts, all the while still thrusting in and out. She moaned and shook - he knew she wouldn't last much longer. “Turn around.” 

They separated for a moment for Tav to turn to face Astarion. He laid down. His smile had vanished. He seemed less in control too, which was exciting in its own way to Tav, who was getting close. Maybe he was too.

“I want you to ride love. As fast and as hard as you can.” 

He barely got out the request before Tav sat down on him and began to pump back and forth. He let out a strained gasp, as he hadn't realized how close he himself had gotten. He looked up at Tav who seemed completely lost in the moment. Their eyes met and she crouched down to kiss him. He reached his hands out to fondle her chest, which made her moan louder and move erratically. He was getting closer himself and hung onto her butt cheeks. She shot back up and moved faster and faster. 

“I -” was all Tav got out before she exploded. She came hard and writhed in pure ecstasy on top of Astarion, moaning.

As soon as Tav came, she began to pulse rapidly around Astarion who had already been close and with a stunned gasp, he came inside of her too.

Tav fell on top of Astarion, panting. He gently wrapped his legs around her and held her close, equally spent. Their eyes met, and with a smile, they kissed. Tav rolled to the side and pulled Astarion out of her in the process. She cuddled up to him. “You're perfect.” 

“I know darling. How very observant of you to notice.” Astarion kissed her forehead. 

“No more absent stares in bed?” She demanded.

Astarion laughed, embarrassed. “Gods, I hope not. I would not want to miss this for the world.”