Breaking my double asking sobriety early because the Camp Vargas piss🥴 situation has inspired me. I tried my hardest! To not make this about anyone in specific, but do know its better pictured with those that are known to have a manipulative streak in mind- or still picture whoever you want— anyways, i felt a little bad writing this bc its kinda evil 😭 discretion..
- after you're assaulted during that late night bathroom break, the vibe of the trip completely changes. You're temporarily stunted and keep to yourself in your tent the next morning for as long as you're allowed to be. The worst part of the horror you've experienced is that you have no idea who the perpetrator actually was - the pitch black dark making it impossible to see, and from the position they took you in allowed no room to ever catch a glimpse of what they could possibly look like. The only thing to remember in your demented state was the feeling of them on you and inside of you.
Everyone can tell something is up with you from the time you decide to finally make an appearance again, yet its hard to get you to budge at all to what could've possibly happened. You don't want to run around making accusatory claims without having evidence, nor even a lead on who did it. Plus, with the embarrassment of wetting yourself you decide not to confront any memory you'll need to retell. It was better off to suffer through the rest of the trip and not disturb anyone further. Most appear to be worried over the thought of you, meanwhile your worries conflate everyone's looks into predatory stares - cracking from the inside knowing one of these students took advantage of you, and nothing can be done.
This event completely messes you up for quite awhile. Trust breaks within the group and NRC in general. After you return from camp vargas you're once again holed up in your residence at ramshackle, constantly contemplating everything that has happened to you. When people close to you start to notice your absence you still struggle to open up, and can only falsely reassure them that there's nothing to worry about—you only caught a pretty bad cold, and you'll be back soon.
You definitely get pried into by multiple people, but nothing comes of it. One person however sticks out from the rest during these little check-ins. He seems to have a more delicate touch to his advances, being much more respectful to your privacy than others have who seem to care more about what this event could've been, rather than your own mental wellbeing. He'll bring you little gifts and and help with things that really help calm you down, he listens to your rants patiently and does not attempt to jump into action without care for your input first. Overtime, helps you clean the space after its been neglected, etc. His presence becomes a big comfort to you—he's just so easy to talk to and be around that it really helps ease all the stress you've been under, allowing you to distance from that dark memory and feeling slowly as time passes. In any case you also start to rely on and associate his very presence as a get away from it all.
But to him, things all fall in order as they should be. He doesn't mind playing the long game.
Much time passes and you've practically made a full-on recovery, you're going outside much more often and conversing with people and your friends just as you did before. You owe a lot of your current state to your then friend— now boyfriend who's been there for you in your darkest moments. Hand in hand you've done so much together and feel inseparable, and you'd have it no other way! Having a partner has really started to ease you back into accepting intimacy very slowly. Your boyfriend holds nothing against you for not sleeping with him or withholding certain parts of yourself from him either - understanding that you need the time. He almost becomes too perfect of a partner, and you think you're never going to let him go.
Further timeskip way into the future when things are still going smoothly; you start to feel bad in a way for denying things like sex for so long, wondering if your boyfriend's needs are actually being met despite him saying nothing. It sparks a tiny bit of insecurity, so eventually the idea to have a talk with him comes up later at night while the two of you get ready for bed. You think you're finally able to confide in him and let him know about the trauma you've experienced. This doesnt come without a little breakdown, but as always your boyfriend is completely understanding and lets you know its alright to take it slow. You bring up how youd like to try experiencing sex in a proper way for the first time, and he agrees to try it out.
Things feel like theyre going perfectly and you would never wish to be with anyone else. Even as his tongue softly explores your mouth, and his hands gently and diligently undress you with care—you're able to melt into his touch without worry at first. It's up until the point where he releases himself, and lines up to the opening of your entrance. You're not sure why, but anxiety starts to bubble underneath, and yet you just assume its because its your actual first time that you may be worried—still pushing through even as a sweat you never notice trickles down your face.
Instead of focusing on the scary part, you decide to take a glance up at the man above you, hoping to see a supportive look on his face or anything that will bring you comfort, yet all that's there to be seen causes even more alarm. He seems to be smirking in a way that comes off as a bit too nefarious, almost as if hes looking at you in mock pity—but hey, maybe its just his weird looking sex face.
His arms reach over your sides to completely hold you down right as his cock slips inside of you, a tight and painful fit. There isnt any sense of slowness, and especially no concern to how you may feel when he test thrusts once, then completely starts rocking into you at a rigid pace. There are no comforting words, no gentle embraces, just the pure sight of his near manic smile above you. If it wasn't evident enough by the bewildering look on your face—its clear that something has snapped within you. It all comes racing back in a violent shift as you begin to tear up and tremble, yet nothing ever pauses. This feeling, all too familiar to you once and forever infects every inch of your pitiful body. All you can do is hold yourself as the worst follows, the realization that the man inside of you, the same one you've grown to trust and care deeply for, this entire time, who now revels in your suffering. It all gets pieced together at that very moment—and the worst is yet to come. You're not sure how it happens, but your body proceeds to react out of desperation once again, and you start to feel that terrible trickling down your leg, just as you did that night, finally starting to fully breakdown, right then and there.
thank you for reading....i hope I did well to portray my idea >_< im not really sure if trauma responses can be triggered completely in the way I described it in this little writing, but I know ptsd and responses of this kind can happen in many little shocking ways. Im also not sure if the peeing yourself again part is completely logical but....let's just play into fantasy there 😭😭
and btw if it really is in your interests PLEASE!!!! Do cook something up for that yan Ruggie and Leona/reader idea you mentioned..i love your mean and nasty Ruggies so much they are so 🤤🤤 i can never get enough of them #feastfeastfeast. well, toodles as always!!!!
Hello again my cutest Coney! Oh my... What a delicious passage you've left for me and everyone else to read! I love it so much. I can almost feel the black hole in my chest where a heart should be starting to burn.
I do understand entirely and your way of writing reader would be accurate. The body keeps memory of scarring even if your brain shuts it away. Certain smells, tastes, sounds, sensations, and sights can all trigger PTSD especially in terms of sexual trauma. The act of urination is very common especially in fight or flight scenarios! Like this article explaining why people piss themselves when they're afraid and this article talking about bladder dysfunction in SA survivors.
Urination is an ancient response in humans as a final act of disgusting the enemy, leaving behind 'evidence' of the attempted or completed abuse, and of course; a response of fear. This is unfortunately very common in children which is why many cases of CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) they observe parts of the childhood where bedwetting was common even at an inappropriate age which is often capped off around the age of 5 and 6 when children have already started attending school.
I feel like the nerd emoji haha I studied psychology in children for a while I want to go back... Maybe you'll all wake up one day and find out I became a children's therapist. Or maybe not...
And as for Ruggie... I might come back to it if people are interested! I didn't really think about how uncommon yandere!Ruggie is. Around the beginning of the EN fandom and seeing Book 2 come out I felt as if I saw it a lot. Especially fan art! Lots of your male friends mysteriously dying and Ruggie coming to comfort you. Can you believe it..? That guy from Scarabia... He walked into the ocean and drowned lying face down... And you noticed flecks of sand in Ruggie's hair the next day. But who are you to question him? Savanaclaw is full of sand.
I love Big Meanie Ruggie. It sparks great joy in my heart... Wait for me... I'll see if I can dust it off for a post. It's extremely old... I wrote this when I was like... 19...
