just a melon who writes

i’ll be okay if you don’t know how much i like you. i was always careful around you. preventing my tongue from slipping up to say something that would bother you. something that may not have been mean but something you’ll push me away for. and leave me again. you said next year you’ll get a girlfriend. surely you weren’t meaning me, the ugly girl you manipulated to get what you needed. even so i hope she’s beautiful. i hope when you look at her you think of no one else. it’s not like you to ever think of me. but even if you’re with her, i’ll be okay. i’ve always wanted much in life. but i was never fortunate to receive it. so i’ve settled for close to nothing. although i’m content, it always pricks me when i see someone receiving more than i can every dream to have. and i think “that’s sweet”. and even if i don’t have you, i’ll be okay. maybe 10 years in the future, i’ll release myself from the world. or will i have stayed just for you although you haven’t cared for me once? and i convince myself it’ll be better despite the toxic love in the way. when she walks down the aisle, with bouquets in her hand. and you vow your life to her forever. she makes you happy and likewise you please her well. i’ll smile from the bottom of my heart. those feelings i’ve built up from our first touch. my first love ache within me as i’ve forgotten to love anymore. i’ll be okay. because it’s you.

and out your external eyes you and they both cry- "why can't she see her worth?" they plead. it's all because your brain is bigger then your eyes.

the bliss of happiness, a terrible feeling to lose. it engulfs you like the sunshine on a beautiful sunset. oh, happiness, where have you gone? hidden away in your bed tucked soundly as the crescent beauty arrives; the bliss of happiness a terrible feeling to lose only if it's been robbed will you see the the sun again?