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a lone tear slips down the curve of your cheek after the line goes dead. you don't realize it until a gentle hand lifts to wipe it away.
a disbelieving laugh comes next. a sudden jerk of your shoulders like you'd forgotten how to do so, the action strange and foreign to you. your limbs feel alien connected to you. the overwhelming urge to crawl out of yourself festers underneath your skin.
shame follows suit. it's heavy and overwhelming and all at once. suffocating yet familiar, like the unbearable presence of an old friend who knows too much about your past. you'd gotten too comfortable. too loose. you've bared too much of yourself to the light now. it prickles with the sensitivity of an open wound, of being watched for longer than you can bear.
โis the phone call over?โ his voice parts through the static, making space for two where there seemed to constantly be one. you blink at him once, twice. his thumbs wipes at a stray tear again. you can't seem to find your voice.
he tries again. โis it okay that iโm touching you?โ his hands retreat to hover near your face and the loss of warmth is instantaneous. the fear of him leaving is ice cold. you nod sharply, wincing at the dull pang of the beginnings of a headache forming. you relax only when his hands return to caress your face with the care you can't begin to understand you deserve.
as if he can read your mind, your phone is pried from a grip you didn't realize you were holding and slipped into his back pocket, sliding his fingers between yours to ease the throbbing pain beating in your palm. crimson hues shift across your face, the crease of his brow worried. concerned. no sharp wit now. no sly words or teasing remarks. you slowly realize he's laid bare, too.
โi love you,โ he whispers at your hairline. a promise. a fact. despite it all. the baggage, the pain, the fear. โyou are half of my soul. nothing you bear on your shoulders is yours alone.โ
if he felt the tears that soaked his shirt upon your forehead moving to rest on his shoulder, he makes no comment on such. one hand finds your lower back to pull your body closer, the other finding its way to the back of your head. security. all encompassing protection.
one day you would find the words and tell him about the way your heart hung heavy between your ribs. that your chest hollowed out a deep chasm of endless pain some years ago that only deepens with every disappointment felt ten times worse the more it festered. that sometimes the energy to even get up from bed felt like a task too herculean to even attempt.
that you're afraid once the layers of your filth are peeled away by his hands, he'll see the full spectrum of your shortcomings and decide that your burdens were too heavy for two.
but selfishly, your fingers tighten around the fabric of his shirt, wanting him close in spite of it. your sniffles are soothed by circular and repetitive movements at your back, grounding even without words. and he lets you. he lets you take as much as you need without question. without hesitation. willing. it still surprises you.
i love you is a quiet declaration. a choice made because it's you. even if it took an eternity for you to accept that you are deserving despite your own thoughts.
It's not because you dislike his bionic arm. In the daytime, you like to hold him there and press kisses all over the skin that can't feelโjust to show him that he hasn't changed in your eyes. But at night, you make sure to sleep on his left side.
Caleb is usually loud, always talking and laughing when he's in your presence. When he falls asleep, your skin prickles with unease.
You like to see him relaxed and at peace, but sometimes you swear he looks a little bitย tooย peaceful. Like all he's missing is a tux and bouquet to complete the unsettling image of a too-silent Caleb you never got to bury a year ago.
Though you're no stranger to silenceโespecially the kind that followed like a heavy fog no matter how you tried to distract yourself from itโyou can't handle it now. Not after he came back from the dead.
Perhaps it's silly, but paranoia eats at you when his breathing evens out to a point you can only strain to hear. You need a sign that he's still alive when he goes quiet and drifts off.
So you stay on his left, curling your fingers around his inner wrist and brushing absentminded circles over the prominent vein there.
Tonight, you get lost in the feeling of him, your other hand landing on his cheek in a soft caress. His skin is warm, and for some reason you weren't expecting the heat.
His pulse kicks faster under your fingertips along his wrist. The spike makes something in your chest loosen.ย It's okay. He's still here.
You pull his hand off the bed and press your lips to his pulse pointโjust a whisper of a kissโsoft enough that you think it wonโt wake him.
A quiet gasp interrupts the stillness. Moonlight catches on the flutter of his dark lashes before he meets your somber gaze.
โSorry. Thought you were asleep,โ you murmur. A smile tugs at your lips now that you've been pulled from that weird residual grief you're still learning how to get over.
โI was trying,โ he teases. He's still playful, even when you're sure he can see something is bothering you. โBut itโs hard when youโreโฆโ
He doesnโt finish that thought. He changes the subject too fast, like he always does, putting the spotlight back on you.
โPips," he whispers, "what was that kiss for?"
Your stomach flutters at how breathless he sounds. Did your touch really affect him that easily?
For a second, you wonder just how much you should reveal. With a hum, you softly reply, "It was a 'thank you.'"
He frowns, like heโs about to ask what for. You decide to save him the trouble.
โFor coming back to me.โ
That's all you need to say.
His fingers intertwine with yours, forcing you to move on from his fluttering heartbeat and allow him to squeeze your hand reassuringly instead. His lips meet your knuckles, mirroring the same softness of your earlier kiss to his wrist. All the while, his careful gaze never leaves your face.
When he finally parts, he promises, "I always will."
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Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; IN;
My Masterlist
Summary: Feeling beyond frustrated with your boyfriend you leave your phone home and head out to drink your sorrows away, meanwhile he's stuck there losing his mind trying to find you.
Warning: CURSING It's me who's surprised there. Angst to fluff. Barely mentioning the sharing bed part but yeah... Reader is gender neutral. Mention of alcohol intake. reader is tipsy but fully conscious. I don't know if I missed anything so please let me know if I did. NOT PROOFREAD
A/N- Glad to announce that I'm alive and well and back with a new laptop so I won't have to break my fingers trying to type on my phone anymore!!! I'll try to update more and more now^^ As for my work, this is the first time I have written something like this and I really hope you'll like it. I tried my best to make it seem as real as possible and I'm really eager to know what you think, so if you have any feedback please tell me what you think.
Again thank you for all the love and support you give me, it means the world to me!!
Reblogs and comments are highly appeciated^^
Word count- 2.8k
If you like my work you can buy me coffee๐ฉท
Not knowing how to deal with your rampaging emotions you kept pacing back and forth in your apartment like a lunatic. You were at loss for words, never in your life you felt this humiliated and to think that Minho, the person who was supposed to be your safe space and your comfort person was the source of that!
Honestly, you felt torn, you were beyond mad at frustrated at Minho and wanted to rip him a new one, but at the same time you felt so heartbroken and miserable all you wanted to was to crawl in your bed and not get up for at least a week. It also didnโt help at all that your week was an absolute shit, with this said day being the cake on the top. All you wanted to do was to have a lunch with your boyfriend and just forget all the bullshit you had to go through. You knew he had a hectic schedule due to an upcoming comeback. Heck, you barely had seen him for the last maybe three weeks. He was already at practice when you woke up and immediately went to sleep when he came back in the middle of the night so he had barely any time to talk or text to you, you werenโt even talking about seeing you in person. It was what pissed you off the most. You were too considerate, how many people would be able to handle having a relationship like that, when a simple text sent your way made you want to throw fireworks? You knew he was busy, you only wanted to see him for what a half hour, just to eat together? Maybe get a hug? And an encouraging word that you could get through the day? No, what you get for bringing your very busy boyfriend and his bandmates his favorite takeout is to get yelled at in front of the said bandmates to being overly clingy and overbearing.
One part of you wanted to break down sobbing, the other part wanted to bring hell to him and make a biggest scene ever, in reality? You just left, not an ounce of emotion on your face. Maybe it would be better if you did either or those, at least you wouldnโt feel this torn now. So full of emotions feeling like you could burst any scond. No, you knew you were angry and rightfully so, this is why the tears that wouldnโt stop streaming down your face aggravated you even more. He didnโt deserve your tears not after the bullshit he pulled.
Another pang of notification brought you back to reality, God how many massages was he going to send? Who was clingy and overbearing now? If he thought that you would forgive just like that just because he was sorry then he was a damn fool. You knew he didnโt mean it; you knew him long enough to know that whenever he was too stressed he had outbursts like he did earlier and he said stuff he didnโt necessarily mean. It was an objective fact that you didnโt deserve to be called clingy. But it didnโt matter, he humiliated you in front of all these people and that wasnโt something you could easily forgive. Hell, how could you forget such thing? He could have said that he needed space that he was busy, no matter how vulnerable you felt, no matter how much you needed him in that moment you would have understood.
Maybe it was a sign. Your relationship was still considered new, it wouldnโt hurt as much ending things now. Maybe you could even return to being friends again. Another pang of your phone followed by another in less than five seconds, then another.
God, you couldnโt bear it anymore, you needed some air.
Not even considering to take your phone with you you left your apartment. You didnโt exactly know where you were going but it would be better than feeling suffocated in your own house.
***
Probably not the wisest choice because now you were worst kind of drunk in this bar meaning your mind was completely sober but your body seemed disconnected from your mind, everything was spinning and your whole body moved as if in slow motion. God what a beautiful day you couldnโt even drink to forget your own sorrows. Better go home then, or at least head to that direction.
You only managed to pay for the drinks and get outside before you felt so queasy you had to stop and lean on the lamppost. God, you hated that your body wasnโt listening to you.
Also, you were starting to regret not bringing your phone with you. You would have called your friend to pick you up and maybe take you with them or at least order a cab. Also, not really wise to spend most of the money you had in your wallet on drinks. God, you felt like shit.
Oh wow it was already night, and based on how there was barely anyone around it mustโve been quite late too.
You started walking but barely made 10 steps before you had to stop again, it was as if your body had a mind on its own and was refusing to cooperate.
โBaby!โ You heard a loud yell and before you even had the time to react you were engulfed biggest hug ever. You almost wrapped your arms around your boyfriend before you remembered you were mad at him. Fortunately for you he almost immediately let go, carefully examining everything, his eyes so full of worry you felt bad for him for a second.
โWhat are you doing here?โ You didnโt even try to hide your displeasure. Minho flinched as if he was physically hit by your words.
โI was searching for you! I was out here wandering in these streets trying to find you for hours! I was about to call the police when I saw you here!โ You felt guilty, looking at him. He looked dishelved, hair messy as if he had run his hand through it countless times, he was out of breath as if he had been running, his eyes red and swollen as if he had criedโฆWas he really running around searching for you?
โWhoโs being clingy now? Couldnโt last five minutes without seeing me? Had to search for me all over town? So clingy and overbearing!โ You watched as your words hit him like a slap, his face morphed into a pained one. You felt horrible talking to him this way, but part of you was satisfied, wanting him to know just how much words could hurt.
โIโm sorryโฆโ His voice was quite almost inaudible, you knew he meant it but you would be dammed if you forgave him just like that.
โYou should be, you were beyond cruel.โ Even you were surprised how emotionless you sounded. You would also be fooled if you didnโt know the turmoil that was inside you right at this moment.
He lowered his gaze unable to look you in the eyes. โI know.โ Oh great he knows, what a balm to your wound.
โYou really hurt me Minho!โ There was it, the anger, the hurt, you didnโt have the energy to contain it anymore.
โI know.โ
โOh that fixes everything then! You know! Do you know anything but that sentence? Is that all you have to say?โ Silence, you couldnโt help but huff out a laugh bitterly, feeling defeated. โWhat even are you doing here Minho?โ
โYou werenโt picking up the phone, your house was empty, neither your friends or your family knew where you were. I had to find you to know that you were safe!โ His voice was strained, he looked like he was seconds away from busting in tears.
โIโm safe you can go home now!โ You turned around to head home, all these emotions making you feel a bit more sober. You barely made two steps before a hand grabbed your wrist gently halting your movement. His voice desperately calling your name. โPleaseโฆโ
You couldnโt take this anymore. You turned back to him eyes full of rage burning with unshed tears begging to be let out. โPlease what Minho? What do you want me to do? You canโt even tell me normally why you were searching for me. You agree with me that you hurt me yet youโre not even saying youโre sorry, and no I wonโt take that halfassed apology or whatever that was. What do you want me to do? Itโs like you donโt even know what you want yourself so what do you really expect me to do?โ
You watched a tear run down his reddened cheek. It infuriated you how breathtaking he looked right now. Not even the most skilled painter would be able to capture his beauty, not a single camera would be able to capture the full beauty. God, you hated how your heart only sang for him even in this much pain he caused. Here he was watching you in sorrow, in pain, angered by his betrayal while he did nothing just stand there idly looking ethereal, still managing to have you in his chokehold.
โDo you even love me?โ No matter how hard you tried to fight it the dam broke. A tear slid down your face, quickly followed by another, then yet another, till it felt like a little stream down your face. You forced yourself to look him in the eyes, the pain and anger burning in them. His eyes also full of pain but you couldnโt read anything more. There were times you thought you could read his emotionsโฆ What a fool you were.
Your body started to shake trying to hold violent sobs wanting to break through. No matter how much you were fighting it you were starting to break down as if already knowing the answer. Subtly wrapping your arms around yourself you tried to hold yourself, to prevent breaking down even more. You hated feeling this weak. Hated that you couldnโt control yourself. Hated that you had to break down in front of him like this! To show him your weaknessโฆ
It was as if Minho awoke from the trance he was in, in the tenth of the second his arms were gently cradling your face and his lips were connected to yours, giving you probably the most passionate kiss you had ever received.
Your whole body felt like it was on fire. The tears really felt like tiny rivers on your face, no matter how many times Minho tried to gently rub them from your face with his thumbs they just wouldnโt stop coming. The kiss was gentle yet firm, it tasted salty from both your tears (probably mostly yours) but still familiarly sweet. His lips moved against yours in determination, as if to show you his feelings the only way he knew how.
You felt like your body and mind were on overdrive feeling too many emotions at once, not fully knowing how to react. You tried to resist the urge to reciprocate the kiss but you almost immediately folded, almost quite literally because now if not Minhoโs handsย migrating from your face to your waist you werenโt sure you would be able to be stand. Yor body felt like it was completely shutting down and you felt like you were at his mercy and based on how tightly he held you against his body and how fiercely he was kissing you he wasnโt planning on letting you go any time soon. And he didnโt, he only leaned his head back a little to give you time to catch your breath.
โIโm cruel as you said, and mean and cold and I most definitely donโt deserve such an amazing person as you by my side, Iโm not even worthy of your forgiveness! You didnโt deserve to be told youโre clingy or overbearing or some shit like that when youโve been so supportive, so kind, so patient and loving towards me when we both know I didnโt do shit to earn it.โ His broken voice pulled on your heartstrings, no matter how angry you felt it was whole another pain to feel him talk so about himself. Minho lifted your hands and carefully kissed both of them, his hands slightly trembling. He looked you in the eyes, and for a second you were taken aback with the sea, no ocean of emotions in them. โIโm really sorry I hurt your feelings. Thereโs nothing I can say to justify my actions, but I promise you I never meant any of my words. Iโm sorry Iโve been a terrible boyfriend to you but please trust me when I say, I love you with my whole heart, with everything I have and everything I am, please never doubt that.โ
You stood like that for a second or two, maybe even a minute, unable to find words to say. You didnโt even now what you were feeling. Everything inside was a mess. Sighing in defeat you held your hand forward, Minhoโs confused eyes snapping at them then at you in a second.
โTake me home.โ
Minho took your hand without even thinking twice.
***
You knew you said that you felt a bit more sober earlier but that turned out to be a lie because you still felt so queasy getting in your bed felt like climbing the mount Everest and that with Minhoโs help, who didnโt once let go of your hand and helped you with every step of your night routine. None of you had said a word since you held in your hand to him. You knew he was nervous based on the slight trembling you felt from time to time as you held his hand but honestly you didnโt know what you were going to say to him.
โI texted everyone that youโre home safe and that youโre going to sleep.โ Minho broke the silence, his voice a bit coarse. You looked at him which made him look even more nervous. If not the circumstances you would find his unsureness and even shyness absolutely endearing. โThereโs water and painkillers on your bedside table.โ A nod from you, you were tired, you felt like you could sleep for a whole day.
You quickly came back to your senses when he let go of your hand. โYou should go to sleep now, I will leave you to rest.โ
Thankfully you managed to grab his wrist before he could leave. โWhere are you going?โ Minho looked taken aback, clearly not expecting you to reach out for him.
โI thought you would want some space.โ He sounded defeated.
You groaned as you fell on your bed. โGod we really need to work on our communication skills. I promise I will tell you if I ever need space from you, now get in bed. Thereโs no way Iโm letting you out of house on 3 am or whatever time it is, itโs late!โ
After a second of silence you opened your eye to check on Minho, to see if he was here and you werenโt talking to yourself like a lunatic. The sight made your breath hitch. He had the softest smile adorning his face as he watched you, his eyes full of love, you had never seen him smiling at you like that.
โCareful or I might think you care for me.โ There he was being a little shit you knew and loved, had to ruin a moment. you made sure to groan as loudly and as dramatically as possible.
โMinho I swear to God! Get in bed or I am going to make you sleep on the floor!โ You tried to threaten but the smile that broke through your face wasnโt fooling anyone.
Minho didnโt waste a second and almost immediately you were pulled into a hug, your head smushed against his chest which beat wildly as if in joy.
โI could have given you a second to change you know, I think I might have something you can change intoโฆโ Minho didnโt let you finish your sentence -โLet me just hold you for a second, please.โ
Not wanting to deny him you wrapped your arms around him and held him just as tight. Both of you feeling content being in each otherโs arms, finally feeling calm and most importantly safe.
โI love you.โ You heard Minho mutter against your skin, he was so still you thought he had fallen asleep. You looked up at him, there was that gaze again, so full of love and tenderness. Not even trying to hide your smile you leaned in and captured his lips in a soft kiss. โI know. I love you too.โ
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kakashi is a boyfriend who prioritizes your safety. his past experiences have instilled a deep protectiveness in him, and keeping you safe would be his top priority. he'd train with you if you wanted, but would always be there to watch your back in dangerous situations.
kakashi is a boyfriend who surprises you with little gestures. he might not be the most expressive with words, but he'll leave you a fresh copy of your favorite novel by your bedside (strategically placed so when you wake up, you see it) or bring you a dango from your favorite shop.
kakashi is a boyfriend who is a patient listener. he may not always offer advice, but he'll lend a supportive ear and a comforting presence when you need to vent or just talk things out.
kakashi is a boyfriend who encourages your passions. whether you're training to be an elite ninja or obsessed with flower arranging, he'll be your biggest cheerleader, even if he doesn't quite understand your hobby.
kakashi is a boyfriend who is surprisingly competitive (in a playful way). he loves a good challenge, especially with you. expect playful competitions over training drills, card games, or even who can finish their ramen first.
kakashi is a boyfriend who is fiercely loyal. he won't tolerate anyone disrespecting you and will always be there to defend you, both physically and emotionally.
kakashi is a boyfriend who is a surprisingly good cuddler. despite his initial awkwardness, he secretly craves physical affection. expect late-night movie marathons with him wrapped around you, his mask pulled down just enough for a kiss.
kakashi is a boyfriend who introduces you to his favorite things (on his terms). he might invite you to read icha icha with him (again, appropriately censored) or share his favorite dango recipe. it's his way of bonding and opening up to you in a comfortable way.
kakashi is a boyfriend who secretly enjoys your company on missions. while maintaining professionalism, he might subtly adjust routes to pass your favorite ramen shop, or subconsciously linger a moment longer when you're sparring.
kakashi is a boyfriend who, despite his past, gradually opens up to you. he might share stories of his childhood or past missions, slowly revealing glimpses of the man beneath the mask.
kakashi is a boyfriend who, deep down, is incredibly grateful to have you in his life. he might not say it directly, but the way he cares for you, protects you, and cherishes your presence speaks louder than words.
Rei shooting himself in his dominant arm, most likely permanently injuring most if not all of his nerves so he could effectively only use his left hand.
Rei most likely not being able to play any video games anymore, his main coping mechanism and hobby throughout the show, something he did in the beginning to the point of neglecting to take care of Miri and doing house chores.
Rei most likely, after extensive physical therapy and relearning how to use his right hand as his dominant one, trying to find other stuff he could turn into hobbies except gaming.
Rei most likely finding true joy in not just playing games himself, but watching others play them.
Watching Miri and Kazuki battle it out in the kid friendly and later on more action video games together and having fun and bonding over how bad of a sore loser Papa Kazuki is and how well Rei taught Miri how to play by supporting her with tips from the sidelines.
Rei most likely finding that, even if he can't play himself, he enjoys watching his loved ones play his video games in his stead because he gained something so much more to hold dear in his heart by losing his arm.
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