Mellifluous Madness

Orochimaru, through his research, probably found that the earliest ninjutsu can be traced back to a thousand years, assuming that is when Kaguya lived and when she was sealed.

Since he has a DNA testing lab handy, he would take DNA samples from all the clans known to practice ninjutsu or with special bloodlines and find that bloodline limits stem from a single event in history. they are all connected to a single ancestor a millenia ago. All the major bloodline clans are related.

Before Sasuke, he wanted Itachi’s body. He found Kimimaro, but his illness rendered him ‘imperfect’ for Orochimaru’s use. Had Orochimaru known about Itachi’s illness, he would have come to the same conclusion regarding him.

Did only Kakashi and Obito spar? Did Rin get any combat training? This panel is from when Kakashi and Obito fight just before he becomes a jinchuriki. I understand that there aren’t going to be any spars with Rin if there were any.

Going through Obito’s memories from when he was training in Madara’s cave:

Kkakashi trains with shuriken.

Some throws a barrage of shuriken at the team, Kakashi and Obito deflect with Kunai, and Rin throws her hands up to avoid major injuries.

Since these memories are Obito’s, it is likely that he is remembering certain types of interactions with her. Most memories of Rin involve catching her glancing at Kakashi and protecting her in some form.

In her short life, Rin was kidnapped at least twice: once during the Kannabi Bridge mission, and again by Kirigakure ninja. In the first one, she withstood the effects of genjutsu as the enemy tried to pry information from her. And the second time, a tailed beast was sealed inside her. As a medical ninja, she likely adhered to Tsunade’s three rules for such ninjas.

No medic ninja shall ever stop medical treatment until the lives of their party members have come to an end.

No medic ninja shall ever stand on the front lines.

I think it’s very telling that it’s not the Uchiha who are shown degrading Obito for his lack of Sharingan. Why would they? The Uchiha rite of passage is the Grand Fireball jutsu, which he could cast. The Sharingan is not a universally activated characteristic; the clan wouldn’t consider its lack shameful (unless my Madara theory below is true, but even then it would likely be expected, yet its lack would still be not shameful). It’s a person like Kakashi, who likely thinks of Obito’s worth in terms of his military value to the village, who insults him on that basis.

Then why is Obito considered the black sheep among his clan? Two theories:

He’s disliked for the same reasons that Naruto was: he never studied, was annoying, was late, etc. The Uchiha clan was a proud clan + discriminated against & desperate to not let their status slip further. In this scenario, he’s not only not living up to the values of his society, but casting a negative light on his clan.

Let’s assume they died within a year of each other, then Izuna was born when Tajima was 18.

Since Madara is one of five children of Tajima’s, and assuming that all children have the same mother, then Madara could’ve been born to Tajima anywhere from when he was 13-17 years.

Tajima’s partner need not be the same age as him or younger. From what I have read of biographies of Japanese warriors, an older wife is perfectly acceptable, more so in political marriages within or between clans.

we see this same thing played out with the two of them time and time again. sakura attacks him and sasuke retaliates and logically it makes sense but kishimoto consistently reverts sakura back to just a helpless woman in the way he presents it and the tone. we can recognize that sakura is facing dehumanization and misogyny which is why when we all begin analyzing naruto for the first time we stan sakura and hate sasuke.  

karins also a good example of this because she gets this treatment twice with different results. sasuke accidentally sets her on fire and instead of discarding her like suigetsu suggests he quells the flames and saves her life. this contrasts later on when karin is captured by danzo and instead of her being a viable hostage sasuke just stabs her. 

and its like. one of the more misogynistic moments in naruto. karin goes from a ninja to just a damsel in distress who cant break free of a fucking arm hold from a dying man. sasuke throws her life away like trash and logically we know he would do the same exact thing if it was suigetsu being held or kakashi or juugo or whoever. 

but kishimoto would never write a man receiving that treatment. that isnt edgy enough. that doesnt show the extreme darkness overtaking sasukes mind. only  the abuse of women can portray this accurately. 

so it ends up with this fucked up narrative where we as the readers logically can follow that the majority of sasukes actions arent actually abusive or misogynistic, but the intent of the writing is still based on the subjugation of women. 

Thundercloud Unit, led by Yukai. A group of seven twelve to thirteen-year-old ninja from Kumo, deployed as a backup unit for Supply forces due to their skills.

I wonder if the ANBU said that cause they’re still unhappy about Sakumo

About this. 

That’s possible, though I think the high ninja turnover makes it hard to be sure how much anyone remembers, in terms of past events. More likely it’s just more issues arising from the whole “ninja are just tools” mindset. Are they even aware of what trauma looks like? Maybe they’re all “Oh, I also sometimes feel the desperate need to wash my hands because the blood just won’t come off! That’s normal!” 

I’m not a big fan of Shiita cause I find it boring, but I can see why people ship them. First of all people ship characters for much less than the moments Itachi and Shisui have together in the anime (cause in the manga there’s pretty much nothing)...tbh I ship characters for interacting even less, for their potential or whatever. So I can’t judge shiita shippers, because like I wrote here and here, Shisui and Itachi share values and ideals, they spent a lot of time together and they trusted each other, even Itachi who never trusts anyone trusted Shisui, so it’s a lot.

About elements seemingly romantic or se/xual actually how many characters have se/xually charged moments? not many, and yet ppl ship them lol. Like me. Or heterosexual couples, they have no se/xually charged moment and yet...

Sometimes a good close combat fight is enough to suggest something se/xual that might happen/be imagined, sometimes a few words are. Sometimes you don’t need much to have a glimpse of how some characters’ relationships and dynamics are. Team Taka, for example, don’t have much screen time, but you can totally understand the bond between them. And if you want to see them as brotherly, ok, if you want to see more, there is space for it as well. That’s how shipping works.

What bothers me about Shiita is fanon, because some fandom headcanons became the norm, so (and I’m not referring to anyone in particular, don’t feel attacked. I just remember random things I saw online) there is kinda shy Itachi who enjoys to become a submissive bottom with Shisui (I mean there are controlling people/characters who like to be sub and this fan opinion makes sense, but now it’s the only one and I’d like to see more variety, because the opposite makes sense too), Shisui who’s a dork even tho he was one of the most feared Konoha shinobi and he was the one who influenced Itachi’s ideals, and Sasuke being the third weel, always jealous and possessive of Itachi even tho he was never like this in canon and he respected Shisui very much (in the anime he calls him Shisui-san when he was a child).

Another thing that bothers me is the ‘wholesome’ concept that now gets applied to that ship and from which a lot of ppl seem to judge those tho like different stuff in fictional pairings. Ofc wholesome is an option and it makes a lot of sense for them, but there can be more.

(also in the past I wrote a darkfic where there is shiita. needless to say it wasn’t received well in that fandom lol)

大叔 “Uncle” by benxiangtaitai part 1 fan translation by @fineillsignup I claim no rights over this work at all, and merely wish to share it with English speaking Naruto fandom. Feel free to typeset this work using my translation, please credit and link the original artist. I would appreciate being credited and linked as the translator.

I need to explain a little about the title and the content, in Chinese, the term 怪叔叔 or 怪蜀黍 which means basically “weird uncle” is used as a slang for “pedophile” in a similar way that in English we might say “pedo” or “lolicon”.

This comic is a sweet, platonic gen Kakashi and Sakura doujin with the beginnings of a one-sided (Sakura->Kakashi) crush, could be considered very very very pre-KakaSaku.

Summary of the whole comic: Kakashi is going on a mission with just genin Sakura (she still has long hair, so this is pre-chuunin exam arc). Sakura says that people will think he’s a pedo if he’s out alone with just her while reading his Icha Icha, so Kakashi henges into his younger self. Sakura gets mad because he still wants to read his Icha Icha even in 14-year-old Kakashi form. They unexpectedly run into some enemies and have to hide, then Kakashi has Sakura hide in a cave while he goes to get water. The cave turns out to host a very angry bear, which Kakashi saves Sakura from. Sakura tries to convince herself she doesn’t have a crush on her sensei by reminding herself of Sasuke. Then Kakashi falls asleep sitting up against the wall and Sakura falls asleep too with her head on his shoulder. It’s very cute.

So to be clear, at no point in the comic is Kakashi depicted as having any kind of romantic or sexual interest in Sakura. 100% platonic on his end. Sakura isn’t shown as being seriously attracted to him either. More like the very very beginnings of “huh, my sensei is actually hotter than Sasuke-kun, this is weird…”

I’m going to do five pages at a time when I have the time. :)

Translation behind the cut!

Kakashi adopting Naruto was my guilty pleasure when I was a kid. I use to read fanfiction about those two all the time because the idea simply warms my heart. More often than not, Kakashi would even have relapses because Naruto looks so much like Minato.

I wrote a reply to this but my browser said “NO :D” and crashed and I lost it sooooo I lost motivation when that happened.

Basically what I wanted to say is that, from a meta perspective, kids want to see a story where a kid is the hero, and they want to imagine what it would be like to physically fight and save the day right now.

But from a realistic perspective, we know that if a kid is having to fight death battles, adults have, in some way, failed the kid. Kids shouldn’t have to be fighting battles. One can finesse it in various ways, but a lot of those avenues are automatically closed to a Naruto sequel.  Namely because Naruto, from the very first major arc, presented the shinobi system and the dehumanized use of shinobi as tools as a problem to be solved. We were presented with a desperately sick society that knew it wasn’t doing things right but was stumbling around in the darkness, unable to comprehend things that to us as outside viewers were obvious, simply because That’s How It’s Always Been Done. Also, It Used To Be Worse So This Must Be Fine (this is implied a lot–I’m sure to Hashirama and Tobirama, the way they used child soldiers seemed more humane than how they grew up; and I’m sure to Hiruzen, the way he used child soldiers seemed more humane than how he grew up; etc).

Also they can’t use the other angle for excusing child fighters in a lot of media–this kid has a special power that is greater than any adult–because Naruto and Sasuke start the series so ridiculously OP that it would be impossible to make a kid protagonist believably better than them to begin with and still have any kind of arc be possible.

The result is that they fail the most important rule of sequel making: don’t destroy the characters people already care about to make them care about new characters. This is like character cannibalism. The viewer has a limited amount of good will and you squander it all by turning the previous round of heroes into this generation’s shitty backstory. When regular flavour Naruto is still bringing in $$$, they would be foolish to follow it up so quickly with “haha actually none of this stuck and everyone is miserable, psych!”

So they’re trying to have it both ways. It’s a Happy Ending! But literal darkness is looming that our new hero can see with his ~magic eye~. But Naruto is a Good Hokage Who Achieved His Dream! But his son resents his absense and he looks like he’s miserable and dying by inches. But he brought Sasuke home! But Sasuke is never home and has no relationship with his daughter. But there’s peace! But Orochimaru is still experimenting on children, and one of them makes up the third in the Daddy Issues Trio that is Team Konohamaru.

It’s a fucking mess. It would have been more honest if they had committed to the “Life’s Gonna Suck” Denis Leary aesthetic full-throttle and said, yep, everyone in the Naruto generation is fucking miserable and failed to change anything, nothing ever goddamn changes kiddos, open your eyes, you live in Japan and you’re about ten years away from working 60-80 hours a week and wanting to die, just like the animators and the mangaka and everyone else in this shitty workaholic industry. Cheers.

Life’s gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up,life’s gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now.

You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun,you might have to go to war when you get out of school.

your high school teachers are LIARS.

Most college professors accept late assignments.

Some of them are so chill that you can ditch most of class so long as you can handle the final. 

It’s all about playing it by ear.

YOU DON’T ASK TO GO TO THE BATHROOM PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF THE EMBARRASSMENT. 

It is NOT harder than high school. You’re more or less ready for it if you do ok in high school, ok?

Seriously. I got A’s in AP classes yet was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to handle college.

Surprise surprise?

AP classes are harder than college classes. 

No joke. 

College professors are a lot more liberal on what counts as a “right” answer. 

Plus they give you points for caring. 

Some classes give you points just for showing up. 

There’s an atmosphere of controlled panic, and you are not the only one. 

You can pretty much go up to anyone and say god life is a nightmare and finals are gonna kick my ass, and they’ll go saaaaame, regardless of how genius they’re supposed to be. 

Seriously. 

College student here.

High school teachers are the WORST of liars.

They’ll tell you college is a “whole nother level” but that’s such horse shit. 

High school is a standardized sheep counting facility. 

A huge number of first year classes are designed to 1) catch everyone up to the same basic skill level on things like essay writing, and 2) give you the vocabulary you’re going to need for the next few years. There’s going to be a lot of memory work, no matter what discipline you’re in, but it’s laying the groundwork for everything that follows. Go to class, and you’ll be fine. 

I’ll add two three caveats to the above. 

1. READ THE SYLLABUS. Everything you need for each class will be in there, usually along with piles of hints and explanations for assignments, pages and dates for your readings, and grading rubrics that tell you exactly how points are going to be allocated. My department also gives us a stack of notices to add to our syllabi which include information like mental health resources on campus, tutoring resources, and more. READ THE SYLLABUS. 

2. You’re going to need to be very conscientious about attendance and due dates – you’re going to be called upon to self-start and self-motivate a lot more than in high school. No-one’s going to call you to remind you to get papers done, or force you to go to that tutorial. That’s on you now. You’ve got freedom, but it comes with the assumption of more responsibility for yourself and getting your shit in. 

The syllabus for each class will tell you the prof’s protocols for missed classes and late assignments - some don’t care, others will ding you 5% a day, others won’t accept late work at all. Know which kind of profs you have. 

3. Go to office hours. It gets very lonely waiting for students, especially knowing that they’re all going to want help immediately on the day before the exam while the rest of the semester there were nothing but crickets and dust bunnies in the hall. The entire point of office hours is to meet with students, so please make us feel needed. 

We know who comes for help, we remember, and believe me, I’m much more likely to be lenient with a student on due dates and such when I’ve seen evidence that they’re trying (ie, coming to office hours with questions), rather than a name on a list that I can’t associate with a face.

Also, and this may be a big shift depending on what kind of high school you went to, we (professors) honestly want you to succeed. I cheer when students level up in a skill they’ve been fighting for, and my heart breaks when I know someone’s struggling but they won’t reach out for help. I’ve worked with a lot of different faculty members, and to a one, we want to see you doing the best you can possibly do. We’re on your side. 

(Also, we’re nerds. SUCH nerds. One of the profs at my uni has the largest comic book collection I’ve ever seen, and my supervisor went to the last three Harry Potter midnight premieres in McGonagall cosplay. You will be among friends.)

Yeah, there was the whole wachow hiya wouldn’t it be cool to be a ninja part. But that was ALSO what made all the original manga’s “slam-to-reality” moments so effective.

Kakashi’s pointing the monument out, Naruto saying “yeah I want my name there!!!”, and then the slam: it’s a monument for people who died.

Haku dying for Zabuza, and how it didn’t need to happen.

Zabuza and Haku’s exploitation by Gato, and Zabuza intensely satisfying killing of Gato.

Sakura cutting off her hair to save her companions.

Rock Lee, the idiot character we didn’t take too seriously, kicking Sasuke in the face and then fucking DROPPING THOSE FUCKING WEIGHTS FUCK.

Gaara’s backstory and Naruto’s connection with him.

Like. THAT shit is what got us hooked. Yeah we wanted to be ninja? But we also were totally capable as teens at the same time of saying “whoa what the FUCK is this shit I’m glad that NARUTO is going to change things when he becomes HOKAGE hashtag BELIEVE IT”

Naruto would never have become as big as it did if it didn’t ask us to take parts of it seriously.