I'm Melliezz, you can call me Meli if that's easier. I'm 20 years old I got by she/her. Funfact: I LOVE horror movies, reading and writing. I'm a baking and pastry student. I write for DC (mainly Batfam) since that's what I'm the most comfortable with rn. This will change in the future when I'm a bit more comfortable with the whole thing, since there are sooo many fandoms and sooo many characters that I love. Again I love to write and I need to practice so if you got any ideas, feel free to tell me I would love a challenge. Again, I'm practicing, feedback is appreciated!
◇─◇──◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇◇─◇──◇─◇
│Masterlist│
[Batsis Reader]
☆Why Can't You See Me? - 1│ 2│ 3│ 4│ 5│ 6│ 7│ 8│ 9│ 10│ 11│ 12│
☆ Batfam x yapper Reader - 1│2│3│
☆ Still here (coming soon)
☆ Spiderman Reader ( coming soon)
☆ Deadpool Reader ( coming soon) [Character x Reader]
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Chapter 12 is done! The next couple of chapters might come out later than usual cuz life honestly sucks atm. I had a lot of fun with this chapter though and I hope you like it.
Tw's: Mentions of underage drinking, drugs etc. I've probably missed a lot, so read at your own risk!
Even though he didn’t want to admit it, Jason was scared.
Less than twenty-four hours ago you had been drugged. Even though the drugs were out of your system, you would feel like shit for a while.
You had gone out into the snow without any decent clothes, and on top of that you had said some…well concerning things.
Jason made his way back to his apartment after looking for you.
You could be thinking that growing up with a bunch of vigilantes would make it impossible to actually hide from them this easily, but Jason knew that you were smart.
You knew how they were thinking.
That itself made you just as dangerous.
“I should have ended up like her.” Jason knew you were talking about your mom and he knew how hard that had affected you.
He thought back at your argument, you didn’t look like yourself. You were way too pale, way too thin, and your eyes weren’t as energetic and happy as they had been once.
Now they were dull, empty, in pain. Your make up still a mess under your eyes, even though he had helped to clean off as much as he could while you were unconscious. Seeing you look so broken, so vulnerable, so– unlike the girl he had grown up with, made something ache in his chest.
What the fuck do I do?
He got inside and started pacing around his apartment.
I could go look for her myself again, but if she sees me she’s just gonna run again.
He hesitated. Then he picked his phone out and called Barbara.
“Hey Babs?”
“Yes?”
“We’ve got a problem.”
She didn’t reply immediately. “What did you do this time?” She groaned.
“Haha, you're hilarious." Sarcasm taking over his voice. Then he quickly added.
“It’s Reader.” He didn’t need to see the red haired woman to feel how she tensed up.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“She’s gone.” He could hear Barbara take a slow breath on the other line.
“What do you mean gone?”
Faint tapping could be heard from the other side of the line.
Jason told her everything. Everything from when the man had carried her out from the bar, to when she had woken up the first time, to well now.
“She ran out without a jacket, without shoes. Her phone is still here, and I can’t go after her, she’ll only run again.”
It got quiet on the other end.
“I’ll call the others to see if they can help us find her. Give me a second.”
Jason's line got quiet for a bit, and after a few minutes she returned again.
“Meet me at the Clocktower. I’ll see who I can get here.” Jason nodded as if Barbara could see him.
“Right” then they hung up. He hurried down to his bike, and drove off.
The moment he got to the clocktower Tim, Duke, Steph and Cass were already there. The moment Jason walked through the door Dick came in through one of the windows.
Everyone was dressed in their suits except for Jason.
"Demon spawn not coming?” Jason said jokingly.
“He’s out with Batman, I didn’t tell any of them since we all know how Batman gets when stuff like this happens, and knowing what you told me, we shouldn’t pressure Reader like that right now.” Barbara explained.
Jason nodded
“Valid.”
Then Dick joined in.
"Wait Reader? What is going on?”
Barbara nodded before turning towards him, eyes then flicking over to Jason.
“Right, I didn't tell them exactly what was going on, just that it was an emergency.”
Dick’s gaze turned to Jason too, and the others moved closer, their chatter dying down.
“What’s going on with Reader? Is she okay?”
Jason hesitated. Not knowing how to start it.
“She’s gone.”
Aaannd there was that tension again.
“Gone? What do you mean gone?” Duke got even closer, confusion written all over his face.
Jason took a breath before explaining everything. He did leave out the fact that she had started drinking, only wanting the most necessary stuff out first.
“She was at a party, and got drugged so I took her home to help her and when she woke up we started arguing and it ended up with her running off without shoes and without jacket.”
He paused for a bit.
“She’s alone, it’s freezing out and we’re in Gotham. Use your imagination.”
Silence filled the room. Not a single noise from anyone.
Jason didn’t think they had ever been this quiet in a room together when all of them were there.
Even Dick and Steph were quiet. Tim's eyebrows frowning as he tried to take in what he was hearing. Duke leaned his arms against a nearby table, head held by his hands.
Cass, still standing off to the side, looked like she didn’t care at all, but for anyone that knew her knew that she was worried. Jason could see that she already wanted to run out and find you, she just waited for the details.
Steph finally broke the absolutely horrible silence.
“She was drugged?”
Jason nodded.
"Why didn’t you take her to Leslies?” She continued.
“We were on the other side of the city, it would have taken too long.”
Steph nodded, still not looking too happy.
Tim got closer.
“How long has it been since she left?”
Jason thought about it.
“I don’t know, like 45 minutes?”
“Why didn’t you call anyone?”
Jason gave him a half irritated half guilty look.
“I thought I could find her by myself, she might not have our training but she’s not stupid.”
That was like a switch everyone went from quiet, calm to everyone getting to work.
“Can’t we track her phone?”
“Nope, I got it.” Jason said, picking ot the small device from his pocket.
“Fuck.” Dick replied, hands going up, coming his hair out of the way.
Barbara cleared her throat.
"Panicking won’t help anyone.”
She spun her chair around.
“Tim, check the security footage. Cass and Duke, check emergency clinics and shelters in case something else happened.”
Barbara turned.
"Dick, you check the rooftops around the area, and some places that you know she likes, her friends' places and that café by the park.”
Barbara then turned towards Stephanie.
“Steph you take–”
"Bus stops and train stations.” The blonde cut off.
No one got the chance to ask, before she looked Barbara dead in the eyes.
“When I used to run away when I was younger I always got to the bus stops or stations. It was good when trying to figure out what to do and where to go.”
Barbara nodded.
“Okay, you do that. Report back anything you got and avoid Batman, do not let him know yet, we don’t need to put any more pressure on the poor girl.”
Steph gave a quick nod as reply, everyone was fast out.
“Did she say anything on where she could have gone?” Barbara turned to Jason when they were left alone.
He shook his head.
“Not really– but she did say some concerning stuff.” He spoke slowly, as if he didn’t know if he wanted to say it or not.
“What do you mean?”
He turned, facing her completely.
“She really thinks that we don’t care.”
Barbara didn’t say anything, just grabbing the younger man's hand in a careful grip.
“Then she–she said she should have turned out like her mom?” It sounded like a question.
Barbara closed her eyes and nodded a bit.
“I realized that something was up.” Barbara started, a sad, distant look taking over her features.
“Can I tell you something? I haven’t told anyone yet since I haven’t had enough proof, and I wanted to respect her privacy.”
Jason tightened his grip on her hand a bit, not for it to hurt just enough for her to feel like he was there.
“I think she’s been drinking–I think it’s turning into a bad habit.” She finally got out.
“Yeah.” Jason simply replied.
Barbara's eyes got wide with surprise.
“You knew? For how long?”
Jason shrugged.
“A while.”
He paused, still unsure if he wanted to share it all.
There won't be a better time though.
“I’ve always kept an eye on her. All of us can fight, we’ve got what it takes, we can protect ourselves. She doesn’t.”
He swallowed.
Fuck feelings.
“How much have you been keeping an eye on her?”
"More than I should have before I actually tried to help.”
Jason's gaze turned towards the screens in front of them, needing something to focus on.
“I followed her home the first time she actually had alcohol, I was there when she was robbed, I was there when she had a panic attack at school the other day, and I was there now.”
Barbara could see the guilt in Jason's face.
She gave him a small smile.
“I’m glad you were there.”
He looked at her, surprised.
“I mean it, you were keeping an eye out, who knows what would have happened if you weren’t there to monitor it?”
“I should have told someone earlier.”
“So should I–I was just scared that if I pressured her too much it would backfire.” Barbara admitted.
“I know I wasn’t there a lot after your death, everyone was grieving you.” She made a small gesture with her hands, showing her wheelchair.
“This happened, it wasn’t good for anyone, I should still have tried harder to be there for her. She was the first person I had as a sister, and I left her all alone.”
“Not your fault.” He squeezed her hand again as a tear ran down her chin.
“Now what’s the plan?” Jason suddenly asked, trying to change the topic a bit.
Barbara smiled at him, her expression hardened.
Oracle taking over.
"We find her, and we help her.”
She was already typing away security footage appearing on the multiple screens in front of them.
“Tim’s already pulling out security footage from outside your apartment."
Jason nodded along, eyes flicking between screen to screen.
“You think she’ll stay hidden?”
Barbara replied without her eyes leaving the screens.
“Yeah, for a while.”
She clicked through one camera, quickly looking over the screen.
“She’s hurt.”
Click.
“Cold.”
Barbara's jaw tightened, as she continued clicking through the cameras.
“And she’s convinced that no one cares about her.”
Jason's face turned to look the other way.
"Yeah.”
“Which means that she isn’t thinking clearly.”
Before Jason had the time to reply a notification popped up on one of the screens.
Barbara froze, before she sat up straighter.
“Oh no.”
Jason turned towards her.
“Batman found Nightwing.” A small pause.
“Batman knows.”
___________________________________________
Tim and Steph decided to look for you together. He started with getting security footage from all the bus stops and train stations around Gotham.
After a while he managed to find one bus stop by the other side of the city.
Looking at the screen they could see someone looking just like you sitting for hours, trying to stay warm.
Your gaze had shifted to the left, and it had stayed there for a bit, as if you were trying to figure something out. Then you stood up on shaky legs, making your way out from the bus stop and walking towards the same direction you had been looking at.
Tim felt a knot in his stomach as he saw you.
How did I miss this?
“You good?” Steph asked, jokingly shoving his shoulder, face giving no sign of joking whatsoever.
“Uh–yeah.”
“You’re feeling guilty.” She sat down by him on top of the rooftop they were currently on.
“So what? You don’t?”
At that Steph looked offended.
“Of course I do, she’s been right here–you know, and none of us saw how bad it’s been getting?”
Tim was just about to reply.
“Look! It looks like she went into that building over there.” Steph pointed at the screen before she stood up and pointed at the building further down the street.
“Let’s go.” With that both vigilantes threw themselves through the rooftops separating you and them.
___________________________________________
Dick had texted Barbara.
Dick 00.34
I dare you to try to lie to Batman.
I didn't tell him anything but he’s on his way to you.
As if on cue a tall shadow came up behind Barbara and Jason, both rolling their eyes.
Behind Batman stood a shorter shadow, Robin.
“What is going on?”
Barbara and Jason turned to him at the same time, glaring.
“Why?” Barbara asked.
“I’ve been able to spot almost every single one of my kids out patrolling and no one wants to give me a single detail.”
Arms crossed.
Jason could feel Damian's intense glare even behind the mask.
They stood like that, all four of them glaring at each other, before Barbara turned to look at Jason.
“Maybe we should tell him, he’s gonna figure it out one way or another.”
She could see on Jason's expression that he wanted to argue, but he ended up nodding along either ways.
“Okay–, but! You’re not allowed to interact at all, until we say so.”
Batman only stared.
“No this is serious B, I promise you will get to know everything, and you’ll get to help as much as you want to later, but if you put too much pressure on her right now, it won’t end well.” Barbara continued.
“Why would he–” Damian was ready with a snappy comment, but quieted down when all three turned to quickly glare at him.
“Alright.” Batman said.
“No you need to fucking swear, we can’t mess this up even more.” Jason said. Voice louder, sharper.
Batman stood for a while, not replying at first, then.
“Alright then, I swear I will not engage in whatever you’re doing until you say so.”
Barbara and Jason glanced at each other as if asking for permission.
“Okay so– it’s about Reader.” Barbara started.
She could see both Robin and Batman tense up.
“Did something happen?”
“She’s gone.” Jason added quickly.
“Gone–where?”
Barbara sighed quietly.
“We don’t know.” Then she quickly added “yet.”
Batman didn’t say anything at first.
“You don’t want me to engage when my child is missing and you can’t find her?”
“That’s not it! Don’t twist our words, just listen to us.” Barbara jumped in before it escalated.
When it came to Jason and Bruce things tended to escalate, fast.
Barbara turned to Jason who let his head fall back and his eyes closed for a moment, before looking at his father.
“You might want to sit.” Barbara joined in, and made a gesture towards the sofa a little further away.
Batman and Robin got over there, sat down, and Jason started to explain. Everything.
After a while Batman had taken off his mask, revealing nothing else than a tired man trying to get a hang of everything.
“She could be hurt.”
“We know, and that’s why everyone is out looking for her right now.”
“I should be there too–”
“Father. If she sees you right now she might run, you know that just as well as everyone else.” Damian said at the same time as Jason yelled.
“No! You promised!”
Bruce was just about to argue when Damian interrupted.
"You allowed her to leave in that condition?”
Jason glared.
“I didn’t allow her to do shit. I tried to stop her.”
Damian glared back from behind his mask.
“After everything she went through, what did you expect her to do?”
Jason was about to snap back when Barbara caught their attention.
“They found her!”
All three of them hurried over to her.
“Red Robin and Spoiler found her.”
“Is she alright?” Bruce asked.
Barbara's face revealed a short lived relief that still hinted at sadness and regret.
“She’s–alive.” She started.
“But there’s been another situation."
___________________________________________
Tim and Steph got to the window that was already cracked open, they were just about to go in when Tim stopped her.
“Hold on.”
“What?”
He stood still for a while, before his eyes widened.
"Mask on.”
“Huh?”
“You smell that?”,
Steph took a careful sniff. Face quickly scrunching up in disgust.
“Ew? Wait, is that?–”
“Fear toxin.”
Both put their masks on before making their way in there.
“I really want to find Reader, but I really don’t want to find her here.” Steph said as they made their way further into the old building.
Flashlights giving them enough light to look around.
“Oh it's fear toxin alright, look at that.” Steph pointed toward a small container on the floor.
“Let’s move quickly. If Reader is in here, we have no clue how long she’s been staying in this.”
Steph turned, her flashlight turned with her. When she suddenly exclaimed.
"Over there!”
Behind the kitchen counter, in the corner of the room they could see a leg.
Both hurried over to see you laying there, in your side, brow furrowed even in your sleep.
“Holy shit, Reader!” Steph sounded so happy, but looked so sad.
“Reader, can you hear us?” Tim lightly tapped your chin, trying to get you to wake up.
Slowly you started to wake, head still fuzzy and you were still shaky, and confused.
“Omg I am so glad that you’re okay.”,
“I think okay is an overstatement.” Tim replied. “Reader, can you hear us?” it was all blurry.
You opened your eyes. You were in a dark room, two flashlights making you lose your vision for a couple of seconds, but you could see the outline of two people sitting in front of you.
The voices sounds just like– Tim, and Stephanie.
Why would they be here though?
Where even am I?
That’s when it all came flashing back to you.
The voices in front of you went from concerned to angry, and disappointed.
‘You’re a fucking mistake.’ Tim’s voice harsh.
‘You are so unlovable, holy shit’ Steph this time.
Your feelings went back to 100% in the matter of a second again.
You flew up from the ground, dizziness taking over again, but you paid it no mind, scrambling backwards trying to get away from them.
“No no, Get away from me.” Tears forming in your eyes.
“I don’t wanna go back, please don’t take me back.”
“Woah hey, easy!” Tim reached for you trying not to scare you more than he already had.
Steph hit his shoulder and muttered.
“Don’t try to touch her, it will make everything worse.”
She then turns to you, eye soft, and voice even softer.
“Hey Reader, we only want to help you. I know you might see and hear something else, but we only want to help. I promise.”
You only kept crying, trying to go further away.
Even in the dark you could see shadows loom over you. All of a sudden you were in a circle, the shadows of your family stood around you.
Bruce ‘I should never have brought you here in the first place.”
Jason ‘I never needed you.’
Dick only stared, a disappointed look on his face.
Barbara ‘You disgust me.’
Steph looked right through you, as if she couldn’t see you.
Cass turned away from you.
Alfred ‘I am disappointed in you.’
Duke didn’t even look at you.
Tim only shook his head and Damian turned to walk away.
You cried.
“Let me out, I need out.” You could barely breathe, full on sobbing.
Not knowing about the concern looks you actually got from your siblings.
“Reader, can you hear me? You need to calm down, you're gonna pass out!”
Tim tried to get through the hallucination but to no avail.
“We need to get her out of here, but how?” Steph stood beside him, hands on her hips as she tried to think of how to get you out without worsening your panicking stage.
Tim didn’t get the chance to reply, eyes still glued on to you. You on other hand couldn't do anything but let the dizziness take over completely, too exhausted to cry anymore.
You laid down on your side again, hiding your head, and then you got quiet.
Tim and Steph hurried over to you.
“Reader?” Steph tried as she shook your shoulder slightly.
You were out cold.
They quickly moved to get you out of the building, so that you could get to breathe in something other than toxin.
Tim put a hand on your forehead.
“She’s burning up.” He started.
“We need to carry her back, I’ll just let Oracle know what happened first.”
“Hey Oracle?”
She was quick to reply.
"Yes?”
“We found her and we’re bringing her back, but uhm.”
“Is she alright?” Batman's voice cut through the comms.
Tim rolled his eyes and Steph groaned lightly.
Of course he would already know. Tim thought.
“She’s alive but uhm. She was hit by fear toxin.”
“Is she conscious?" Damian this time.
“Not anymore.”
Damian swore under his breath.
"Okay I’ll send the batmobile your way, it will be easier to get her back like that.”
Oracle replied as she was tapping away on the computer again.
“Thanks O.” Steph this time.
She held your head in her lap, stroking the hair away from your face, that’s when her eyes caught onto something.
She hadn’t seen it inside the dark building but now as you laid out in the snow and the street lights actually made you visible again she saw it and her breath hitched.
Your pale arms and legs full of bruises. Makeup still a bit smudged and your lip bleeding.
You looked so, so thin,and so pale.
When did this happen?
Tim must have seen her face break because he put a hand on her shoulder.
“We’re a family of detectives. How did none of us see this?” Eyes still focusing on you.
I just thought she was tired from school, how did I miss it getting this bad?
Tim stared at you, eye refusing to meet Stephanies as he let out a hoarse.
“I did.”
Steph turned to him.
“What?”
“I noticed, the skipping classes, grades dropping, how she never seemed to have any appetite or how she wouldn’t eat at home anymore.”
He paused, voice almost breaking, just almost.
“I just– I didn’t know how to handle it, how to bring it up.”
They sat quiet for a while, still checking your breathing and temperature while they were waiting for the batmobile.
“Yeah.” Steph said. Tim's gaze turned to look at the blonde whose focus still was on you.
“I guess I noticed too. Not as much as you, but like–.” She tried to find the right words.
“ I noticed how she pulled away from us more and how she stopped laughing.” Then she looked down ashamed.
“I didn’t notice the food thing, or that she was skipping, or how bad it actually had gotten for that matter. I thought she was tired of school.”
Guilt plastered on her face.
Just then the batmobile pulled up, the two vigilantes carrying their sister, bringing her to safety.
Stephanie stayed in the back of the car with you, your head in the blonde's lap.
Stephanie looked down at you, adjusting your blanket a bit.
You didn’t move.
Didn’t react, and that scared her more than the fear toxin had.
Next part of 'Why Can't You See Me' might come out later than usual. I made it too long so now I need to rewrite a few things so that I can cut the chapter into 2 instead:(
I will try to get it out to the end of this week, but no promises.
Hi there! 💫 First off, I have to mention that English isn't my native language, so translating can be quite a struggle for me at times. You know what drives me absolutely crazy? I’ll translate a sentence and the meaning is spot-on, but the feeling just seems to vanish into thin air The intonation is off, the emphasis gets lost, and I just can't seem to capture that exact impact I’m aiming for. It feels like I can't quite convey the emotion I’m feeling inside to the other person. That’s why I wanted to ask: Is there a translation app you really love and trust? I’m looking for something that handles emotional texts, storytelling, or casual conversations well—an app that doesn't just translate word-for-word but actually breathes some soul into the sentence... Because I have to admit, I keep hopping from one translation app to another, but I haven't been happy with any of them. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I just give up and skip the story entirely ಠ_ಠ
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Draaamaaaa. I actually had so much fun wrting this, I really live to write arguements. Anyways Jason's joining fr this time!!
(I apologize for spelling mistakes, English is not my first language!)
Tw's: Underaged drinking, creeps, mentions of getting drugged, I guess hints at talking about suicide? Read at your own risk!
Ever since Jason came back everything had been different.
He could remember how good his relationship with Bruce had been, how badly he wanted to hang out with Dick, how close you and him used to be.
Everything has to come to an end though, right?
He had been so hurt, so angry, so alone when he got back. Everyone seemed to have moved on, not giving a shit about him anymore, while he went to hell and back. Then all the shit with Bruce happened too which didn’t exactly fix anything.
He couldn’t have that good type of relationship with any of you anymore, he went his own way and he let everyone else go their own way. Sure he still worked with them at night, but he was never around the manor, ever. That didn’t fully mean that he didn’t care though, now did it?
He kept an eye on everyone from a distance.
Especially on you.
You were the only one without training, and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he did still care.
He always thought it was easy keeping an eye out for you. You were always the calm one.
You didn’t really make friends so you only ever left the house for school then you got back home.
Lately though? He had seen those friends of yours and he wanted to keep a closer eye on them too.
Who are these people and why did they show up out of nowhere?
He was there the first time you were skipping. He was there when you were getting robbed. Every. Single. Time.
That’s why he had been ready when you had your panic attack earlier that day.
He could see how you slowly but surely were losing yourself, he didn’t want to say anything because he was the same. Or had been the same.
He knew about the alcohol too, but it wasn’t something he would tell Bruce.
He knew how it would end up if Bruce got to know it too early and it would do no good for anyone involved.
So instead he followed you whenever you were out making sure no dumbasses came along to do anything, making sure that you didn’t do anything.
How had it gone from normal curiosity and teenage rebellion type of drinking to this though? He had no idea.
How the fuck did I miss this? This has gotta be the dumbest fucking shit she’s ever done.
He sat dressed as Red Hood on the roof of the bar waiting for you to come out.
When the big doors slammed up he perked over the edge of the roof to see a blonde man probably in his 30s carrying a younger girl out.
She was barely conscious.
“Side quest I guess.”
He brought one of his guns out, before jumping down, landing right in front of the man, who flinched and almost slipped on the snow covered ground.
That’s when Jason’s heart dropped. He got a closer look at said unconscious girl and realized that it was you.
What the fuck did you do?
“Let go of her.” He said, voice sharp and loud, not open for any disagreement.
The man looked scared shitless for a second.
“It’s my friend, I’m just helping her back home.”
With that Jason laughed.
“Bullshit, she looks like a child, now let go of her you fucking pedo.”
“How was I supposed to know that she's underage?”
Jason gave him a ‘be so fucking for real’ look, not like the man could see that from behind the helmet though.
“There’s no way in hell you look at her and see anything other than a child. Now let her fucking go, I’m not in the mood for freaks like you.” His voice angry, loud.
"Or what?” The man snapped.
“Trying to act brave? Continue and let’s see what happens.” Red Hood made sure the gun was visible as a threat.
The man paled, before letting go of you, shoving you to the ground.
“Fucking fine.” Then he ran away. Jason caught you just before you hit the ground.
“If I see as much as look at her, or do this to anyone else ever again, I won’t be as nice.” He yelled after the man who continued down the street.
He fired a warning shot against the ground, having the man throw himself in behind a dumpster.
Jason let out a laugh.
I’ll get him later.
He thought before putting the gun back in the holster and helping you down to the ground.
He put his hand on your forehead, only to feel how you were burning up.
Shit. He thought, before moving his hand to check on your pulse and your pupils.
“What the fuck did you take?”
Why do you keep doing this?
With that he wrapped both arms around you in a protective hold, hand behind your head to stabilize it, before lifting you up.
___________________________________________
You woke up with an extreme headache, almost like someone had hit it with a crowbar.
Mouth dry, it felt like you hadn’t had water in ages. You let your eyes fall open only to quickly close them again with a sharp hiss.
There was a big window on the opposite wall from where you were laying.
Even though you weren’t on ground level the snow and the clouds made the outside world look bright. It stung in your eyes.
You turned to the side and slowly managed to open your eyes again.
On the bedside table stood a water bottle, some protein bars, an apple, and on the ground a trashcan.
All of a sudden the nausea hit you and you quickly turned over to the trash can and let yourself throw up.
"Ew.” You murmured, feeling almost feverish.
Why am I so warm? I got drunk but it never gets this bad?
You tried to think back to your night. You could remember arriving at the club, dancing with some strange old man, you remember leaving for the bathroom.
The last thing you remembered was sitting down, then nothing.
You couldn’t remember leaving, not going home, not anything. It was all black.
Your stomach dropped down to your ass.
Panic rising inside of you at an intense pace, making you feel nauseous again.
Why can’t I remember?
That’s when you realized...
You took your time to let your eyes fall over the room you were in.
The room was overall very empty.
A small bed, just enough for one person standing by the corner of the room.
Next to the bed, was a small side table.
On the wall across from the bed was a window, and some curtains that for the moment stood open.
The walls were painted in a boring grey colour, and there was a dark carpet covering the floor.
Your eyes widened.
Wait. Where the fuck am I? Did I follow that creep? Why can’t I remember anything? Did he drug me? Where’s Jane and Anna?
Mind racing as you managed to stand up from the bed. Taking quick but shaky steps towards the door.
You carefully opened the door to see a small apartment. You didn’t have to register anything before a dark voice had you jumping out of your own skin.
You turned to see Jason standing there.
“Glad to see you alive. I recommend that you get back to bed, I’m still trying to figure out what drug that fucker used on you.”
You just stood like that, letting yourself breathe out a bit as your eyebrows furrowed.
It was a drug, huh?
“Why did you take me here?” Your voice hoarse. It hurt to speak, you tried to swallow a few times but that didn’t help either.
Jason scoffed, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Well I couldn’t exactly leave you with that big eared loser, could I?”
If it wasn’t for the overwhelming feeling of throwing up, or the fear that still held you in an iron grip you would have laughed.
He walked closer to you, grabbing your arm and helping you back to the bed.
His voice sounded so close yet so far away.
Nothing felt real.
“You should get some more rest, you’re going to feel like shit for a while either way.”
"Hey Jay?” He stopped to look at you.
“Do you have any painkillers?”
He shook his head.
“Nope, and even if I did you wouldn’t get any right now, I still don’t know what you were drugged with.”
Damn it.
You got back to the bed, and in a matter of seconds you were out again.
___________________________________________
The next time you woke up it was already starting to get darker outside.
You still had a pretty bad headache and felt dizzy but it wasn’t as bad as before.
You slowly got up and made your way outside the room again.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty, only took the whole day.” You could hear the sarcasm in his tone.
"Good news, the drugs should be out of your system, since it wasn't a big dose.”
“Okay great.” You still stood in the doorway.
Then you turned your face to him.
“Wait, where's my phone?”
He didn’t look up from where he was sitting, cleaning his guns.
“Confiscated.”
“What? Why?”
He stopped what he was doing and looked up at you.
“You’re not going anywhere tonight if that’s what you’re thinking.”
You scoffed.
"You can’t tell me what to do.”
"Apparently someone has to.”
You froze.
What?
“What are you talking about?”
He let out a sigh.
"You obviously can’t take care of yourself.”
The only thing you could hear echoing through your mind was ‘you’re a burden.’
You can’t do anything right.
You shouldn’t be here.
“And how do you know?” Irritation already blaring inside of you.
With that Jason looked at you again, bringing his hand up and counting with his finger.
"You’re skipping school. You had the world’s fucking panic attack the other day.
I know for a fact that you’re skipping meals. You’re drinking alcohol, to the point that you didn’t realize that fucker drugged you. You’re putting yourself in dangerous situations. Not once, not twice, but three times, Reader.”
He paused for a short moment, before something changed in his gaze, something sharper.
“How far will you take this?”
For a moment you just stared at each other. The tension in the room felt suffocating, you wanted to scream.
Then it hit you.
“Wait. How do you know all of this?”
He didn’t say anything at first, focus turning back towards his guns.
“I’ve been keeping an eye on you.” He said, more quiet now.
“Why?”
“Did I not give you a couple of great examples just now?”
Your eyebrows furrowed. He seemed to take notice of it, he let out a small sigh, and let his head fall back slightly.
“Because I was worried.”
Your arms hung at your sides, hands curled into tight fists as your nails buried themselves into your palms.
"Did Bruce send you?”
“No?”
“Dick?”
"No.”
"Alfred? Duke?”
"Reader–what? No one sent me?”
“Then why?” You felt something heavy in your chest. Something toxic, something that was trying to claw its way outside. Something that had needed to come out for a long time.
“You never even cared, you said so yourself.”
You could see his brain working, trying desperately to figure out what you were talking about. You saw the moment it clicked for him. The argument.
It was years ago.
You had just figured out that Jason was alive, and you had been so, so happy, a bit confused but happy.
The two of you had such a close relationship before he died, you were excited to have your brother back, to finally have someone to hang out with again, to finally have someone who cared.
Little did you know how much death had changed him. This was not the Jason you knew.
You still tried to get closer to him, multiple times, and eventually…he snapped.
“Leave me alone, it will never be the same again!”
“Jason, it's okay.”
“No it’s not– it’s not fucking okay! Just get lost!”
You had tried to step closer trying to give him comfort.
“I understand that you’re hurt.” You had tried.
“You don’t understand shit! I don’t need you, I never did.”
He had pushed you back. Not for it to hurt, but enough for you to stumble back a bit.
You heard a quiet “I hate you." As he stomped past you.
The words hadn’t hurt that bad when it happened, what had hurt was the pure look of hatred in his eyes, that told you exactly what he was feeling.
His words had still cut deep, and just like that, it was like your whole world fell apart, again.
You hadn’t been able to say anything back. Tears filling your eyes. You hadn’t been able to get any words out.
He had never raised his voice at you. Ever.
After that, you stayed away in every way possible, and so did he.
Now he sat on his couch, you could see that he also relived what had happened all those years ago.
“I didn’t mean that, I was just hurt and I took it out on–”
“No. You said so yourself, and you proved it in every single way.” Tears already welling up in your eyes again.
What is wrong with me, why am I such a crybaby. You’re a fucking idiot, Reader.
You refused to let them fall. It was your turn to say what you were feeling. It was his turn to listen. His turn to perhaps feel some sort of guilt.
“You never cared! And neither did the rest of the family.” Your voice got louder, nails still pushing into your palm, hard.
“Of course I care, would I have brought you here if I didn’t?”
“Stop fucking lying to me! Every single one of you completely pushed me away, for so many years. Why is it that the moment I start to pull away, the moment I get friends, actual friends. That’s when you show up?”
“I don’t need any of you to ruin this too!”
“We always cared, Reader, I know I messed up, but can you seriously blame me–?”
You interrupted him.
“IT’S ALL AN ACT!” You got surprised over how loud and broken your voice was, but couldn’t pay it any mind. You were too deep into this to be able to stop now. It was like a runaway train. You had been quiet for so long, now when you finally got all of it out you couldn't stop it. The hurt was too deep, too overwhelming.
Jason stood up from his spot on the couch, taking a step towards you.
“The only two people who ever showed some sort of care were Alfred and Duke, there’s nothing you can say or do to help me!”
He got closer, now standing face to face with you. Even though he was a lot taller you stood there, refusing to turn away, refusing to let him walk over you.
“I’m the one who saved you from getting robbed. I helped you through the panic attack. I’m the one who’s been keeping an eye on you since I realized that you weren’t acting like yourself, and yesterday–.” He made a small pause, taking a breath before continuing.
“I watched an old fucking creep carry your unconscious body out from a bar, so don’t fucking tell me that I don’t care!”
You took a breath, feeling blood starting to run through your hands, the tight grips you held your fists in, not letting go for even a second.
“Now all of a sudden everyone acts like they care, but guess what Jason, IT’S TO FUCKING LATE!”
‘IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE!’
Jason had used that exact line during their argument, years earlier.
Anger now flashing in his eyes.
“How are we supposed to help someone who doesn’t even want it?”
You let go of your own fist. It hurt, but you couldn’t even register it properly, adrenaline too high.
“You can’t help me either way.”
Everything was quiet. Both breathing heavily.
Neither of you had moved.
After a while he reached for your shoulder, grabbing onto it. Not hard, it didn’t hurt but his grip was firm.
“You need help, Reader.”
“Can you just stop treating me like I’m insane!”
“What do you want me to do then? Oh my sister who is UNDERAGE is ILLEGALLY drinking behind everyone's backs, and putting herself in danger – Reader, this is REAL LIFE, YOU GOT ONE LIFE.”
You scoffed again, tears still falling, anger closing your eyes completely.
“That’s not true for all of us though, is it?"
You could see him swallowing, trying to keep calm, trying to not lash out on you.
“You keep pushing everyone away.”
“Because none of you actually care.”
"Bullshit.”
"Bruce only tarted caring after I stopped speaking to him, he believes that he all of a sudden can get a good relationship with me when in reality we all know it’s only because it's for his image.” Your hands were shaking as you held them close to yourself.
“The only reason he spoke to me about school in the first place is because he can’t have someone he shares his name with to fail school,!”
Jason let out a short, dry laugh.
“You think he doesn’t care? Reader, that’s the same guy that’s been losing his damn mind for the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”
You shook your head, still trying not to cry.
“Where was he before then? In fact, where was anyone? You died and honestly everyone else seemed to come with you.
Then you came back and everyone had a great relationship with each other EXCEPT FOR ME.” You took a shaky breath
“FUCK I WISH I HADN’T MET ANY OF YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.”
Tears were falling freely, you were full on sobbing in front of the taller man.
Jason opened his mouth but quickly closed it again, as if he didn’t know what to say.
“I should have ended up like her.”
Memories of your mother flashing in front of you. You were scared, but you weren’t alone till the day she died.
At the manor you could feel safe, but you had never in your life felt as alone as you did there.
Jason went completely still, anger vanishing from his face.
For a moment it was like time had frozen in the small apartment.
No one said anything. Didn’t even make a noise. You were scared that if you breathed too loud something worse would happen.
“What?” He suddenly said, breaking the silence.
You let out a tearful laugh, it broke halfway through.
“I said, I should have ended up like her.”
He got quiet again. Anger completely gone from his face, now replaced with something else, something softer. You couldn’t put a name to it.
“Don’t. Don’t fucking say that.”
“Why not?” You snapped back.
“I’ve been there. You do not get to decide that for yourself."
He was still frozen, as if he didn’t dare to move. You took your chance and kicked his ankle as hard as you could, before running out the front door and down the stairs.
Jason, who was not expecting that, was actually caught off guard and didn’t react until it was too late.
“Reader!–what the fuck!–.”
You ran as fast as you could, out the front door and then you just continued out, no jacket, no shoes, only wearing the black dress from last night and the hoodie you had packed down.
You ran over the snow covered ground, it was cold, it hurt, but you didn’t care. You just needed to get away.
He doesn't have the right to show up now.
None of them does.
You had no idea how long you ran, but you didn’t stop until you physically couldn’t go any further.
Your legs and feet looking bruised because of the cold.
You hadn’t realized that it hurt because of the cold. The adrenaline had been way too high.
You had managed to get into an alleyway, leaning against it as you put your hands on your knees breathing heavily.
What do I do now? I can’t go back to the manor in case he shows up there.
I could call–.
That's when you realized that you still didn’t have your phone.
I wouldn't be able to call Jane or Anna either ways, he could come looking for me there too, and I'm not in the mood for another argument, not this early.
You sighed. The cold eventually got to you, you shivered as you started walking down the alleyway.
Good thing you had been a kid out on the streets once. You could do this.
“I never want to go back.” You murmured for yourself, sobbing loudly. Finally letting the sadness take over completely.
The only good thing that ever happened to me was my friends, and now I don’t dare to go to them anymore either.
You made your way down the streets of Gotham. Exhausted, hungry and cold.
You didn’t even know if you actually wanted back to the manor at all. There was no coming back from this now.
If Jason told anyone about your argument they would know everything and you couldn’t handle the acting anymore.
‘You can talk to us, Reader.’
‘If anything is going on, don’t hesitate to call me’
‘You wanna join us for dinner?”
“Yeah right.” You muttered as you rolled your eyes.
You ended up at a bus station. It wasn’t even near the center of Gotham so it was pretty dead. 2 or 3 people getting on the bus at most.
You just sat there, on your knees trying your best to warm your feet and legs. Hand shoved into the pockets of the hoodie.
What the fuck do I do now?
You stayed put, not wanting to go by the manor or anywhere where they could find you easily. You didn’t want anything to do with any of them, especially not now.
You knew they would find you eventually, they were detectives, but that didn’t mean you had to make it easy for them.
I won’t be able to stay out here though. I’ll freeze to death.
You looked around for a while.
Wait, isn't there an old motel further down this road? How the hell did I get money as a kid?
You thought about it. You really didn't want to steal from anyone, you had never enjoyed that, even as a kid when you had no choice. Trying your best to get food and medication for your mom.
Your morality and your survival instinct fighting against each other like crazy. At the end of it your morality won. You couldn’t make yourself do it.
After resting up a bit you decided to start walking again, after about 30 minutes you finally found an old abandoned building. You climbed into one of the broken windows.
It smelled like an old dusty house, with a sharp scent of metallic.
Your nose scrunched up in disgust, but it was the best you had, so you accepted it.
You started to feel dizzy again and you could feel yourself shake violently. Even though you were freezing you felt feverish and warm.
You stumbled into the corner of the old kitchen, and slumped down behind the kitchen island.
Sleep took over quicker than expected.
Even though you were completely alone now, it didn't feel as bad as it used to.
You wake up at Wayne Manor one day to find everyone mouring your death.
You can''t touch anything, no one can hear you, you're constantly cold. On top of that you can't seem to remember anything from your last mission, expect for the feeling that something terrible was left unfinished.
With the help of Zatanna you might be able to find out what exactly happened and warn your family before it's too late.
(This fic will be out shortly, I want to finish atleast 5 chapters before I post chapter 1! )
You feel it as your fingers move across the piano, faster and unexpected and passionate.
The last time you felt like this was when you were with Jon, riding away with Polly and you had felt so happy.
You don’t remember the last time you played the piano with such passion though, it feels foreign now, the music, the art of soul. Perhaps it's because you forgot yourself in the Manor, or maybe because you had objectifed the piano there rather than humanize it with melody.
You smile - if you can call it that. For the first time since being with Jon you feel whole again, somewhat healed with David.
You reach for a key, but press the wrong one instead.
And maybe, David is like that wrong key but he’s better than Bruce ever was. Maybe, you might be putting too much faith into him but between the both of them you chose David anyday. After all, he was the one helping you get your powers back again.
You press the right key this time, before turning back to the one infront of you.
It's been two weeks now, and you can feel it - your power- in you sometimes.
It surges at night, pulling you into vivid dreams that feel more nightmares but it's okay. You don’t flinch at the nightmares because they aren’t real but also because your entire power is a nightmare.
Anyone who had the power of darkness, death and destruction should be prepared for the consequences.
Your arms feel sore but you keep pushing on.
Somedays you feel pain when your power surges. Headaches, stomach aches and every scar on your thigh feels like it's been opened up again, deeper this time.
You don’t dare come out on those days. You can’t let anyone see like that.
David comes in anyways, probably because he has attachment issues with you after a whole decade apart and he always comes with chocolate.
Your fingers are trembling.
It's still strange to you, how affectionate David can be. Especially after he sat through the entire Harry Potter movies with you as you somewhat sniffled and cried into your pillow when Snape died.
You had realized later that you had become more vulnerable and less numb than you remembered. You also realized how long you had been clean for.
Measure 82, you only have 8 more left.
David had been cutting back on the blood solution for a few days. You both knew that he was afraid for you.
He didn’t want you to die and for the first time in a while you didn’t either.
You hadn’t said anything to him yet but if he cut it back anymore you would. You had to get your powers back.
Your wrist made a cracking sound.
And whoever Ross Finora was, you knew that if you got your hands on him, you would not hesitate to kill him.
Because this life right now, with David and this piano and this will to live was sacred to you.
You weren’t going to let anyone ruin this for you.
Hi Readers!!!!
Exams are over and I am back for the better!!! Yes I know I said longer chapters but this is supposed to be something like a internal monologue before the BIG stuff happens.
Since there are only 4 chapters left until ACT III I would like to ask you guys if you want me to change the original formatting from 10 chapters ever ACT to less chapters. Please comment the amount you think would be better.
I'll be back very very very soon with the next chapter! Who knows we might even see Ross!
~Elsya
Sorry for spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.
Tw: Alcohol, underagedrinking, getting drugged, panic attacks, mentions of slight selfharm?? fucking creeps? I might have missed some tw's so read at your own risk!
The next couple of days had been weird. You had tried to avoid Bruce as much as possible, not wanting to get into another confrontation for at least a couple of weeks.
Before his mission there had barely been any problems with avoiding him. You saw him at dinner, and maybe sometimes around the manor, but not often.
Now it felt like he was seeking you out, waiting around the corner. Every time you took a step outside of your bedroom he seemed to be there. It both irritated you and stressed you out.
“I found this food place downtown, if you would like to try it out?”
“Could you help me with this thing?”
It just kept going. You desperately came up with reasons why you couldn't.
Not wanting to end up in a situation with Bruce again you actually decided to go to school. You sat down by your desk, it didn't matter how hard you tried, it was like the teacher was speaking another language.
What the hell is going on?
You tried to take notes, but it was like you had forgotten how. You suddenly realized how far behind you actually were.
When did they start talking about this?
You felt the anxious pit grow inside of you.
How the hell am I supposed to get back on track if I’m this far behind?
Will I ever be able to?
I'm so fucking stupid.
What is wrong with me?
I can’t even do this right.
I'm useless.
You felt your nails dig into your arms hard enough to hurt. The panic kept growing. You still managed to stay, but during the next class you had a math exam.
You used to be good at math. Now it was like the numbers were floating around in your head. You didn't understand.
The panic started to build up again, hands shaking, tears forming in your eyes.
You couldn't breathe, you COULDN'T
BREATHE.
You got up from your chair, quickly packed your stuff down and made your way to the door.
The walls of the classroom suddenly felt too small, everything was blurry. You couldn’t hear anything, then again you could hear everything.
Someone turned a page, someone coughed, the clock on the wall ticking way too loud.
“Miss. Wayne?” You could hear the teacher's voice behind you, but just barely, it sounded so far away.
It was like you were drowning, like the floor was pulling you down, each step heavier than the first. Almost like there were chains around your feet, refusing to let you go no matter how hard you tried to get out of the death grip they held on you.
Everything was too much, the noise was too much, you felt so, so warm, and so lost. You wanted to hit your head against the closest wall, the sound of faint footsteps from other students that you usually would pay no mind to were so overwhelming.
Suddenly you felt a hand on your back. And a darker voice, still blurry.
You let out a sob, and felt your hands shaking.
“–athe, you gotta breathe.”
“I'm serious, you're freaking yourself out.”
At last you managed to calm yourself down, breathing still heavy, as if you just ran a marathon. You were sweating and freezing at the same time, and you were still shaking.
“You good?” That's when you realized who the voice belonged to. Not dark or firm enough to be Bruce's, not soft enough to be Dick’s or Duke’s.
You looked up for a moment to see Jason sitting there, eyes boring into your face, unreadable.
“Can you hear me?”
You couldn't reply at first, it was like you hadn't spoken before. You looked around and reqlized that you weren't even insied anymore. You sat out on one of the fields behind the school.
“What–what are you doing here?”
You managed to get out with a shaky voice.
He shrugged.
“Was in the area.”
The two of you fell quiet for a while, while you tried to get your breathing under control.
“What was that about?” He suddenly asked, it caught you off guard.
Is he really asking?
You just shook your head.
“Not important.”
He let out a scoff, almost sounding like a laugh.
“Right. You walked out of the school, completely freaked out, barely knowing how to breathe, and it's not important?”
You didn't reply, exhaustion taking over completely. You had no energy trying to handle his fake concern now.
You slowly stood up on shaky legs.
“I'm going home, thanks for the help.”
He just looked at you, as if he was looking for something.
“I could give you a ride, my bike’s just around the corner.” He brought his keys out and swung them around his fingers.
“No, it's fine, thanks though.” You started walking away, when you realized that the footsteps were following you.
“You sure? Not sure how comfortable I am with letting you leave like this. Bruce would kill me.”
“Yes, I just…I need to go.” Your voice was harsher now, too tired for this shit.
He put his hands up in a gesture as if telling you to calm down.
“Yeah okay, whatever, don’t say I didn’t try.”
Of course you don’t.
You didn't say it out loud, just continued your walk back to the manor.
___________________________________________
When you got inside it was quiet.
Thank God. You thought.
You wanted to sleep for an eternity. You saw Alfred coming out from the kitchen as you took your coat off.
She looks completely drained, he thought.
"Would Miss like some food?” He asked.
You gave him a smile, you knew it didn't look real, but you didn't want to be mean. Not to Alfred.
“No thank you.”
There was tension, there was never tension between you and Alfred. Maybe a bit during his confrontation that one night, but that wasn't too bad either.
This felt weird.
“How was school?”
“It was fine.” It was the only thing you got out.
“I'm going to my room.”
“Of course Miss, tell me if you need anything.”
You nodded before making your way to your room, still feeling his eyes following you.
Alfred waited till he heard your bedroom door close, he sighed and turned back to the kitchen.
He thought about how you had looked at him, a small smile, not reaching your eyes. Your eyes looked so dull, so empty, dark circles under your slightly red eyes.
Miss has always been a poor liar.
___________________________________________
You let your bag fall to your floor, you didn't even change your clothes before you let yourself fall down on your bed.
It didn't take long till you fell asleep.
___________________________________________
Hours later, Bruce got back from work. He got inside to, like you, be met with Alfred.
"Welcome back Master Bruce.” Bruce could see something in the old man's face, something was on his mind.
“Thank you Alfred, is everything alright?” He asked.
Alfred looked him dead in the eyes.
“Miss Reader went to school today.”
Bruce's first instinct was relief.
Something good. But the look on Alfred's face quickly turned that relief into worry.
“Was it–how was she?”
Alfred did not answer immediately.
“Tired.” It was all he said, Bruce was just about to turn towards the stairs.
“I should probably talk to–” Alfred grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
“Very tired.” That gave Bruce everything he needed to know.
“Did something happen?”
“She did not tell.”
Concern kept growing.
After their chat Bruce made his way upstairs to his office, having some papers to take care of.
He walked past your room and stopped for a short moment.
Should I try to talk to her either way? Try to fix this without pressuring her?
He eventually decided to not do so, scared that he would pressure you too much.
I texted her earlier, so she knows that I would like to talk later, I'll let her rest for now.
___________________________________________
It was evening when you woke up again.
You still felt tired, disoriented, and had the world's headache.
You groaned.
Fuck that was bad.
The anxiety hadn't left completely either, it sat like rocks at the bottom of your stomach, making your whole body feel heavy.
You picked your phone up to see multiple missed messages, most of them being sent hours ago.
Bruce:
When do you get home? We need to talk.
You ignored it, knowing fully well that you wouldn't be able to speak to him like that for a while. Especially not after today.
Steph: Wanna join for a movie night tonight?
You:
Sorry, I don't have time.
Steph replied after just a couple of minutes.
Steph: Aww u sure? We would love it if you joined:(
You:
Yeah sorry, some other time maybe.
Then you opened the text you had from Anna and Jane.
Jane: Anna just found this really cool party tonight, you're joining right?
Jane: Reader you good? Why are you leaving me? 😩
Jane: Do you hate me? JK, you okay? Haven't seen you for a couple of days.
You had some messages from Anna that looked pretty much the same. You replied to Jane first and were surprised over how quickly she saw the messages.
You hesitated with the reply. You wanted to go, needing the distraction, you felt like shit.
Then again, the chance was bigger to end up in trouble now than before. You sat like that for a while trying to figure out what to do, eventually you let the thing that would make you feel the best win.
You:
I'm so on!
Jane:
Little miss WHERE have you been?
You:
Asleep, sorry I had a bad day.
Jane:
Really? Wanna tell me about it? We could meet up, get ready together and talk shit? We could even do a pre - drink.
You:
Sounds good to me.
And with that you packed some stuff down. Not wanting to have to explain where you were going you climbed out your window, then Jane texted you. She asked if you had any alcohol you could take with you, since her mom had locked all hers away.
You thought about it.
We definitely do have it, but if I get caught I'm fucked.
You eventually decided not to chicken out. You also wanted to do something for them since they always had been there for you.
The drinks you had been trying had mostly been Jane’s, or Jane's mom more likely, you had no choice but to repay them sometime.
You knew that there was a big liquor cabinet downstairs in the lounge.
To get there you needed to get down the stairs, down the hallway and past the kitchen.
It was usually empty, most people hanging out in the movie theater, kitchen or the cave.
You brought your bag with you, just in case.
You quickly made your way down the stairs. Further down the hallway you could hear Damian and Tim bickering as always.
You hurried past the kitchen where Alfred was working on dinner.
You peeked into the living room and when you saw that it was empty you hurried in through the room to get to the lounge.
It was easy to get to the liquor cabinet and you weren't too sure what exactly you took.
One vodka bottle and something else that you had no clue about. You quickly put them in the bag and closed it.
You realized that it would make a lot of noises when the bottles bumped into each other so you quickly got your hoodie off to put it between them.
“Miss Reader?” You flinched at the sudden voice behind you, you turned to see Alfred.
Oh shit. Did he see?
Your mouth felt dry.
“Yes?”
His eyes flicked down to your bag and then back to you.
If he realized he didn’t say anything.
“Are you not staying for dinner?”
“Uhm nope, I'm going to eat with a friend.”
“Alright. You haven't stayed for dinner for a while, I just wanted to make sure that you're eating as you should.”
At that you smiled.
Alfred, always so caring. He always thought about stuff that others usually missed and you respected him for it.
“Thank you Alfred, I promise I’m eating like I should.”
When was the last time I had a real meal?
You had been so caught up with everything else you hadn't even realized that the last couple of weeks had been about smaller snacks and not a single full meal.
You thought it was fine though, the appetite wasn’t really there anymore.
The thought of food made you feel sick, and when you actually did eat you felt like throwing it up.
“Alright, will you be out for long?” He then asked, getting you back to reality.
“Oh yeah, we were thinking about having a sleepover, since it's friday and all.” You lied as casually as you could.
You hated lying overall. It was even worse that you did it to Alfred.
One of the people you always had seen as family, and that you always had and always would respect and love.
For a moment you thought about leaving the bottles again, this didn’t feel right, just as fast as that idea came up it disappeared.
You couldn't just not give anything to Jane and Anna for how nice they had been?
“Alright then.” He was just about to turn but stopped dead in his tracks.
Your heart dropped, did he know?
“Did your father speak to you yet?”
“Uhm, no. Well he did yesterday but nothing else.”
He nodded.
“I do hope that you understand we’re all here for you no matter what. If something is going on I would gladly help you.” He said it so casually you felt your heart break.
This didn’t hurt in the same way as when the others said it. You almost believed this but something told you to still keep distance.
“Thank you Alfred, I know.”
His eyes focused on you, something softer taking over his gaze.
“Do you? You do not need to say that to make anyone else feel better, you and your feelings are just as important.”
Shit, I’m gonna cry. It’s gonna be so embarrassing, get it together Reader!
Your eyes did in fact tear up, but you managed to keep them from falling.
You could only nod in response, the moment you would have opened your mouth you would start crying.
“I wish for you to have a goodnight, and Reader–.”
“Yes?”
“I might be asking for a lot, but please be patient with your father, it might not seem like it, but he is trying his best.”
With that he left, and you stood there for a moment. Completely at a loss as to what you were doing in the first place.
Right the alcohol.
You made your way up the stairs again and got into your room where you packed down clothes and makeup before you left.
This time throughout the front door instead.
___________________________________________
“This the place?” You asked as you, Anna and Jane showed up outside the bar.
You wore a shorter black dress, heels and your hair pulled up in a ponytail, hoops in your ears and simple yet messy makeup.
Darker eyeshadow and eyeliner, but a softer pink coloured lipstick.
Definitely not an outfit suited for the cold winter.
A thin layer of snow had formed onto the ground. Even though it was freezing you knew how extremely warm it would be inside.
Jane wore a shorter, dark leather skirt. A dark top and a fur jacket. Her beautiful reddish hair lying over her shoulders as perfect as ever.
Anna wore a jeans skirt, a burgundy leather top and heels to match it.
Hair messy in a beautiful and stylish way.
“Yup, it's supposed to be awesome.”
Jane smiled and the three of you walked in.
Everything was fine at first. The three of you danced around like you always did, you drank, you sang and you laughed.
You enjoyed it, the panic attack from earlier, the fear of Alfred realizing that you stole the alcohol, and you desperate attempts to get away from your father’s weird attempts to connect, it all was so far gone, and you loved it.
The longer into the night you got the more you felt like you were losing control.
At one point you could see Anna making out with someone you couldn’t see the face of.
Jane had gone somewhere else.
You ended up dancing with some random people. Part of you felt extremely uncomfortable, another part of you couldn’t care less.
The further into the night you got the more the anxiety disappeared.
The guilt about stealing the alcohol and lying to Alfred now long gone.
You got over to the counter to get something more to drink when a man, looking somewhere in his 30s, came up to you.
He had short, light hair, a slight beard stubble over his chin, and blue eyes.
“Hey beautiful, you wanna dance?”
If you had any better sense in the moment you would have said no immediately, but your brain felt too gone.
“Sure.”
With that you followed him onto the dance floor, pushing through masses of people.
Not caring about anything else, for the moment you just lived. A while later you excused yourself to go get an actual drink, the warmth starting to get to you.
You sat down not realizing that the man had followed you back. You ordered your drink and he paid.
"Who would let a beauty like you pay?”
He gave you a smile, but you paid him no mind.
“I really like you, you know.” You didn’t reply, too busy with your drink.
“You’re not like other girls I’ve met.”
You almost laughed at that.
Alright buddy.
“You wanna get out of here?” You looked at his hopeful eyes and suddenly felt disgust forming inside of you.
“I gotta pee.” You got off of the chair and managed to get to the weirdly empty bathrooms.
At this point you could barely remember your fucking name, the dizziness got worse.
You sat down against the wall trying to get the spinning to stop, and then came the intense tiredness.
Holy shit, I’mma pass out.
I didn’t even drink that much? I should be able to handle more–.
You breathed out heavily, sweat prickling at your forehead, the lights feeling way too bright even in the small, dark bathroom.
I should call Anna, or Jane or someone else–.
Your vision darkened and you passed out, slumping down against the wall.
You couldn’t tell if it was your own imagination or not. Not really being able to tell anything at all in the moment, but suddenly it felt like arms wrapping around you, and a quiet voice saying something you couldn't make out.
The voice was quiet, soft, but not safe.
Without opening your eyes you tried to push the hands away, but your arms felt too heavy, and then everything went dark.
Just wanted you to know that I love your series How Did I Miss This? It’s such and interesting story and reminds me of the movie Thirteen (2003) HEAVILY esp with reader and the mc of the movie with some slight lore differences. Anyways amazing work!!!
AHH THANK YOU! Reader is in fact mainly inspired by Tracy from Thirteen. (I fucking love that movie so I'm glad you picked up on that.) She's also inspired by some people I've known and some past things I've experienced.
I wanted to make her relatable and bring focus to the people struggling with mental health issues that don't have the right people or surroundings to actually heal.
Thank you sooo much for reading and for all the support❤️
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Dick Grayson is concussed during a huge terror attack over the whole city and is forced to watch as the one person he loves walks straight into the danger.
Word count 1,3K
Hurt/no comfort
Lowkey might make a part 2? This was fun to write.
Not putting any tw's, be aware!!
‘Fire reported by the bank.’
‘Multiple explosions all over the city.’
‘Emergency services urge civilians to stay indoors.’
Your eyes were glued to the tv, eyebrows furrowed in worry as you listened to the poor reporter standing out in the middle of it all.
You heard an explosion right outside the apartment which made you flinch a bit.
Next to you on the couch was your fiancé, Dick Grayson.
He laid on his back, one leg hanging down on the floor. One arm covering his eyes while the other laid over his chest.
He had stayed in that exact position for at least 20 minutes now. Normally you would have laughed at him but you felt bad.
He moved a bit, and then hitched in pain, and you moved quickly to his side.
“Shit…” he murmured.
“How are you feeling?”
“Not good.” He got out, he managed to bring the arm covering his face down, and looked at you as you started stroking some of the hair out of his face.
“Concussion, I can’t move.”
You hummed as you continued stroking his hair.
“Is he still going?” His eyes moving to the tv and then back to you.
You let out a sigh. “Yup, his men are all over the city.”
Dick got quiet for a while before he continued.
“He planned this.” You gave him a surprised look.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve fought Blockbuster, he knew that I would have a chance to stop him fast, that's why he did this to me first.”
You nodded along, showing that you were listening.
“One damn hit, that’s so pathetic.” He whined, before he flinched away again.
“Oww…”
“Careful, just stay down.”
“I look so stupid now, don’t I?” He asked as he threw a small glance at you.
You nodded slowly. “Yeah, you do.”
He gasped. “Excuse you.” You let out a soft laugh.
“Don’t worry you're still cool.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah– not as cool as Red Hood though.” You teased him.
“Hey take that back!” He genuinely sounded offended, but he didn’t dare to move his head, or talk too loudly.
“I’ll go get a blanket for you, don’t move.” You said, he muttered out something that you couldn't hear.
You got into your bedroom and grabbed the blanket on your shared bed. You then looked out through the window to see another huge fire, and people running away in panic.
You knew that Dick had warned you from Blockbuster before.
“You should stay away if you can, leave that to me.”
But seeing everyone so scared, so helpless, that made you remember why you did what you did every night.
With that you turned to your closet.
————————————————————————
[Dick’s POV]
“Here you go sweetheart.” Her soft voice could be heard from behind the couch.
Before a familiar comfortable warmth covered him.
Dick didn’t dare to turn his head to look at her. Scared that it would cause even more pain.
“Thank you.” He managed to mutter out.
He felt so bad and disappointed in himself for not being able to stand up and go save his own city, but he physically couldn’t do it right now.
Other heroes had already been called. Who? He had no clue about who, which he hated, but anyone that could was needed.
That’s when he realized that you hadn’t sat down on the couch again.
“Reader?” He asked.
That’s when he saw you standing on the other side of the room, by the window leading to the fire escape.
His eyes were still blurry, and he felt dizzy so it took awhile for him to realize what exactly he was looking at. Then he saw it.
You looked right at him, eyes soft, almost sad.
You were wearing your hero suit, mask held in hands, comms in your ears, and ready to head out.
No. Absolutely not.
His eyes widened, and he tried to get up. Normally he would shoot right up, but that was impossible right now.
He groaned as he managed to sit up, still unable to open his eyes for a good couple of seconds. He kept them clenched tight together, he felt how his eyes were watering, and the almost overwhelming feeling of throwing up.
“What are you doing?”
She didn’t reply at first, just standing there, looking at him with her beautiful eyes.
She turned her gaze down to the mask, held tightly in her hands.
“Dick–”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“I have to go.”
He managed to push himself more upright than before, hitching in pain again, eyes closing for a moment.
“Stay down, you’re hurt.”
“You can’t go.”
He could see her eyes filling up with tears.
“People are trapped, they’re hurt.”
“There are explosions and fires everywhere. Blockbuster is out there. It's dangerous out there, Reader.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“No you don’t. This isn’t a normal patrol. There are explosions, buildings are collapsing, it’s all over the city.”
“You really think that little of me?”
With that Dick froze.
“No–no that’s not it, but I don’t want you out there, I can’t lose you out there.”
She didn’t reply. Dick felt his headache and nausea creeping up.
“There are other heroes.”
“I’m also a hero, they need more people, I can do it.”
Dick tries to stand, to no avail. The moment he got to his feet the room spun violently, making him grab the edge of the sofa tightly.
He looked up at her.
“Reader, please?”
He could see that her heart broke at the sight of him. At hearing how desperate his voice was.
She turned her face away from him.
“I have no choice, you know that.”
“Yes you do.”
“I can’t stay here while people are dying.”
“I would be out there if I could–”
“I know you would, but you can’t.” Her voice was soft as ever, but he could hear how she wanted to cry.
“That’s why I have to.”
Dick’s eyes watering in the mix of pain, and fear.
“Please don’t– you can’t make me sit here and wonder if you will make it home.”
She looked down at her mask, before meeting his eyes again, and his heart dropped, he could tell that she had already made her choice.
She got closer, kissed his forehead and letting her hand hold his chin.
He grabbed her wrist, trying to make her stay.
He knew that he wouldn't be able to hold a fight for more than 2 seconds, but he refused to let his hold on her. She seemed to know that too. Because just like that she pushed him down onto a sitting position on the couch again.
He groaned in pain.
“Ow, shit.”
Then she was out of his reach.
He managed to turn his head to her again. Eyes full of tears.
“Please.” Was all he got out.
She didn’t say anything at first, just looking at him, on the verge of crying.
“I love you.” Then she was gone.
The fire escape rattled beneath her feet.
Dick tried to get off the couch, to get to the window, to stop her, but the moment his feet landed on the floor he fell to the ground. Hard.
Pain exploded in his head. He tried to crawl towards the window.
“Reader!” His head was still pounding.
Everything got black in front of his eyes, but he couldn’t stop now.
As he finally managed to get himself up by the window, the fire escape was empty.
He was sweating, panting heavily, and trying not to pass out.
He leaned his forehead against the cold wall, before murmuring, on the verge of crying.
“Please come home.”
With that his vision darkened, the sirens outside fading away, he felt how the world finally slipped away.
This chapter was supposed to come out yesterday but I didn't have time:(
Sorry for spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.
Tw's: Mentions of not eating, mentions of alcohol and more. Read at your own risk!
What was supposed to be only a couple of weeks long mission got delayed to 1,5 months. Bruce felt exhaustion take over his body the moment he stepped into the cave.
He was met by Dick, Jason, Cassandra, Stephanie, Damian and Tim, in suits, discussing something. All turned towards him as he walked in.
"Took you long enough.” Jason murmured.
“There were problems with a bunch of stuff.” Was the only reply he let out as he made his way further into the cave.
"What have I missed?” He asked as he stood among his children.
"It's been mostly calm lately, but there was an Arkham breakout a couple of nights ago.”
Dick paused and Bruce stood still as his eldest son continued explaining all the details.
“Scarecrow escaped. We haven't found him yet, but we think that he's planning something big since there hasn't been a single attack yet.”
"Alright.”
“We can take over for tonight, you just got back home.” Dick cut him off. Before Bruce even had a chance to argue he was pushed towards the stairs.
“Okay, but if anything happens you come and get me.”
“Yes, now go!” Stephanie joined in this time, and waved him off.
He made his way through the hallway and towards the stairs.
Duke is probably asleep by now so I won’t wake him. Reader is most likely studying though maybe I should let her know that I'm back.
Guilt suddenly hit him.
It was such a rush I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye before I left.
He hadn't even realized that he had walked there, but suddenly he stood outside your door.
Hand raised as if he was thinking about knocking. He stopped just when he was about to do it, normally he could see light coming from under your door, but it was dark so he decided not to.
She’s asleep then? I don’t want to wake her.
With that he took a slow step back and continued down the hallway towards his own room.
Not knowing that your room was cold and empty, you hadn't been there for hours.
___________________________________________
The next morning Bruce made his way towards the kitchen. Alfred sitting by one of the chairs sipping on some tea.
“Welcome back Master Bruce.”
"Thank you Alfred.” He poured a cup of tea himself, before sitting down by the older man.
“It is good to have you back.”
"It’s good to be back.” He froze for a bit, he could sense that there was something the man wanted to tell him.
"Did something happen?” With that Alfred put his cup down. He hesitated and in reality Alfred had no idea how to start.
“It's about Miss Reader.” He suddenly got out.
“What do you mean?”
Alfred was probably the calmest person he knew. The butler knew how to handle himself, and most situations for that part. There wasn't a lot that stressed him out, so seeing him really think about how to bring this up made Bruce's heart sink a bit.
“What happened?”
Alfred sighed.
“I did not want to bring this up to you. I trust the young Miss and that she can handle herself.”
He paused for a bit, eyebrows furrowing a tiny bit.
"But it has come to my attention that she has not been in school…for a while.”
With that Bruce raised his eyebrow.
The same girl that would lock herself into her room for hours nonstop to study?
The same girl that always wanted to be on top of her class?
The same girl that refused to stay home from school because she hated missing a class?
He thought to himself.
Then again he knew that Alfred wouldn't have told him unless it was true and he actually was worried.
“I tried speaking to her a while ago, and she said it was nothing special and that she would fix it.” He paused again, still having a calm expression.
“Now I’m not so sure, I barely see her anymore.”
Bruce didn't know what to reply.
"What do you mean? Where has she been?”
“I'm not all too sure, she made some friends that she’s been with for some time.”
Bruce's eyebrows furrowed this time.
This does sound weird, especially for Reader. He thought.
“I'll talk to her when I see her.” With that Alfred nodded, and both men sat in silence, only noise came from the old clock on the wall.
___________________________________________
You woke up by 10 pm. You had been out the whole night and had only been able to get a couple of hours of sleep, your brain not wanting to shut up enough to let you get rest anymore.
With the appetite missing as always you quickly got dressed and were just about to make your way out the door when someone knocked.
"Yes?” You asked, too tired of anyone's bullshit. The door slowly opened to reveal your father. You were at a loss for words for a short moment.
When the hell did he get back?
“I'm back.”
You nodded. “Yeah I can see that.”
“Can I come inside?”
You froze for a short moment. Stuff like this hadn't ever happened before, not what you could remember at least.
Why?
"Yeah sure.” You made a gesture with your hands as if telling him to come in.
He did.
He sat at the edge of your bed.
“I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before leaving for the mission, it was very last minute and you weren't home.”
You nodded. “No it's okay, I get it.”
He looked at you, reading your face like he would do while confronting a villain, trying to figure out if they were lying or not.
"Are you sure?” You nodded quickly.
“Yup, It's fine.”
It got quiet for a moment. The uncomfortable feeling growing in your stomach.
Something was coming, What exactly it was? You had no idea, but something was.
He cleared his throat.
He does not want to be here right now, why is he forcing himself?
"I spoke to Alfred.”
Oh…Oh.
“He said that you've been skipping classes.” He didn't sound angry, and he didn’t sound disappointed. You knew you couldn't trust that though.
“Uh yeah.” You didn't know what to reply to that.
"Is everything all right?”
“You're not the type to miss school, at all I mean.” He added, calm as ever.
You looked down at your hands in your lap for a moment.
What the fuck do I even say?
Bruce continued studying you.
“How many classes have you missed?” You still refused to meet his eyes as ypu shrugged.
“I don't know…a few?” The short silence between felt way too long, it was suffocating.
"That's not an answer."
You let out a sigh, feeling the overwhelming feeling taking over.
I need out, let me out.
"I don't know.” His expression was still glued onto you, the same calm unreadable look as before.
"You don't know?” You shrugged again.
“No, I don't.”
The room got quiet again, but not the normal type of quiet, the loud type of quiet that made you want to claw your own skin off, the type of quiet that made you feel like everyone knew everything, everyone was judging everything.
He stared. "This has been going on for weeks.”
The anxiety started to turn into irritation.
How fucking dare he show up now?
“So what?”
“So this is not normal, Reader.”
You couldn't help but let out a short, dry laugh.
"It's funny, you know?” A short pause.
"Nobody noticed until now, like you said. It's been weeks.” As good as he was to not show emotion you could see the way he tensed up for a second.
You couldn't tell if it was because of what you said or if it was because of how fast the words got out.
Is this really how she's feeling? For how long?
“Reader–” he tried. You put your hand up.
"It's fine.”
"That's not what it sounds like.” With that you stood up.
“Because of what? Some missed classes?”
“Because of failed classes.” This time you were the one to tense up, you knew that he noticed.
There he had it, a real, genuine reaction.
"You used to care about school.” You swallowed, it felt like you swallowed glass.
“Well, people change.”
"Not that quickly” His voice stayed calm, but his eyes narrowed slightly.
“Maybe I just got tired.” You turned quickly, tears prickling the corner of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall.
“Tired of doing so much all the time and for what? It’s not even worth it at the end of it.”
“What do you mean?”
You turned your head for a moment before looking back at him, pure exhaustion taking over your features. You just wanted to sink into the ground.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Before he could reply any further you turned to the chair by your desk and grabbed your bag.
“I need to go.” You didn’t wait to see his reaction, nor to get a reply for that matter, you just hurried out the door and down the stairs.
Leaving him all alone.
___________________________________________
Bruce watched you hurry out the room, as he stood up.
“Reader–” Bruce tried but you were already out the door. He left the room and made his way towards his office instead.
She looked so tired, he thought.
Not ‘I didn’t get any sleep tired’, not the type of exhausting that goes away with a couple of nights of good rest. This is something deeper.
He sat like that thinking for God knows how long. Trying to figure out how to approach you without pushing you away.
Is it just that she’s overwhelmed with school work? Or is there something deeper to it? Have the others noticed anything?
Thought after thought making its way into his head, he tried to come up with solution after solution.
What would fit her the best? And that’s when he realized. He had no idea.
'Nobody noticed until now.' Your voice echoed through his head.
'Like you said, It’s been weeks.'
Guilt washed over him. You were right. He had no idea.
If Alfred hadn’t told him, would he ever have known at all?
With that he left. As he got into the living room he could see Alfred cleaning, dusting off the furniture. The older man turned towards him, he didn't say anything but Bruce knew that he wanted to know how it went.
Bruce stood in front of him, arms crossed above his chest.
"She's hiding something.” Alfred gave him a look, before returning to dust of the shelves.
“I believe that the young miss is hurting.”
Bruce's eyebrows furrowed again, confusing coming across his face.
"But why wouldn't she tell anyone?”
Alfred got a pained look on his face.
"Maybe she felt like she couldn't.”
"I don't know what to do.”
“Try to listen to her.” The older man replied at last.
“I was listening–.”
“No sir, with all due respect, you were looking for answers." Before Bruce could defend himself.
"I know you sir, it's always the same.” With that the older man turned back to the cleaning again, and Bruce left the room.
He had decided what he was going to do.
___________________________________________
Bruce decided to speak to the rest of the family to see if they knew anything. He waited until the same night in the cave, knowing that most of them would be down there and that you definitely wouldn't.
He got down to already see Tim, Damian, Cassandra and Duke in there, deep in discussion.
They turned when they saw him, greeting him, behind Bruce came Stephanie.
“Yo B is back!”
She threw herself inside the room and hurried over to Cass who gave her a smile before hugging her back.
"Yes we can see that.” Damian replied, rolling his eyes at the obvious confession.
Not wanting to drag it out any further Bruce decided not to wait for the others to show up before asking.
“Is something going on with Reader lately?”
They turned back to him, looking back at each other before Tim spoke up.
“I guess? I'm not sure to be honest.” Bruce waited for the younger man to explain what he meant.
“She's been out more recently and I know for a fact that her grades have been dropping. I asked Alfred after he brought it up.”
“Wait dropping? How bad are they?” Steph asked, confusion taking over her expression as Bruce nodded along, he could see there was something else Tim wanted to say.
Tim hesitated, eyes moving from Stephanie to Bruce and back to Stephanie again.
“Bad” he started.
“Not failing every class bad– but for Reader this is bad.”
“I don't know if this is a common occurrence, but she also ended up in a robbery and injured her arm.”
What?
“When was this?” Tim let out a breath.
“I don't know–a couple of months ago?”
Then Damian spoke up.
“I have barely seen her the last couple of weeks.” Then he quickly added.
“When I do, she's tired, and she has become sloppy.”
“What do you mean ‘sloppy?’ Duke joined in. Damian turned his face slightly to look at him.
"She's distracted… and forgets simple instructions” He shrugged as he said it.
“The other day I asked her to feed Titus. She forgot.” Stephanie took her time to join in this time.
“I feel like she doesn’t ever want to hang out either. She did before but now she's always busy with something, not sure if that's concerning though.”
Genuine sadness flashed in her eyes then she added.
"I haven't seen her laugh, like actually laugh in so long, nowadays I get a small smile at best.”
The door opened and in came Jason and Dick.
Irritation radiating off of Jason as Dick had one arm around his shoulder, going in for a side hug.
"Let me go Dickface.” He groaned.
“Awe I know you actually love this Jay.”
The moment they saw the rest of the family they got quiet.
“Damn who's funeral–” Jason started before Dick hit his shoulder to get him to shut up.
“What's going on?” Dick asked, sensing the tension and immediately tensing up.
“We're talking about Reader.” Bruce said firmly.
With that it was like something clicked for Dick, his eyes widened as he got closer.
"Thank God it's not just me then.” He started.
“What do you mean?” Bruce turned to fully look at his eldest now.
"She's been avoiding me.”
"Avoiding you, how?”
“Well we had this argument, and I really wanted to apologize but she straight up refused to be in the same room as me.”
Dicks face shrunk as he spoke, it was like it melted down from the usually positive mood he tried to keep up. He continued explaining about the argument and how it started, and about the conversation they had, and how it didn't feel right afterwards.
"Thinking back at it, she's been pulling herself away even before the argument.”
“You see? It’s not just me then!” Steph exclaimed. Duke raised his hand slighlty to get the attention from others.
"I’ve realized that too. We used to have movie marathons every Friday, but I never see her anymore." Before anyone could say anything else Cass cut in.
"Sad.”
"You've noticed that?” Bruce asked, looking at the shorter woman.
She nodded.
“Long time, trying to hide it.”
Bruce could see that she wanted to say something else.
"Not eating.” She said it quietly, as if she just wanted to get it over with.
With that alarm bells started ringing in his head. The other things could be because of school stress, and it definitely wasn’t good either, but not eating was serious.
He didn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue.
“She’s losing weight, thinner.”
How did I miss all of this?
Bruce then turned to Jason for a moment, as if he was waiting for another option.
Jason let out a loud sigh, arms crossed over his chest as he looked Bruce dead in the eyes.
"Don't ask me, I haven't been around the manor unless it’s for patrol.”
"Weren't you the one who saved her from the robbery?” Tim cut in.
"Yeah, but I haven't actually been around her.” He then added.
“She’s been looking tired those times when I’ve seen her though.”
Then Duke couldn’t keep it in anymore.
“I knew that she had been skipping.” He fiddled with his fingers as he spoke.
"I didn't tell anyone at first, I asked her about it and she said it was nothing and it did get better for a while.”
He turned to look at his family members.
"Then I realized she got back to skipping. So I told Alfred about it…”
"She doesn’t know that I’m the one to inform Alfred first though, she thinks that the school did it.” He seemed guilty, sad.
Why hasn't the school informed a guardian yet? Bruce thought, noting that he would have to take that into his own hands.
Cassandra put a hand on Duke’s shoulder for comfort.
"It's good that you told an adult about it.” Bruce said looking at Duke, who still looked so, so guilty.
"Yeah I know–kind of feels like I betrayed her though.” Duke replied.
“If I know Reader right, she wouldn't be upset about something like that.” Bruce stepped closer and rested his hand on Duke's shoulder.
"But do we know her?” Duke interrupted, taking a moment to look around at the others.
"Because right now it does not seem that way.”
And Bruce agreed.
“I know, and I agree with you.”
He paused for a bit. He looked around the room and that's when the thought hit him.
He was the only one who hadn't realized anything.
I'm the parent. I should be the first one to notice, mission or not.
"I'll try to talk to her tomorrow again.”
"Again? You already spoke to her?” Dick cut into the conversation again.
Stephanie made a small dramatic gasp before she said “you? Having a conversation, by free will?” Which Bruce ignored completely, eyes focusing on his eldest instead, who stood with his arms crossed.
"Yeah, earlier today.”
“How did it go?”
A small frown came onto Bruce's lips, invisible for anyone else, but for those who knew him it was clear as day.
"Not well– she stormed off.” He started.
“Do we know how long this has been going on for?” Stephanie's voice sounded firm, and unusually serious.
't’s been weeks’
Your voice echoed through his head, and the guilt almost got overwhelming. With that they decided to let it go for now, wanting to focus on patrol and trying to figure out where Scarecrow had gone, none of them really letting the conversation go completely.
On the other side of the comms Babs had been listening intensely, her concerns starting to be proven right.
I don't think I should tell him about the alcohol just yet. I'll let him handle this first and then carefully mention it.
Barbara knew how Bruce worked. He cared a lot and wanted all of them to be doing okay, but if he suspected something he had the talent of turning it into an investigation.
Reader needs someone to talk to, and to be there for her, not another detective.
i don't like the way you people talk about addiction. i don't like the way you people talk about bpd. i don't like the way you people talk about eating disorders. i don't like the way you people talk about paranoia. i don't like the way you people talk about ocd and intrusive thoughts. i don't like the way you people talk about cluster b personality disorders. i don't like the way you people talk about autism. i don't like the way you people talk about disabilities. i don't like the way you people talk about lesbians.
Took a bit longer for me to get this chapter out. BUT IT'S OUT PEOPLE!
The other chapters should come out quicker though since I'm almost finished with a bunch of them.
I think this is the last 'slow' chapter for a while? Shits about to get more intense from here.
Sorry for spelling mistakes, English is not my first language, and I finsished this at 4 AM.
Tw:s Blood, alcohol, underage drinking, mentions of perverts, mentions of past abuse and suicide. Read at your own risk, I might have missed to mention something!
A couple of weeks had passed since you had your first drink. At this point it had started to turn into a common occurrence.
It scared you at times, but once the alcohol finally settled, taking over all those worries, you couldn't care less anymore.
You enjoyed it. Screw the major headache you would wake up with, screw the exams you didn't study for, screw family members that now were trying to read you off like an open book.
They never cared before, you wouldn't give them the right to do so now.
You still tried to keep a balance with Barbara, knowing that she's keeping an eye on you.
She had a whole TED talk about why alcohol was dangerous and blah blah blah.
You had agreed with whatever she said. You had also tried to hang out with her some of the times when she had asked you, desperately wanting to get her off of your back.
You had also managed to get attendance warnings from your school too now.
Below them came email after email.
Assignment overdue
Assignment overdue
Assignment overdue
Then an email from your physics teacher that you always had liked.
Mrs. Davids
Hello Reader.
You’ve stopped showing up at school, and have multiple missed assignments. I do not want to pressure you, but if this continues you will fail this class.
I know that you're a good student, if you need to talk to anyone I am also here for you.
Best regards Mrs. Davids
You felt a bunch of different emotions running through your body. Partly warmth and happiness from her caring, but the knot inside of you grew bigger when thinking about failing.
You only sighed before turning your phone away from you.
Whatever, it’s too late now either way.
Jane and Anna had gotten even more encouraging with you drinking, happy with you finally joining in, and helping you push away the thoughts of school when you explained how fucked up you felt for just giving up.
“It’s fine, you can always catch up later, just let go for a bit, live a little.” Jane had said.
“Isn't this funnier? Instead of working to pure exhaustion.”
You had started sneaking into nightclubs which brought you into a whole new world.
Being able to scream along to songs with your friends, being able to get free drinks from desperate old pervs who didn't have any better to do, only so you could sneak away from there without them noticing.
You had been dancing and joking around with Anna and Jane the whole night, laughing like never before. You felt yourself getting warmer but you didn’t care, you loved this feeling.
No one in that room except for your friends knew you, therefore they couldn’t judge you.
At one point Anna tried to get someone to buy her a drink, the guy got irritated for no reason and glared at her before leaving. Anna looked at you and Jane with an expression saying
‘what the fuck just happened?’
She had looked so offended you couldn’t help but fold over with laughter.
You finally felt free. You didn't need a family for that, you didn't need to dress up in suits and fight bad guys every night to feel free.
You took another shot and Jane cheered for you. Arm slung around Anna's shoulders, as the shorter girls were bobbing along to the loud music in the background.
It was warm in the room. People dancing around, drinking, making out. They were everywhere, they were way too close.
If this was you a year ago, you would have had a full panic attack just at the sight of the room.
The smell of alcohol brought back too many memories from before you moved to the manor.
Flashbacks of your dad’s yelling and your mother’s pleading voice for him to calm down.
Memories of how he threw her against the wall so hard that the shelf on the side fell down over her. Memories of how he pushed you and pinched you. How he raised his voice at you if you made a slight mistake, and then?
Then the memories of your mother’s last days came along.
She couldn't get out of bed. You would spend most times trying to get money or food while she stayed in.
"I’m just a little sick.” She would say, voice weaker than ever before. She would run a hand through your hair in comfort, before she fell asleep.
Then came the day that you found her in the bathtub, bleeding out from the deep cuts along her wrists.
The music sounded distant, you grabbed onto the closest wall, trying to breathe.
Everything was blurry. You were suddenly aware of everything in the room, how extremely close random people were standing, how hot everything was, the smell of alcohol made you feel ill for a moment.
Then Jane's loud and happy cheering cut through your spiraling, pulling you out.
You grabbed onto that distraction as fast as you could.
You shook your head. No time to think about that. You joined in on Jane's cheering, before, despite the state you were in. You started to sing along to the music.
Jane let go of Anna and grabbed your shoulders, the two of you jumping in place, keeping eye contact, and wearing matching grins.
The night ended with the three of you stumbling out from the bar, still leaning onto each other and still singing loudly.
The moment you stepped outside you had a feeling like someone was watching you. That's a feeling you've had for the kast couple of months, but you had always brushed it off as paranoia.
Even though you weren't a vigilante, the paranoia from said family members had certainly rubbed off on you.
The feeling was overwhelming in a way and had you turn around to look, yet you didn’t see anything.
You let out a small huff, before turning again.
It’s probably the alcohol.
The feeling still not leaving.
___________________________________________
You finally made it back to Jane's place where you would stay over the night, not daring to go home to your house full of detectives.
Her mother still sleeping soundly on the couch. Jane turned to you and Anna and put her finger above her lips as if telling you to keep quiet.
The three of you managed to get into her room and close the door without waking her up.
The three of you quietly cheered inside of the room before you and Jane got to the bed while Anna laid down on the couch. She leaned towards the armrest, eyes tired.
“I'm proud of you man.” Jane said, grinning at you. You couldn't help but smile back.
“What do you mean?” You asked, genuine confusion making its way across your face.
“You're drinking with us, I never thought you would, it always felt rude to do it without you.”
She stumbled over her words but you understood what she said.
You nodded along, smile fading a bit.
“Honestly, I enjoy it a bit but…” You took a moment to finish, not knowing how to explain it.
“It's a bit triggering I guess, and I feel bad for lying to my family?” You felt like your brain was turning into goo. Not being able to keep up with what you said and what you hadn't said yet.
Jane put a comforting arm on your shoulder.
“You can't let stuff like that stop you from living.”
You nodded along, showing that you were listening.
"So there's nothing to worry about, it's triggering for me too, it reminds me of mom, it's worth it though."
A hiccup interrupted her before she continued.
“They might actually be trying now, but where were they before?” You tried to think but your thoughts didn’t exactly want to form.
“Idunno.” You replied, focusing on your hands in your lap.
“I still feel guilty.” With that Jane rolled her eyes.
"You always do. If you keep worrying about stuff like that, you'll never get the chance to live.”
She jokingly gave a small nudge on your shoulder before lying down on the bed, it didn't take long for her to fall asleep.
You turned to look at Anna only to be met with her sleeping form as well, back turned towards you.
With that you also leaned back down and slowly but surely let sleep take over.
___________________________________________
The next morning you wake up with the headache of a lifetime. You groaned and rubbed your eyes, you turned to see both of your friends still fast asleep in the room.
You breathed for a moment before bringing your phone out, multiple missed texts from Alfred and Barbara.
Alfred
You are not home yet, please let me know that you’re alright.
You sent a quick reply to Alfred, apologizing and telling him that you were on your way back.
Then you clicked into the messages from Barbara.
Barbara
Are you home yet?
Barbara
Reader?
Barbara
Just checking in, let me know that you’re safe.
You groaned, and slightly flinched when Jane's voice cut through.
"How are you feeling?”
"Like I'm dying?” You replied, voice hoarse. She laughed at that.
“What's up? You seem stressed out.” She sat up, and leaned over to you.
“Barbara keeps checking in.” You murmured.
Jane hummed.
“That's weird, don't get me wrong but it didn't seem like you had any relationship at all a couple of weeks ago, and now she just?”
You nodded.
“No I know, she caught me drinking once and now she is watching me like a hawk.”
Jane hummed again, before turning to put her hair up.
“Funny how they show that they care first now.”
You thought about it.
She does have a point.
“Yeah.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it alright? She just means well.”
You gave her a smile. Then the two of you tried to wake Anna but to no avail, only almost getting a foot to the face and a grunt in the process.
Still feeling sick from yesterday you then rushed into the bathroom to throw up.
Jane patting your back in a comforting manner, holding your hair back from your face.
“Yeah, you'll get used to that.” You groaned but gave her a thumbs up in a reply.
After a tough process of getting ready and drinking a lot of water you were finally ready to leave.
You hadn't gotten back to Jane's till around 4 AM, you thought 8 hours of sleep would be enough but apparently not.
Right before you were about to leave Jane's house you still had that knot in your tummy, not feeling up to meeting Barbara and being a part of her interrogation.
“Reader, don’t worry about it. Listen, you’ve got us now. If things still feels bad when you get there, you can call.”
“Yeah thanks, wish me luck?” You asked before giving her a hug, that Jane happily returned.
Your brain still felt like goo, your steps heavier than ever.
The constant overwhelming feeling of throwing up threatened you the whole way to the manor.
___________________________________________
It was Saturday, you knew that most people would be out, hanging out with friends, going on trips, some working etc.
Bruce was still out on his mission that had been delayed and you knew that Alfred was away for the weekend, visiting an old friend of his.
You thought sneaking in without getting noticed would be easy, but apparently not.
“Reader?” You cursed yourself as Barbara's voice echoed through the hallway.
You made your way towards the stairs in an even quicker pace, when she made her way out from the living room.
You stood halfway up the stairs with your back turned against her.
"Did you have a good sleepover?" She gave you a hopeful look.
Here comes the guilt
You thought as your stomach twisted.
"Uh–yeah, it was nice.” You turned, so you could look at her, not fully facing her.
“Did you do anything fun?”
You quickly tried to think of something. Knowing that if you stayed any longer she would understand everything.
I'm surprised that she hasn't figured it out already.
“Oh yeah, we had a movie night so I’m really tired.”
The lie came so naturally now, it almost scared you. A couple of months ago and you would’ve been shaking like a leaf.
Now you stood here steady as ever and straight up lying to her face as if it was nothing.
She nodded.
“Yeah I can imagine.” She let out a small laugh.
"You go get some rest, I'll see you later.” She smiled at you and you gave her a hasty smile back before walking the rest of the stairs as fast as you could without feeling too dizzy.
“Yup I'll see you around."
"Oh and Reader!”
You turned back, heart dropping down to your ass.
"You should stay inside a bit more, Scarecrow has escaped and we don't know where he is yet.”
You nodded. "Of course, thank you.”
“And uhm–I’m glad you're home.”
With that Barbara left, you stood there just trying to process it, before you continued the walk to your room.
___________________________________________
Barbara knew you had been drinking.
She saw the way you walked, how unsteady you were, how pale and how unfocused and tired your eyes were.
The cherry on top was the faint smell of alcohol that still came from you.
I still don't want to confront her, it might push her away even more. She thought as she rolled back into the theater where Dick and Cassandra were sitting.
I think I need someone to help me with this.
"She didn't want to join?” Dick asked, where he was sitting on the couch, remote in hand.
Barbara shook her head.
A couple of months ago Reader would have loved to join for a movie night.
“I didn't ask, she said she was tired, and she did look exhausted.”
Cassandra gave a sad look, before leaning back against the couch.
“Oh, long night?” he asked.
“You know it.”
Dick is not the right person to tell. He'll want to fix it immediately and push her away.
Barbara's gaze turned to Cassandra.
Not Cass either. She would be great at keeping an eye on Reader, but when Cass worried, it could get intense.
The dark haired girl always wanted to help in every way she could.
As Dick started the movie on the screen Barbara was still lost in thoughts.
"When is Bruce getting back by the way?”
She suddenly asked.
"Any day now I think, why?”
She shrugged. "I just realized he's been gone for a while.”
Dick hummed.
“Yeah they had to drag the mission out.”
“Shh” Cassandra interrupted, finger in front of her lips as if telling them to be quiet.
“Sorry.” Both replied.
Maybe Bruce would be a better option, he is the parent after all?
The anxiety didn't completely go away.
She looked thinner, didn’t she? Her hoodie was practically hanging off of her, and more than usual. Or is that my paranoia?
Barbara bit her lip slightly before turning to focus on the movie, attention being on everything else instead.
___________________________________________
Thank you for reading! After this everything will only get worse so get ready for that!
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Chapter 7 is here! I listened to MLP songs on repeat throughout the whole thing.
Barbara is also FINALLY getting introduced!
(Sorry for spelling misstakes, English is not my first language.)
TW's: Alcohol, underage drinking. Read at your own risk!
You sat on your bed, your brother sitting in your chair by the desk, using his feet to turn himself from side to the side.
“I don't want to pressure you” he started.
He hesitated for a second, trying to figure out what to say, foot shaking slightly against the floor.
"I'm sorry for how I acted the other night–I never meant to get angry, I just–” he turned his gaze to you as you laid down on your back, not wanting to keep eye contact with him.
“You know it's not a good idea to walk around in Gotham, at night especially. I just thought about what could have happened if I didn't show up when I did and-.”
“I'm sorry I yelled at you,” you interrupted.
“And for all the things that I said, it wasn't fair.”
He looked at you dumbfounded, as if he was trying to figure out what you were saying.
"No that's– why would you apologize?”
"Because I'm the one at fault? If I hadn’t started the argument in the first place it wouldn't have happened at all.”
You fiddled with a strand of your hair.
“I reacted the wrong way and I'm sorry.” You didn't meet his eyes.
Guilt and embarrassment taking over.
With that he sighed and stood up.
He's already tired of me.
Instead of walking out the door like you thought he would, he got closer to you, sitting down next to you on the bed.
“You know better, and I know that you know that, you should have done anything but what you actually did, you could have called me."
You sat up, and he searched your eyes.
"You, if anyone, should know how dangerous this place is, especially at night," he continued.
You avoided his eyes.
“But I shouldn't have lashed out on you, I just got worried.” He swallowed.
“I was scared that they were going to hurt you, and I was angry at them and it just got too much.”
He genuinely looked upset. Regretful.
You didn't know how to respond.
"I still shouldn’t have said what I said.” You managed to say, voice shaking a bit.
He slowly nodded.
"I don't blame you for it, I pressured you, and yes it hurt, but I understand.”
Then his eyebrow furrowed a bit, as if he just realized something.
"You said something about how I pretend to care? Is that really how you feel?”
Eyes boring into you at this point.
You shook your head, giving out a small smile.
“No–it was just in the heat of the moment.”
You met his gaze, his eyes reading your face as if trying to figure out if you were serious or not.
His expression changed a bit, eyes softening.
"You don't have to say that just to make me feel better.”
"I'm not.”
“Reader–.”
You felt yourself getting warm, you knew that if you didn't do this right he would figure it out, and you did not have the energy for that.
"It's not like it matters.”
He crossed his arms over his chest.
"What doesn't?”
"Nothing.”
"Reader–”
His voice is more firm now.
“It's fine, I promise.”
He studied you. You knew he didn't buy it but for now you just needed him to leave you alone.
He understood that he wouldn't get much more of you for now so he leaned forwards and pulled you into a tight hug, one arm around your back and the other holding onto the back of your head.
He gave a small kiss on the side of your head.
“You would tell me if you actually felt bad right?” He murmured before pulling away, arms still holding your shoulders.
"I know that I've been bad at showing it but I do care, a lot. I want you to come and tell me if you're not feeling well, alright?”
His voice even more demanding at the end.
You nodded.
"Yes.”
“Promise?” He asked.
“I promise.” You replied.
He looked at you for another second before standing up again, making his way to your door.
"Okay–.”
"Maybe we could go out and get ice cream or something? Just the two of us, Or we could bring Duke too if you'd prefer that.” He asked just as he was about to open the door.
With that you smiled.
“Yeah that sounds good.”
He smiled back before opening the door and leaving. Just as he had left you let out a sigh. Smile fading.
Thank God that's over, you thought.
You knew that you could have told him the truth, but you did not have the energy for that.
I still don't feel like I can trust him. He just wanted to get on my good side, that's what he does to everyone else.
___________________________________________
Dick made his way towards his own room. He sat down on his bed and thought back about your conversation.
She was so off. What is it that she's not telling me?
He brought his phone out. Hesitated before pressing the call button.
“Yes?” The softer voice on the other side said.
"Babs, I need your help with something.”
The other side got quiet for a moment, before the reply came.
"What now?”
“I think Reader is hiding something.”
The other end got quiet again, movement could be heard.
"What do you mean?”
He sighed before explaining everything, as Barbara was listening patiently.
"She finally agreed to speak to me, but something was off, she kept pushing me away.” He ran his hand through his hair.
" I wanted to talk because I thought both of us would feel better afterwards but now I just feel worse.”
At this point he had stood up from the bed, pacing around the room.
" I could tell she was holding something back. She said she was fine but she didn't seem that way.”
Barbara hummed.
“I would pay even more attention to what she does rather than what she says.” She replied.
"Sometimes that could give you more information, even though she doesn't want to talk.”
Dick nodded along, still pacing around.
“Yeah I'll try that. Thanks Babs.”
"Of course, tell me how it goes.” Then she quickly added.
“Oh and Dick?”
"Yeah?”
"Don't overthink it, everything will be fine, she might just need some space for now.”
He swallowed.
"Yeah, you’re right, I'll try.”
“I know I am.”
He let out a small laugh at that.
Both said their goodbyes, and Dick put his phone down again.
I'll keep an eye out, but I'll give her some space from it.
With that he sat back down on his bed, still not feeling 100% secure.
___________________________________________
[Three weeks later.]
Three weeks had passed since your conversation with Dick, and honestly? Everything was going downhill.
The first week you and your brother had gone out to get that ice cream. Barbara had also started checking in at times, inviting you to hang out with her and the other girls.
You had politely turned her down every time.
You knew that the reason why she was asking you was because Dick had spoken to her.
If he hadn't said anything she probably wouldn't even have realized.
What felt like fake concern from your family had only gotten worse, you belonged absolutely nowhere.
You had started to fall behind a bit in school, you failed your last exam and could no longer keep up with homework or during the classes, which had led to you freaking out and skipping even more.
You felt like everything was going to hell, and you felt so helpless.
The only place you felt somewhat happy was with your friends, outside of your house, outside of your school.
You, Anna and Jane sat in Jane's room. Her mom wasn't at home and her sisters were working so you took your chance to get to hang out there.
You watched as Jane had brought out alcohol bottles, when she turned towards you and Anna she had a grin on her face.
“Because it's Friday?" She asked hopefully.
Anna clapped her hands together.
“Hell yes!”
They had definitely started drinking more since the first time, but it didn't bother you. In fact you felt impressed over how happy they looked as they drank from the intense smelling beverage.
"Is it okay Reader? We don't want you to feel left out.” Anna asked, Jane nodding along in the background.
You smiled at them.
“Of course it's okay, you ask every time.”
“Well we want to make sure you're comfortable every time.” Jane replied as she sat next to you.
“I appreciate it, but I have no problem with you drinking.” You let Jane lean against you, bottle still in a tight grip.
And this is how you found yourself in the situation you were in right now.
Hours later, Jane and Anna were a bit tipsy, mostly giggling at everything and asking weird questions.
You looked at the bottle that had ended up in your hand.
You brought it up to your nose and smelled it, face scrunching together as the strong smell of alcohol entered your nose.
I'm a failure.
I can't even handle school anymore.
Why am I always the black sheep?
Alfred must be so disappointed.
What is so wrong with me?
It was like everything in your life was slipping through your fingers, you were unable to hold on to anything good you had.
You looked at your friends happily chatting away with each other.
How does this make them so happy?
Your gaze turned towards the bottle again. Your eyebrows furrowed, a determined expression coming across your face.
I can't lose this too.
You hesitated for a bit, and then you brought it to your lips, swallowing down and then putting the bottle down on the floor.
It tasted even worse than it smelled, it almost burned a bit.
“Ew” you murmured, as both your friend threw themselves over you.
"Holy shit Reader! You tried it?” Jane asked, hanging over your back, making you laugh.
“Yeah, I wanted to see what the big deal was.”
"Aaannd?” Anna asked, giving you an intense stare, refusing to break eye contact.
“It's disgusting.” You coughed out. The other girls were laughing.
“Yeah it is, but it's fun!” Jane said, practically laying on top of you, before she slid off and sat next to you.
It was true, alcohol was utterly fucking disgusting.
Next time you tried it was 30 minutes later when Jane gave you the bottle again, you hesitated a bit again but not for as long as the first time. The burning feeling came back running down your throat and filling your stomach.
After that you kept taking sips, still waiting in between, but not for as long as the first time.
The taste never got better.
Neither did the burning feeling, but with every sip you took you could stop paying attention to it.
Hours later you also got a bit tipsy.
Jane had gotten a bit enthusiastic trying to teach you about drinks, shots and whatever she could.
You had gotten to try different things, some worse, some a bit better.
You definitely weren't drunk yet, but something about drinking made you feel so free.
If it had to do with the alcohol itself, or if it had to do with the adrenaline of doing something illegal, you had no idea.
You kind of enjoyed it.
For a moment you could breathe, you didn't have your normal anxiety, you didn't feel like you were in the way, you only existed.
The thoughts of Dick, and Alfred and school were far gone, it was like you were shielded from all the negative stuff.
And that?
That scared you.
Because you liked it.
____________________________________
[Back at the manor]
You stumbled in through your window, throwing your bag onto the floor and jumping in before sliding the window shut.
A loud thud had you squeezing your eyes together, before you let out a shaky breath.
You got further into your room, just about to change your clothes when you heard a knock on your door, and then a soft voice.
"Reader? Are you okay there?” It was Barbara
"Uh–yeah.” You replied, hoping it would be enough, but of course not.
"Could I come in?”
Dang it.
Just wanting to get it over with you let out a quiet sigh before going to open the door, only to be met with a kind smile.
She looked up at you, her hair looking like fire under the yellow lights in the hallway.
“Hi, are you sure you're alright? I heard noises."
"Yeah I'm fine.” Pulling your sleeves up over your hands so that you had something to play with.
"I just dropped my bag.”
Then you saw her react to something. You didn't understand anything until you realized that she had smelled the alcohol on you.
Fuck I forgot about that.
She gave you an unreadable look.
"Is that alcohol?”
You felt the anxiety grow inside of you again.
“Nope.”
She squinted her eyes at you.
"Reader–”
“I said no.” You replied way too quick for your own liking.
Lying to Barbara was mission impossible as it was, so you already knew that you were fucked the moment she knocked on your door.
"Okay.” She started.
“I won't interrogate you tonight, but we are going to talk about this later.”
You nodded along.
"Please don't tell anyone.” You murmured quietly.
“There's just been a lot in school, and I've finally made friends and I just wanted to try alcohol since everyone else already did.”
You rambled. She gave you another smile, and reached towards you to grab your hand in a light grip.
“I won't tell anyone, unless you give me a reason to be worried, you know this isn't good, nor is it legal.”
You matched her smile.
"Yeah I know, it won't happen again–I just wanted to try it.”
After a bit more reassurance, you both said your goodnights, and you closed your door.
You felt relieved, thinking that you in some way managed to convince her.
Barbara on the other hand? Decided the moment that you closed your door that she also would keep an eye on you.
This is so unusual for her.
It definitely could have been curiosity, but there was something in Reader's eyes.
It wasn't guilt.
It was closer to desperation.
She felt uneasy just thinking about it.
Something is up.
She also decided not to tell anyone yet, since this still only could be some sort of teenage rebellion.
She had also been a curious teenager once.
___________________________________________
The next coming weeks she reached out to you even more.
Hey, wanna come with us to eat?
How is school going?
And you started to feel the irritation starting to grow.
She had all those years to act like this? What has changed now? It's only because Dick told her something that's why she's doing this.
This time wasn't any different.
You had just eaten a snack in the kitchen when she got into the kitchen.
"Hey, me and the girls we were thinking about going out for dinner tonight, you wanna join?”
And with that you couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Dick asked you to do this, didn't he?”
She froze, not expecting that to be your reply.
“No that's not–.”
“It's okay.”
You gave her a small smile, not reaching your eyes, as you put your hands up in a gesture as if telling her to calm down.
“You don't have to pretend.”
As you stepped aside to walk out from the kitchen you quickly added.
Chapter 6 finally out! It took a little onger for me to finish this since I've had a bunch of exams and my sister has her graduation party.
I'm back for now though!
Tw: Read at your own risk!
Dick walked back into the manor, in a completely different mood than he had been in when he left.
His mind racing, his steps heavy as he made his way into the hallway.
Do I try to talk to her again? What if I mess it up again?
He stood there contemplating what he was supposed to do.
I should probably wait till tomorrow, and give her some space for now, he finally decided.
“What did you do this time Grayson?” Dick turned to see Damian standing there, arms crossed.
“What?”
“Do not play dumb, Grayson. I saw Reader when she walked in, and now look at you.”
“It's nothing, Damian. Just forget about it”.
With that he made his way into the theater again, sitting down next to Tim.
"How did it go?” He quietly asked.
Dick only gave him a small shrug before letting his focus fall back on the movie playing ahead.
The back of his mind was still racing.
What if I hadn't been there? Does she really not see me as her brother anymore?
He felt ill. What had he done?
I'll talk to her tomorrow, she can't actually believe that I don't care?
He decided, before leaning back against the chair again.
____________________________________
You were lying in your bed, too tired to go and do anything productive, but not tired enough to actually fall asleep.
You groaned before turning again.
Today started so well, why did it have to end like that? Why did I get so angry?
Guilt bubbled up inside of you at the thought of how sad Dick had looked afterwards.
He had saved you after all.
I'm so selfish…he should have left me out there….
Tears welled up in your eyes. Not necessarily because you were sad, more like a mix of tiredness, guilt and anger at yourself.
I'll have to apologize, I don't think he would like to talk to me anytime soon though.
Your eyebrows furrowed as your grip on the pillow in your arms tightened.
What would I even say?
With that you closed your eyes, and made another attempt at letting yourself fall asleep.
___________________________________________
[Days later]
You had been able to avoid Dick for about 2 days now. Making sure to listen for his voice or his footsteps before leaving your room, sneaking out through your window if needed.
It did help a lot that he didn't live at the manor and that he had work in Bludhaven, but you knew you would have to face him sooner or later.
You made your way across the lively streets of Gotham.
You stepped inside of Bat-Burgers to find Anna and Jane already sitting by a table in the corner.
You made your way over to them, a big smile spreading across your face.
“Heey!” You said excited, they turned to you, eyes sparkling.
"Hey Reader! I've missed you!” Jane threw an arm around you and Anna put her hand on your arm as you sat down by the table.
"Sorry you haven't gotten in touch with us these past 2 days, we've been sleeping nonstop since after Saturday.” Anna said.
“No it's okay, don't worry about it.” You gave them a small smile and nodded to show them that it was infact okay.
"Mateo's still on the family business thingy?” You asked, and both girls nodded to you.
"Yeah–not sure how long it's gonna take but by the sound of it it will take a couple of weeks at least.” Jane said, making dramatic hand gestures.
“Is he okay? Do you know what happened?” Concern filling your body.
Both girls shrugged.
"I Dunno, I asked his brother the other day, he didn’t say a lot. Just that we shouldn't worry about it.” Jane replied.
I hope he's okay? It must be serious if it's gonna take weeks.
Your thought got interrupted when a guy, not much older than you, placed a tray of fries and three drinks by your table, before leaving.
“Yeah we decided to order before you got here. Do you want anything else?” Anna asked as she grabbed her drink.
___________________________________________
At dinner that night you walked into the dining room and sat down next to Damian.
Your heart dropped for a moment when you saw no other than Dick walking into the room, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before you turned your gaze.
Thank God he's sitting on the other side of the table, you thought.
Soon enough there was chatter all around the room.
Duke, who was sitting across from you, was telling you some story from his basketball training, thinking about it you weren't sure what exactly he said, not being able to focus.
Tim and Damian arguing about something you couldn't bring yourself to pay attention to.
Dick telling them off.
Steph and Cass as always next to each other, Steph laughing at something loudly, as she slapped one hand over the table, Cassandra sitting and snickering next to her, before taking another bite of her food.
After dinner you hurried up to help Alfred put it in the kitchen. Both of you worked quietly.
Silence with Alfred wasn’t bad. It was comforting.
As you finished up washing the plates he suddenly broke the silence.
“Are you alright?” He didn't look at you, cleaning the counter beside you.
"Yeah I'm okay.” You replied, praying that you wouldn't have to explain any further.
He didn't say anything for a while, as if he tried to decide what his next words should be.
"Since Master Bruce is not here for the next couple of weeks it means that I'm your legal guardian.”
He started.
Uh-oh, where is he going with this?
“May you be so kind and explain to me why your teacher called to inform me that you've been missing classes?”
You froze.
Shit, How many classes have I been skipping? It hasn't been that many yet…has it?
You started spiraling. The problem wasn't even school itself, it was the fact that Alfred had figured it out. Then again, of course he would.
Is he disappointed in me?
“Uh yeah.” You desperately tried to find a good excuse.
"There's just been a lot going on lately, but I'm okay.” You quickly replied. Deep down you knew you couldn't fool the older man, but what else were you supposed to say?
Oh I'm just losing my shit completely, I feel like no one sees me and I am slowly but surely dying over here. OH and I also feel like school isn't worth it anymore.
He gave you a small nod.
“I will look past this since I know that you usually have everything under control–”
You breathed out.
“But I want you to know that if anything ever gets too much, I'm all ears, and so are your father, and your siblings too.”
Yeah right, they've definitely shown that.
You thought, as you finished up the last plate you turned towards him, giving him a smile.
“Yeah I know Alfred, thank you.”
You said goodnight to the butler and made your way up the stairs, just as you were about to open the door to your room another voice stopped you. You shut your eyes tight together before turning only to see Dick walking towards you.
An almost anxious expression on his face, playing with his fingers.
“Hey, can we talk?” He asked. It was unusual to see him like this, he was always so ‘playful’ and energetic, when he wasn't in leader mode and serious.
He never looked anxious. Never.
I completely fucked it up the other night though. You thought.
You didn't feel like speaking to him yet, or at all in fact. After Alfred's tiny confrontation in the kitchen you definitely didn't have the energy for another one now.
“Oh uh–I can't right now, I'm really tired.” You replied, hoping it was enough for him to leave.
“Just quick? I just really want to–” He got cut off by opening the door.
"Maybe tomorrow, goodnight.” Before he could reply you shut the door behind you.
You leaned your back against the door and breathed out as you let yourself slide to the ground, pulling your legs up and putting your arms around yourself as you let your forehead lean against the knees.
I'm the worst person ever.
___________________________________________
3 more days passed, you were surprised over how you had been able to avoid him for that long. For being a vigilante you found it usually easy to hide from him.
Then again you hadn't been by the manor that much for the whole week.
Now you and Jane were hanging out again.
You had just been to the movies and were now walking around out on the darkening streets, soda can in your hand, the beverage sloshing around inside of the can as the two of you walked side by side.
Jane's arm slung over your shoulder as she sang loudly beside you, you joined her for a bit before you had a laugh attack.
You had the time of your life, not knowing about the texts that right now were spamming your phone.
One text from Duke that you had answered.
Duke 17.30
We're having a family game night, we would love it if you showed up!
You 17.35
Sorry, some other time maybe?
And then multiple ones from your brother that you so desperately wanted to get away from at the moment.
Dick 20.15
Hey, when will you be back?
Dick 20. 25
We still need to talk
Dick 20.55
Am I not your favorite anymore?😩
A longer pause.
Dick 21.30
Could you at least tell me if you're okay?
The first messages you had ignored as much as you hated to admit it. The last ones you actually didn't see.
You and Jane sat down on a bridge down below you could see a bunch of cars on the highway.
If this was you 2 years ago you would NEVER sit here, knowing the risks. Now? Now you could only see how beautiful it looked, and how freeing it felt.
You leaned your head back, feeling the cold wind on your face.
“You've been off lately.” Jane's voice cut through your thoughts.
"Oh yeah, sorry, it's family stuff.” You avoided her gaze, instead focusing on the soda can in your hands.
She leaned closer, nudging your shoulder with hers.
"You wanna talk about it?” You shook your head, but ended up talking anyway.
“After I helped you back home the other night, my brother picked me up and uhm–something happened.”
You shook your hands in a dramatic gesture, quick, small movements. Jane just nodded along patiently.
“What happened isn't important, but we argued, and I just– why does he pretend to care now?”
Jane still didn't say anything, only letting you speak your mind.
“He wasn't there before, he only got back when Tim got adopted and he just completely pushed me away, hell I haven't seen him for over a month and now out of nowhere he cares?”
Your face turned red as you continued ranting.
"I told him I can take care of myself and he's all like ‘you're only 16’.” You made your voice darker as if you were imitating him, Jane let out a small laugh, but you paid no mind to it, completely lost in your thoughts.
"Like dude, I've basically been handling everything by myself since I was a kid, and I just– I don't understand why they're acting this way? It hurts.”
Your voice got more and more quiet and Jane squeezed your shoulder.
"Yeah–that would piss me off too.”
Her eyes widened for a bit.
“Don't get me wrong, I guess he's trying in his own way, but like–not in a good way.”
She paused for a second, hand clenching into a fist.
“Listen. Maybe–they're not bad people, but they're definitely not fair to you.”
You nodded along, before letting your head hang low.
“Maybe I'm just hard to care about?”
"No.” Jane leaned against you again, trying to give some comfort.
“It’s pissing me off, sorry for speaking bad about them in front of you but I would say this about my own mom too. Just tell me if I should stop.
She fiddled with her fingers a bit as she continued,
“but you deserve so much better. How can they be so selfish?”
You didn't answer.
“Yes you're 16. Yes you're still a child…but why can't they treat you like that?”
Anger growing in her voice.
"I don't understand what's wrong with me, I just– I can't accept the care anymore? I can't believe that it's true anymore.”
Voice cracking, turning into a loud sob. You turned your head and brought your sleeves to try and dry the tears before they had a chance to fall.
You felt Jane's arms wrap around you in a hug and with that you broke.
You cried like you hadn't done in years. Like you hadn't done since you found your mom dead in the bathtub of your old home.
"Nothing is wrong with you, I promise. They're just really bad at caring”
___________________________________________
[Back at the manor]
"Still no reply?” Duke came into the living room, Dick sitting on the couch, waiting for the rest of the family to arrive.
"Nope…” He hesitates for a second.
"I think she’s avoiding me.”
Duke stopped mid step before turning to the older man.
“What do you mean?”
Dick took a breath before starting to explain everything, from the morning when you meet, to the men out on the streets, to your argument, to how you always seemed to have something more important to do when he tries to talk to you.
"She's always running off to those friends of hers. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for her, she deserves friends and to be happy.”
"I just– she's never available anymore, and I know I've been gone a lot and I might not deserve forgiveness, but I want to make it better, but I can't do that, if she refuses to even be in the same room as me.”
Duke had sat down beside him during his rant.
“She's not only staying away from you,” he started.
"She's skipping dinner, game nights. We used to have movie nights just for me and her, but she's never home anymore.”
Duke gave a sad expression as he fiddled with his fingers.
“She’s been skipping class too…”
Dick turned to him with a raised eyebrow.
“Who? Reader?”
Duke nodded.
"No, what? Reader? Our Reader? The girl who always gives her all in school is skipping classes?”
Duke nodded again, more firm this time.
"Yes, I spoke to her before and everything seemed okay by then, but she's getting back to it. I think Alfred got a call from her teacher the other day.”
“Oh shit– no I really gotta talk to her, do you think this is because of me?”
Duke shook his head.
“No, I honestly think she's putting too much pressure on herself, she needs a break or this won't end well.”
They turned their heads at the same time when they heard the front door open, and footsteps making their way through the hallway, on their way to the stairs.
No one other than you showed up outside the opening into the living room.
Eyes still a lighter shade of red, and hands shaking. You looked at Duke, and then Dick and then Duke again.
With that your already spiraling got worse. You needed to get away, to get OUT.
You gave them a small nod as a greeting before turning to hurry up the stairs.
The boys turned to look at each other before Duke made a gesture with his hand as if telling the older one to follow you.
With that Dick threw himself up from the couch and hurried up the stairs , just as you were about to shut your door.
“Reader?” He asked, trying to get your attention.
“I don’t have time right now–.” You were just about to shut the door when his hand pushed it back open.
“No hey, wait, you’ve been avoiding this for too long, we need to talk.”
“But I'm tired-.”
“I understand that you're tired, but you've been avoiding me for a while now, please just let me explain.”
He made a gesture with his hand, pointing for you to show you to get into your room.
