it's not as easy as you'd think.

maybe with the time off i can do some painting, i did some drawing earlier today with a friend and that was nice.

i've been so focused on making it through the day for so much of my time lately that i've really really been disconnected from myself. the problem is i don't know how much i can address (feelings-wise) before i begin to spiral, which is always in the back of my mind when shelving anything away.

because we don't have a microwave, i have been having a hard time making/preparing myself food. usually i reheat food in the microwave and then toss it over rice but i've been having to double-cook the food which feels like a lot more effort, and on office days i have such low energy to begin with. i'm worried i haven't been eating enough but i also don't feel hungry unless i'm Very hungry because my body is just neglecting to tell me things, so i started drinking these protein drinks and eating cereal to ensure im getting the right vitamins because i have vitamin deficiencies that are leading to my fatigue in the first place.

thankfully i no longer have to pay rent and a half but my rent still does cost more than before by a not insignificant amount, and it's doctor appointment season (all the annuals, follow up for my derm, so much fun) which is good to do when i'm about to hit my deductible i guess?

i feel like my conditioning of fierce independence and keeping quiet because i always feared being seen as a distraction or a nuisance has been very challenging to navigate lately, especially when i had that breakdown at work.