Sometimes I hate my family. Theyâre amazing people, but I just donât agree with their beliefs. Iâm 100% supportive of GLBT rights, whereas I have to sit and listen to my grandpa bash out at then saying itâs not right. I have no problem with Blackâs, Chinese, Japanese, Korean people. I love them all. But my family think otherwise and it drives me crazy. I have huge insecurities about myself and my body. Iâve been made fun of me being âfatâ and âuglyâ. Iâve been made fun of because Iâm not"rich" and so I donât have designer clothing. But when I do get one or two, I get excited because then maybe for once I wonât get put down about myself. But no, they just laugh because itâs out of style now. I have huge trust issues, anxiety, depression, and paranoia. Iâm terrified when going into huge crowds. I just lock up. When Iâm at a store with someone and they disappear, I lose it. I start having a panic attack and start frantically looking around for that person. When Iâm in a store by myself, I have to sit in my car for almost an hour just for me to get the courage to even walk in there. Itâs absolutely the hardest thing for me to accept a complement. When someone does call me âprettyâ, â beautifulâ, âcuteâ, or âsexyâ, I automatically deny it and they get made. They donât tell me till after theyâve left. And that just makes me feel worse about myself. Well, youâre probably wondering why Iâm saying all of this, because it may seem like Iâm just trying to get sympathy or something. But I just want to make a point. My family always puts me down because of all the things I have. You would think they would be understanding and try not to, but they donât. They say Iâm not trying hard enough, or Iâm not trying hard enough to lose this weight. Though I am trying, not eating, drinking anything but water, outside doing something all the time, Iâm not trying though. Its hard for me to find someone who gets all of this and still calls my pretty or beautiful. But, my family doesnât like him at all because of his race. And it makes me mad. Because, it just feels like everyone doesnât want to see me happy, they donât want to see me be confident in myself and doesnât want to see me thrive. They just want to see me hate myself more and more and not be happy till I canât take it anymore. This boy makes me feel happy, and special. He tells me he brags about me all the time at work. That makes me think I am worth staying in this world. But, I know I have to leave himâŚ. Because of my family⌠I really do hate me and familyâŚ