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If you live in the USA and you're pleading for donations to pay your rent, bills, or get food then dial 211! Please dial 211 before the last minute!
It's a toll free service with people who will help you find programs in your community to pay those bills, find food, and find housing! They will give you numbers to call so you can get help.
It is not 100% foolproof. Their job is to direct you to a program they believe will help your current issue, but it's still a step up from praying random strangers online will give you enough cash before a deadline! The added benefit of these community programs, which get funded by the local government most of the time, is if there are more people using them then they can get more money to help more people.
You're not taking resources from other people if you use your community services. Your taxes pay for them. Use them.
Dial 211 first to see if they can help, and if for some reason they can't, then make your donation posts!
Hi I work for my state's 211 service. It really breaks my heart how many people only know to call us at the last minute. 211's can provide a whole wealth of resources to use before things ever get to a cut off utility, eviction, or homelessness!
I can't speak for all 211's but most should also have a website detailing all the agencies in their database. if you don't like phone calls, this can be something to reference instead.
If you don't have health insurance but you need to see a doctor, reference 211! We list clinics that provide free or discounted general care, vision, and dental services to low income households and people without insurance! Many hospitals also have financial aid policies that can severely reduce your bill if you had an expensive procedure!
If you're stuck in a dead end job or need educational resources reference 211! There are a lot of programs focused on providing basic adult education as well as trade skills or other high demand fields! State governments are generally more interested in funneling people into work than providing benefits, but you can still use this to your advantage especially if you have some form of disability but are still able to work. That includes if you're neurodiverse or have mental health issues! Most of these programs are extremely underutilized.
If you believe you qualify for public benefits but the bureaucracy of the process is in your way, reference 211! There are agencies specifically geared towards helping people obtain the benefits they qualify for- for free!
If you need help with your taxes-
If you need help finding a pro bono lawyer-
If you need help finding affordable housing/section 8 housing-
If you need help finding food pantries-
If you need help paying for your prescriptions-
If you need help obtaining disability aids or assistive technology-
If you need help finding transportation options-
If you need help following a natural or personal disaster (like a home fire)-
If you need help repairing a home you or your family owns or it needs modifications to be accessible-
If you need Queer resources-
Reference your 211!!!!!
I had no idea what 211 was before working for it but I wish I had. I've learned so much about what resources are actually available to the community even in a ho hum area of the country like my state. I've saved my partner literally thousands of dollars just from the medical resources I've gathered.
Not enough young people know about or utilize these services but they are there for you!
P. S.
This isn't an intended use of 211, but I like to reference the agency listings when I look for jobs. Many of the agencies listed are non-profits which, while they certainly are not perfect, generally have lower barriers of entry to decent paying jobs with benefits. The work environments tend to be much kinder and at least pretend to be forward thinking. You're more likely to find jobs without as many people applying as well, especially if they're only advertising their positions through their own website.
“but shrouded black figures are scary!” not when ur muslim. its the funniest fucking thing. this is labeled on pinterest under shit like “classic horror” “scary phone wallpaper”
but that LITERALLY just looks like a niqabi or someone in a jilbab. Like Look at this pic of me (from a self photoshoot, now w/o the dramatic lighting and dark background)
or this pic of me
or this pic of me
like its so funny i can’t be scared of shrouded figures it just looks like me.
I mean I think a part of the ‘scary background’ bit is the thing where the individual in question is staring directly at the viewer from a foggy pond in a dense forest. And also the literal burning halo
sounds like a normal Friday night. if a sister wants to go on a walk in the evening who am i to stop her. if she has a burning halo that’s the will of god.
It’s been a while since I’ve shared Holly Mop ‘talking’ and being sassy.
We’ve been spending a lot of time at Grandma’s house while the bathroom renovations are ongoing. In this instance, Holly Mop just woke up on the other side of the couch and was ‘grumpy’ I wasn’t beside her. Her little head tosses and stampy feet are very sweet.
ID: a small tan and beige shih tzu with dark ears is prancing around on a dark couch. She is growling playfully and tossing her head around and stamping her feet because she wants attention. A female voice talks to her, encouraging her to bridge the treacherous gap of the sectional couch. When the brave Shih Tzu makes it, she is rewarded with pets and there are lots of happy panting and sighs.
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I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.
-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a
~*Spiritual Experience*~
I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.
Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.
He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only
BARELY
enough space for the fireworks
and certainly none for his truck.
So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand.
This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.
He begins,
and this is crucial to what happens next,
by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it
unsecured
on his lawn.
Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.
His process for unloading the fireworks is to
1. Climb up through the gate into the bed of his pickup truck (a feat made unusually difficult due to the slope of his driveway, and this man's fascinating decision to wear the world's Siffest and least Flexible Denim Overalls.
2. Once in the pickup bed, he selects ONE (1) box from the pile
He is apparently from a niche religious institution that doesn't believe in stacking things.
3. Carries it awkwardly around the palette that barely fits in the truck bed
4. His wife yells "Be careful!" when he nearly falls out of the pickup.
5. He Yells "SHADDUP!" back at her.
6. The Large German Shepherd barks from inside the house.
7. He yells "SHADDUP!" back at her too.
8. He sets the (1) box down on the gate
9. Slowly and awkwardly climbs out of the pickup bed
10. picks the box back up, and carries it into the garage.
Question: Aren't you going to help this poor man?
Answer: Absolutely Not.
There's four military veterans, MANY dogs, and several people with dementia in this neighborhood, all of whom are terrified by this chicanery every year and many neighbors have repeatedly asked him to maybe do the fireworks somewhere else.
(This is the Eighth Year Running he's held a major demolition event in his driveway, and for those of you who can do math, you may be able to guess the precipitating incident to this little ritual)
Additionally, I live in Colorado, a state marginally less prone to spontaneous and catastrophic conflagrations than a rotting grain silo, but only marginally.
Our recreational explosives laws are written accordingly.
I am in fact calling the Non Emergency line to report Fireworks violations, and reading off the brand labels to someone named Dorothy, who is gleefully totaling up a SPECTACULAR fine for my oblivious neighbor.
However, while I'm on the phone with Dorothy, I notice the wind begin to pick up.
and by "Notice" I mean "The Industrial Saran Wrap he left on his Lawn earlier is suddenly swept up about 100 feet into the air by an updraft intense enough to make my ears pop"
And by "Pick Up" I mean "I look up to see the sky has turned a fun and exciting shade of glass green, and the bottoms of the clouds are bumpy and rounded, and the overall effect is not unlike looking up through the bottom of the cup at God's Matcha Boba Tea."
For those of you who do not live in places with Inclement Weather, these conditions mean "You have about 30 seconds before a Major Meteorological Event Occurs."
I move under the eaves.
"Hang on Dorothy." I say, nose filling with Petrichor. "The show is about to be cancelled."
"Oh, that doesn't matter!" Dorothy cheerfully informs me. "It's illegal for him just to possess those, no matter if he actually gets to set them off or not."
"Terrific, because he's gotten maybe five boxes out of a hundred inside."
Sometimes,
the weather gods are Merciful and give you a verbal warning, typically in the kind of thunderclap that makes your ears ring.
The Gods were not merciful today.
It's not often that I am in the time, place, correct angle or in a properly observational frame of mind to see this,
But I got to see it today.
Huh. I thought. I've never seen a cloud just DIVE for the ground before.
Oh. I realized as it got closer.
That's RAIN.
Sometimes, a thunderstorm will form in such a way that the rain that would normally be distributed over an area of say,
five to tent square miles,
is instead concentrated into an area of say,
my neighborhood exactly.
So today, I was granted the rare privilege of being able to actually see the literal wall of water descend from On High and DIRECTLY onto my porch, my street, and my neighbor's truck, and his pile of unwrapped fireworks.
The sheer impact force of the downpour immediately scatters the teetering pile of fireworks boxes in the back of the truck, like the wrath of God striking down the tower of Babel.
Boxes tumble, then are washed out of the bed of the truck by the deluge.
Smaller Boxes are carried down the road in a little line by the stream forming in the gutter, like little impotent explosive ducklings.
My neighbor was definitely yelling something, but I could not hear what over the DEAFENING noise several million gallons of water makes upon high-speed contact with the earth's surface, but there was a lot of arm-waving and faces turning red as he went looking for the saran wrap that had probably blown to Nebraska by now, while his wife started disassembling the complex three-dimensional puzzle of interlocking material goods in search of a tarp.
They do not have a tarp.
They have one of those wretched Thin Blue Line flags though, and my neighbor jogs out in a futile effort to cover what's left in the truck.
Which is when the hail begins.
"HELLO?" Yelled Dorothy.
"HI!" I shouted. "WE'RE HAVING SOME WEATHER!"
"OH GOOD!" she shouts back. "WE NEED THE MOISTURE!"
I watch for a minute longer, but the loss was immediate and catastrophic- the hail is the size of marbles and dense and cares not for your pitiful cardboard and cellophane, ripping the boxes asunder and punching holes in the few things covered in plastic.
The colors on the Thin Blue Line Flag are seeping all over the remains of that it was supposed to protect in a particularly apt visual metaphor.
Not even the few boxes that made it into the garage are spared, as the German Shepherd escapes from indoors, and in an attempt to assist her humans, jumps directly into the small stack of not-yet-ruined boxes, scattering them into the driveway and deluge. She even picks one up so her humans will chase her around the yard, before dropping it in the gutter to be swept away.
So.
I was raised Agnostic
-but even I can recognize when God slaps someone upside the head and shouts "NO!" at them.
---
(If you laughed, please consider supporting my Ko-fi or preordering my book of Strange Stories on Patreon)
I’ll cop to being, at best, a casual anime fan and an incidental nintendo fan like some sort of goose that got lost on migration and decided to stay for the catchy musical score but I’ve had a thought that’s been making me laugh for like 20 min now:
Replacing any Shonen Protagonist with Legend of Zelda’s Protagonist Horrible Klepto Gremlin and Professional Fightboy, Link.
Doesn’t matter which link beyond “what’s funniest in this particular scenario”. Maybe a specific Link, maybe an amalgamation of all Links into a superpowered multidimensional agent of Chaos. A HyperLink, if you will.
Then plop that bad boy down into the start of any Shonen anime and watch it go completely off the rails.
Juevenile Delinquent With A Heart Of Gold Link (really, could you imagine Link in a middle school setting? not for more than five minutes before he jumps out of the Designated Protagonist Window at the back of the classroom) dives in front of a car to save a small child’s life. Botan, the grim reaper in the form of a blue-haired anime hot chick, comes to explain his peculiar situation, only for him to get up halfway through the speech about Karma becuase he still, somehow, has half a heart left, baffling everyone.
Local Weirdo Link hangs out in a graveyard every night graverobbing Communing With The Spirits, until Some Nerd keeps getting him into weird situations and eventually he ends up on a plane to America to participate in some kind of tournament for godhood.
They get all the way to the third round before anyone realized Link doesn’t have a spirit companion, he’s his own Kickass Sword Dude.
Famously Young Orphan Link attempts an arcane ritual to bring his mother back, only to be confronted with a Manifestation of all Knowledge In The Universe, who then attempts to take his limbs and a sibling. Link, who has kicked several gods and the actual spacetime continum in the dick before, does not stand for this Malarkey
Chronically Ill superhero Toshionori Yagi is looking for someone to take up the quirk One For All and is impressed by the courage of a young maniac attempting to protect the people of the town from a monstrous villain whilst armed with a pointed stick, and takes him on as his apprentice. Link, surprised to be starting with the Triforce of Power this time, is agreeable to this, and attends superhero high school in hopes of locating the triforces of Courage and Wisdom.
Related question: Is Link Literate? I know him through fragmentary playthroughs of Breath of The Wild, the one with the bird, and the one with the boat and I honestly don’t know if he can read.
Professional Monster Ass-Kicker and Sword Collector Link arrives in The Seritei and promptly goes after the Tall Dude With The Elaborate Hair That Monolouges About Power on the assumption he’s found Ganondorf again, and gives Zaraki Kenpachi the fight of his life.
The residents of the Village hidden in the lead poisoning Leaves avoid the blond boy with the rap sheet of misdemeanors a mile long and constant nonsensical yelling, assuming his strange ways are due to the fox spirit the previous Mayor of Murdertown stuffed into his intestines as a baby.
Several Hundred Episodes, a completely destroyed chunin exam and a lot of screaming later, Kyubei comments “No, he’s Just Like That.”
Seto Kaiba, Professional Rich Bitch: “IT’S TIME TO DUEL!!”
Seto Kaiba, about to learn what Consquences are “…What are you doing with that sword?”
The only Shonen Anime Link doesn’t completely send off the rails one way or another is the orginal Dragonball, becuase accepting an extensive and bizzare fetchquest from a random blue-haired chick is 100% in-character for any and all Links.
shounen anime is all well and good, but have you considered the following?
chronic vase-breaker link breaks a vase, and is subsequently hounded by six attractive people who need him to flirt with women in order to pay back his debt
1. Link is, apparently, Literate. This is a tremendous surprise to me.
2. You, my good personage, are a GENIUS, becuase somehow Link “Adeventure Is My Middle Name” McStabbington somehow screw up every shonen anime but stays weirdly on-track for shoujo. For instance:
A Cat hands some Magical Bling that gives the wearer a kickass outfit to Link in exchange for him dealing with some monsters and making some similarly exctingly dressed friends. Link can’t actually pronounce “Moon Prism Power Make Up!” but “HYAAAHGH!!” seems to get the Job done.
This is honestly a pretty typical Teusday for Link.
Local Homeless Weirdo Link is chilling out in the woods when a mudslide happens to his stuff, and local highschoolers take pity on him and invite him into thier mansion, only for him to discover thier terrible curse- if they’re hugged by someone of the ‘opposite’ gender, they’re transfomed into an animal from the chinese Zodiac. Shenanigans Ensue when Link, the universe’s Most Androgynous Twink Who Only Knows Gender By Reputation, completely screws up that Dynamic as whether or not the individual changes comes down to what Gender they percive Link as. Fortunately for them Link is like. So Good at breaking Curses.
Chronic Ancient Library Looter Link opens up a cool-looking book becuase apparently he can read, and like, a zillion cards and a very irritable stuffed animal fly out of it. The Loud Toy demands he find all the cards again, and fortunately for Keroberos, Link is The Best as insane Fetch Quests.
Someone sends Horrible Goblin Child Link off to a prestigious Boarding School in an attempt to domesticate him, but True Cross Academy has a secret: The Night Class is Vampires that are attending school for some godforsaken reason! Masochism, probably. Can The Human and Vampire Classes ever really live together? The answer is a resounding YES after both band together in terror against the explosives-happy, sword-carrying, urn-smashing, shrieking weirdo that just enrolled.
The only Shoujo that Link immediately Derails is the one where a weird critter with a cute sing-song voice attempts to get him to maka contract. Link, no stranger to dulicitous creepy little things, immediately shanks Kyubey for the XP.
So apparently there’s a new Leg of Zeg game out and Link got an engineering degree while I wasn’t looking. Good for him! Let’s talk more Anime:
-A mysterious broadcast signal from the moon turns all humans on earth into stone! Several thousand years later, veteran Time Traveler Link pops out of his stone cocoon, decides that ‘doing it the long way’ sucks, and stomps off to rebuild civilization using random garbage and looney tunes physics.
-A terrible new form of space weapon called a “Mobile Suit” has been created- these child-controlled behemoths cut swathes of destruction as they wage a territorial space war, impervious to all but the most powerful weapons, and that one kid carrying a frankly improbable number of explosives and a smartphone that can manipulate inertia and electromegnetism (??), riding around on what appears to be a rocket-powered tractor.
-While out at summer camp Child of Destiny Link is suddenly transported to the Digital World, where an adorable little blob of an animal declares itself Link’s Digimon Partner! No stranger to having a Weird, Loud little critter following him around, Link is slightly perplexed when the fat orb wants to fight the enormous monster on his behalf. Silly Digimon- that’s HIS job! Grappling hooks his ass up to Devimon’s castle and beats him to death with a tennis racket he found on the way.
-A mysterious book called a DEATHNOTE falls out of the sky in front of Link, who carefully reads the rules, and shrugs, because if he REALLY needs someone dead, He’s going to want to do it in person, and Link has never given a shit about the police. He’s gonna hang onto this book, because it looks like an important quest item, and Ryuk languishes in Links Inventory for the rest of the Series.
-The barbaric battles where legendary and historical figures are summoned to fight on behalf of Mages known as the Grail Wars are rudely interrupted when Link sees Iskandar, assumes it’s Ganon AGAIN, and beats his way through the lineup to get to him, even besting Gilgamesh by putting the king’s inventory skills to shame.
-Salt Middle School gets a new transfer student and Shigeo Kageyama is initially distraught by his teacher assigning HIM to show the New Kid around, but turns out, Link ALSO enjoys Milk, long amicable silences and complaining about getting into stupid battles with the multiverse’s most magically overpowered and emotionally constipated Dumb asses. It’s nice, to have a reliatively uncomplicated friendship for once.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Okay, I’ve seen this done before, but I wanted to add to it.
Humans are really great at hiding. Hell, we play games with children with the goal of remaining hidden. What if aliens didn’t do this? Sure, they’ll hide if they need to, but not to a human degree. I personally have hidden in places that should have been impossible to hide in.
Now imagine a human wanted to play hide and seek, and they fail to mention that they happen to be AWESOME at the game. Now, imagine all of these aliens, frantically looking for their crew mate and they suddenly just APPEAR from somewhere and are just like: “Did I win?”
Neil, I stumbled on something I thought you might be interested in. Somewhere in the middle-of-nowhere Somerset is a bitty town called Wincanton, and in Wincanton is the Disworld Emporium.
The owners have retired and now run the emporium solely online, but the shop remains to delight passersby.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is LIVE right now
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As someone who has organized a gangbang, it is SO HARD to Wrangle People towards the sexy parts and away from the crafted table of snacks which just so happens to be in front of your book shelf and OMG you have THIS gaming System?? That was Kickstarter exclusive! Like, no. Stop. Please return the game book to the shelf and remove your clothes. Please?
#throwback to that one time a platonic friend invited me to a swinger club#and his earnest reasoning was#'the buffet there is the best I have ever been to and it's so cheap we need to eat our way through the buffet together'#I didn't go but I have reliable sources that the buffet really is that good (via @notgreengardens)
#this has been the case at every single kink event i've been to#went to a fireplay demo once and it took like 45 minutes to get started because everyone was distracted by the host's pet lizard (via @glorious-spoon)
The best sex party I ever went to nearly stopped because someone taped a sheet to the back of sliding glass windows and were using dry erase markers to make diagrams. A bunch of math and physics PhD’s were helping a chemistry phd with a thorny problem and they cheered when they solved it. A board game night broke out and it was really hard to pry people away from the games, science and snacks for sex so someone put up a pole in the living room and four women started pole dancing while shouting instructions to the scientists and board game nerds.
Epic party, I think I shagged 8 women that night and I won a card game.
#at dnd the other week the host brought out her whip for a demonstration and i had to work so hard to get us back to the nerd shit#i dont have time for a sex party!!!!!!#putting three different grown adults tops back on and getting called daddy for doing so fml (via @2014federalbudget)
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