mcu characters dating you !

- taking his virginity

- missionary, missionary, and more missionary

- you’re second place to bucky

- wearing lots of cap merchandise

- introducing him to Michael jackson just to see the look on his face when you tell him he’s a child molestor

- you become a history teacher

- he has very sweaty hands so no hand holding

- him going to finger you: omg baby you’re so wet you: steve that’s you :/

- cap kink

- you call him daddy and he immediately starts crying cus his dads dead

- sketches you titanic style

- eating americas ass

- you have to slap him for calling weed “pot”

- no substance use in your house

- he uses 40s slang. “fat head” is his go to

- group sex with his clones

- him whining 24/7

- you want to adopt a dog but loki thinks it’s a furry rat and squishes it

- he moons you from time to time for no apparent reason

- him making poop and dick jokes

- he’s bad at eye contact

- he pees once a week for 30 minutes

- describing to you in great detail his orgys with the grandmaster

- you sleep in separate beds

- he doesn’t own a phone but he has a fax machine so you fax sexts to each other

- you literally give up telling him to wash his hair and have to accept the grease

- he tries to take you on vacation to asgard but gets banned for 10 more years

- forcing him to get lip injections because kissing his thin ass lips is not enjoyable at all

- waking up in the middle of the night to him watching conspiracy theory videos

- you guys live in 500 square foot tree house called “the nest”

- you have to pop all the white heads on his nose

- him giving you lice

- you tried sex once but his micro penis made it impossible

- calling him “clit”

- you’re probably taller than him

- having to lock up his bow and arrows because they became a real hazard

- you have to tell him to wash his ass

- he uses a blackberry

-he ages like a banana peel

- you have no TVs or computers, only a single radio that’s always on the country music station

- raw egg and spinich protein shake for breakfast

- you guys are in couple therapy

- calling him “typical ton”

- he builds a strap on for the iron man costume

- you dye his graying hair

- fights because he hits on other people

- going into the barf simulator to laugh at his younger self because he looked like a shaved vagina

- fucking with him in public to trigger panic attacks

- whispering “december 16, 1991” in his ear

- making out in the laboratory while bruce is there to make him uncomfortable and turn into the hulk

- you guys get drunk all the time and you encourage his alcoholism

- he buys you audis and burger king

- ac/dc ALL THE TIME

- JARVIS interrupts you guys while you’re having sex

- you shaming him for being in the US military

- always making breakfast because he serves orange juice with backwash in it

- after sex: “thank it” “i’m not thanking that thing”

- him taking you flying with his wings which causes motion sickness and you vomit all over him

- always makes you stand to the right of him otherwise he’s triggered

- if you want him to do something for you, you just say “i bet bucky barnes would do it” and he gets so angry he does it anyway

- “troubleman” by marvin gaye stays ON during sex

- you know when you’re in a relationship and you wear your significant other’s shirt? that’s a no. his clothes are hideous.

-he picks you up and lifts you over puddles

- opens doors for you

- pulls out chairs

- when he cums he shouts “I AM THOR ODINSON GOD OF THUNDERRR”

- you have lots of communication issues because he doesn’t own a phone and he talks like a freak

- you teach him earth slang

- “do i look to be in a intimate mood? because i am.”

- when thor is mad at you he just sets mjolnir on top of you

- his poops smell terrible and are MASSIVE. he never flushes because he wants you to see them.

- him smashing all your plates every time you cook a nice diner

- he gets acrylics with you

- you help him trademark and sell thor merchandise

- the cape stays ON during sex

- vacations to asgard where loki fucks with you guys by turning into each of you

- calling him “buckarroni”

- him waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares and attacking you

- saying his trigger words when you’re mad at him

- forcing him to bathe

- him offering you a bite of his canned peas everyday. he refuses to eat anything else.

- the combat boots stay on during sex (and swimming)

- to see if you guys were ready for kids you adopted a fish but it died after bucky forgot to feed it