Matt McKinnon

Josh chose to ignore the McKinnon smirks he got from both the twins. It was better than risking a gay panic because the twins probably knew what he was thinking. Not that he had any reason to panic, they had both made that abundantly clear. But talking about blokes, a bloke, with them was still new. And still a lot more than just telling them he was into blokes. He chuckled when Matt said all their advice was good, and Mike agreeing, naturally. Josh soon found himself getting a clap on either shoulder with lots of encouragement at his decision to go talk to Cene. They might give questionable advice but the twins did know how to hype up a bloke to go talk to a bloke. Made him feel a little less nervous. But they didn’t stop at that. Instead Matt was adding when he should go, with the both of them offering to come with him. A tempting offer but Josh worried if he came walking up with the twins and Cene caught sight he might feel weird about that. The twins could be a lot, even if it was a good lot. “Huh, guess you were right, you two do make pretty good wingman,” he teased to try and cover up how emotional the twins were making him being so great about it all. “Thanks for the pep talk, the advice, and the offer. I think I might try on my own first. If there’s a lot of people I can always head back and grab you two to try again.” That felt like the best way to handle it. “Thanks again for being so great about everything,” he added because he couldn’t help himself. The difference between the blokes he’d grown up with and the ones he’d only met at eleven were stark.

Josh laughed and shook his head. Cene Tooker was definitely not questionable taste. They clearly hadn’t seen the bloke in nothing but swim trunks, there had been a lot of skin showing. Never mind that neither of them would be interested in that view. Josh had been. But, right, he wasn’t thinking about Cene while talking to the twins, he did not need that. Josh rolled his eyes as both of them agreed that falling off his broom would be a good excuse to get cozy with Cene. But his smile was sheepish. Because it had worked on the beach. They’d gotten very cozy. Right, not thinking of that. But he couldn’t help smiling at Matt’s next words. He really did have a good couple of best mates. Josh was back to laughing when Matt admitted that birds had said no to him. And they did make a good point. Or what Josh felt their point was. “Right, well thanks, mate. Both of ya. Never expected to be talking blokes, or a bloke, with ya but I appreciate all the good, and maybe even the not so good advice,” he added so he didn’t sound too sappy. “I will not be falling off any brooms in an attempt to get nice and cozy, thanks. But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to check out the pitch,” he added with a smile. It made Josh nervous enough that he was running his thumb down his jawline again but he’d give it a go. Being rejected by Cene would be crushing but maybe Matt would be right and it’d build character or something. “Just probably should be carful about when I go. I dunno how out Cene is, or how comfortable he’d be around a lot of people who know him. Not to mention the last thing I wanna do is get Cene on any Slytherin’s radar.” Or any homophobes, which the Slytherins probably would be just as an excuse to be a jerk to someone, not that they needed ti but Josh wouldn’t put it past them.

Josh rolled his eyes and laughed at Matt’s comment. “You two are not nearly as hot and interesting as you think. Hogwarts birds just have questionable tastes,” he teased. Only the last part wasn’t a joke, the blokes were great. Not his type, which was a reason to wonder about Cene being a beater, but they were a lot of fun. But given the amount of birds that tried to chat him up Hogwarts birds did have questionable taste. “And that’s the problem, I wouldn’t wanna be staring at hot, interesting blokes who were staring at a pair of tits.” Which Josh had decided was about 95% of the male population at school. Finding another gay bloke at Hogwarts felt about as easy as finding a sickle thrown into the lake without magic. Yet he’d managed to find one on a muggle beach of all places. The romantic that Josh tried to hide under layers of sarcasm and his cool leather jacket couldn’t help wondering if that had to mean something. That maybe he should try to talk to Cene. He just wasn’t sure if Cene would feel the same. Maybe if he could find a reason to be near Cene for something other than just to talk to him it wouldn’t be so awkward. Except he couldn’t even bloody fly so why would he go to the pitch. “Oi! You git! You only had to carry me to the Hospital Wing one time,” he told the twins rolling his eyes but clearly not upset. “And yeah, it’d be pretty damn embarrassing to have Cene watch me fall of a bloody broom and have to carry me to the Hospital Wing,” Josh admitted. Even if he was also thinking how he somehow hadn’t minded falling when Cene was around at the beach. Especially not since Cene caught him in those amazing arms of his every time. He’d really liked that. Just like he liked Matt calling Cene his Tooker. He wasn’t but it did sound nice. And he wasn’t hating the idea of snogging Cene under some bleachers. “You two seem awfully invested in me kissing Cene under the bleachers,” he quipped instead of what he was thinking. Which was, ‘what if Cene doesn’t wanna kiss me under the bleachers.’ Summer fling felt like a world away from snogging under the bleachers. Even that amazing kiss in King’s Cross felt like a different thing.

Josh looked sheepish when Matt teased him about hanging out at the pitch. “Yeah well you didn’t tell me there was a hot, interesting bloke hanging out at the pitch or maybe I would have,” he joked back. A joke was likely all it was. Because the whole reason he’d stayed away from the pitch was because he didn’t need to crush on some hot quidditch player. And now here he was crushing on some hot quidditch player. Fuck. Josh crinkled his nose up when Matt asked the million galleon question. What did he want? He wanted to kiss Cene again. Or even just to see that smile. Yeah, probably shouldn’t think about Cene at all while he was talking to the twins. He appreciated both of them when Mike agreed with Matt saying there were their for him. “Probably won’t need to hide, unless I go on the pitch since I never ran into him before.” Though he wasn’t sure if he had the guts to try and talk to him on the pitch. “I dunno,” he told them honestly. “I mean what am I gonna do, walk down the halls holding his hand?” Never mind that didn’t sound that unappealing. But Josh wasn’t sure Cene would even be into him. Let alone want that. Before he could say much else Mike decided to add a suggestion.

“I dunno, you could snog under the quidditch bleachers, works for me with hot chicks,” Mike quipped with a wink and a cheeky smile.

Another not unappealing option. But Josh still wasn’t sure. “I dunno, 98% quidditch doesn’t sound like it leaves a lot of time for snogging under bleachers.” Sadly, because Josh wouldn’t have minded doing all that stuff the blokes did. Not all the stuff because he didn’t want to snog a lot of blokes like they did birds. But doing stuff with Cene sounded nice. “I’d ask you to try and teach me to fly again but my mum might actually kill all three of us next broom crash I get into.”

Matt scoffed again. “Oi! There’s always hot interesting blokes at the pitch when we’re there,” he said. Not that he wanted Josh looking at him or Mike the same way he was looking at Tooker, but that didn’t make them not hot or interesting! They were definitely more interesting than Tooker. “As for hot interesting blokes who play for your team, well--that’s news to us too.” He shrugged. Never mind that he still wasn’t sure he’d count Cene Tooker as interesting. He definitely wouldn’t have before finding out he was Josh’s beach fling, and he still wasn’t convinced. Tooker being a secret freak only moved the needle so much. He sort of felt bad for asking Josh what he wanted when the other’s face basically told Matt what he’d suspected, that he didn’t know yet. Or maybe he sort of knew but the reality of being at school made things complicated. Matt frowned. Would Josh walking down the hall holding hands with a bloke really be that awful? That was something Josh would know better than him, but Slytherins already had plenty of reasons to mess with all of them and they were the main ones Matt could see being a problem. Then again there was the question of if Tooker would have the nerve for that too. 

Josh felt very deflated. Knowing he’d found stuff to talk to Cene about that wasn’t sports didn’t help much. That had been at the beach, when they’d known they only had a little bit of time together. A completely different thing then both of them at Hogwarts. Especially considering Cene was quidditch captain. He gave Matt a small smile regardless since he was appreciative of the other trying to make him feel better. Trying not to dwell on that and tease the twins had only worked so much. The matching, ‘as if’s,’ he got from the twins were funny. But they did’t distract him from everything. Especially since Matt was so cheerfully confirming that Cene was a beater, and all that meant. It didn’t really seem to fit the bloke he’d met at the beach. Which was enough to have him asking the twins about Cene, even if he wasn’t sure about that. He listened but there wasn’t much being said. Aside from rolling his eyes, and a side ways grin at the comment about Cene being a secret freak he didn’t really give too much of a reaction to what Matt was saying. Mostly because he was trying not to look dejected. Quidditch mad. Still he couldn’t help smiling when Matt said he’d traded tips with them, that sounded like the Cene he met. But he was definitely not interchangeable with any other Tooker. Josh was sure of that even if he only knew, and vaguely at best, Tommy Tooker. Mike’s comments didn’t help any either.

“Before you told us he gets freaky in the sand and behind phone booths I’d have said his personality was 98% quidditch as opposed to the usual Tooker level of what 75-80?” Mike asked looking over at his twin. “Like Matt said, he’s always out at the pitch every time we go, usually there when we leave.”

98% quidditch? That couldn’t be right. Josh had not gotten 2% of a personality from Cene. Though it was beginning to be clear why he hadn’t seen the bloke before. “Guess that’s why I didn’t recognize him,” he said, a weird combination of sheepish and glum. It was sounding like Josh would have to go to the pitch to even hope to run into Cene. But then he’d have to talk quidditch with him. If he didn’t end up getting hit by a stray bludger or tripping over a broom, or more likely tripping over the bloody grass. This seemed even more hopeless than crushing on a muggle.

Josh couldn’t help the sheepish chuckle Matt’s teasing caused. They didn’t talk much about football either. They’d talked. But there’d also been lots of snogging. But he wasn’t convinced. “Yeah but that was when he thought I was a muggle and I thought he played football.” Even though the twins knew for sure that the hot football player he’d hooked up with over the summer was Cene he still felt embarrassed admitting it. It wasn’t like Cene had lied any more than he had but it was still embarrassing. He rolled his eyes at the next thing Matt said, though he couldn’t help the grin on his face. “Not my fault if Cene is more interesting than either of you,” he hit back with. 

Josh laughed at Mike’s offended face. “And the trying to kill you ones are the ones Cene hits?” That still felt insane. Cene was a beater. A really good beater. Better than the twins. He’d broken Matt’s bat for Godric’s sake. Which Josh really wanted to stop finding that hot because it was weird. The problem was he couldn’t stop thinking about those incredible arms of Cene’s. Or any of Cene’s muscles for that matter. The bloke was crazy fit. Josh wondered if Cene ever hung out at the lake. He’d never seen him but then again he was usually goofing off with the McKinnons. Had he missed a wet, swim trunk clad, Cene Tooker? Somehow he’d missed a fully clothed one. It was weird to know that the twins knew Cene better than he did. At least longer. Josh wasn’t sure he’d say better actually. More like differently. But there was no denying the longer. “Anything else you know about him besides he’s probably gonna try for pros?” Which was intimidating enough. Josh felt kind of sheepish about asking. Now that his panic over seeing Cene had eased he couldn’t ignore how much he wanted to see the bloke again. Even if he was still not sure that was a good idea.

Josh’s eyes grew wide at finding out Cene was a beater. It did explain a few things, like those incredible muscles of Cene’s. Which he did not need to be thinking about when Matt was still talking. Pro? The twins thought he’d go pro. There was no way a bloke planning on going pro would want to spend time with a bloke who once fell when he wasn’t even moving. But right, Matt was still talking. Josh remembered the incident because MJ had ended up in the hospital wing an the twins had been annoyed. Still were from the sound of Matt’s voice and the look on Mike’s face. He wasn’t ‘sure if it was possible but it felt like his eyes grew even wider. “That was Cene?” Huh…. That was…hot. Wait no, not hot. He definitely shouldn’t find that hot. What the hell was wrong with him? The back of his neck heated up in embarrassment, glad the twins couldn’t read his mind. Josh hadn’t actually seen any of that. He’d been at the match, he was at all Gryffindor matches. But he’d been trying to write an essay that was late and hadn’t been watching the match. The last thing Josh needed was to get turned on by quidditch players in their uniforms. Except now he was thinking about Cene in his uniform. Ah fuck. Not something to think about. But what else was he going to think about, how much he liked Matt calling Cene his beach babe? Yeah no. “So what you’re saying is I’m gonna have to figure out what the difference between a quaffle and a bludger is?” There was another one too but the little shiny one wasn’t important here. He hoped. Josh could only take so much quidditch talk before his eyes glazed over. Fuck. It was hopeless. “Fuck,” he said before they could answer feeling dejected. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to see Cene again. Only he was sure he wanted to see Cene again. The glimpse he’d gotten of him in between all those Hufflepuffs congratulating Cene hadn’t been enough. But it had been enough for Josh to know Cene was gonna look way too good in his uniform. Never mind the quidditch one. 

Josh was still so stunned at finding out Cene was a wizard that he still didn’t know what to think about everything. His sexuality had always been a weird point with him. He didn’t think he was ashamed of it like he’d heard some where. It was more a matter of survival. His old muggle friends reactions had been terrifying. Worse than anything he’d ever experienced. Something he didn’t want to repeat. So he hadn’t minded at all that the twins had thought he was straight. Or that everyone else seemingly still thought that. Even though it was confusing as hell given how little effort he put into maintaining that ruse. As terrifying as repeating that experience was he wasn’t about to chat up birds or any of that. And it was nice to know Cene wasn’t doing that. Almost as nice as it was to be talking openly about Cene. He laughed at Matt’s words. Cene had been a little shy but not someone he thought was quiet enough to get this kind of reaction. There was some rebel in Cene, he’d seen that twinkle in the bloke’s eyes. Clearly the twins hadn’t been looking close enough. He laughed again at Matt’s words about them being wingmen. Though he made good points so the laughter was short lived. “Thanks, mate, ‘preciate that.” Maybe he should take Matt up on the offer. Might not be terrible to know something. Seeing Cene on the pitch was enticing. He was also pretty sure he couldn’t go a whole year knowing Cene was at Hogwarts and not trying to talk to him. Or at least see him. “So uh, what position does he play anyway,” he asked trying to be casual.

Josh chuckled, he couldn’t be upset at Matt for thinking what most people did. Especially not when both the twins were taking all of this way better than he could ave hoped for. “Yeah, he definitely isn’t into talking up any birds.” He couldn’t help that slightly sideways smirk again. There was no worries on that front. “Eh, most of the blokes at Hogwarts probably are, or at least deep enough in the closet they’re cool with you thinking they are.” Josh chuckled, a little more relieved than he’d like to admit that Cene wasn’t chatting up any blokes. The smirk was back when Matt reacted to what he had to say about the train station, Mike chiming in with his disbelief just making it wider. “Maybe it’s just my good influence but ya know what they say about the quiet ones.” Josh was enjoying actually getting to talk about this kind of thing. But knowing that they knew Cene and that he went to school with them made it less enjoyable than it had been over the summer. He just didn’t know how to feel about it all. He kept swinging between being nervous as hell and excited at the thought of seeing Cene again. Josh smiled when Matt said they were here for him if he wanted to talk to Cene. “Thanks mates, that means a lot. At least I’ve already picked this bloke up so it’s not like I’m gonna ask you to be my wingmen or anything,” he added teasing them. Though if he did wanna talk to Cene maybe a wingman or two wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Sadly they’d already tried and failed at teaching him how to fly so that was out. Josh had no clue what he was going to do.  

Josh was curious as to what the shock was for the twins, because both seemed surprised to find out that Cene was his beach hookup. Maybe it was just the Hufflepuff thing. Josh couldn’t help the smirk on his face when Matt said quiet Hufflepuffs really let loose. It was quickly replaced by confusion. “You’ve never seen him so much as what? Talk to birds? You haven’t seen him chatting up any blokes have you,” Josh couldn’t help asking. He chuckled at the double punch in the arm he got from the twins at not telling them about the kiss. “It was just a quick one. We ran into each other, he said he’d been thinking about me and I couldn’t help myself. I pulled him beside a phone booth for a quick snog.” The twins were taking this whole him talking about blokes, okay one bloke, so well Josh couldn’t help a little bragging. Except he wasn’t sure what he wanted. “I dunno. I mean I never considered it. Didn’t seem like something I had to worry about,” he told them truthfully. Maybe still not something he had to worry about. Once Cene saw what a dork her was that probably wouldn’t be a problem. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” That was a relief. Except it was also a disappointment. Cene was… A Quidditch captain who had better things to do than date a bloke who couldn’t even pass flying class. He’d just stay away from the pitch. So what if the idea of Cene on a broom sounded almost as hot as Cene in swim trunks with water drops rolling enticingly down that fit body.

Josh watched in horror as both Matt and Mike seemed to figure out what was going on at the same time. He tried to remember what all he’d said about Cene over the summer. All of it was true but it was also all said with the expectation that the twins would never meet Cene. Except they’d apparently known him longer than Josh. All because Josh had stopped watching quidditch when he’d gotten a boner during a match. Even though it had been during a time when a strong breeze could give him a boner he’d been worried enough to never look any quidditch player again. Josh swallowed before nodding slowly. “Yeah, he was,” he admitted feeling dumb. He should have known Cene was a wizard. Except how? It wasn’t like he had an extra wand in those swim trunks. Cene in swim trunks was definitely not what he needed to be thinking about right now, especially not anything in those swim trunks. “I saw him at the station but I just thought he was heading to his muggle school,” Josh added to get his mind off the trunks. Only to bring the kiss to the front of his mind. “Shit, I kissed him at the station. What if he wants to date?” What if he didn’t want to date, Josh added mentally not sure which was worse.

Josh was relieved when Matt didn’t push. At least that was one less thing to think about. Instead he spent the rest of the announcements pushing his spoon around his ice cream and trying not to look over at the Hufflepuff table. All he could think about was the fact that Cene was here at Hogwarts. Josh wanted to both avoid Cene and run into him. He wasn’t sure which one he wanted more. Josh was only out to the twins. That had been a panicked confession when he’d accidentally let something slip about why he’d moved. Despite how well they took it Josh still felt a bit like the other shoe might drop at any moment. Cene had been the first bloke he’d told them about. Which hadn’t gone bad. But telling them about some bloke and them seeing him with a bloke was two different things, possibly. Plus there was the whole school to consider. Josh had a muggleborn mum, he knew exactly how terrible some of his schoolmates were. Not that he was considering walking around the school holding Cene’s hand or something. Cene probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him even if he wanted that. He was a quidditch captain. Josh tripped multiple times as the Gryffindors made their way out of the Great Hall and to their common room. Some of which was because he was busy with both obsessively thinking about Cene and trying to some how keep his way too tall frame hidden from view. Definitely not the sort of bloke a quidditch captain would go for. Josh was certain his reality was not nearly as charming as the beach version of him had been. The last thought he had before Matt questioned him. Josh looked at the identical looks of expectation from the twins with a nervous laugh, eyes nearly as wide as a deer in wand light. “Beef? Yeah, no beef. Just…” Josh trailed off deciding it would be better to just come clean.

The twins were not easy blokes’ to evade questions from. Probably because they had so much practice getting the truth out of their younger siblings or something. He looked around to make sure there was no one around before he looked back over at them. “So uh,” he started his knuckle dragging down his jaw as he struggled with his nerve. “You uh remember that hot muggle I told you about?” Josh chuckled nervously again. “Wait are football and quidditch similar,” he asked as another thought dawned on him. Josh knew just enough of both to know the answer himself but he felt really crummy at the thought that Cene had lied to him. Never mind that if he’d been a muggle he wouldn’t know what quidditch was. Josh wasn’t thinking that logically.

Matt felt a little bad at Josh’s deer-in-wandlight reaction to his question, but as much as he might not want to tell Matt and Mike what was going on, Matt was certain he would feel better about it after he told them. Whatever he was dealing with, he didn’t have to deal with it alone. So he just lifted an eyebrow and waited for Josh to answer. No beef, alright, that made sense in the fact that it was hard to imagine anyone having beef with a Tooker. 

Only -- the muggle bloke from the beach? Well that wasn’t where Matt was expecting this to go, though he was glad Josh still knew he could talk to them about the fact that he liked blokes. Especially after hearing how those arsehole muggle “friends” of his had reacted. If only Matt and Mike had been there for that. Normally Matt was staunchly against using magic on muggles. He still was, really; he and Mike wouldn’t have needed magic to make those jerks regret what they did to Josh. Matt nodded; of course he remembered, Josh hadn’t shut up about the bloke, but  before he could say so Josh was changing the subject to football of all things. Matt glanced over at Mike, saw his own confusion reflected back on his twin’s face, and then looked back to Josh. 

Cene. Matt said Cene. That was Cene. His summer fling was a wizard. Worse his summer fling was at his school. His summer fling had been at his school the whole time? Almost. No. Not possible. There was no chance that Josh had been at school with Cene for five years and not noticed him. As soon as Matt said Cene Josh had tuned out. Instead internally panicking. “I’m sorry, you said Cene,” he asked because that had to be a mistake. He misheard. He had to have misheard. There was no way Cene was at his school. None. Except he was. Josh’s eyes went back over to the Hufflepuff table, growing wide with the realization that his summer fling was right there. “Fuck.” It seemed like the only appropriate response because as much as he wanted to see Cene again he didn’t want to see Cene here of all places. No! In a flash he was all too aware of Matt who was probably looking at him like he was mad. Maybe he was. Maybe this was some weird fever dream. But it was looking like it wasn’t. “Well that’s good for us. Er you. The team. I’m gonna…” Josh realized mid-sentence that was much as he’d love to just bail there was no way he could. Dumbledore was still talking. No one else was getting up. He’d just draw attention to himself, the last thing he wanted right now. In defeat he looked down at his ice cream. “Er finish my ice cream.” He wasn’t in the mood for ice cream. In fact he couldn’t help sneaking a look over at the Hufflepuff table once more. Shit!

“Er….yeah, I said Cene,” Matt answered, even more confused than before. So this was about Tooker? What sort of problem could Josh possibly have with a Tooker? Matt watched as his mate looked back over at the Hufflepuff table with wide eyes, clearly going through something that had Matt at a loss. The confusion on Matt’s face shifted to concern when Josh cursed and then started rambling about the team and sounding a lot like he was contemplating just ditching the rest of the feast and Dumbledore’s announcements. The only thing that stopped Matt from prying was that they were in the middle of the Gryffindor table, and Josh clearly didn’t want to talk about whatever was going on. Matt didn’t know what was going on, but he wasn’t going to push in the middle of the Great Hall. So he just nodded. “Yeah, alright mate.” 

Matt’s question had him blinking and looking over at his mate before looking back over at the Hufflepuff table. Where Cene Tooker was still at getting congratulated by what seemed like the whole bloody table. “Um uh,” he searched for words as he moved his attention back to Matt sure he was seeing things or something. “Yeah, it looks like it.” His answer was a little absentminded because he was too busy reassuring himself that he wasn’t going nuts he was just tired maybe? Horny? Some other explanation of things. “So uh, the Hufflepuff captain, is that a surprise or where you expecting that one?” Josh’s gaze moved back to the Hufflepuff table finding Cene with ease even as the congratulations had settled down. He was still so sure Matt would say the bloke’s name and it would not be Cene Tooker and he’d stop seeing Cene. Hopefully be replaced with some ugly bloke that looked nothing like Cene so he could just go back to normal. Josh wasn’t sure what he would do with a Cane look alike stalking around the school. Not that Cene stalked but Josh wanted this bloke to be an arse or something so he wouldn’t be thinking of his arse. He really did not need a hot bloke at Hogwarts. He’d managed perfectly fine amongst the attractive but not really hot ones he didn’t need some quidditch jock having a summer glow up giving him thoughts.

Josh hadn’t told the twins about his run-in with his hot, football playing beach fling at the station. They had heard all about him after the beach trip though. Josh hadn’t been able to resist. After all he was always having to hear about the girls they met during the summer. It was nice to be able to brag about his own fling. To be the one sharing too much information for once. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t mentioned it. Probably because it was just a quick kiss, not much to really talk about. But he was still thinking about it. All through the train ride while he and the twins joked around and laughed. Through dinner which was a lot of the same. And now through a quieter dessert as Dumbledore made announcements. Which was why when he first heard Cene’s name he was certain it was some weird daydream or something. Despite knowing that he still looked over at the Hufflepuff table. He fully expected to be disappointed. Cene was a muggle. His cousin went to school with one of Josh’s muggle cousins. Which was not the iron clad evidence of Cene’s muggleness he’d decided it was now that he was looking over the Great Hall for the bloke. Especially once he actually saw him. Josh stared at the fit bloke he’d kissed this very morning getting slapped on the back and congratulated for something. What had Dumbledore even said? Maybe he was asleep? This had to be a dream. Some weird dream and any minute one of the twins or one of their younger siblings was gonna poke him with a fork and wake him up. 

Josh rubbed his hand over his face. Matt might have been the one talking but Josh didn’t need to look at Mike to know he was talking for the pair of them. He knew them long enough. Which was why he knew that what Matt was saying was just like the twins. Thinking they were protecting someone when really they were just making things more complicated. He’d seen them do it with their siblings, most recently with MJ and trying to keep her from blokes, and now apparently they were doing it with him. That didn’t mean he had to like it just because it was coming from a place of love. “You are doing something shady! Your motives being good doesn’t change the fact that your breaking all sorts of laws. I never doubted your motives. And yeah I kept pushing because you wouldn’t tell me anything. Because I’m worried about you both. I don’t want to see either of you go to Azkaban, especially not for trying to stop a psycho from taking over the government.” Consequences weren’t something any of them thought about, himself included. But now someone had to and maybe that someone had to be him. Because he wasn’t about to take up his wand and start doing whatever the hell the twins were. But maybe he could help cover their arses. Besides… “I may not be tangled up in whatever the hell you two are doing but it’s not like that gives me a pass from the bullshit going on. You two might not think I’m doing anything but I’m doing all I can to provide something more than the fear the Prophet is peddling in. Fear is only going to help Him.” Josh sighed because he knew he wasn’t doing much, maybe he wasn’t even doing all he could. He kept trying to figure out how to do more while not compromising what he believed in. Only lately he wasn’t even sure if what he believed in was real. Josh sank down into a chair looking a little deflated. “Everything is going to shit. If something happens to one of you,” he couldn’t help glancing over at Matt’s arm as he talked. “I’d like to know the truth and not some bullshit.”

Matt blew out a breath at Josh’s accusation. Illegal and shady did not go hand-in-hand in this case, and Josh ought to be able to understand that. And the last thing he needed was for Josh to start lecturing him about what they did or didn’t need to be doing to help stop Voldemort. Did he really think they thought Josh wasn’t doing everything he could? Did Josh really think they hadn’t considered the fact that people wanted hope? ...Maybe the problem was the Order wasn’t much for anyone to pin hope on. His eyes followed Josh’s to the words that scarred his arm, chastened by the last thing the other said. He could feel his entire body tensing as his mind drifted back to the time he’d spent locked up in the dark, wondering if he would ever see his family or friends again. Wondering what everyone who didn’t know about the Order would think had happened to him. But -- “We know the risks, Josh,” Matt said quietly without looking up. They’d experienced enough to know them better than most. But maybe he could also understand where Josh was coming from. That same fear he’d felt when he realized Josh was getting involved in all this, digging in places he shouldn’t be. He looked up at his mate and held his gaze a moment. Then he let out a tired breath. This wasn’t worth it. Matt didn’t ask Mike before he spoke, knowing Matt wouldn’t try to stop him. “We don’t want word getting out about this because Dumbledore thinks it needs to stay a secret. He says as soon as people know what we’re doing, it’ll be harder to keep doing it. The Ministry won’t approve. Our operation will lose what little element of surprise we might still have going for us. I’m not gonna pretend to understand everything he does, but if there’s anyone who can stop Voldemort it’s Dumbledore. I trust him.” Matt was quiet for a moment and then he added, “I don’t think you’re wrong to want to give people hope, Josh. But we trust Dumbledore. If he says this is something that needs to stay quiet, then it needs to stay quiet. And the more you know about it, the bigger the target on your back is gonna get. From Death Eaters and the Ministry. And -- that scares the shit outta me, mate,” he admitted in a whisper.