Emotional Fangirl

IN

LEATHER

JACKETS

FUCK ME UP

Imagine – Finding out Carl is bit and being with him until the very end.

Word Count – 3,717

Warnings – Death, SADDD

A/N – I didn’t know if I should write this or not because Carl 1000% deserves to be alive but sadly he isn’t. My heart hurts so much, a fictional character death has never hurt me this bad. So I’m writing this to hopefully help me cope and help anyone who needs it too! Haha. Hope everyone enjoys. (Also should I make a part two to this? Like an update on how you’re coping. It’d have a lot of fluff with Daryl. Let me know!)

-

You and Carl have been dating for about 3 years, at least you think. With this whole apocalypse thing going on it’s kind of hard to keep track of time. You’ve been friends since the prison and started dating about a year after you met. You two were as close as you could be. You’ll never forget the day he finally admitted he has feelings for you.

“Carl, sorry if you don’t like it but I can go out by myself. I don’t need a babysitter, I’m fine!” You yelled, throwing your arms in the air and walking away until you hear him say something you never thought you’d hear from him

“I love you, please don’t leave me.” You froze, making his heart race even faster

“What did you say?”

“I – I said I love you. I don’t want you to go because I’m terrified of anything happening to you. I can’t lose you so please don’t g-“ You ran up to him and kissed him as hard as possible. You could feel him smile against your lips and his hands in your hair.

“I’ve waited way to long to hear you say that.”

“Well get ready because you’re going to hear me say it a lot more from now on.”

“Hello? Earth to Y/N! Ya listening?” Daryl asked loudly, waving his hand in your face

“Yes. Sorry I was just thinking.”

“Thinkin about what?”

“Carl, the usual.” You blushed, making him chuckle.

“You two are so cute, it’s actually gross.” You and Daryl always had a brother and sister relationship type of thing. At first when you showed up at the prison after Rick found you on the side of the road and decided to take you in after questioning you for what seemed like hours Daryl didn’t trust you at all, but everyone said that’s normal for Daryl. After a few weeks when he got to know you more he started trusting you more and eventually you became good friends. Then when he learned about your hard past he felt like he had someone he could relate and vent to. Now other than Carl he’s the person you’re closest with.

“Shut up” You smiled, punching his arm playfully. You guys went back to doing work when you heard someone whistle. It was Carl.

“Speak of the devil” Daryl laughed, leaving you two alone

Carl walked up and kissed your cheek, giving you a tight hug after

“Hey puddin’” Puddin was your nickname for him.

“You and that darn nickname. I got hungry and ate a ton of pudding once and now that story will never leave me huh?”

“Nope!” You smiled, kissing him after.

“So what’s your plan today?”

“Doing a few chores with Daryl then after that I should be free if you want to take a walk or something. I found this cool abandoned house that has comics inside!”

“Oh.. Um, I might have to watch Judith.”

“I thought Maggie wanted to watch her tonight? And come on you know how much you love your comics.”

“Plans change, sorry babe.” Your heart broke. Normally It wouldn’t bother you but the last few days he’s been acting a little stand offish towards you which is very unusual. He never acts like this unless somethings wrong. When he lost his eye he was standoffish for awhile which you expected but after a few days things were going back to normal.

“Don’t look at me!” Carl shouted, covering his face with his hands. This was your first time visiting him after the incident happened.

“Baby, you know I won’t think any differently of you. You know I love you, it’s ok.” You reached out to him but he pushed himself away.

“Please don’t lie to me Y/N, not now. I’m a fucking freak, I have one eye for god’s sake!”

“You’re not a freak! Carl I know you’re hurting –“

“Don’t. I don’t need pity, I just want to be left alone. Please leave me alone.” His voice shook, still not removing his hands from his face. You respected his wishes and went to walk out

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” You whispered, he didn’t say a word so you left and closed to door. You rested your back against the door and slid down, sitting on the floor while you softly cried into your hands. A few seconds later you felt someone sitting against the other side.

“I’m sorry.” Carl said softly. You didn’t respond, got up and walked away. Michonne warned you that this would be hard and that you’d have to deal with things like this but it was a lot harder than expected. She gave you a whole speech on how you have to be strong for him but it’s harder than it sounds. Watching someone you love hurt that much is absolutely destroying.

About a week goes by and things are finally starting to calm down. Carl wasn’t completely comfortable around you yet, but he could show his face without having a panic attack which was a good sign that things were looking up.

You were laying on the couch reading one of Carl’s comics when he came in and sat at your feet.

“I’m ready.” He sighed, making you confused

“Ready for…?” You asked, closing the comic and putting it on the lamp stand behind you.

“You to help change my bandage.”

This was a huge deal. You wanted to scream, give him a huge hug, cry tears of joy but you tried your best to play it cool and not scare him. You took his hand and walked him up the stairs into the bathroom.

“I love you, Carl. I don’t care if you have two eyes or none you will always be perfect to me.”

“Well lets hope it doesn’t come to that.” You both laughed, making him feel a little less tense.

“This might sting a little, I’m sorry.”

Carl nodded and held your hand, rubbing circles on it with his thumb. He knew it was one of your favorite things he does to you. He winced as you cleaned the wound.

“I- I’m sorry. I’d take away the pain if I could.”

“It’s all good babe, no worries.”

You talked about funny stories to keep his mind off the pain then finished. He kissed you and gave you a hug then you both went on with the rest of the day. Everything was finally ok.

“Ok, well if you decide you want to hangout you know where I am.” He nodded, kissed your cheek and left to go do his own thing.

-

“Do you think Carl’s been weird lately?” You asked Michonne.

“Not that I’ve noticed, but then again I haven’t been around much. Why what’s wrong?”

“He’s been very… standoffish? I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking it but I think he doesn’t want to be around me anymore.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“No, I’m to scared that it’ll start an argument. In this world now you can’t argue a lot because you never know when you’re going to lose someone. I mean It’s always been like that but now it’s worse considering we got freaking dead people chomping around.”

You and Michonne sighed, not saying anything for a few minutes.

“I think you should just talk to him. Maybe he’s just upset and to scared to vent. If it starts getting intense just end the conversation and move on. It’ll all be ok.” You gave her a hug and a thank you then left to go find Carl.

You were walking around when you saw him sitting on the porch with Judith in his lap in a rocking chair. You always loved his bond he had with Judith. It made you really miss your younger sister.

“Hey babe” He smiled while Judith waved

“Hello, what are you two cuties up to?”

“We were just looking at the stars and chatting. How about you?”

“Just walking around getting some fresh air. Hey those are cute! Did you guys do those today?” You asked, pointing to the blue handprints on the wood.”

“Yeah, we got bored.” Carl smiled, poking Judith’s side and making her laugh.

“Can I ask you something?”

He nodded. Your heart was pounding. The thought of him being mad at you hurt to the core.

“Are you ok?” He gave you a confused look

“Yes?”

“You’ve.. been weird lately.”

“What? How?” Judith started fussing.

“Hold on, let me put her to bed. I’ll be right back.” He left and you sat on the stairs, waiting for him to come back out. You took some deep breaths to calm yourself down then the sound of the door closing made you jump.

“How have I been weird?” He asked, standing in front of you with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You never want to hangout anymore..”

“What? I always want to hangout. I’ve just been busy y/n.”

“I know but –“ he cut you off

“I think I’m going to bed I have to get up early to help dad with something. Goodnight, I love you.” He kissed you goodbye and left so quickly you couldn’t even say I love you back. Something is definitely going on.

You didn’t get any sleep that night.

-

You were on watch by yourself for the morning which gave you a lot of unwanted time to think. Overthinking is seriously the worst. “What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” “Is he sick?” “Is he depressed?” “Did someone spread rumors about us and he’s mad about it?”

“Hey” his voice brought you out of your thoughts.

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry about last night. I was tired and Judith was moody all day which made me moody and I just –“

“Carl, it’s alright. I get it.”

You both sighed and looked out at the woods in front of you. It was silent for a few minutes until you looked over and noticed he was sweating.

“You ok? You’re drenched in sweat.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m fine. Just a little hot is all.”

“It’s like 60 degrees. Are you sure you’re ok? If you’re sick I can go out and get you some medicine.”

“Babe I’m fine, I promise. I got to go help dad but I just wanted to stop by and see your pretty face. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You kissed him goodbye and he left. Alone, again. Great.

As you sat and watched out for any intruders or Negan and his crew you thought about your memories with Carl.

“You know, you look pretty badass with one eye.” You smirked, making him blush.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. Nobody’s going to fuck with you. You’re so cool, I better watch out because some ladies might find it to cool then I’ll have to kick their ass.” You joked

“Nah, you won’t have to worry about that. I’m allll yours.”

“Are you sure you want to be stuck with me forever?”

“I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”

That memory always sticks in your head, you especially think about it during bad times.

“Don’t touch him.” You growled at Negan as he got close to your boyfriend. Carl’s eye went wide as he looked at you. You couldn’t tell if he was more scared because of the big dude threatening to bash his head in or because you literally just set yourself up for death itself.

“Holy shit, you got balls don’t ya! Talkin’ to me like that when I could literally just bash your brains in right now.”

“She your lady?” Negan asked Carl. He nodded.

“She’s pretty cute. She won’t be so cute though with her brain juice all over you. Shut her up!” He yelled, making him jump.

“I – I don’t talk to her that way..”

“Well ya better start, or she goes bye bye.”

“No-“

“NOW!”

“Shut up, y/n! Listen to him and stop trying to get yourself killed!” He yelled. You felt like someone just stabbed a knife through your heart and kicked you in the dirt along with it. You know he didn’t mean it and only did it to save your life but it still hurt. He gave you the most apologetic look you’ve ever seen in your entire life and mouthed “I’m sorry”.

“That’a boy! Don’t let her screw you around.”

You screamed as you watched Glenn get beat to death. Glenn was your father figure. You loved him so much and now he was gone.

“Glenn! No!” You cried, wailing almost. Carl went to hold your hand to calm you down until Simon saw and pushed him to the ground which scared you even more. He pushed his gun in your boyfriend’s back and made sure you watched every bit.

“Aw, trying to comfort your girl?” Negan acted like he cared but you know he didn’t.

“Keep making moves like that and I fucking swear you’ll be next and I’ll make sure she watches every bit of it. I won’t let her look away, I won’t even let her blink.”

You’ve had nightmares about the night ever since it happened. Not a night goes by you don’t dream about it in some way.

Carl woke up to a loud, curdling scream coming from down the hall. He ran out of his room, not even caring he was just in his boxers and ran straight to the noise. His heart dropped when he saw you stirring around in your sleep, kicking and screaming at the air.

“Babe? Babe it’s me! It’s Carl!” You were still screaming.

“Oh god, oh god please wake up. Baby! Hey!” He yelled, grabbing your shoulders. You finally woke up and you were shaking in fear and drenched in sweat. You laid your head on his chest as you bawled your eyes out. He held you close and rested his chin on top of your head. He ran his finger tips up and down your arm, shushing softly and humming to calm you down.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.” Carl rarely sung, but he knew that was one of your favorite songs.

He kept you in his arms and laid back against your bed frame. He hummed all kinds of soothing songs and rubbed your arm until you finally fell back asleep. He made sure to never leave your side that night and always made sure to sleep with his door open in case you needed him again.

You loved Carl more than words could describe. You two been through everything together. The thought of him not being in your life scared you to death.

-

You sat in the nasty sewer, waiting for all the craziness outside to stop. You all sat and waited around when you noticed Carl looked horrible. He’s been looking rough lately but you thought it was maybe just from stress from everything.

“Puddin… You don’t look so good.” You said softly, running your fingers through his greasy hair. He put his hand on your lap and looked you in your eyes.

“Y/N…” He said softly

“Yes babe what is it? Do you need water?”

“Get dad and Michonne..” You were confused.

“What? Why?”

“Get them… now… please.” You got up and walked over to them, telling them that Carl needed them but you weren’t sure why.

You, Rick and Michonne walked over to him. You made sure to bring a bottle of water with you.

“Carl?” Rick asked

Carl didn’t say anything and slowly pulled up his shirt, showing a patch on his side. He lifted down the patch to reveal a bite. Your world completely stopped.

“No…..No!” You said in disbelief. Michonne gasped and Rick ran his hands over his face.

“Carl…. When?!” Michonne asked

He explained what happened. The memories from that day came as if it happened yesterday. You remembered you had a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that day as if something was wrong or something wasn’t right. You remembered you begged him to stay home that day.

“I knew something was wrong… Damn it!” You began to cry. Carl placed his hand on top of yours and held it.

“I’m sorry sweetheart. I’m so…. Sorry.” You cried and laid your head on his stomach. Michonne tried her best to stay strong while Rick sat there in disbelief. Shock taking over his body.

“I can’t lose you…. I can’t. There is absolutely no way..”

“I’m right here babe, it’s ok.” Carl said softly, placing your hair behind your ear and giving you the warmest smile. He looked so tired and worn out.

“Everything ok?… holy shit..” Daryl gasped, seeing Carl’s bite.

Nobody said anything. The room was just filled with sounds of bombs, shooting and you crying.

As the night went on Carl was getting worse. Around his eye was red and swollen but glassy. He was sweating as if it was 200 degrees and he was wheezing more as time went by. Rick tried to give him some water but nothing was helping.

He talked to Judith. He wanted to make sure he said goodbye. He talked to Daryl and kissed Judith’s cheek and told them he loved them. You then realized why he put the handprints on the wood planks back at the house. He wanted to make sure Judith had something to remember him by. The past few hours all you did was sit right by Carl’s side. You talked about everything and anything you could think of.

“Have I ever told you how pretty your eyes are?”

“Yes y/n, a million times.” He smiled, making you smile too. He has the prettiest smile.

“Have I told you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”

“Yes”

“Have I told you how badass you are?”

“Oh yeah, that I already knew before you told me.” He winked. Even in the worse situations he’d try to make everything ok. You always loved that about him.

“I love you.”

“I know, I love you too.”

“I love you more.”

“Yeah, you’re funny.”

Everyone decided it was best to leave now that everyone was gone. You helped Rick and Michonne carry Carl to a safe place. He kept begging for you guys to stop for a second but you knew you had to keep going. Finally you found somewhere safe to stay for a little while.

“Guys… It’s happening…soon…I can feel it..” Carl breathed out. Tears filled your eyes along with Michonne and Rick’s.

“No…” Rick said.

Carl thanked him for everything he’s ever done for him. He talked to Michonne for a while too. You could tell time was slipping away, it was horrible.

“Y/N…” He breathed, holding your hand.

“Yes honey?”

“Take care of yourself…. Please.. I love you so much… Do it for me…. Please..”

You nodded as tears fell down your cheek and onto his hand.

“Hey… don’t cry..” He said, wiping your tears away. You placed your hand on his and held it on your cheek for a while. His touch was so warm on your cold face.

“Please take care of Judith… she loves you, you know? She talks about you all the time…. She always asks where you are or when you’re coming home. She loves you so much.”

“You still got my necklace I gave you?” He asked, you nodded and pulled it out from underneath the collar of your shirt.

“I wear it all the time.”

“Good, I got mine too…” He smiled, showing his as well. He was on a run one day when he found them in a store. They were good as new and knew you both needed to have them.

“Don’t forget about me please..” He started tearing up.

“Carl Grimes you are absolutely out of your mind if you think that would ever happen.”

“I know… I’m sorry. I’m just scared.” This time you held his hand and rubbed circles on it to calm him down. He sighed and smiled through the tears.

“I know baby, It’ll be ok. You’ll see your mom again. Glenn, Hershel, Abe, Sasha, that Dale dude you’re always talking about. He seemed really great.”

“He…. He was.. I really miss mom..”

He reached over and grabbed a gun.

“No… No..” Rick sighed, shaking his head.

“We can’t… let you do this.. Carl, no… no way.” You said

“I can do it… I’m strong enough.”

“I love you” He looked over and told Michonne. Michonne said it back and gave him a hug.

“I love you Dad” his voice broke

“I love you Carl, I love you so much.”

“Y/N… my love..”

“Please don’t leave me…” You said so quietly, squeezing his hand.

“I’ll never leave y…you.. I love you, so, so much sweetheart…”

“I love you. I love you puddin…”

You both burst into tears as you hugged each other tightly. You kissed each other for what would be the last time.

“You should have someone with you. I’ll stay. A father shouldn’t have to see this..” you said. Rick and Michonne hesitated for a moment then left. You told Carl you loved him one more time, gave him another hug and kissed his forehead.

You turned your back to him and looked at the floor.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey… You’ll never know dear how much I love you.. please…. don’t’ take… my sunshine…away…”