Reach for the Sky!

some of y’all only show kindness to women in the hopes that you’ll sleep with her and it shows

losing people is so interesting bc like. no i don't want to speak to you ever again. yes i think about you on your birthday.

The Good Place really said “People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them, when they don’t?” and "We choose to be good because of our bonds with other people" and "What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday" and "If soulmates do exist, they aren't found, they're made" and "That knowledge [that life ends] is what gives life meaning" and "The answer is friends" and "That’s what the Good Place really is — it’s not even a place, really. It’s just having enough time with the people you love" and I think that's very sexy of them

heres to my size 3-8 girls. heres to my slightly squishy ladies who, whenever they have shown the slightest discomfort in their bodies, have been shut down immediately because “i would kill to have a body like yours!!!!!” “shut the fuck up youre so skinny wtf” “youre not gonna get all gross and anorexic are you?”

heres to my girls with skinny arms but a chubby belly. heres to my girls with a double chin but impossible waistline. heres to my girls with thick thighs and a flat butt. heres to my girls with disproportionate bodies. heres to my girls who were never “skinny enough,” or “big enough.” heres to you. youre fucking flawless.

holler at disabled girls with skinny legs and a wheelchair belly. I gotchu

Q

important

REBLOG TO SAVE THE KITTIES!

IMPORTANT FOR KITTY OWNERS

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!!! MY CAR WAS CHOKING ON SOME RIBBON THAT GOT LEFT ON THE GROUND AND THESE TIPS SAVED ONE OF MY PRECIOUS FUR BABIES’ LIVES.

Need this.

Of course

I just won $500 off a scratch Ticket lottery.

ENERGY

OKAY LEGIT I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY. ME AND MY PARTNER ARE IN SUCH A TIGHT SPOT FOR MONEY ATM AS WE ARE SAVING FOR A DEPOSIT ON A HOUSE. I GOT PAID DOUBLE WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET AND SO DID HE AND HONESTLY I CRIED SO MUCH TODAY IM SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED

Positive vibes!!!!!

Gimma ALLAT SHIT

Run it🗣

I’m in such a tough financial situation and need a boost right about now

I made all kinds of shitty, backwards, obsolete jokes when I used to try to be funny on like 1999 webforums and newgrounds and started doing a gag comic but as I got older and I interacted with more people and was exposed to more conversation, guess what, I stopped finding certain things funny. I didn’t just “comply with  political correctness” and keep them to myself. I just ceased to see humor in those things because they were mean for no reason, they didn’t make me happy, they weren’t necessary, they didn’t attract people into my life who were especially kind or enjoyable to talk to and I eventually realized that I only regarded those things as comedy material to begin with because everyone else was doing it and it generated upvotes.

*butthurt comedian voice* thanks to political correctness it’s like you can’t even say incendiary shit to generate social capital anymore

any noun can become a verb if you don’t care enough

This point is invalid unless you use an example in your sentence

I CAN SENTENCE HOW I WANT THANK

BEAUTIFUL

you see thats why i love english

I like to velociraptor around my house at 2 in the morning.

GOOD

My headache makes me want to clothesline into a wall

why do these make some semblance of sense 😨

Because brains don’t brain logically

Brains do brain logically! But when english doesn’t logic englishly, brain brains by itself to logic that english !

I hate that this makes sense