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the thoughts that women have while drunk peeing at the bar looking at their own underwear should be revered like the bible

when you see a calendar do you flip to your birth month to make sure your associated image slaps or are you some sort of freak

she really went through every stage of grief, huh?

I think she invented new stages of grief

guten fucking morgen

Isn't it amazing that we have a preferred side of the bed and then we meet someone whose side of the bed is the other one and when we sleep together its perfect. And then we invented hand-holding that serves no real purpose other than being close and bring comfort. And then maybe we meet someone that eats the parts of the food we don't like. Isn't it amazing how we keep finding new ways to fit ourselves in and around the people we love?

The worst thing in the entire world is when you’re sweeping a big pile of dirt into a dustpan and it leaves that little coke line of grit behind. No matter how you position your pan or your broom and no matter how many times you sweep over it your outcome cannot change. As immovable as fate. I hate it so

i wish you kinder, softer days that put your heart at ease

girls will have one (1) good day when they convince themselves they've never been unwell in their life and the next day the horrors will return

your honor. my client and i dgaf

“are you okay” no bro i constantly feel like i am too much but simultaneously not enough

I do like the new designs but also it's incredibly fucking funny that they're holding the Tumblr Logo Redesign Contest on instagram

Could have at least notified tumblr users

Zoos don't let the animals design the signs for their own enclosures

They should