noidables

Hi! Im may, noid, or syl. Im 17 years old and use any pronouns. I am happily taken by @thecatspasta !!

I have autism and adhd, and are taking medication for the latter. I also have CPTSD, DID, and personality disorders (bpd, npd, and dpd).

TLDR: if you know me irl, no you don’t !!! this is my safe space where i am open abt my disorders, relationships, opinions, discourse etc. especially anything about my trauma, or my system/did, please do not bring up irl unless we are in private :]. I know i go by a different name irl and all that, but know this(my online persona/blog) is my open/true self 👍

I have writing commissions open! [LINK TBA]

Here is my CARRD [LINK TBA]

Im pretty chill tbh. Idk we vibe. Ill update this later

DNI STUFF BRIEFLY

DNI; endo , polymind , sysplex , transid , radqueer , radfem , TERF , harassment ::: pro any of the above

THIN ICE; ‘stanceless’ or neu on harmful discourse. you can’t be ‘neutral’ when talking about oppression and harm, it places you on the harmful or oppressive side by letting it continue.

PLZ IW; selfshippers, antiendo systems, criminal minds fans, pw personality disorders

OTHER; i lean towards the ‘dni proship’ side, but it depends on what definition you use. I do not believe in romanticising abuse, incest, rape, etc. I encourage exploring dark topics in fiction and am anti-censorship, but pro-tagging. I do not consider myself a proshipper, and I think the community is harmful. However, nobody can agree on a definition. proshippers claim antis are pro-censorship, and antis claim proshippers are anti-tagging.

blogs i have

so im sick and tired of my entire tag being myself getting tortured or headcanons of me as transfem.

like have ur hcs thats fine right idc

but if we are headcanoning a man as transfem. why do we never hc a woman as transfem

or a man as transmasc. or a woman as transmasc.

And dont get me started on anyone whose neu/enby/other

why is the only headcanons i see for trans characters hc-ing men as transfem

if anything im transmasc . But everything is just ‘omg omg transfem!’ no. ur incorrect sorry idc

Maybe my dislike of feminine things and insistence of my masculinity is bc im trans. huh. huuuh.

This is an absolute lie. Like straight on a lie.

I made an accusation. YEARS ago. And the user/s, to my knowledge, have never been removed. (And i cant go back in the server bc. no duh

That did happen whether you wanted it to or not.

Silly me was too worried about getting a fucking handler out of the server than getting screenshots

This was also while the community server existed, just as it was created iirc.

This was *2024*. Yup.

Its also really fucking hard to find evidence for abuse that you didnt know was abuse until literally years after and all happened in vcs or multiple now-deleted servers because GASP ABUSERS ARE SMART AND KNOW HOW TO GROOM A CHILD IN A WAY WHERE THEY WONT FIND OUT UNTIL THEY HAVE NO SOLID PROOF.

What, do you want 14 year old me to have known they were getting groomed. To record every call where they were getting forced and coerced into doing things they really didnt want to do. For adults 5 years and *20 years* older?

I didnt realise it was grooming until i was TOLD that it was

I didnt realise everything else they did was bad until months later.

How can you blame me for having no proof. Am i supposed to suck it up and pretend it never happened because the servers were deleted?

Because thats exactly what they want to happen

sidesystems are exclusive to ramcoa because the defining feature of them are that they are intentionally created by an external programmer.

feel free to tag ur answers with #asks by io, I'd love to see them!

subsystem is a system in a system, typically within one alter but i believe there are other types that are a bit different than that (dont ask me exactly what theyre called, i do nawt remember)

They normally have blackout amnesia to the rest of the system and a ramcoa/oea system will likely not be aware they have a sidesystem at all.

They typically function as an entire system on their own (w parts to fulfil every function) and are normally fully programmed so that abusers can gain further total control over their victim (if any need can be fulfilled by those in the sidesys, and these parts are programmed, they have more control)

These are actually also the origin of ‘system hopping’, describing alters that can move between the sidesystem and main system

Here is a helpful graphic for subsystems && sidesystems. The latter portrays sidesystems only in the highest complexity, which would include a ramcoa exclusive sidesystem

If you are questioning if you are a RAMCOA survivor; you should not be sending in your memories to random people on Tumblr and asking if it’s RAMCOA. For your sake.

When we began questioning if we had been through it, we were struggling with only having surface level memories about what happened. So when we would ask people; “Is this RAMCOA?” And they’d say “No”, because that was not what we described, we’d take it to heart and fall into denial spirals. Those memories did LEAD to our prgrmming, but they weren’t the cause. But it’s hard to think that’s a possibility rationally when an outside source says “no”.

Like when garnet says to Stevenonnie “you aren’t one person, you aren’t two. You’re an experience. Make it a good one.” And the whole here comes a thought bit…

1. we dont use the ‘syspunk’ tag (n pretty sure never have)

2. even if we did we are going to use whatever tags we want because its our blog cant believe this is the 3rd time we are saying this

SYSPUNK IS ANTIENDO

SYSFREAK IS ANTIENDO

SYSTEMALITY / SYSALITY IS ANTIENDO

This one needs no explaining

It's the last paragraph, plus the "resetting" the system part (PROGRAMMED SYSTEM TERM)

Now, I'm not saying that every nontraumagenic system is a ruthless predator, trying to rope people into their group to manipulate them. I'm saying that this behavior is not something to be ignored. This behavior is unfortunately seen a decent amount, where people will go "have you looked into plurality for your symptoms?" or "have you tried making your own alters?", and many are unaware that they are contributing to the problem, at least in my opinion. It's become so normalized that it's just what they're supposed to do: Get people in, prevent them from leaving, and make the opposition the worst thing possible.

I find it especially worrying when minors are involved, as well as people with various mental disorders. People who are impressionable are going to be sucked in, and also in some cases may be fairly vocal in the scene. They shouldn't be spending their time worrying about symptoms that they may or may not truly have. In reality, they aren't seeing the options that they could be getting help for, and those improvements could better their life. Do they have a CDD, and are contributing this to something else? Is a different mental disorder confusing them? Or is this simply just them going down a rabbit hole that they struggle to escape, and they need a hand to help them out? Who knows?