i stand with my canceled wife

rise. live. fight. think about women. do not waver

I love visiting people who have some kind of pet reptile because they're always like "would you like to hold the reptile" and I'm like "of course I would" and then the rest of the conversation happens with me just holding a random reptile and the reptile Has No Feelings about the situation. They always just sit there, probably vaguely wishing to return to their heat lamp but clearly exuding an energy of This Might As Well Happen. and then I put it back in its enclosure and go home and the reptile very clearly has no strong feelings about the situation.

(flirting) i could be your problem

yeah i couldn’t be trusted with a penis id get hard from the way the sun shines through the leaves and everyone would hate me

Listen, I know we all very badly want the Official Mitch McConnell Crab Rave (and I still think we have a good chance of getting it), but you gotta admit, the sheer comedic value of ravenously hungering for Mitch Crab Rave for weeks, only for Lindsey Graham to pull a Big Diva Moment (TM) and die instead, was absolutely /chefs kiss/ incredible.