This Thing Upon Me Howls Like A Beast.

Being twenty two is a weird age, you’re old enough to drink but not old enough to rent a car. You can vote but aren’t really taken seriously when you voice your opinions on things. Sure you have a mind numbingly catchy Taylor Swift song that sometimes accurately describes how you’re feeling but other than that being twenty two is kind of boring. But that all changes when you take your bestfriend and current roommate Niall’s advice and take your car to a shop his boyfriend James recommends when the “check engine” light comes on for the fifth time in the last two months. It’s where you run into a man named Harry that looks far too put together to be sitting in the waiting area of a grimy dirty mechanic’s shop with his briefcase and button up. You don’t waste time in introducing yourself and that sets off a chain of events that will have you thinking that maybe being twenty two isn’t that boring after all.

Harry is in his early forties, works long hours, and follows the same routine each day. He spends most evenings at home, avoids last-minute plans, and rarely seeks out excitement. Through a previous marriage that ended years ago, he has a twenty one year old son named James who lives with him. All in all Harry thinks he has everything he could possibly need out of life, he’s got a handful of friends that he can count on to be there when he needs them, a son who is as far as Harry knows is in a new and healthy relationship and in Harry’s eyes he can’t really ask for much else. While he is happy with his life, Harry will also admit that sometimes it can be a bit boring. That all changes the day he meets you while waiting for his car to be ready after a routine oil change, having been going to the same mechanic for years he’s become good friends with the owner Mitch. You’re all smiles with an infectious personality and the moment you shake his hand and give him your name Harry gets a funny feeling that his life is about to get a lot less boring.

Shit.

9:17 AM. 

Dress rehearsal started at 9.

Shit, shit, shit.

You had never moved so fast in your life, throwing on yesterday’s clothes, not bothering with makeup, hair crazy, but fuck it, you knew you had the hair and makeup team. Your phone never stopped buzzing, the caller clearly on a mission—seven missed calls, twelve texts, all from Harry. You didn’t read them. Couldn’t. Not when you were already twenty minutes late to the most important rehearsal of your life.

The theater parking lot was full, everyone already inside, already working, already on their way to immaculate glory as you stumbled through the stage door looking like you had been dragged through hell to get here. The sudden silence that fell when you entered spoke volumes, the mood in the theater already cold, and you knew what was coming next.

“How nice of you to join us.” Harry’s voice cut through the air like a blade halting you in place, and when you turned to face him, his expression was as hard as stone. This wasn’t your Harry, wasn’t even the conflicted Harry from yesterday. This was professional Harry, pure and simple, and he was pissed. “We’ve been holding for twenty-three minutes. Twenty-three minutes that we don’t have, waiting for our lead actress to grace us with her presence.”

Every eye in the theater was on you, and Derek leaned against the piano, smirking, Mia standing with her arms crossed, looking somewhere torn between satisfaction and secondhand embarrassment… such a bitch …Even Danny, sweet, sweet Danny, who was definitely on your team yesterday, couldn’t meet your gaze.

“I’m sorry, I—”

“I don’t have time for excuses.” He interrupted, voice rising, echoing in the space. “This is the last dress rehearsal. This is when we work out the final kinks before an audience sees this show. But how can we do that when our lead thinks her time is more valuable than everyone else’s?”

His words were like swallowing down glass, each one sharp-edged and ready to hurt. And they did. God, they did. But as you stood there, feeling the pressing force of everyone’s judgment, something peculiar started tingling at the tips of your fingers. Rather than shrinking or apologizing, or becoming the people pleaser you were, you let the hurt sink deep into your bones like slow, hot liquid, let it take you as it began to course through your blood, hot and thick.

Let it transform you.

Ophelia knew this feeling.

Knew this public humiliation—this sense of being displayed and scrutinized for others’ entertainment.

“You’re right,” you said, calm and flat, steady in a way that seemed to surprise him. “There’s no excuse. It won’t happen again.”

He blinked, thrown by your composure as you straightened your spine. “Good. Then get to hair and makeup. We’re starting with Act two in fifteen minutes.”

You nodded once, turned on your heel, and walked to the dressing room with your spine straight and your head held high. Let them whisper, you thought, let them judge for all you cared because a piece of you just won. You would become this character, you would show them all.

The pressure was on as your transformation in hair and makeup began, swift and brutal. There was no mercy as they yanked your hair into elaborate styles and painted your face to perfection. Aggressive hands pulling at strings as they cinched you into corsets that made breathing a conscious effort. Through it all, you stared at yourself in the mirror and watched as you disappeared, piece by piece, until only Ophelia remained.

By the time you took your place for Act Two, Scene Five—the kissing scene—you were her incarnation, as you lived and breathed, so did she.

You watched as Derek sauntered over, and for once, his arrogance served the character. He had clearly decided to lean into the tension, probably hoping to get a rise out of Harry. His hand found your waist during the blocking, fingers pressing just a little too tight against the boning of your corset.

But if Harry didn’t care, neither did you.

“You look exquisite,” he whispered, leaning into your ear, and it should have been Hamlet’s line, but the way his eyes traveled over you made it clear he meant it as Derek. “Harry’s an idiot if he can’t see what he has.”

And instead of your usual answer, you let Ophelia answer, let her tragic knowledge stain your words. “Perhaps what he has and what he wants are two different things.”

Derek’s eyes narrowed with interest. “And what do you want?”

“To tell this story,” you said, absolutely. “To honor her tragedy with truth.”

And as the scene began, you poured everything into it. Every confused feeling about Harry, every moment of abandonment, every ounce of hurt—you channeled it all into Ophelia’s desperate love for Hamlet. When Derek pulled you close, you didn’t resist. When his hands framed your face with a surprising gentleness, you leaned into it. And when he kissed you, you kissed him back like your life depended on it.

Because Ophelia would do it, because Ophelia loved with the kind of abandon that destroyed worlds, that brought kingdoms to their knees, she loved without thought for consequence or propriety or the watching eyes of the court.

She loved even when she knew she had everything to lose.

When you finally broke apart, chest heaving beneath the constraints of your corset, the theater was silent, and you found Harry’s eyes across the space, and for just the briefest moment, you saw something primal and hungry there. A flash of the man who had pressed you into your mattress two nights ago, whispering praise, after praise against your skin as your bodies melded as one.

It was just a flash, and then it was gone, replaced by the professional mask. But you had seen it, without a doubt, felt the chill up your spine at the thought. That tiny rupture in his armor, that hint of a smirk playing at his lips before he schooled his expression back to neutral.

You had him; he was still yours.

And this was merely a game of give and take.

“Better,” he said curtly. “Now, let’s reset for the top of Act Three.” And you watched him and the director share a knowing nod, that felt like a collective sigh of relief falling over the room.

The next two hours were scene after scene, each one drawing you deeper into Ophelia’s unraveling, as her madness filled your brain. It was like magic the way you found the manic edge to her laughter, or the way her hands shook as she distributed her flowers, the hollow look in her eyes as she spoke of her father’s death. With each scene, you felt yourself splintering, each fragment breaking apart like she was.

And then came the final act—the death of Ophelia.

You had read it a hundred times, analyzed it in your literature classes, even written papers on the symbolism of water and flowers, and how they correlated to feminine madness. But standing there in your water-stained dress, trying to capture the moment when a girl chooses oblivion over a world that has betrayed her at every turn, you couldn’t find it.

“Stop.” Harry’s voice snapped like a lash across your fragile nerves. “What was that supposed to be?”

And you straightened from your position on the platform that was supposed to represent the riverbank. “I was trying to—”

“You were trying to die prettily,” he cut you off, stepping closer to the stage. “This isn’t some romantic fade to black. This is a girl who has lost everything. Her father is dead, her lover has rejected her, her brother is gone, and everyone she’s ever trusted has abandoned her. She’s not making some noble sacrifice. She’s broken. Destroyed. There’s nothing left.”

And as the words left his mouth, you knew in your heart they were true, that what you were giving them now wasn’t that, but suddenly it didn’t feel like he was talking about Ophelia anymore, not really. Or maybe he was. Maybe that was the point; you didn’t know anymore. It was all hitting too close to home. 

Yet in that moment, you missed him, 

“Again,” he demanded.

You tried like fucking hell, each time. But it still wasn’t right, still too controlled, too conscious, even you felt it, but you wanted it too, and you wanted to make him happy.

Could you not have both? 

“Again.” He yelled, making you jump.

And this time, you let some of the desperation creep in, let your voice crack on her final words, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Again.” Harry was closer now, had climbed the steps to the stage, narrowing your view of the theater to just him. “Stop thinking about how it fucking looks. Stop trying to preserve some shred of dignity. There is no dignity in this moment. There’s nothing but the weight of water filling your lungs and the knowledge that no one is coming to save you.”

That’s when the tears came, big hot tears—real ones, not the stage tears you had been mastering. “I don’t—”

“You don’t what?” And his voice was harsh, relentless. “You don’t know how to let go? You don’t know how to stop being perfect for five fucking seconds and just feel something real?”

“Harry—” Derek started from the wings, but Harry whirled on him.

“Don’t. This is what she needs. This is what the show needs.” When he turned back to you, his eyes were wild, desperate in a way you had never seen before. “You want to be Ophelia? Then be her. Stop holding back. Stop trying to protect yourself. Let it fucking destroy you.”

Every eye in that room was on you, the entire cast and crew watching in stunned silence as Harry tore what was left of you apart, piece by delicate piece. Every guard, every wall you had ever built—he demolished for the greater good of the play, and maybe there was still a piece that knew you needed this push, but in that moment, you couldn’t remember the why, and as he pushed and pushed until he flayed you open, you let him, and when he hollowed you out and laid you bare, feeling empty and alone you tried—

“I can’t,” you finally gasped, tears spilling down the sides of your face, and you weren’t sure if you were speaking as yourself or as Ophelia anymore. “I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t—”

“Good,” Harry said quietly as you met his eye. “Now you’re ready. Again.”

And this time, when you spoke Ophelia’s final words, they came from that hollowed place inside you, from the numbness that exists after the pain becomes too much to bear. You didn’t try to die beautifully. You just… stopped. Let the weight of everything pull you under. Surrendered to the inevitable with the kind of exhaustion that comes from fighting a battle you were always destined to lose, and as you sank into that black hole, you felt yourself let go.

Then the lights were dimming on your still form, as the deafening silence set in.

“That,” Harry said softly, “was perfect.”

But you couldn’t move. Couldn’t remember how to come back to yourself, and you lay there on the platform, dress spread around you like water weeds, and wondered if this was what drowning felt like. If Ophelia had felt this same strange peace in those final moments.

“Alright, everyone,” the director shouted, but her voice seemed to come from far away, distant to your numb ears. “That’s our dress rehearsal. Final call is at five tomorrow. Get some rest.”

There was movement as people began to gather their things as hushed whispers about what they had just witnessed caught on your ear. You knew you should get up. Should move. But your body felt disconnected from your mind, like you were floating somewhere above it all, watching the world move around you from a bird’s eye view.

“Hey.” And then you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder. Mia, of all people, looking at you with something like understanding. “You okay?”

You blinked up at her, trying to remember how words worked, as you wiped the last of your tears away. “I’m fine.”

But she didn’t look convinced. “That was… intense. What Harry did—but that final scene was breathtaking, girl, seriously… wow.”

“Yeah… I guess it’s what I needed,” you told her, forcing yourself to sit up. Your voice sounded strange, still distant and hollow. “He was right.”

Mia’s expression was unreadable. “Maybe. But there’s being right and there’s being cruel. And that felt—”

“Necessary,” you finished, standing on shaky legs. “Excuse me.”

And you walked to the dressing room on autopilot, each movement muscle memory as you removed your costume, wiping away the stage makeup, pulling on clothes that were yours yet foreign as they fell against your frame. Your hands moved without conscious thought, folding Ophelia’s dress with a delicate hand before hanging it back on its designated hook.

When you emerged, most of the cast had cleared out. But Harry was there, hovering near the exit, clearly waiting, and when he saw you, Holy fuck, the regret there. The apology already forming on his lips, you knew exactly what was coming, but you couldn’t. Not now. Not when you could still feel Ophelia clinging to your skin like river water.

So you did something you had never done before. You walked right past him.

“Love, wait—”

You knew he couldn’t chase after you, that his job here wasn’t done, and instead of going through the normal exit, you took the side exit to the back parking lot. The one he wouldn’t expect you to use. From a distance, you saw your car, but you kept walking. Your feet were moving on their own accord, taking you out of the lot entirely. You couldn’t go home. Home smelled like him, felt like him. Home would remind you of who you were supposed to be outside the walls of that theater.

And you couldn’t be her right now.

There was a hotel three blocks away, nothing special. A chain establishment that catered to business travelers and families passing through. But you knew they would have rooms available and wouldn’t ask questions when you paid with the emergency credit card your parents had given you years ago for “real emergencies only.”

This felt like an emergency. A crisis of self, maybe. Or perhaps this was what method acting really meant, right?—losing yourself so entirely that you needed a neutral space to remember where the character ended and you began.

Your phone was already buzzing before you had even gotten your key card to work.

H: Baby, I’m so sorry. That wasn’t—I didn’t mean for it to go that far. Please just let me explain??? 

H: Please just let me know you’re okay.

H: I know you’re not home. Your car is still here but you’re not. Where are you?

H: I fucked up. I know I fucked up. Please just talk to me. Can we please just talk about this? I know this got weird.

Three missed calls. Four. Then seven.

A voicemail: 

“Love, I—Christ, I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I pushed too hard. I let the show get in my head… and I took it out on you… And that’s not—that’s inexcusable. Please. Just let me know you’re safe. I’m freaking out, love. Please just call me back.”

All you could do was stare at the messages, feeling nothing at all. Or no—feeling everything, but from a distance, feeling so far removed from yourself that it might as well be nothing. Like watching someone else’s life through a hazy lens.

Another call came through. This time, you answered.

“Thank God,” Harry breathed. “Baby, where are you? I’ll come get you. We can talk—”

“Everything’s fine,” you said, and somehow your tone was calm, level, even. Dead. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You’re not fine.” And his voice cracked. “I know you’re not fine. What I did up there—”

“It’s what the show needed. You were right.”

“Fuck the show!” He yelled, and maybe yesterday this would have startled you, but today, it barely registered. “I care about you. You’re more important than any bloody play. I swear!”

“I just need to be alone tonight.” Each word came out measured and precise. “Can you respect that?”

You heard him sniffle on the other end, the sound of Harry actually crying, and something in your chest ached for the guy you loved, but you couldn’t let that version of him in right now, because now the pain was becoming distant, a muffled ache through layers of gauze, something time would fix later, but right now you were still under water with Ophelia.

And that is where you would remain.

“Please…” he whispered. “Please don’t shut me out. I know I’ve been shit at balancing this, at being your boyfriend and being—but I love you. You know I love you. God, I love you so much, and I’m stupid and dumb… and everything you’re thinking. I’m all those things… and I promise this could all be different.”

“I know.”

“Then come home. Or let me come to you. We don’t have to talk, we can just—”

“Harry.” You said, cutting him off as you stepped into the bathroom, and you caught your reflection in the hotel mirror, suddenly staring back at a stranger. Sunken-eyed and hollow, like she had already drowned and just hadn’t realized it yet. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait—”

And you hung up without another thought.

Then you turned off your phone entirely, set it face down on the nightstand, and ran a bath. The water was too hot, hot enough to turn your skin red in blotchy patches, but you sank into it anyway. Let it cover you completely, held your breath, and counted the seconds until your lungs burned, until you didn’t think you could stay under any longer.

This is what she felt, you thought. This is what it means to choose the water.

When you finally surfaced, gasping, you understood Ophelia in a way no amount of character analysis could have taught you.

Tomorrow, you would give them tragedy. You would break hearts and haunt dreams and make them understand the price you had to pay for abandonment, for the consequence of love that consumes everything it touches.

But tonight, you would practice drowning.

And yet here was irony trying to hold your hand, because it was never lost—Somewhere deep down, you knew that in trying to protect Harry’s dream, you might have destroyed something greatly treasured. But then again, wasn’t that what tragedy was? The inevitable collapse of beautiful things, the price of wanting too much, or loving too deeply, for maybe holding on too tight?

You closed your eyes and let yourself sink under the water again.

After all, every Ophelia needed to know how it felt to drown.

The Next morning, your room service tray sat untouched on the small hotel table, its contents growing stale as you stared at it blankly. You had ordered Ophelia’s last meal—or what you imagined it might have been. Simple bread, cheese, and a single apple. The kind of meager fare a girl in mourning might pick at while her whole world collapsed around her.

The bread had hardened at the edges, the cheese developing that slight plastic sheen of neglect. Even the apple had begun to brown where you had taken your only bite an hour ago, the flesh already oxidizing like everything else in this sterile room. You had specifically requested the cheapest items on the menu, wanting to feel what she might have felt—that sense of everything good being stripped away, leaving only the bare minimum to sustain a body that barely wanted sustaining.

It was ridiculous, you knew it, the method acting experiment now spiraling into something darker than you had intended. But as you sat there in the silence of your hotel room, still in yesterday’s clothes because you couldn’t bear to go home for fresh ones, you understood something about loneliness that no amount of character study could have taught you.

The clothes themselves had become a kind of safety, wrinkled and permeated with yesterday’s sweat and tears, carrying the scent of the theater that had worked its way into the fabric, and you couldn’t remember if you had actually closed your eyes to sleep… if you could call it sleeping. It had happened in doses, fits, and starts. Nightmares waking you with a gasp from a vision of water filling your lungs as your hands clawed at the sheets as if they were lily pads that couldn’t hold your weight.

Ophelia had been surrounded by people—a castle full of courtiers, servants, and family. Yet she had been devastatingly and utterly alone. No one saw her drowning until she was already beneath the water. They saw the madness, yes—made a spectacle of it, whispered behind their hands about poor, broken Ophelia. But not one of them had reached out a hand to pull her back from the edge.

No one came to save her. 

You forced yourself to take a bite of bread, working it around your mouth until it turned into a thick paste, dry and choking. You washed it down with water, each sip almost haunting, everything coming back to water—and as you swallowed, you imagined it was river water, silted with mud and tangled with roots.

The hours seemed to crawl by in a hazy fever dream. Sometimes, you were yourself, checking the time, going through your pre-show routine, trying not to think about all the messages still waiting unheard on your silenced phone. But then you would catch sight of yourself in the mirror, or feel the ghostly weight of water in your lungs, and suddenly you were her again—Ophelia—trapped between madness and clarity, love and betrayal, life and whatever came after.

By three o’clock, you couldn’t stand it anymore, couldn’t shake the feeling that the walls were closing in, the silence too loud, the anticipation of what was coming pressing down until you could barely breathe. You needed air, needed movement. Something to bridge the gap between the girl who had checked into the room and the one who would walk on stage in two hours.

The park across from the hotel was nearly empty, just a few joggers and dog walkers enjoying the afternoon sun. You found a bench near the pond—of course, there was water, because you were never too far from a reminder, and as the reminder set in, you finally let yourself cry, truly cry.

Not the pretty stage tears you had to work yourself up to shed, the graceful drops that looked moving under stage lights. These were ugly tears, fat, hot tears that contorted your entire face as your shoulders shook, and sobs slipped past your lips. You were crying for Ophelia, for a fictional girl who had lived and died four hundred years ago in Shakespeare’s imagination. How fucking ridiculous was that?

Silly, right? 

And yet, weren’t you also crying for every girl who had ever loved too much and lost herself in the process? Every woman who had been told to be quiet, to be smaller, to be less? Every person who had chosen oblivion over a world that demanded they break themselves to fit into a mold that was never made for them? 

Because this role was more than just a story now to portray, it was your life being projected back at you, because how many women could say they felt the same, or could relate to Ophelia in some kind of way? 

“Get it together,” you breathed, wiping your face with your sleeve. “She’s not even real. This is just a play. You’re being dramatic.”

But that was the thing about tragedy, wasn’t it? It felt real because it was real, in a thousand different ways, in a thousand different lives. Ophelia was every girl who had ever drowned in her own sorrow, and tomorrow someone else in the world would play her, and someone else after that, and the drowning would go on and on because that’s what stories did—they told the truth even when they’re lying dormant in your mind. 

At 4:45, you stood outside the theater’s stage door, hand on the handle. Inside, you could already hear the buzz of opening night energy—voices calling out, heels clicking on floors, the distinctive sound of a production coming to life—had lived vicariously through Harry long enough for this part to be familiar. You knew that once you walked through this door, there was no going back. You would become her completely, and maybe, when the curtain fell, you hoped on everything that you would remember how to find yourself again.

And as you pushed open the door, you inhaled Ophelia and exhaled yourself. 

Backstage was a whirlwind of controlled chaos. Crew members rushing past with last-minute prop adjustments, actors running lines in corners, and the air thrummed with the kind of excitement and terror that only opening night could produce, and you moved through it all with only one purpose, your body knowing where to go even as your mind floated somewhere above it all.

Hair and makeup were a mad rush as brushes pulled, and pins were pushed into your hair one after another. The transformation was efficient; their hands moving professionally, understanding without words that you needed the ritual of it. Each stroke of makeup was another layer of yourself gone, each precisely placed pin another step away from the girl who had cried in the park and toward the girl who would die on that stage.

It was in the mirror that you first saw him.

Harry stood in the doorway, partially obscured by the bustle of the makeup station, but your eyes found his reflection immediately. He looked tired—exhausted, really. His usually curly hair, raked through like he hadn’t stopped running his hands through it, a nervous habit, he could never break. There were shadows under his eyes that matched your own, proof that he was just as bad off, maybe even worse. 

 Then he spotted you, eyes meeting your reflection.

For a long moment, you just stared at each other through the glass, sharing a look you knew best, a look you had been waiting for, an entire conversation passing through the silence of a knowing gaze—apology and understanding, love and hurt, professional respect verses a personal longing that all tangled together in a knot neither one of you could untie. Not here. Not now.

You gave him the slightest nod, a wordless gesture conveying thoughts that yearned to be said… I see you. I understand. We have a job to do.

And when he nodded back, something in his shoulders seemed to relax, sending his silent answer… I know. I’m here. We’ll get through this.

“These just arrived for you,” someone said, and you turned to see a crew member setting down an enormous arrangement of sunflowers on your dressing table, the sight so beautiful they nearly stole your breath, each one vibrant and alive in a way that felt almost tumultuous under the fluorescent lights of the dressing room.

Without thought, your hands searched for a card, but there was nothing. When you looked back at the mirror, Harry was watching you with a soft control in his expression, and he tilted his head slightly toward the flowers, then gave the ghost of a smile.

Sunflowers. Not roses, which would have been romantic, but in this case, not suitable. Not lilies, which would have been too on the nose, but sunflowers—bright and sturdy, completely unconventional, a flower with a mind of its own, always facing the light no matter what. 

They survived.

“Ten minutes to places!” Then Danny appeared at your elbow, costume in hand. “Let’s get you dressed, superstar.”

Five minutes passed in the blink of an eye as corsets tightened, and fabric settled. When you returned to your dressing table to go over your lines one last time, not that you needed to, they were etched into your bones by now, there was Harry with the director waiting. 

“We just wanted to wish you luck,” the director said warmly, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Though I don’t think you need it. You’ve got this.”

“Thank you,” you told them, eyes flicking between them both. 

She squeezed your shoulder once more and moved on to the next actor, but Harry lingered, then you watched as he pulled an envelope from his inner suitcoat pocket, handing it out to you.

“What I wanted to say wouldn’t fit on a tiny flower note,” he said quietly, glancing at the sunflowers.

You took the envelope, suddenly aware of everyone’s eyes on you both. After all, this was still a professional space, still a place where you had to co-exist in your respectable roles, not as girlfriend and boyfriend, and you felt the weight of unspoken words pressing between you, as a knot formed in your throat.

And in that moment, all you wanted to say was, “I miss you.”

Then Harry’s hand dropped to the dressing table, seemingly casual as he turned to speak to the actor next to you, and you held your breath as you observed his knuckles rap against the wood surface—three distinct knocks as deliberate, and measured as breathing.

I. Love. You.

You stared at the rings on his fingers, imagining the cool metal grazing your cheek, and your throat tightened. He snuck a glance over his shoulder, catching your eye, and winked—so quick anyone watching would have missed it, and just like that, he was walking away, all business again, checking in with other cast members like the moment hadn’t happened.

And you shoved the envelope into your bag unopened, right next to your phone that had stayed dark since last night. Whatever Harry had written, you couldn’t read it now. Couldn’t risk disrupting the delicately crafted walls that were barely keeping you upright.

“Places!” The stage manager shouted, voice cutting through all the chatter. “This is your place’s call for the top of the show!”

Calmly, you stood, smoothing down your costume one last time. In the mirror, Ophelia looked back at you—young and doomed, her heartbreaking beauty its own tragedy. You had carried her with you for the past twenty-four hours, let her seep into your skin and bones, and now it was time to give her to the audience, to let them carry her story for a while.

The walk to the wings felt both endless as Ophelia’s thoughts started creeping in, the closer you got to the stage. Other actors nodded at you, offering quick touches of support, but it all felt far away, happening to someone else. When Derek tried to catch your arm to deliver what he probably thought was encouragement, you slipped past him without acknowledgment. There was only room for one thing in your mind now.

Ophelia.

And all at once, the lights began to dim, and the audience hushed to silence… And suddenly, you couldn’t remember anything—your entrance. Your first line. The blocking you had seen rehearsed numerous times seemed to all vanish like smoke into thin air, leaving only a blank palette in your mind, as the rabbit-quick beat of your heart pounded in your ears.

Then the music swelled, your cue light flashed, and like a miracle, muscle memory took over, and you walked onto the stage, your whole body tingling with the warmth rising to a flesh that was no longer yours.

The first act flew by in a breathless rush, every line flowing like water downstream, every movement exact yet organic. You felt the audience’s energy coursing through you, a collective breath held as they watched Ophelia’s world unravel. When Derek’s Hamlet first touched your hand, you felt it as she would have—that electric shock of forbidden desire, that left you with the dreadful sweetness of wanting what you knew would destroy you.

By the time you reached the mad scene, distributing flowers to the court, you were so deep in her psyche that the theater had ceased to exist. There was only the looming consequence of grief, the rupture of a mind pushed beyond endurance, and the painstaking clarity that comes when nothing else matters anymore.

“There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance,” you said, your voice high and unfamiliar. “Pray you, love, remember. And there is pansies, that’s for thoughts.”

In those moments, the words were no longer lines. They were truths, confessions laid bare. The last desperate attempt a drowning girl would make to someone, anyone, to understand. The audience was so quiet that you could hear your own heartbeat, quick and fluttering like a bird housed in a cage that was too small.

Then, finally, the last scene.

And as you lay on the platform that had become your entire world, feeling the imagined weight of water rising around you, because in your mind, you weren’t on a stage anymore. You were by the brook, flowers in your hair, your heavy dress already pulling you down with each step into the water.

There is a willow grows aslant the brook, the narrator spoke, but you barely heard her. You were already half-gone, somewhere suspended in that liminal space between breathing and drowning.

This, you thought, this was what Ophelia must have felt in those last moments, when fear was no longer a stranger, but a kindness bestowed, as sadness slipped away like a feather in the morning breeze. When all that was left was just the bone-deep exhaustion, a readiness to stop fighting a fight, she could no longer win—the water was cold at first, then warm, then it was everything, and as it seeped into your lungs, your thoughts, into the spaces between your ribs where hope once prevailed and love once lived…

You thought of Harry. 

Not as yourself, of course, but as Ophelia might have thought of Hamlet in those final moments. What were her last thoughts? Did she forgive him? Did she curse him? Or was he just another ghost by then, no more real than her father, or the flowers that were already dissolving in her hands, because even the beauty of a flower couldn’t last forever.

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow, you whispered to yourself—not Ophelia’s line, but Hamlet’s, borrowed in a breath of closure, because maybe even in death they could have shared words the way they never could in life.

Because even when love betrays you, there’s still a whisper of hope.

And as the water closed over your head. You raised a delicate hand as if reaching for something, as if reaching for salvation, or love, as the surface slowly cloaked you in the dark veil of water. And in that moment of letting go, you understood something profound, because even if the way Ophelia chose her ending was a path you would never take, there was beauty in it, in the choosing, even if that ending was tragedy. There was still a choice. 

The power to choose her own narrative in a world that would have never been hers. Ophelia hadn’t just died. She had taken back the one thing they could never steal—her right to leave on her own terms. In a world that demanded she break herself to fit, she had chosen to break completely, and there was power in that—terribly heartbreaking power, but power all the same.

Because she chose herself, you thought, as your eyes drifted closed, and your breathing stilled. And for a moment that stretched like the darkness of eternity, giving yourself permission to sink into that beautiful oblivion of fate, of a destiny chosen. You were no longer acting, no longer pretending… You were gone.

And then there was silence, complete and absolute.

Then out of the darkness, the explosion of applause crashed over you like a wave, pulling you back from whatever dark place you had allowed yourself to travel to, and you gasped in a sharp intake of air, that filled your lungs with a splintering ache as if it were the first breath of life, and you sat up, and for a moment, you couldn’t remember where you were, or who you were.

The lights were blinding as you looked around, the audience on their feet, and there, in the front row, was Harry.

Your love, your life, openly crying and unashamed, crying real tears that wet his cheeks in shiny streaks as his hands came together in thunderous applause. When your eyes met his, he brought his fingers to his lips and whistled, a loud, sharp sound of pride and joy, cutting through the noise of everything else.

And you smiled—the first genuine smile in what felt like days as the cast gathered around you to take their bows, but for just that moment, it was just you and Harry, connecting across the footlights by something stronger than the distance you had both put between each other.

Then Derek’s hand was on your elbow, pulling you to your feet for the company bows, yet his grip was too possessive, his smile too wide as he raised your joined hands to accept the applause, and the moment was ruined. Derek suddenly stealing your joy.

As soon as the curtain fell, you wrenched away from him.

“Hey, we should celebrate—” he started, but you were already moving, driven by a new purpose.

You needed to read Harry’s letter. Needed to shed Ophelia’s skin before she became permanent. You knew the main dressing rooms would be complete fucking chaos, cast members changing for the afterparty, everyone wanting to talk, so you slipped sideways into a stairwell you had discovered one day during rehearsals. It was quiet there, just emergency lighting and concrete walls.

And as you pulled the envelope from your bag with shaky hands, you gazed down at your name, written across the stark white paper in Harry’s attentive script, and just seeing it made your heart swell.

Inside was a single sheet of paper, covered in his handwriting.

My darling,

I’m writing this at 3 AM, sitting in my car outside your apartment because I can’t bring myself to leave even though I know you’re not there. I’ve started this letter twelve times and torn them all up because how do you find words for someone who means the world? Let alone apologize for letting this production, my ambitions, this bullshit need to prove myself create distance between us? When I swear all I’ve wanted this entire time was to be with you, sharing this in a way that could have been ours.

How do I say “thank you” when even that doesn’t feel like enough? Because darling, you have been extraordinary. Not just as Ophelia— though watching you transend into her has been like watching magic happen—but as the woman who has stood by me through every moment of this journey. You’ve always celebrated my victories and soothed my defeats. You’ve been more than patient when I’ve been completely insufferable (which, let’s be honest, has been most of the time lately). And worse, you’ve made yourself smaller so I could feel bigger, and that feels unforgivable. Especially when I know the woman you are, and all the things you’re capable of.

When I watch you on that stage, I see someone who shouldn’t be in anyone’s shadow, least of all mine, because you shine with a light that’s entirely your own, and I’m in awe of it. In awe of you. You’re talented, of course, my love, but more than that, you’re kind, you’re strong, and you have this unexplainable power to find truth in every moment. Beauty beams through every facet of your existence, and I know words would never be enough.

I know I’ve let you down over the past couple of days. I’ve been so caught up in being professional that I forgot to be human. I’ve been so focused on the show that I forgot what really matters, and that’s you. You matter. You will always matter more than any production, any career move, any success, because you’re the reason for all my success, the foundation—my home.

Love, I am so honored that I got to share this first major step with you. But more than anything, I’m honored that you chose to share this chapter of life with me. I’m so in love with you—desperately, fully, eternally in love with you. And I’m so lucky. I couldn’t imagine doing any of this without you, and I hope I never will.

I respect you. I admire you. I love you.

All my love,

H.

P.S. - The sunflowers are because, in my eyes, you’re always facing the light, even when everything feels dark. And because they’re stubborn and beautiful and unimaginably hard to ignore. Like you.

You knew the tears would come, but these were different, cleansing as they washed away the last traces of Ophelia, leaving just you, the person you were before all of this, the person you were now—tired and emotionally drained, and ready to find your way back to Harry.

So you folded the letter carefully, held it to your chest for a moment to bask in the gratitude, then stood. You had an afterparty to get to. A celebration to attend. And somewhere in that crowd was the man who saw you not as Ophelia, not as the understudy who had made good, but as yourself.

And now, it was time to remember who that was.

The dressing room was empty when you finally made it back; everyone else had already changed and headed to the party, and you were grateful for the solitude—you needed this moment alone, this private ceremony of returning to yourself in the silence.

Your hands moved to the buttons of Ophelia’s dress, working them free one by one, and with each small liberation, you felt something shift as the heavy fabric parted like curtains letting in light, slowly revealing the body beneath—your body, not hers, was still here, still breathing—still whole despite the drowning.

The dress pooled at your feet, a puddle of brocade and memories, and you stepped out of it with caution, as if it might reach up and pull you back under. The corset came next, as the stays began to loosen, until you could finally, truly breathe, and with each deep lungful of air, you tasted freedom and survival—you tasted yourself.

And when you stood before the mirror in just your slip, stage makeup smeared and running, hair still wild from the last act. It was like seeing yourself for the first time in days, you standing there, taking in every detail of yourself. Not Ophelia, or Harry’s girlfriend. 

But just as you.

“Hello,” you whispered to your reflection, and almost laughed at how strange your voice sounded, at the silly gesture that felt more like an introduction to someone new than to an old friend.

And as you reached for the makeup wipes, you began the gradual process of unveiling the face beneath, and with each swipe, more of you emerged, delicate and true. There you were, the girl who had been there all along, underneath the performance, underneath the pain and pressure of it all.

As you worked, you found yourself cataloguing what you saw, but not with the normal criticism reserved for those days of self-loathing, that harsh critical eye that spoke its false truths. This was with something entirely different, something verging on wonder and content.

These eyes that everyone said disappeared in crowds? They saw everything, all the tiny details others missed—the way someone’s hands shook when they were nervous, the flicker of genuine emotion behind a practiced smile. You realized there was strength in observation, in the ability to truly see.

When your eyes flicked to your mouth, the same mouth that struggled to speak up in groups? You wanted to yell fuck you! to all the doubters, because this mouth just delivered Shakespeare’s words to a thousand people, had given voice to a character’s deepest pain and made strangers weep. You knew that when it mattered, when there was truth to tell, this mouth could shape and form words that were meant to touch the world.

And that was your power, and that was your gift.

Your eyes drifted to your hands reflected in the mirror, hands that Harry loved to hold. They were steady now, sure in their movements. These hands had gestured Ophelia’s madness into being, distributed invisible flowers with a heartbreaking precision, even you felt in your soul. They were artists’ hands, creators’ hands. These hands were capable.

And as you stood, your gaze traveled down your body, which Bailey had dismissed as “not fuckable”? But why did a body have to be fuckable when it was made for so much more than that, because this body had carried you through the physical demands of the performance, had bent and swayed until it surrendered in a way that made drowning look like dancing under the moon. Your body was for you and yours alone, a beautiful instrument, finely tuned and responsive. It deserved respect, not just desire.

Only objects could be given without one’s consent.

But none of the harsh words mattered anymore.

Because even if all these physical attributes failed you, what mattered most was your heart—your soft, kind, conscientious heart that everyone seemed to think was a weakness. It had loved fiercely enough to break a thousand hearts tonight. It had channeled empathy so deeply that even strangers felt seen in their own pain. Being soft didn’t have to mean weakness. It was a fucking superpower in a world that at most times was brutal and cynical.

And as you pulled on the simple black dress you had brought, smoothing it over your hips, you whispered a praise of gratitude to the universe. As you stared at yourself in the mirror, it felt strange to wear your own clothes again, to inhabit your own choices. But the good kind of strange, like coming home after a long journey.

As you fixed your hair into something more tamed, you thought about what you would take from this experience. Not just the applause or the validation of proving you could carry a lead role, you felt something deeper, something essential.

You had learned that kindness and strength weren’t opposites, but could move like companions, like light is to shadows. That maybe sometimes the most powerful thing you could do in any given moment was to feel everything fully, let it move through you without the resistance to fight, that there is bravery in the vulnerability of letting go, of letting others see you wholeheartedly.

Most importantly, you had learned that you didn’t need to make yourself smaller to make others comfortable. Your quietness wasn’t a flaw to be fixed, but a quality to be valued. In a world full of noise, sometimes the ability to create pockets of peace was its own gift.

You took one last look in the mirror, at the girl staring back, and even though she still had traces of wildness in her eyes, still carried echoes of the water, there was something undeniable, rising to the surface, something unapologetic, because staring back at you was yourself, you pure and simple, and that felt significant.

Then you gathered your things and headed for the party.

The celebration had taken over the entire second floor of the restaurant next door. You could hear it from the street, the laughter and music spilling out into the night like champagne fizz. As soon as you started to climb the stairs, your heart rate picked up. Somewhere in that crowd was Harry, and after days of distance, you ached to be near him again.

But the moment you entered, you were engulfed.

“There she is!” someone shouted, and suddenly everyone was turning, applauding, reaching for you with excited hands

“Absolutely transcendent—”

“I’ve never cried so hard at a show—”

“That final scene, my God—”

“You were robbed of this role from the beginning—”

As hands continued to pat your shoulders, and glasses of champagne were thrust into your grip, you searched for Harry as faces beamed at you with genuine admiration. It should have felt wonderful, and in a way, it did. But your eyes were scanning, combing, looking for the one face that mattered most.

Where was He?

And you moved through the crowd, accepting congratulations with grateful smiles, trying not to let your growing concern show. He should be here by now. This was his triumph too—he had fought for this casting change, had shaped the production with his vision. 

Why wasn’t he basking in the success?

“Looking for someone?” Then Danny appears at your elbow, glorious in a sequined jacket that catches the light like a star, and he presses a fresh glass of champagne into your hand, his eyes twinkling knowingly.

“Have you seen—”

“He stepped out about ten minutes ago,” Danny said gently. “Something about needing air. He looked... intense. But in like that hot, brooding way that man seems to do so effortlessly… I think he stepped out to work up a little courage.”

And your heart fluttered at the thought of him being nervous to see you. “Danny, I—”

“Go,” he said, squeezing your arm. “But not yet. Someone else needs to talk to you first.” He nodded toward the bar, then disappeared into the crowd with a wink.

Like a shock to the system, you turned to see Bailey approaching, and your stomach dropped. She looked different out of costume, smaller somehow, more human. In her hands was a bouquet of peonies, pink and white and somehow as perfect as she had seemed this whole time.

“Hi,” she said, stopping just out of reach as uncertainty flickered across her features. “These are for you.”

Politely, you accepted the flowers without hesitation, almost too surprised to speak.

“I owe you an apology,” Bailey continued, the words coming out in a rush. “Several, actually. For what I said in the dressing room, for what I implied on stage—it was cruel and not true, and to be honest, completely unfair.”

Your eyes swept over her face, studying her features, looking for the trap, the insult that might be hidden around the corner, but all you saw was sincere remorse.

“I was threatened,” she confessed. “You walked in on day one… and you were so quiet, I don’t know… I just never thought I would have to worry. I thought I could just dismiss you. But then you got on that stage and... fuck.” She laughed, but it was more self-deprecating than anything else. “You were everything I wasn’t. Natural where I was forced, truthful where I was performing. You made it look like everything I knew I could never embody.”

“Bailey—”

“I’m not finished,” she said, but not unkindly. “I hated you for it. Hated that you made it look so easy when I’d been struggling for weeks. But tonight, watching you... I get it now. It’s not easy for you at all, is it? You just make the hard look effortless. That’s a gift. One I don’t have. Not for this role at least.”

And as her words settled over you, you thought of the hotel room, the drowning, the days of losing yourself. “It wasn’t effortless.”

“No, you’re probably right,” she agreed. “But it was beautiful. And it was right. The role was always yours. I was just too proud to see it,” and her eyes flick to the flowers. “So I’m sorry. For all of it. And... thank you. For showing me what real acting looks like. I’ve clearly got some work to do... as hard as that is to admit…”

And fuck, she had gotten to you, loosening the grip on that angery you had felt. “Thank you. That means more than you know.”

Bailey smiled, maybe even the first smile you had ever seen from her. “Enjoy your night. You’ve earned it.” Then she paused. “And for what it’s worth? Harry’s an idiot if he doesn’t worship the ground you walk on.”

Before you could respond, she was gone, melting back into the party, and you stood there holding the peonies, feeling oddly lighter, another ghost laid to rest. 

Now, if you could just capture them all.

You made your way to the bar, needing a moment to catch your breath. The champagne Danny had given you was already warm, and you traded it for a fresh glass, taking a sip to steady yourself, as the bubbles fizzled across your tongue.

That’s when you felt it, a slow finger trailing across your low back, just above the line of your dress, and your spine stiffened. You knew without even looking who it was. The controlled touch, the calculated familiarity—only Derek would be bold enough to try this shit after everything, plus you could smell his shitty cologne.

The champagne sprayed back into your glass as you choked, whirling to face him, and he stood there smirking, that same entitled expression that had your skin crawling from the very first touch.

“Jumpy tonight, aren’t we?” And he leaned closer, cologne overwhelming. “Can’t say I blame you. All that adrenaline from the show. I know exactly how to help you... unwind.”

And just like that, something snapped within you.

With a controlled fury, your hand shot out, grabbing his wrist with every ounce of strength you could possess, and you watched as his eyes widened, your nails digging into his flesh, as you squeezed hard enough to grind the small delicate bones together.

“Unless I am in the middle of a scene,” you said, voice low and deadly calm, “that specifically calls for you to touch me, I suggest you keep your fucking hands to yourself.”

And you leaned into his space, reversing the power dynamic he had so adamantly relied on. Around you, the party continued, all laughter and clinking glasses, everyone captured in their oblivious joy. No one noticed the violence in your grip or the fear finally flashing in Derek’s eyes.

“I’ve been polite,” you continued, each word as precise as a freshly sharpened blade. “I’ve been professional. I’ve brushed off your shitty advances and all your fucking innuendos… and all the moments your disgusting hands have wandered… because I didn’t want to make a scene. But the show’s over now, Derek. And if you ever touch me again without my consent, I will make such a scene that—”

“Is there a problem here?”

Harry’s voice cut through your threat, and suddenly he was there, as solid and real as breathing, standing behind you. You had been so focused on Derek that you hadn’t noticed his approach, yet here he was, hand on your waist, chest pressing into your back.

You released Derek’s wrist, watching with satisfaction as he cradled it against his chest. “No,” you told him, eyes never leaving Derek’s face. “Not anymore...”

“Yeah… Course not,” Derek answered, trying to recover his composure. “Just congratulating our star on—”

“Outstanding performance tonight, Derek,” Harry interrupted smoothly, extended his hand for a shake, all professional courtesy, of course, and Derek had no choice but to accept, wincing as Harry gripped his already sore wrist.

Then Harry pulled him close, and although you couldn’t hear the words he whispered in Derek’s ear, you saw their effect, saw the color drain from Derek’s face as absolute terror replaced his usual smugness. When Harry released him, Derek stumbled back a step.

“I should—I need to—” Derek’s eyes darted between you and Harry. “I’m sorry. For my behavior. Throughout the production. It was inappropriate and unwelcome… and I’m—I’m sorry.”

Then he fled as you both exchanged a look, shoving through the crowd in his haste to escape.

“What did you say to him?” you asked, watching Derek’s retreat with immense satisfaction.

“Nothing he didn’t need to hear since the first time his hands lingered too long,” Harry said matter-of-factly, and then his face softened. “Are you okay?”

And then you were turning to face him for the first time in days, and dammit, his affect was instantaneous. He looked exhausted, yet more himself than he had all week. His hair was a disheveled mess of curls, but it worked for him, and you pulled at his bow tie, hanging loose and undone around his neck. But his eyes—those green eyes that saw all were clear and focused entirely on you.

“Can we talk?” you asked. “Somewhere private?”

He nodded immediately, and you let him guide you through the crowd, his hand gentle on your low back—nothing like Derek’s possessive touch, and he led you to a small balcony off the main room, separated by heavy curtains. Outside, the night air was cool and quiet, as the noise from the party muffled to a distant murmur.

For a moment, you just looked at each other, eyes tracing over one another’s features as if you were relearning the geography of each other’s faces.

“I’m sorry,” Harry started, but you pressed a finger to his lips.

“Wait,” you said. “Let me go first… Please.”

And he nodded against your finger, eyes wide.

“All of this… What you did—the way you pushed me, the professional distance we’ve had to keep… You throwing me into the deep end—it wasn’t ideal, and honestly, it hurt more than not… like a lot.” You felt him flinch, but continued. “But while most of that was hard to stomach… I also need to thank you.”

“Thank me?” He tried, but his voice was muffled against your finger.

And you dropped your hand, but moved closer. “The thing is… you’ve spent years building me up, telling me I was capable of more than I believed… and when the moment came, you didn’t coddle me. You didn’t let me hide. You forced me to prove it—to myself more than anyone—that you were right. That I always had it in me.”

“Love, I—”

“Harry, it’s like I finally found my voice,” you persisted. “Not just on stage, but in life… like before you walked up, I was setting a hard boundary with Derek… and somehow I managed to survive Bailey’s cruelty without shrinking... There’s so much about myself that I’m learning. Things that maybe would have taken me longer… had I not had this experience… and it’s all thanks to you, Harry.”

And then you reached up to cup his face, feeling the way he leaned into your touch like he had been dying for it.

“You believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. You saw something in me that I’m only just beginning to see, but baby, you’ve seen it this whole time… And granted, your methods were questionable at times, and we definitely need to talk about communication and boundaries, but... I’m proud of you. Of us. Of what we created together.”

“God…” Harry breathed, and then his lips were on yours.

The kiss was everything you had been longing for, desperate and tender as tears pricked your eyes. His large hands framed your face like you were the most beloved possession he could ever claim, like something that might disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough, and you kissed him back with everything you had—all the yearning that grew in the past few days, all the love that had grown and was now flourishing into unspoken promise of what was to come.

Because this was only the beginning, a breath of new life into something that was already fundamentally yours, and when you finally broke apart, both of you breathing hard, Harry pressed his forehead to yours and smiled.

“Can we please get out of here?” he rasped. “I’m dying to show you all the ways I love you… Preferably somewhere horizontal…And a lot more private. Very, very private.”

You laughed, the sound freeing in the night breeze. “I thought you would never ask.”

He grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together with a firm grip, like he wasn’t letting go anytime soon. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours is closer,” you pointed out.

“Well… Mine it is.” And he brought your joined hands to his lips, pushing a kiss to your knuckles. “Just a fair warning, love—I plan to keep you there for the foreseeable future. I’ve got days of worshipping to catch up on.”

“Just days?” you teased.

“Weeks,” he amended. “Months. Years, if you’ll let me.”

“Mmm,” you hummed softly, narrowing your eyes at him, “Forever sounds better…”

Holy fuck, the smile he gave you could have lit up the whole city. “Forever it is, then.”

And as he led you back through the party, you caught sight of yourself in a mirror, catching sight of only the familiar face that was yours, authentic and pure. You looked nothing like Ophelia now. You looked like a woman in love, ready for whatever came next.

And for the first time in days, that was exactly who you wanted to be.

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Main Masterlist<-

Shit.

9:17 AM. 

Dress rehearsal started at 9.

Shit, shit, shit.

You had never moved so fast in your life, throwing on yesterday’s clothes, not bothering with makeup, hair crazy, but fuck it, you knew you had the hair and makeup team. Your phone never stopped buzzing, the caller clearly on a mission—seven missed calls, twelve texts, all from Harry. You didn’t read them. Couldn’t. Not when you were already twenty minutes late to the most important rehearsal of your life.

The theater parking lot was full, everyone already inside, already working, already on their way to immaculate glory as you stumbled through the stage door looking like you had been dragged through hell to get here. The sudden silence that fell when you entered spoke volumes, the mood in the theater already cold, and you knew what was coming next.

“How nice of you to join us.” Harry’s voice cut through the air like a blade halting you in place, and when you turned to face him, his expression was as hard as stone. This wasn’t your Harry, wasn’t even the conflicted Harry from yesterday. This was professional Harry, pure and simple, and he was pissed. “We’ve been holding for twenty-three minutes. Twenty-three minutes that we don’t have, waiting for our lead actress to grace us with her presence.”

Every eye in the theater was on you, and Derek leaned against the piano, smirking, Mia standing with her arms crossed, looking somewhere torn between satisfaction and secondhand embarrassment… such a bitch …Even Danny, sweet, sweet Danny, who was definitely on your team yesterday, couldn’t meet your gaze.

“I’m sorry, I—”

“I don’t have time for excuses.” He interrupted, voice rising, echoing in the space. “This is the last dress rehearsal. This is when we work out the final kinks before an audience sees this show. But how can we do that when our lead thinks her time is more valuable than everyone else’s?”

His words were like swallowing down glass, each one sharp-edged and ready to hurt. And they did. God, they did. But as you stood there, feeling the pressing force of everyone’s judgment, something peculiar started tingling at the tips of your fingers. Rather than shrinking or apologizing, or becoming the people pleaser you were, you let the hurt sink deep into your bones like slow, hot liquid, let it take you as it began to course through your blood, hot and thick.

Let it transform you.

Ophelia knew this feeling.

Knew this public humiliation—this sense of being displayed and scrutinized for others’ entertainment.

“You’re right,” you said, calm and flat, steady in a way that seemed to surprise him. “There’s no excuse. It won’t happen again.”

He blinked, thrown by your composure as you straightened your spine. “Good. Then get to hair and makeup. We’re starting with Act two in fifteen minutes.”

You nodded once, turned on your heel, and walked to the dressing room with your spine straight and your head held high. Let them whisper, you thought, let them judge for all you cared because a piece of you just won. You would become this character, you would show them all.

The pressure was on as your transformation in hair and makeup began, swift and brutal. There was no mercy as they yanked your hair into elaborate styles and painted your face to perfection. Aggressive hands pulling at strings as they cinched you into corsets that made breathing a conscious effort. Through it all, you stared at yourself in the mirror and watched as you disappeared, piece by piece, until only Ophelia remained.

By the time you took your place for Act Two, Scene Five—the kissing scene—you were her incarnation, as you lived and breathed, so did she.

You watched as Derek sauntered over, and for once, his arrogance served the character. He had clearly decided to lean into the tension, probably hoping to get a rise out of Harry. His hand found your waist during the blocking, fingers pressing just a little too tight against the boning of your corset.

But if Harry didn’t care, neither did you.

“You look exquisite,” he whispered, leaning into your ear, and it should have been Hamlet’s line, but the way his eyes traveled over you made it clear he meant it as Derek. “Harry’s an idiot if he can’t see what he has.”

And instead of your usual answer, you let Ophelia answer, let her tragic knowledge stain your words. “Perhaps what he has and what he wants are two different things.”

Derek’s eyes narrowed with interest. “And what do you want?”

“To tell this story,” you said, absolutely. “To honor her tragedy with truth.”

And as the scene began, you poured everything into it. Every confused feeling about Harry, every moment of abandonment, every ounce of hurt—you channeled it all into Ophelia’s desperate love for Hamlet. When Derek pulled you close, you didn’t resist. When his hands framed your face with a surprising gentleness, you leaned into it. And when he kissed you, you kissed him back like your life depended on it.

Because Ophelia would do it, because Ophelia loved with the kind of abandon that destroyed worlds, that brought kingdoms to their knees, she loved without thought for consequence or propriety or the watching eyes of the court.

She loved even when she knew she had everything to lose.

When you finally broke apart, chest heaving beneath the constraints of your corset, the theater was silent, and you found Harry’s eyes across the space, and for just the briefest moment, you saw something primal and hungry there. A flash of the man who had pressed you into your mattress two nights ago, whispering praise, after praise against your skin as your bodies melded as one.

It was just a flash, and then it was gone, replaced by the professional mask. But you had seen it, without a doubt, felt the chill up your spine at the thought. That tiny rupture in his armor, that hint of a smirk playing at his lips before he schooled his expression back to neutral.

You had him; he was still yours.

And this was merely a game of give and take.

“Better,” he said curtly. “Now, let’s reset for the top of Act Three.” And you watched him and the director share a knowing nod, that felt like a collective sigh of relief falling over the room.

The next two hours were scene after scene, each one drawing you deeper into Ophelia’s unraveling, as her madness filled your brain. It was like magic the way you found the manic edge to her laughter, or the way her hands shook as she distributed her flowers, the hollow look in her eyes as she spoke of her father’s death. With each scene, you felt yourself splintering, each fragment breaking apart like she was.

And then came the final act—the death of Ophelia.

You had read it a hundred times, analyzed it in your literature classes, even written papers on the symbolism of water and flowers, and how they correlated to feminine madness. But standing there in your water-stained dress, trying to capture the moment when a girl chooses oblivion over a world that has betrayed her at every turn, you couldn’t find it.

“Stop.” Harry’s voice snapped like a lash across your fragile nerves. “What was that supposed to be?”

And you straightened from your position on the platform that was supposed to represent the riverbank. “I was trying to—”

“You were trying to die prettily,” he cut you off, stepping closer to the stage. “This isn’t some romantic fade to black. This is a girl who has lost everything. Her father is dead, her lover has rejected her, her brother is gone, and everyone she’s ever trusted has abandoned her. She’s not making some noble sacrifice. She’s broken. Destroyed. There’s nothing left.”

And as the words left his mouth, you knew in your heart they were true, that what you were giving them now wasn’t that, but suddenly it didn’t feel like he was talking about Ophelia anymore, not really. Or maybe he was. Maybe that was the point; you didn’t know anymore. It was all hitting too close to home. 

Yet in that moment, you missed him, 

“Again,” he demanded.

You tried like fucking hell, each time. But it still wasn’t right, still too controlled, too conscious, even you felt it, but you wanted it too, and you wanted to make him happy.

Could you not have both? 

“Again.” He yelled, making you jump.

And this time, you let some of the desperation creep in, let your voice crack on her final words, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Again.” Harry was closer now, had climbed the steps to the stage, narrowing your view of the theater to just him. “Stop thinking about how it fucking looks. Stop trying to preserve some shred of dignity. There is no dignity in this moment. There’s nothing but the weight of water filling your lungs and the knowledge that no one is coming to save you.”

That’s when the tears came, big hot tears—real ones, not the stage tears you had been mastering. “I don’t—”

“You don’t what?” And his voice was harsh, relentless. “You don’t know how to let go? You don’t know how to stop being perfect for five fucking seconds and just feel something real?”

“Harry—” Derek started from the wings, but Harry whirled on him.

“Don’t. This is what she needs. This is what the show needs.” When he turned back to you, his eyes were wild, desperate in a way you had never seen before. “You want to be Ophelia? Then be her. Stop holding back. Stop trying to protect yourself. Let it fucking destroy you.”

Every eye in that room was on you, the entire cast and crew watching in stunned silence as Harry tore what was left of you apart, piece by delicate piece. Every guard, every wall you had ever built—he demolished for the greater good of the play, and maybe there was still a piece that knew you needed this push, but in that moment, you couldn’t remember the why, and as he pushed and pushed until he flayed you open, you let him, and when he hollowed you out and laid you bare, feeling empty and alone you tried—

“I can’t,” you finally gasped, tears spilling down the sides of your face, and you weren’t sure if you were speaking as yourself or as Ophelia anymore. “I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t—”

“Good,” Harry said quietly as you met his eye. “Now you’re ready. Again.”

And this time, when you spoke Ophelia’s final words, they came from that hollowed place inside you, from the numbness that exists after the pain becomes too much to bear. You didn’t try to die beautifully. You just… stopped. Let the weight of everything pull you under. Surrendered to the inevitable with the kind of exhaustion that comes from fighting a battle you were always destined to lose, and as you sank into that black hole, you felt yourself let go.

Then the lights were dimming on your still form, as the deafening silence set in.

“That,” Harry said softly, “was perfect.”

But you couldn’t move. Couldn’t remember how to come back to yourself, and you lay there on the platform, dress spread around you like water weeds, and wondered if this was what drowning felt like. If Ophelia had felt this same strange peace in those final moments.

“Alright, everyone,” the director shouted, but her voice seemed to come from far away, distant to your numb ears. “That’s our dress rehearsal. Final call is at five tomorrow. Get some rest.”

There was movement as people began to gather their things as hushed whispers about what they had just witnessed caught on your ear. You knew you should get up. Should move. But your body felt disconnected from your mind, like you were floating somewhere above it all, watching the world move around you from a bird’s eye view.

“Hey.” And then you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder. Mia, of all people, looking at you with something like understanding. “You okay?”

You blinked up at her, trying to remember how words worked, as you wiped the last of your tears away. “I’m fine.”

But she didn’t look convinced. “That was… intense. What Harry did—but that final scene was breathtaking, girl, seriously… wow.”

“Yeah… I guess it’s what I needed,” you told her, forcing yourself to sit up. Your voice sounded strange, still distant and hollow. “He was right.”

Mia’s expression was unreadable. “Maybe. But there’s being right and there’s being cruel. And that felt—”

“Necessary,” you finished, standing on shaky legs. “Excuse me.”

And you walked to the dressing room on autopilot, each movement muscle memory as you removed your costume, wiping away the stage makeup, pulling on clothes that were yours yet foreign as they fell against your frame. Your hands moved without conscious thought, folding Ophelia’s dress with a delicate hand before hanging it back on its designated hook.

When you emerged, most of the cast had cleared out. But Harry was there, hovering near the exit, clearly waiting, and when he saw you, Holy fuck, the regret there. The apology already forming on his lips, you knew exactly what was coming, but you couldn’t. Not now. Not when you could still feel Ophelia clinging to your skin like river water.

So you did something you had never done before. You walked right past him.

“Love, wait—”

You knew he couldn’t chase after you, that his job here wasn’t done, and instead of going through the normal exit, you took the side exit to the back parking lot. The one he wouldn’t expect you to use. From a distance, you saw your car, but you kept walking. Your feet were moving on their own accord, taking you out of the lot entirely. You couldn’t go home. Home smelled like him, felt like him. Home would remind you of who you were supposed to be outside the walls of that theater.

And you couldn’t be her right now.

There was a hotel three blocks away, nothing special. A chain establishment that catered to business travelers and families passing through. But you knew they would have rooms available and wouldn’t ask questions when you paid with the emergency credit card your parents had given you years ago for “real emergencies only.”

This felt like an emergency. A crisis of self, maybe. Or perhaps this was what method acting really meant, right?—losing yourself so entirely that you needed a neutral space to remember where the character ended and you began.

Your phone was already buzzing before you had even gotten your key card to work.

H: Baby, I’m so sorry. That wasn’t—I didn’t mean for it to go that far. Please just let me explain??? 

H: Please just let me know you’re okay.

H: I know you’re not home. Your car is still here but you’re not. Where are you?

H: I fucked up. I know I fucked up. Please just talk to me. Can we please just talk about this? I know this got weird.

Three missed calls. Four. Then seven.

A voicemail: 

“Love, I—Christ, I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I pushed too hard. I let the show get in my head… and I took it out on you… And that’s not—that’s inexcusable. Please. Just let me know you’re safe. I’m freaking out, love. Please just call me back.”

All you could do was stare at the messages, feeling nothing at all. Or no—feeling everything, but from a distance, feeling so far removed from yourself that it might as well be nothing. Like watching someone else’s life through a hazy lens.

Another call came through. This time, you answered.

“Thank God,” Harry breathed. “Baby, where are you? I’ll come get you. We can talk—”

“Everything’s fine,” you said, and somehow your tone was calm, level, even. Dead. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You’re not fine.” And his voice cracked. “I know you’re not fine. What I did up there—”

“It’s what the show needed. You were right.”

“Fuck the show!” He yelled, and maybe yesterday this would have startled you, but today, it barely registered. “I care about you. You’re more important than any bloody play. I swear!”

“I just need to be alone tonight.” Each word came out measured and precise. “Can you respect that?”

You heard him sniffle on the other end, the sound of Harry actually crying, and something in your chest ached for the guy you loved, but you couldn’t let that version of him in right now, because now the pain was becoming distant, a muffled ache through layers of gauze, something time would fix later, but right now you were still under water with Ophelia.

And that is where you would remain.

“Please…” he whispered. “Please don’t shut me out. I know I’ve been shit at balancing this, at being your boyfriend and being—but I love you. You know I love you. God, I love you so much, and I’m stupid and dumb… and everything you’re thinking. I’m all those things… and I promise this could all be different.”

“I know.”

“Then come home. Or let me come to you. We don’t have to talk, we can just—”

“Harry.” You said, cutting him off as you stepped into the bathroom, and you caught your reflection in the hotel mirror, suddenly staring back at a stranger. Sunken-eyed and hollow, like she had already drowned and just hadn’t realized it yet. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait—”

And you hung up without another thought.

Then you turned off your phone entirely, set it face down on the nightstand, and ran a bath. The water was too hot, hot enough to turn your skin red in blotchy patches, but you sank into it anyway. Let it cover you completely, held your breath, and counted the seconds until your lungs burned, until you didn’t think you could stay under any longer.

This is what she felt, you thought. This is what it means to choose the water.

When you finally surfaced, gasping, you understood Ophelia in a way no amount of character analysis could have taught you.

Tomorrow, you would give them tragedy. You would break hearts and haunt dreams and make them understand the price you had to pay for abandonment, for the consequence of love that consumes everything it touches.

But tonight, you would practice drowning.

And yet here was irony trying to hold your hand, because it was never lost—Somewhere deep down, you knew that in trying to protect Harry’s dream, you might have destroyed something greatly treasured. But then again, wasn’t that what tragedy was? The inevitable collapse of beautiful things, the price of wanting too much, or loving too deeply, for maybe holding on too tight?

You closed your eyes and let yourself sink under the water again.

After all, every Ophelia needed to know how it felt to drown.

The Next morning, your room service tray sat untouched on the small hotel table, its contents growing stale as you stared at it blankly. You had ordered Ophelia’s last meal—or what you imagined it might have been. Simple bread, cheese, and a single apple. The kind of meager fare a girl in mourning might pick at while her whole world collapsed around her.

The bread had hardened at the edges, the cheese developing that slight plastic sheen of neglect. Even the apple had begun to brown where you had taken your only bite an hour ago, the flesh already oxidizing like everything else in this sterile room. You had specifically requested the cheapest items on the menu, wanting to feel what she might have felt—that sense of everything good being stripped away, leaving only the bare minimum to sustain a body that barely wanted sustaining.

It was ridiculous, you knew it, the method acting experiment now spiraling into something darker than you had intended. But as you sat there in the silence of your hotel room, still in yesterday’s clothes because you couldn’t bear to go home for fresh ones, you understood something about loneliness that no amount of character study could have taught you.

The clothes themselves had become a kind of safety, wrinkled and permeated with yesterday’s sweat and tears, carrying the scent of the theater that had worked its way into the fabric, and you couldn’t remember if you had actually closed your eyes to sleep… if you could call it sleeping. It had happened in doses, fits, and starts. Nightmares waking you with a gasp from a vision of water filling your lungs as your hands clawed at the sheets as if they were lily pads that couldn’t hold your weight.

Ophelia had been surrounded by people—a castle full of courtiers, servants, and family. Yet she had been devastatingly and utterly alone. No one saw her drowning until she was already beneath the water. They saw the madness, yes—made a spectacle of it, whispered behind their hands about poor, broken Ophelia. But not one of them had reached out a hand to pull her back from the edge.

No one came to save her. 

You forced yourself to take a bite of bread, working it around your mouth until it turned into a thick paste, dry and choking. You washed it down with water, each sip almost haunting, everything coming back to water—and as you swallowed, you imagined it was river water, silted with mud and tangled with roots.

The hours seemed to crawl by in a hazy fever dream. Sometimes, you were yourself, checking the time, going through your pre-show routine, trying not to think about all the messages still waiting unheard on your silenced phone. But then you would catch sight of yourself in the mirror, or feel the ghostly weight of water in your lungs, and suddenly you were her again—Ophelia—trapped between madness and clarity, love and betrayal, life and whatever came after.

By three o’clock, you couldn’t stand it anymore, couldn’t shake the feeling that the walls were closing in, the silence too loud, the anticipation of what was coming pressing down until you could barely breathe. You needed air, needed movement. Something to bridge the gap between the girl who had checked into the room and the one who would walk on stage in two hours.

The park across from the hotel was nearly empty, just a few joggers and dog walkers enjoying the afternoon sun. You found a bench near the pond—of course, there was water, because you were never too far from a reminder, and as the reminder set in, you finally let yourself cry, truly cry.

Not the pretty stage tears you had to work yourself up to shed, the graceful drops that looked moving under stage lights. These were ugly tears, fat, hot tears that contorted your entire face as your shoulders shook, and sobs slipped past your lips. You were crying for Ophelia, for a fictional girl who had lived and died four hundred years ago in Shakespeare’s imagination. How fucking ridiculous was that?

Silly, right? 

And yet, weren’t you also crying for every girl who had ever loved too much and lost herself in the process? Every woman who had been told to be quiet, to be smaller, to be less? Every person who had chosen oblivion over a world that demanded they break themselves to fit into a mold that was never made for them? 

Because this role was more than just a story now to portray, it was your life being projected back at you, because how many women could say they felt the same, or could relate to Ophelia in some kind of way? 

“Get it together,” you breathed, wiping your face with your sleeve. “She’s not even real. This is just a play. You’re being dramatic.”

But that was the thing about tragedy, wasn’t it? It felt real because it was real, in a thousand different ways, in a thousand different lives. Ophelia was every girl who had ever drowned in her own sorrow, and tomorrow someone else in the world would play her, and someone else after that, and the drowning would go on and on because that’s what stories did—they told the truth even when they’re lying dormant in your mind. 

At 4:45, you stood outside the theater’s stage door, hand on the handle. Inside, you could already hear the buzz of opening night energy—voices calling out, heels clicking on floors, the distinctive sound of a production coming to life—had lived vicariously through Harry long enough for this part to be familiar. You knew that once you walked through this door, there was no going back. You would become her completely, and maybe, when the curtain fell, you hoped on everything that you would remember how to find yourself again.

And as you pushed open the door, you inhaled Ophelia and exhaled yourself. 

Backstage was a whirlwind of controlled chaos. Crew members rushing past with last-minute prop adjustments, actors running lines in corners, and the air thrummed with the kind of excitement and terror that only opening night could produce, and you moved through it all with only one purpose, your body knowing where to go even as your mind floated somewhere above it all.

Hair and makeup were a mad rush as brushes pulled, and pins were pushed into your hair one after another. The transformation was efficient; their hands moving professionally, understanding without words that you needed the ritual of it. Each stroke of makeup was another layer of yourself gone, each precisely placed pin another step away from the girl who had cried in the park and toward the girl who would die on that stage.

It was in the mirror that you first saw him.

Harry stood in the doorway, partially obscured by the bustle of the makeup station, but your eyes found his reflection immediately. He looked tired—exhausted, really. His usually curly hair, raked through like he hadn’t stopped running his hands through it, a nervous habit, he could never break. There were shadows under his eyes that matched your own, proof that he was just as bad off, maybe even worse. 

 Then he spotted you, eyes meeting your reflection.

For a long moment, you just stared at each other through the glass, sharing a look you knew best, a look you had been waiting for, an entire conversation passing through the silence of a knowing gaze—apology and understanding, love and hurt, professional respect verses a personal longing that all tangled together in a knot neither one of you could untie. Not here. Not now.

You gave him the slightest nod, a wordless gesture conveying thoughts that yearned to be said… I see you. I understand. We have a job to do.

And when he nodded back, something in his shoulders seemed to relax, sending his silent answer… I know. I’m here. We’ll get through this.

“These just arrived for you,” someone said, and you turned to see a crew member setting down an enormous arrangement of sunflowers on your dressing table, the sight so beautiful they nearly stole your breath, each one vibrant and alive in a way that felt almost tumultuous under the fluorescent lights of the dressing room.

Without thought, your hands searched for a card, but there was nothing. When you looked back at the mirror, Harry was watching you with a soft control in his expression, and he tilted his head slightly toward the flowers, then gave the ghost of a smile.

Sunflowers. Not roses, which would have been romantic, but in this case, not suitable. Not lilies, which would have been too on the nose, but sunflowers—bright and sturdy, completely unconventional, a flower with a mind of its own, always facing the light no matter what. 

They survived.

“Ten minutes to places!” Then Danny appeared at your elbow, costume in hand. “Let’s get you dressed, superstar.”

Five minutes passed in the blink of an eye as corsets tightened, and fabric settled. When you returned to your dressing table to go over your lines one last time, not that you needed to, they were etched into your bones by now, there was Harry with the director waiting. 

“We just wanted to wish you luck,” the director said warmly, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Though I don’t think you need it. You’ve got this.”

“Thank you,” you told them, eyes flicking between them both. 

She squeezed your shoulder once more and moved on to the next actor, but Harry lingered, then you watched as he pulled an envelope from his inner suitcoat pocket, handing it out to you.

“What I wanted to say wouldn’t fit on a tiny flower note,” he said quietly, glancing at the sunflowers.

You took the envelope, suddenly aware of everyone’s eyes on you both. After all, this was still a professional space, still a place where you had to co-exist in your respectable roles, not as girlfriend and boyfriend, and you felt the weight of unspoken words pressing between you, as a knot formed in your throat.

And in that moment, all you wanted to say was, “I miss you.”

Then Harry’s hand dropped to the dressing table, seemingly casual as he turned to speak to the actor next to you, and you held your breath as you observed his knuckles rap against the wood surface—three distinct knocks as deliberate, and measured as breathing.

I. Love. You.

You stared at the rings on his fingers, imagining the cool metal grazing your cheek, and your throat tightened. He snuck a glance over his shoulder, catching your eye, and winked—so quick anyone watching would have missed it, and just like that, he was walking away, all business again, checking in with other cast members like the moment hadn’t happened.

And you shoved the envelope into your bag unopened, right next to your phone that had stayed dark since last night. Whatever Harry had written, you couldn’t read it now. Couldn’t risk disrupting the delicately crafted walls that were barely keeping you upright.

“Places!” The stage manager shouted, voice cutting through all the chatter. “This is your place’s call for the top of the show!”

Calmly, you stood, smoothing down your costume one last time. In the mirror, Ophelia looked back at you—young and doomed, her heartbreaking beauty its own tragedy. You had carried her with you for the past twenty-four hours, let her seep into your skin and bones, and now it was time to give her to the audience, to let them carry her story for a while.

The walk to the wings felt both endless as Ophelia’s thoughts started creeping in, the closer you got to the stage. Other actors nodded at you, offering quick touches of support, but it all felt far away, happening to someone else. When Derek tried to catch your arm to deliver what he probably thought was encouragement, you slipped past him without acknowledgment. There was only room for one thing in your mind now.

Ophelia.

And all at once, the lights began to dim, and the audience hushed to silence… And suddenly, you couldn’t remember anything—your entrance. Your first line. The blocking you had seen rehearsed numerous times seemed to all vanish like smoke into thin air, leaving only a blank palette in your mind, as the rabbit-quick beat of your heart pounded in your ears.

Then the music swelled, your cue light flashed, and like a miracle, muscle memory took over, and you walked onto the stage, your whole body tingling with the warmth rising to a flesh that was no longer yours.

The first act flew by in a breathless rush, every line flowing like water downstream, every movement exact yet organic. You felt the audience’s energy coursing through you, a collective breath held as they watched Ophelia’s world unravel. When Derek’s Hamlet first touched your hand, you felt it as she would have—that electric shock of forbidden desire, that left you with the dreadful sweetness of wanting what you knew would destroy you.

By the time you reached the mad scene, distributing flowers to the court, you were so deep in her psyche that the theater had ceased to exist. There was only the looming consequence of grief, the rupture of a mind pushed beyond endurance, and the painstaking clarity that comes when nothing else matters anymore.

“There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance,” you said, your voice high and unfamiliar. “Pray you, love, remember. And there is pansies, that’s for thoughts.”

In those moments, the words were no longer lines. They were truths, confessions laid bare. The last desperate attempt a drowning girl would make to someone, anyone, to understand. The audience was so quiet that you could hear your own heartbeat, quick and fluttering like a bird housed in a cage that was too small.

Then, finally, the last scene.

And as you lay on the platform that had become your entire world, feeling the imagined weight of water rising around you, because in your mind, you weren’t on a stage anymore. You were by the brook, flowers in your hair, your heavy dress already pulling you down with each step into the water.

There is a willow grows aslant the brook, the narrator spoke, but you barely heard her. You were already half-gone, somewhere suspended in that liminal space between breathing and drowning.

This, you thought, this was what Ophelia must have felt in those last moments, when fear was no longer a stranger, but a kindness bestowed, as sadness slipped away like a feather in the morning breeze. When all that was left was just the bone-deep exhaustion, a readiness to stop fighting a fight, she could no longer win—the water was cold at first, then warm, then it was everything, and as it seeped into your lungs, your thoughts, into the spaces between your ribs where hope once prevailed and love once lived…

You thought of Harry. 

Not as yourself, of course, but as Ophelia might have thought of Hamlet in those final moments. What were her last thoughts? Did she forgive him? Did she curse him? Or was he just another ghost by then, no more real than her father, or the flowers that were already dissolving in her hands, because even the beauty of a flower couldn’t last forever.

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow, you whispered to yourself—not Ophelia’s line, but Hamlet’s, borrowed in a breath of closure, because maybe even in death they could have shared words the way they never could in life.

Because even when love betrays you, there’s still a whisper of hope.

And as the water closed over your head. You raised a delicate hand as if reaching for something, as if reaching for salvation, or love, as the surface slowly cloaked you in the dark veil of water. And in that moment of letting go, you understood something profound, because even if the way Ophelia chose her ending was a path you would never take, there was beauty in it, in the choosing, even if that ending was tragedy. There was still a choice. 

The power to choose her own narrative in a world that would have never been hers. Ophelia hadn’t just died. She had taken back the one thing they could never steal—her right to leave on her own terms. In a world that demanded she break herself to fit, she had chosen to break completely, and there was power in that—terribly heartbreaking power, but power all the same.

Because she chose herself, you thought, as your eyes drifted closed, and your breathing stilled. And for a moment that stretched like the darkness of eternity, giving yourself permission to sink into that beautiful oblivion of fate, of a destiny chosen. You were no longer acting, no longer pretending… You were gone.

And then there was silence, complete and absolute.

Then out of the darkness, the explosion of applause crashed over you like a wave, pulling you back from whatever dark place you had allowed yourself to travel to, and you gasped in a sharp intake of air, that filled your lungs with a splintering ache as if it were the first breath of life, and you sat up, and for a moment, you couldn’t remember where you were, or who you were.

The lights were blinding as you looked around, the audience on their feet, and there, in the front row, was Harry.

Your love, your life, openly crying and unashamed, crying real tears that wet his cheeks in shiny streaks as his hands came together in thunderous applause. When your eyes met his, he brought his fingers to his lips and whistled, a loud, sharp sound of pride and joy, cutting through the noise of everything else.

And you smiled—the first genuine smile in what felt like days as the cast gathered around you to take their bows, but for just that moment, it was just you and Harry, connecting across the footlights by something stronger than the distance you had both put between each other.

Then Derek’s hand was on your elbow, pulling you to your feet for the company bows, yet his grip was too possessive, his smile too wide as he raised your joined hands to accept the applause, and the moment was ruined. Derek suddenly stealing your joy.

As soon as the curtain fell, you wrenched away from him.

“Hey, we should celebrate—” he started, but you were already moving, driven by a new purpose.

You needed to read Harry’s letter. Needed to shed Ophelia’s skin before she became permanent. You knew the main dressing rooms would be complete fucking chaos, cast members changing for the afterparty, everyone wanting to talk, so you slipped sideways into a stairwell you had discovered one day during rehearsals. It was quiet there, just emergency lighting and concrete walls.

And as you pulled the envelope from your bag with shaky hands, you gazed down at your name, written across the stark white paper in Harry’s attentive script, and just seeing it made your heart swell.

Inside was a single sheet of paper, covered in his handwriting.

My darling,

I’m writing this at 3 AM, sitting in my car outside your apartment because I can’t bring myself to leave even though I know you’re not there. I’ve started this letter twelve times and torn them all up because how do you find words for someone who means the world? Let alone apologize for letting this production, my ambitions, this bullshit need to prove myself create distance between us? When I swear all I’ve wanted this entire time was to be with you, sharing this in a way that could have been ours.

How do I say “thank you” when even that doesn’t feel like enough? Because darling, you have been extraordinary. Not just as Ophelia— though watching you transend into her has been like watching magic happen—but as the woman who has stood by me through every moment of this journey. You’ve always celebrated my victories and soothed my defeats. You’ve been more than patient when I’ve been completely insufferable (which, let’s be honest, has been most of the time lately). And worse, you’ve made yourself smaller so I could feel bigger, and that feels unforgivable. Especially when I know the woman you are, and all the things you’re capable of.

When I watch you on that stage, I see someone who shouldn’t be in anyone’s shadow, least of all mine, because you shine with a light that’s entirely your own, and I’m in awe of it. In awe of you. You’re talented, of course, my love, but more than that, you’re kind, you’re strong, and you have this unexplainable power to find truth in every moment. Beauty beams through every facet of your existence, and I know words would never be enough.

I know I’ve let you down over the past couple of days. I’ve been so caught up in being professional that I forgot to be human. I’ve been so focused on the show that I forgot what really matters, and that’s you. You matter. You will always matter more than any production, any career move, any success, because you’re the reason for all my success, the foundation—my home.

Love, I am so honored that I got to share this first major step with you. But more than anything, I’m honored that you chose to share this chapter of life with me. I’m so in love with you—desperately, fully, eternally in love with you. And I’m so lucky. I couldn’t imagine doing any of this without you, and I hope I never will.

I respect you. I admire you. I love you.

All my love,

H.

P.S. - The sunflowers are because, in my eyes, you’re always facing the light, even when everything feels dark. And because they’re stubborn and beautiful and unimaginably hard to ignore. Like you.

You knew the tears would come, but these were different, cleansing as they washed away the last traces of Ophelia, leaving just you, the person you were before all of this, the person you were now—tired and emotionally drained, and ready to find your way back to Harry.

So you folded the letter carefully, held it to your chest for a moment to bask in the gratitude, then stood. You had an afterparty to get to. A celebration to attend. And somewhere in that crowd was the man who saw you not as Ophelia, not as the understudy who had made good, but as yourself.

And now, it was time to remember who that was.

The dressing room was empty when you finally made it back; everyone else had already changed and headed to the party, and you were grateful for the solitude—you needed this moment alone, this private ceremony of returning to yourself in the silence.

Your hands moved to the buttons of Ophelia’s dress, working them free one by one, and with each small liberation, you felt something shift as the heavy fabric parted like curtains letting in light, slowly revealing the body beneath—your body, not hers, was still here, still breathing—still whole despite the drowning.

The dress pooled at your feet, a puddle of brocade and memories, and you stepped out of it with caution, as if it might reach up and pull you back under. The corset came next, as the stays began to loosen, until you could finally, truly breathe, and with each deep lungful of air, you tasted freedom and survival—you tasted yourself.

And when you stood before the mirror in just your slip, stage makeup smeared and running, hair still wild from the last act. It was like seeing yourself for the first time in days, you standing there, taking in every detail of yourself. Not Ophelia, or Harry’s girlfriend. 

But just as you.

“Hello,” you whispered to your reflection, and almost laughed at how strange your voice sounded, at the silly gesture that felt more like an introduction to someone new than to an old friend.

And as you reached for the makeup wipes, you began the gradual process of unveiling the face beneath, and with each swipe, more of you emerged, delicate and true. There you were, the girl who had been there all along, underneath the performance, underneath the pain and pressure of it all.

As you worked, you found yourself cataloguing what you saw, but not with the normal criticism reserved for those days of self-loathing, that harsh critical eye that spoke its false truths. This was with something entirely different, something verging on wonder and content.

These eyes that everyone said disappeared in crowds? They saw everything, all the tiny details others missed—the way someone’s hands shook when they were nervous, the flicker of genuine emotion behind a practiced smile. You realized there was strength in observation, in the ability to truly see.

When your eyes flicked to your mouth, the same mouth that struggled to speak up in groups? You wanted to yell fuck you! to all the doubters, because this mouth just delivered Shakespeare’s words to a thousand people, had given voice to a character’s deepest pain and made strangers weep. You knew that when it mattered, when there was truth to tell, this mouth could shape and form words that were meant to touch the world.

And that was your power, and that was your gift.

Your eyes drifted to your hands reflected in the mirror, hands that Harry loved to hold. They were steady now, sure in their movements. These hands had gestured Ophelia’s madness into being, distributed invisible flowers with a heartbreaking precision, even you felt in your soul. They were artists’ hands, creators’ hands. These hands were capable.

And as you stood, your gaze traveled down your body, which Bailey had dismissed as “not fuckable”? But why did a body have to be fuckable when it was made for so much more than that, because this body had carried you through the physical demands of the performance, had bent and swayed until it surrendered in a way that made drowning look like dancing under the moon. Your body was for you and yours alone, a beautiful instrument, finely tuned and responsive. It deserved respect, not just desire.

Only objects could be given without one’s consent.

But none of the harsh words mattered anymore.

Because even if all these physical attributes failed you, what mattered most was your heart—your soft, kind, conscientious heart that everyone seemed to think was a weakness. It had loved fiercely enough to break a thousand hearts tonight. It had channeled empathy so deeply that even strangers felt seen in their own pain. Being soft didn’t have to mean weakness. It was a fucking superpower in a world that at most times was brutal and cynical.

And as you pulled on the simple black dress you had brought, smoothing it over your hips, you whispered a praise of gratitude to the universe. As you stared at yourself in the mirror, it felt strange to wear your own clothes again, to inhabit your own choices. But the good kind of strange, like coming home after a long journey.

As you fixed your hair into something more tamed, you thought about what you would take from this experience. Not just the applause or the validation of proving you could carry a lead role, you felt something deeper, something essential.

You had learned that kindness and strength weren’t opposites, but could move like companions, like light is to shadows. That maybe sometimes the most powerful thing you could do in any given moment was to feel everything fully, let it move through you without the resistance to fight, that there is bravery in the vulnerability of letting go, of letting others see you wholeheartedly.

Most importantly, you had learned that you didn’t need to make yourself smaller to make others comfortable. Your quietness wasn’t a flaw to be fixed, but a quality to be valued. In a world full of noise, sometimes the ability to create pockets of peace was its own gift.

You took one last look in the mirror, at the girl staring back, and even though she still had traces of wildness in her eyes, still carried echoes of the water, there was something undeniable, rising to the surface, something unapologetic, because staring back at you was yourself, you pure and simple, and that felt significant.

Then you gathered your things and headed for the party.

The celebration had taken over the entire second floor of the restaurant next door. You could hear it from the street, the laughter and music spilling out into the night like champagne fizz. As soon as you started to climb the stairs, your heart rate picked up. Somewhere in that crowd was Harry, and after days of distance, you ached to be near him again.

But the moment you entered, you were engulfed.

“There she is!” someone shouted, and suddenly everyone was turning, applauding, reaching for you with excited hands

“Absolutely transcendent—”

“I’ve never cried so hard at a show—”

“That final scene, my God—”

“You were robbed of this role from the beginning—”

As hands continued to pat your shoulders, and glasses of champagne were thrust into your grip, you searched for Harry as faces beamed at you with genuine admiration. It should have felt wonderful, and in a way, it did. But your eyes were scanning, combing, looking for the one face that mattered most.

Where was He?

And you moved through the crowd, accepting congratulations with grateful smiles, trying not to let your growing concern show. He should be here by now. This was his triumph too—he had fought for this casting change, had shaped the production with his vision. 

Why wasn’t he basking in the success?

“Looking for someone?” Then Danny appears at your elbow, glorious in a sequined jacket that catches the light like a star, and he presses a fresh glass of champagne into your hand, his eyes twinkling knowingly.

“Have you seen—”

“He stepped out about ten minutes ago,” Danny said gently. “Something about needing air. He looked... intense. But in like that hot, brooding way that man seems to do so effortlessly… I think he stepped out to work up a little courage.”

And your heart fluttered at the thought of him being nervous to see you. “Danny, I—”

“Go,” he said, squeezing your arm. “But not yet. Someone else needs to talk to you first.” He nodded toward the bar, then disappeared into the crowd with a wink.

Like a shock to the system, you turned to see Bailey approaching, and your stomach dropped. She looked different out of costume, smaller somehow, more human. In her hands was a bouquet of peonies, pink and white and somehow as perfect as she had seemed this whole time.

“Hi,” she said, stopping just out of reach as uncertainty flickered across her features. “These are for you.”

Politely, you accepted the flowers without hesitation, almost too surprised to speak.

“I owe you an apology,” Bailey continued, the words coming out in a rush. “Several, actually. For what I said in the dressing room, for what I implied on stage—it was cruel and not true, and to be honest, completely unfair.”

Your eyes swept over her face, studying her features, looking for the trap, the insult that might be hidden around the corner, but all you saw was sincere remorse.

“I was threatened,” she confessed. “You walked in on day one… and you were so quiet, I don’t know… I just never thought I would have to worry. I thought I could just dismiss you. But then you got on that stage and... fuck.” She laughed, but it was more self-deprecating than anything else. “You were everything I wasn’t. Natural where I was forced, truthful where I was performing. You made it look like everything I knew I could never embody.”

“Bailey—”

“I’m not finished,” she said, but not unkindly. “I hated you for it. Hated that you made it look so easy when I’d been struggling for weeks. But tonight, watching you... I get it now. It’s not easy for you at all, is it? You just make the hard look effortless. That’s a gift. One I don’t have. Not for this role at least.”

And as her words settled over you, you thought of the hotel room, the drowning, the days of losing yourself. “It wasn’t effortless.”

“No, you’re probably right,” she agreed. “But it was beautiful. And it was right. The role was always yours. I was just too proud to see it,” and her eyes flick to the flowers. “So I’m sorry. For all of it. And... thank you. For showing me what real acting looks like. I’ve clearly got some work to do... as hard as that is to admit…”

And fuck, she had gotten to you, loosening the grip on that angery you had felt. “Thank you. That means more than you know.”

Bailey smiled, maybe even the first smile you had ever seen from her. “Enjoy your night. You’ve earned it.” Then she paused. “And for what it’s worth? Harry’s an idiot if he doesn’t worship the ground you walk on.”

Before you could respond, she was gone, melting back into the party, and you stood there holding the peonies, feeling oddly lighter, another ghost laid to rest. 

Now, if you could just capture them all.

You made your way to the bar, needing a moment to catch your breath. The champagne Danny had given you was already warm, and you traded it for a fresh glass, taking a sip to steady yourself, as the bubbles fizzled across your tongue.

That’s when you felt it, a slow finger trailing across your low back, just above the line of your dress, and your spine stiffened. You knew without even looking who it was. The controlled touch, the calculated familiarity—only Derek would be bold enough to try this shit after everything, plus you could smell his shitty cologne.

The champagne sprayed back into your glass as you choked, whirling to face him, and he stood there smirking, that same entitled expression that had your skin crawling from the very first touch.

“Jumpy tonight, aren’t we?” And he leaned closer, cologne overwhelming. “Can’t say I blame you. All that adrenaline from the show. I know exactly how to help you... unwind.”

And just like that, something snapped within you.

With a controlled fury, your hand shot out, grabbing his wrist with every ounce of strength you could possess, and you watched as his eyes widened, your nails digging into his flesh, as you squeezed hard enough to grind the small delicate bones together.

“Unless I am in the middle of a scene,” you said, voice low and deadly calm, “that specifically calls for you to touch me, I suggest you keep your fucking hands to yourself.”

And you leaned into his space, reversing the power dynamic he had so adamantly relied on. Around you, the party continued, all laughter and clinking glasses, everyone captured in their oblivious joy. No one noticed the violence in your grip or the fear finally flashing in Derek’s eyes.

“I’ve been polite,” you continued, each word as precise as a freshly sharpened blade. “I’ve been professional. I’ve brushed off your shitty advances and all your fucking innuendos… and all the moments your disgusting hands have wandered… because I didn’t want to make a scene. But the show’s over now, Derek. And if you ever touch me again without my consent, I will make such a scene that—”

“Is there a problem here?”

Harry’s voice cut through your threat, and suddenly he was there, as solid and real as breathing, standing behind you. You had been so focused on Derek that you hadn’t noticed his approach, yet here he was, hand on your waist, chest pressing into your back.

You released Derek’s wrist, watching with satisfaction as he cradled it against his chest. “No,” you told him, eyes never leaving Derek’s face. “Not anymore...”

“Yeah… Course not,” Derek answered, trying to recover his composure. “Just congratulating our star on—”

“Outstanding performance tonight, Derek,” Harry interrupted smoothly, extended his hand for a shake, all professional courtesy, of course, and Derek had no choice but to accept, wincing as Harry gripped his already sore wrist.

Then Harry pulled him close, and although you couldn’t hear the words he whispered in Derek’s ear, you saw their effect, saw the color drain from Derek’s face as absolute terror replaced his usual smugness. When Harry released him, Derek stumbled back a step.

“I should—I need to—” Derek’s eyes darted between you and Harry. “I’m sorry. For my behavior. Throughout the production. It was inappropriate and unwelcome… and I’m—I’m sorry.”

Then he fled as you both exchanged a look, shoving through the crowd in his haste to escape.

“What did you say to him?” you asked, watching Derek’s retreat with immense satisfaction.

“Nothing he didn’t need to hear since the first time his hands lingered too long,” Harry said matter-of-factly, and then his face softened. “Are you okay?”

And then you were turning to face him for the first time in days, and dammit, his affect was instantaneous. He looked exhausted, yet more himself than he had all week. His hair was a disheveled mess of curls, but it worked for him, and you pulled at his bow tie, hanging loose and undone around his neck. But his eyes—those green eyes that saw all were clear and focused entirely on you.

“Can we talk?” you asked. “Somewhere private?”

He nodded immediately, and you let him guide you through the crowd, his hand gentle on your low back—nothing like Derek’s possessive touch, and he led you to a small balcony off the main room, separated by heavy curtains. Outside, the night air was cool and quiet, as the noise from the party muffled to a distant murmur.

For a moment, you just looked at each other, eyes tracing over one another’s features as if you were relearning the geography of each other’s faces.

“I’m sorry,” Harry started, but you pressed a finger to his lips.

“Wait,” you said. “Let me go first… Please.”

And he nodded against your finger, eyes wide.

“All of this… What you did—the way you pushed me, the professional distance we’ve had to keep… You throwing me into the deep end—it wasn’t ideal, and honestly, it hurt more than not… like a lot.” You felt him flinch, but continued. “But while most of that was hard to stomach… I also need to thank you.”

“Thank me?” He tried, but his voice was muffled against your finger.

And you dropped your hand, but moved closer. “The thing is… you’ve spent years building me up, telling me I was capable of more than I believed… and when the moment came, you didn’t coddle me. You didn’t let me hide. You forced me to prove it—to myself more than anyone—that you were right. That I always had it in me.”

“Love, I—”

“Harry, it’s like I finally found my voice,” you persisted. “Not just on stage, but in life… like before you walked up, I was setting a hard boundary with Derek… and somehow I managed to survive Bailey’s cruelty without shrinking... There’s so much about myself that I’m learning. Things that maybe would have taken me longer… had I not had this experience… and it’s all thanks to you, Harry.”

And then you reached up to cup his face, feeling the way he leaned into your touch like he had been dying for it.

“You believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. You saw something in me that I’m only just beginning to see, but baby, you’ve seen it this whole time… And granted, your methods were questionable at times, and we definitely need to talk about communication and boundaries, but... I’m proud of you. Of us. Of what we created together.”

“God…” Harry breathed, and then his lips were on yours.

The kiss was everything you had been longing for, desperate and tender as tears pricked your eyes. His large hands framed your face like you were the most beloved possession he could ever claim, like something that might disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough, and you kissed him back with everything you had—all the yearning that grew in the past few days, all the love that had grown and was now flourishing into unspoken promise of what was to come.

Because this was only the beginning, a breath of new life into something that was already fundamentally yours, and when you finally broke apart, both of you breathing hard, Harry pressed his forehead to yours and smiled.

“Can we please get out of here?” he rasped. “I’m dying to show you all the ways I love you… Preferably somewhere horizontal…And a lot more private. Very, very private.”

You laughed, the sound freeing in the night breeze. “I thought you would never ask.”

He grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together with a firm grip, like he wasn’t letting go anytime soon. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours is closer,” you pointed out.

“Well… Mine it is.” And he brought your joined hands to his lips, pushing a kiss to your knuckles. “Just a fair warning, love—I plan to keep you there for the foreseeable future. I’ve got days of worshipping to catch up on.”

“Just days?” you teased.

“Weeks,” he amended. “Months. Years, if you’ll let me.”

“Mmm,” you hummed softly, narrowing your eyes at him, “Forever sounds better…”

Holy fuck, the smile he gave you could have lit up the whole city. “Forever it is, then.”

And as he led you back through the party, you caught sight of yourself in a mirror, catching sight of only the familiar face that was yours, authentic and pure. You looked nothing like Ophelia now. You looked like a woman in love, ready for whatever came next.

And for the first time in days, that was exactly who you wanted to be.

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Main Masterlist<-

Growing up in a town where everyone knows each other had its pros and cons. Pros, the community felt like a large family. Cons, everyone knew about your dating life.

When you and Harry got together seven years ago, it was the talk of the town. For the longest time, your parents had (not so) secretly talked to each other about how nice it would be if you and Harry were to get together. The spark had been there since Harry's family moved a few houses down the street years ago. It was only in the last year of college that he finally dared to ask you on a date. The rest was history, until your relationship became history. Then it was all just tragedy.

About a year and a half ago, you guys had called it quits. You'd gotten a terrific job in another city, and the late nights and mixed schedules didn't do well for your and Harry's relationship. It was a mutual decision, and it had pained the both of you immensely. Harry never wanted to lose you, but it felt impossible to mix your lives in a way that was feasible for the both of you. Harry had offered to move with you, but you didn't want him to leave his life behind for you. You'd suggested moving back, but he wouldn't hear of it.

The relationship ended with Harry's words which you held onto dearly:

"If it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other."

Since then, you had in fact found your way back multiple times. There had been instances, parties or other functions, the both of you attended. More often than not, and by that you actually meant always, you'd end up in bed with each other. There was a magnetic pull that kept drawing him back to you, and vice versa. Sometimes, you were the first to cave, but most of the time it was him.

Tonight, was the first time it was perfectly mutual.

One of your high school friends, Sally, was getting married, and the both of you had been invited to the wedding. Harry had been dating someone new for the past few months. Her name was Sandra and he'd met her through a friend. She was nice, and fun, and Harry really wanted to try and make this work. Though, the second he saw you in that pink bridesmaids dress, he deeply regretted the decision.

You were furious, even though you had no leg to stand on. Still, you felt territorial over Harry. You hadn't even brought a date.

After the ceremony, Harry tried to go up to you, but you dodged his every attempt. You were annoyed with him and his date, and so you began shamelessly flirting with one of the groomsmen. It was incredibly toxic behavior, and you were aware, but it made Harry stare at you, and you couldn't rob yourself of that buzz.

When you went to the bathroom at one point, you hadn't even noticed Harry following you until you heard another pair of footsteps on the cobblestones. From that moment, both you and Harry knew there was a huge chance you'd end up with your legs spread for him, and that he definitely wouldn't be able to resist.

"This is very bad." Harry repeated as he stroked his cock over your entrance. Your heart was going a million miles an hour. You were sprawled out on the couch of a salon that had no locked door. Downstairs, there were loads of people chattering, but in this grand room, the only thing that echoed were their shaky breaths. You'd been bad before, what was one more time?

"We can stop, if you want to. I can go downstairs, find that groomsman—"

As soon as the words had left your mouth, Harry pushed himself into you. He swiftly clasped his hand to your mouth, muffling the moan that always escaped you when he got inside you. You loved that he anticipated that, you loved that he knew you.

This wasn't really a moment for slow, torturous sex. None of the events at which you hooked up were. Over the past two years, the both of you had mastered the art of the quick fuck. But something about this time was different. Harry was drawing it out.

"You're not going anywhere." He growled. His pace was slower than usual, but his thrusts were more intense. Your eyes fluttered shut as you took in the pleasure, fingers moving down to your clit. Wrapping your legs around him, you tried to soak up every second of the immense pleasure he was always able to bring you. You knew each other right to the last detail. For example, you knew how much he liked his hair pulled.

"Fuck I missed you." He blurted out as your hand clasped onto the locks at the back of his head. He grabbed onto your hips to pull you closer as he screwed you into the couch. You opened your eyes, nearly drooling at the sight of his flexed muscles that peeked through his unbuttoned dress shirt.

"What did you miss about me?" You pried, needing the ego boost. Harry was too kind not to share all his thoughts with you, especially during sex. You had him wrapped around your finger.

"Everything— fuck..." Harry cursed as you squeezed around his cock. "Your body, your face, your smile, these legs, these fucking tits."

A smile erupted from you. Harry's breathy ramblings warmed your heart and your pussy, and with a stark demand that you be on top, you began riding his cock after Harry sat down on the couch. His eyes shone as you tugged down the top of your dress, revealing your breasts.

"Touch me. Show me how much you missed me." You demanded, positioning yourself so you could bounce on his cock. It was only a split second before Harry's hands were your tits, and you moaned at the sloppy kisses he left all over your chest and neck.

"Fuck Harry, you're so good. You wanted it so bad, hmm?" You egged him on. It was such a pleasure to see him this way; worshipping every inch of your body.

"Yes baby." Harry nodded, slapping your ass. "Couldn't pass on this pussy, now could I?"

"Nah-ah, it wasn't about passing up. You just couldn't resist." You corrected him, rolling your hips into him, slowly opening the rest of his buttons to reveal that beloved butterfly tattoo he got upon your request.

"Don't act like you weren't gagging for it, babydoll." Harry argued, wrapping his hand around your throat. "Spend the entire night trying to find a replacement for me."

That ticked you off.

"You have a replacement downstairs and you still came looking for me." You dug your nails into his chest and began bouncing on his cock again. Harry cursed at your change of pace. "Knew nothing is better than me, didn't you?"

"Fuck baby, yes, yes..." Harry responded drowsily as you tried to pound yourself into him the best you could.

"Go on, then. Fuck me, and tell me there's no one like me." You said, exposing the one thing you truly wanted him to tell you. Seeing him with someone else was a blow to your ego. It was already satisfactory seeing him fall apart beneath you, but you needed the verbal affirmation.

You audibly gasped when he suddenly began fucking up into you. The bliss of his cock ramming into you overtook all your senses, and you couldn't do anything but clamp onto him as he spilled out the confession you wanted to hear.

"There's no one like you baby. No one comes close to his pussy. I fuck other girls and I think of you— shit." He began to ramble. "I close my eyes and imagine it's you baby, but it's never as good. Shit... tell me you think of me too."

"I think of you all the time Harry, you're the only one who makes me—" you are stopped in the middle of your sentence as Harry starts to pinch your nipples. You cry out in pleasure.  "F–fuck! I'm gonna come!" 

Holding onto his shoulders to keep your balance, you start orgasming around his cock as you say Harry's name in a muffled scream.

"Fuuucckkk, I love hearing you say my name." He drawled, continuing to massage your nipples as you felt his sperm shooting into you.

There wasn't much time to come down from the high, especially since you heard people walking up the steps. With the mixture of your and his cum dripping down your thigh, you adjusted your dress and put on your heels that had fallen off your feet somewhere in the middle of this hasty, wretched act. Then, a voice sounded from the hallway.

"Have you guys seen Harry?"

It was Harry's date, Sandra. You and Harry locked eyes, both a bit panicked. The sting of what the two of you had done prompted you to look down at the floor. It was always like this. In the moment itself, there was nothing but you and Harry, but the second it was over, the walls went back up and the shoulders turned cold. Harry felt terrible towards Sandra, not only because he had ditched her and fucked his ex behind her back, but also because he didn't want to return to Sandra at all. If he had it his way, Harry would be walking out the door with you on his arm, as his girlfriend.

But he knew you wouldn't budge. He knew you too well, so much that the thought of you not wanting him could hurt him like nothing else in this world.

The cell door closes behind Harry with a heavy metallic clang. He remains standing until the guard’s footsteps fade down the hallway, only then does he move.

It's times like this that he's glad his cell is his alone. He doesn't have a cellmate waiting to ask questions, no second bunk occupied, no one watching from the corner as he reaches inside his uniform and carefully removes the envelope Niall just gave him.

Your handwriting covers the front.

Harry.

Just his name.

He traces the first letter with his thumb, remembering the way Niall kept one hand over the envelope at the table and refused to surrender it until Harry gave his word. He spent the entire walk back to his cell feeling it against his chest, certain that receiving another letter would bring relief. Instead it feels like a verdict.

He sits on the edge of his bed and studies the sealed flap.

One movement would open it.

His thumb slips beneath the edge, then stops.

"What if it says goodbye?" The thought enters quietly, but his entire body responds. His chest tightens. His breathing turns shallow. His fingers close too firmly around the envelope before he catches himself and loosens them again.

He can't damage it because it may be the last thing you ever give him.

Harry lowers the envelope onto his knee and stares at it.

He's opened letters containing threats without hesitation. He's read indictments, witness statements and lists of charges that could keep him behind bars for the rest of his life. He's sat across from men who promised to destroy everything he built and never allowed them to see fear.

But this envelope frightens him.

A threat leaves room to fight.

A sentence can be appealed.

An enemy can be negotiated with, bought, frightened or removed.

Goodbye offers him nothing.

If you've decided you no longer want him in your life, there's no power he can use against that choice. No connection he can call upon. No account he can empty. No man he can send to fix it.

There's only your decision. And for once, Harry will have to accept something he has no say in.

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. The envelope hangs loosely between his hands. Harry tries to tell himself people don't spend hours writing goodbye letters.