masterzealot

friend ?????!?

fr iend!! !!!

im coming friend

on the bright side i am not addicted to crack cocaine

Me: Alright, are you ready, Hattie?

Hattie: Meow

Me: *sings* ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: Mraaow

Me: ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: Mrah

Me: ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

months later she wakes up, no longer pregnant

“you had twins! ” the nurse exclaims. “your brother named them”

“what did he name the girl?” the woman asks

“denise”

“that’s alright, I like denise. and the boy?”

me: romeo and juliet act 3 scene 5 line 176

Aries: yeh u getting laid

Taurus: u too busy tryna sort out ya life

Gemini: nah. all ur underwear has holes in em and u gotta take time to buy sexy ones.

cancer: hell nope. nerd lmao

Leo: HELL YES SON

Virgo: not right now, but everyone thinks about what u would be like in bed

Libra: yeah u a hoe

Scorpio: u been fucking ppl up cuz u a mad bitch. but u aint been fucking ppl

Sagittarius: well u have fucked one thing. ur sleeping schedule. 

Capricorn: no one wanna fuk u, ur scary

Aquarius: u been fuckign weird ppl bc u kinky

On the quiet side almost like a giggle: Virgo, Pisces, Leo

Heavy breathing and shrieks: LIBRA, Cancer, Capricorn, Sagittarius

Just REALLY loud so cute though: Taurus, SCORPIO, Gemini