come thru

Which one of you idiots thought it was funny to block my car? There’s an entire cul-de-sac to park in. Now get off my fucking driveway before I tell my dad on you.

You need to take a fucking chill pill, Archer. Just find another parking space. There's no need to complain to your parents, kid. 

Did I just listen to a homily or are you just really high?

Ugh, today sucked. Some guy smacked my ass, I spilt my hot coffee all over myself, which ruined my new shirt, and then I came home and burnt my dinosaur chicken nuggets. I’ll be in bed if you need me. 

Sounds like you had a rough day. At least, did you do him a favor and punch him in the face? I would've gladly done it myself if I had to. 

Oh, he was. I swear, he was going slow on purpose. I honked at him like ten fucking times, but no, he went even slower than before. Someone finally agrees with me. Really though. They need to get their ass off of the road and onto the sidewalk.

This is the reason why cyclists fucking annoy me. They don't stick to the sidewalk when that's the reason the sidewalks are there for them. Whenever the news broadcasts  "Cyclist gets injured on the road," I just don't get it. It was completely their choice to stick on the road and even if the car honked, they still wouldn't move their ass.

I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately. I wouldn’t want to be anything other than a good parent so I guess no sleep for me. I could handle diaper duty, I’ll probably get really good at holding my breath. And I’m just rambling, I don’t think I’m gonna be having a baby anytime soon. But it’s nice to know you’d help out.

Why so much lately though, Mel? Did something occur? That means for the both of us too, if we were going to be taking care of a baby. Ha, even if it was the most disgusting shit you've ever seen? I'll be on the side cheering or something as you do diaper duty. Well, did you think I wouldn't help out?

No. I just hate when they in my damn way and they bike so fucking slow. I swear, I was this close to running them over.

Geez, man, this cyclist must have been going very slow to be able to get you worked up like that. Cyclists belong on the sidewalks anyway, I don't understand why they choose to ride in the middle of the road sometimes.

If you’re on a bicycle and in my way, I will run you over with my car.

Damn', what happened while you were driving today? Did you get into an accident with a cyclist? 

I really really really do want one, I just don’t want to sacrifice my sleep. Unless you’d be willing to help out.

Why the sudden occur of wanting a baby today, Mel? I don't think anyone wants to sacrifice their sleep, but it's the only way if you want to be a good parent or unless you'd be a bad one, who knows. Mel, if I was to help out, you'd be the one doing diaper duty, just saying. 

I got nudes sent to my phone today.. — I think they might have got the wrong number.

Judging by your reaction, you seem to really be enjoying it, pervert. 

I really want a baby. Minus all the crying, and screaming, and pooping. And having to pay for things for them.

Then is that really wanting a baby? Because babies do all of the above, Mel.  

Don’t be a little shit, I smell awesome and you know it. It’s probably Thomas you’re smelling.

Well same goes for me then, but I think I may smell a tad bit better than you. Now that you mention that, I might actually have to agree. He can be a slacker sometimes, have you two argued recently?

Well, I mean, your body odor travels pretty well, like I could still smell your stink when I went on that class trip to the Bahamas.

You're only exaggerating, I don't smell bad. People can actually hug me without cringing. What you smelled was probably your armpits or something because I can smell them right now, sis. Might want to take a nice bath soon. 

Left the dog outside..

Is it that bad that you have to "leave town"? C'mon, you just accidentally left the dog outside.