Two Years Ago, I failed at ending things.
I don’t know why I’m even blogging about things on Tumblr considering it’s 2016 and Tumblr is dead, but I read that writing about things is therapeutic and this was my only immediate outlet. I don’t expect anybody to read this or find it, but wow, I feel so much better having written this.
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A lot of things happened two years ago.
Two years ago, I was a senior in college.
Two years ago, I had just turned 21.
Two years ago, I experienced a terror nobody should ever feel.
Two years ago, I had no will to fight.
Two years ago, I decided not to go home for Christmas.
Two years ago, I tried to end my life.
It’s been 2 years since I thought about this, but wow, it just hit me like a truck today.
Two years ago, around this time, I tried to take my life. I was so overwhelmed and alone and miserable, that I decided to commit suicide on Christmas week. . . . And yet nobody around me knew or cared.
Really makes a guy wonder, “what kind of people have I surrounded myself with?” Surrounded by a “holy” church community, and yet they could not have cared less if I was gone. Kind of makes you understand why I would have drifted apart from the church and the people around me, no?
Instead people decided to blame me for becoming distant and angry; saying that I have a shitty personality, that I am poisonous, that I am fake... and to those people, I will say yeah, I’m a shitty, poisonous, fake-ass human being. OOPS!! Oh well~
Side Note: LMFAO at how this post started off as me being sad and reflecting on my suicide attempt but how it transformed into me being a fucking petty-ass, whiny resentful bitch. Thank God I have too much pride and pettiness to let myself wallow in a pit of hate and despair and transformed all of it into rage and anger. Thank you Jesus for that!!
It’s two years later now. I am in an area where I don’t have that many friends, and my family still is quite a bit away from me. And you know what, I still struggle with my depression, my insecurities, and my loneliness, but I honestly think that I am better off now than I was back then. I may have significantly less friends now, but it makes me so happy to know that these people are the ones who will stick with me in life and quite literally, death. Thank you so much for being with me. I owe you guys everything.
