hi for the love of god hello

when I was a kid I thought the weather guy on TV controlled the weather and he was just telling us what he was gonna do for the next few days. when he said "30% chance of rain Thursday" I thought he was just guessing how likely it was he'd wake up in a rain mood that morning

I feel like I need to explain. there was a whole internal logic here. there was fucking worldbuilding. I knew there were different weather people on the news in different places and I thought each one was the weather decider for their local area. I knew the word "meteorologist" and thought it was a scientist who had expertise in weather control technology. I never questioned why there was bad weather sometimes because "bad weather" was subjective, after all, I liked cloudy days and snow. and the plants need rain, right? so I figured the weather guy probably had regular meetings with local farmers and gardeners to make sure the amount of precipitation and sunlight we were getting was working out for the crops. I never spoke about this to anyone, because I thought everyone knew. at some point my parents had said "this guy on TV tells us what kind of weather we're going to have" and I misunderstood exactly one fundamental point and built out an enormous set of logical conclusions from there. this lasted from like age 3 to age 6 btw

one funny trait i have is that im really oblivious to flirting -- not, as is common, because my self-esteem is too low to believe anyone could be interested in me -- but because my self-esteem is too high to assume there's any ulterior motive to compliment me. a girl can be like 'wow... your eye are mesmerizingly beautiful in the sunlight' and ill be like You know youre actually so right im always thinking this too well observed

Im djing and vibing in a skimpy outfit but you look closer and im just moving cheese and crackers around a large charcuterie board. Someone else must be controlling the music but i do look cute asf and crazy

throw your hair in a messy bun, drink some blood, put on some nine inch nails and jerk off face down

let's all have fun because it's better than not having fun

you want me so bad it makes you look Intelligent and good taste

his wife has filled THEIR house with ANTIQUES. to AVOID DAMAGING HER VALUABLES i fuck him on the floor

#feminist retelling

nature documentary but the narration is just weird enough to make you question it

“Some fish can walk out of water, so remember that next time.”

“You might think you’re safe, but horses are omnivores”