hi for the love of god hello

Something I think about a lot is when dj khaled spent a day lost at sea on a jet ski literally just because he drove away and got lost and started live posting about it and as he got increasingly panicked he started making like inspirational insta stories about his opps wanting him to fail even though he was entirely responsible for the situation and just started saying shit like “they don’t want you to WIN. they don’t want you to get found when you’re lost at sea in the dark”

Bitch even my SHOES have shoes!

the mexican football team has a 17 yrs old player and one of the funniest outcomes of this is that he cannot appear in any ad for gambling or drinking so he only appears in candy and milk advertisements. his first world cup and he's not even legally allowed to drive. his nickname is "morita" (little berry). he's three apples tall.

When I die at least I blogged obsessively on tumblr

[pointing at the moon] hey man can you put that thing on a leash?

just turned a mouse into a single ounce of lead

i really fuck with it when my oomfs start their posts in media res. they'll open it with a phrase like "it's just funny because..." and then i look at their blog to see what's funny and. nothing.

It's like how Beowulf opens with a call to attention.

posting is exactly like beowulf

Thinking about 30-50 feral hogs again. Can you imagine the majesty. Murmurating like starlings. Elaborate emergent shapes. The deafening snuffling. They pass through a corn field leaving only rubble behind. And the danger! Don't get too close! It's electric. we have only begun to conceive of the hog

black mold and lead can’t affect me because i’m pure of heart

asbestos knows i’m really really cool and will let me do whatever

today is the last saturday of 2012. reblog now or go @#!*% yourself because you won't get this chance ever again.