sometimes (a lot of times, really) i think i'd like to go to some kind of group therapy setting for abuse survivors just bc i'd never really gotten a chance to talk with others who have gone through a similar thing and sometimes i think it might Soothe something in me a little, to feel less alone and less Weird
but sometimes i also worry that. even among that group i would still be Weird and not find too much camaraderie bc at least online i rarely see sentiments that aren't just. full on anger and hatred or dismissal of their abuser. i never really. made it to that stage. i can acknowledge that it was wrong and that i didn't deserve it and fully believe it, but the anger at what happened, and especially at the one who Did It, never really manifested
like i can't even really confide in my mom despite her being similarly abused bc she absolutely did arrive at that anger and never got past it which is not necessarily me saying she shouldn't have but just that it makes trying to commiserate with her pretty iffy
