smitten is such a great word :) omg he's so cute it feels like i'm being killed by god

"You snooze you lose" anti nap propaganda, changing it to "you snooze yaaaaayyyyyy yippeeeee"

my wife keeps saying "my downfall???" whenever she doesn't get what she wants and "my uprise????" when she does

there’s just always something fucking happening

doesn't it piss you off that you have to find something to eat every single day. every one of them. just every day. you gotta eat something

Can a smooth player see that ass jingle or should i go away forever

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

this is literally all society needs to be

“No one is coming to save you.” I disagree ! I believe many people made up of many small moments come to save pieces of you , even if just briefly. The mentor who believed in you . The friend who said they’re proud of you. The family member that makes you laugh . The random person who held the door for you out of nothing but kindness. The teacher who took extra time to help you understand. The person who smiled at you when you walked into a store. The little kid who looks up to you. The person who randomly complimented you. Being “saved” isn’t about being whisked away and all your hardships gone, it’s about the people and things that remind you life is not all hardships, it is kindness, love, gentleness, softness, care, thoughtfulness. It is many moments made up of your lifetime that keeps you going and showing you the world is still beautiful, and will always be. Despite.

some royal jewels were stolen from the louvre which is unfortunate for historical reasons but you gotta appreciate a classic crime. so many crimes are online these days it’s nice to see heist culture is still alive

there's a kind of person called a "bad person" and if we just kill all of those guys everything will be great

discourse from the year 2043: getting a song stuck in your head is immoral because it takes money away from the artists that would get paid if you were actually listening to it

Spraying this post with dodgeball repellent